A lot of time has passed between the last post and this post....I rack it up to March Break and just plain taking a break. It was nice to sleep in a few mornings and just relax a little.
My Dad's March Break started with surgery to replace his hip. I'm happy to report that he's doing great and unbelievably getting around with the help of a walker and my mom waiting on him.
The younger kids and I did a couple days at an outdoor education center. We were supposed to be there all week but the weather decided to go from pre-spring to full winter! So it was cancelled for two of the four days, but when we did get to go it was fun...snowshoeing and all. The kids loved it.
The older boys were my husband's right hand men as he is finishing his huge tower contract due at the end of this month. We marvel at how helpful they have become with their growing strength each year. We figure they've saved him many days of work and we're so grateful.
In and amongst all the helping out with his Dad, my oldest son continues to finish up his final courses in the hopes of hopefully heading off to university in the fall. It was supposed to be straightforward. He would start the math course and finish the math course. But it hasn't gone that way. He started the math course and then found out it was not going to be a walk in the park....far from it. This is where I want to walk away from parenting and farm it out to someone else. I hate seeing my kids struggle. I hate it when life is hard for them. All I want to do is wave my magic wand and make everything go smoothly for them. I want to tell them what lesson they are supposed to learn and then be done with it.
Kevin Swanson once said, "If you want to teach your kids character, give them math." So true. The old me that was so prone to fear used to roll up into the fetal position and absolutely panic when my son would come down and tell me he didn't know what to do, when a math problem was beyond him or whatever it was. I would immediately jump ahead into the future and realize he was doomed to be a failure just by his one little math problem. The new me is always tempted to go down that same path of fear, but I have learned it does him no good to see me panic and it does me no good. So now, when he comes down, I calmly listen to him (while shooting up all sorts of prayers heavenward) and try to help him walk through his problem.
The math is completely beyond me. I did do math in university, at least in my first year, but no more after that and it certainly has been many years so I am not much good to him. My husband hasn't even done this kind of math in years so he understands it, but he has to go through the lessons also. So what is all this teaching? Why must he go through this? Well, we see it as a huge life lesson in perseverance first and foremost. For all of us. My son is learning to not give up just because it appears too hard.
It is also teaching him new skills that he never wanted to learn. He had relied on my oldest daughter for all his technological skills. She would download programs for him, send files, etc. etc....he never cared to learn and she was always around and loved doing it. No more. She is busy and he has to learn it in order to run his math course. At first he balked at it and really fought it, but he knew he had no choice. Now he is more computer literate just by taking this one on-line course! I'm so grateful.
He's also learning that though he appears diligent, he could be even more diligent. Though he has good attitude, he could have even better attitude! And though he has pushed himself, he could push himself even further. We had quite a breakthrough last week when all this kind of came to a head. My son was panicking (guess he got that from me) and was paralyzed as a result. He was quite certain he was going to be stuck in some awful job in his future because he just couldn't get this math. I was starting to go down my fearful path and was feeling very sorry for my son. My husband stepped in and instead of giving him a "Poor you" pep talk, he actually rebuked him and said, "You can try harder. Stop feeling sorry for yourself" kind of talk. I was so sad for my son as he was quite upset.
Later that day, my son came to me and said, "Mom, you can't feel sorry for me. Dad is right. I can work harder and I have to." I was stunned. All week long I'd been praying for him that God would give him supernatural math knowledge, but that wasn't what he needed. He needed supernatural perseverance and that was what God was giving him. He was answering me in an even better way. I think what I'm learning the most in this whole experience is that there are no shortcuts to success. All success comes from hard work. I just wanted my son to get it right away. Don't all good math students get it right away? Perhaps some do, but most have to learn it the hard way, by doing all the homework and then some.
The next morning, I was reading in the Psalms and this time I came to the Bible with my sad mom hat on. I was still feeling so burdened for my son. I came asking God to encourage me through His Word. Maybe He could give me something to share with my son as well. The next few minutes I must have read 25 psalms and I must have underlined that many verses or more. I came across verse after verse that could have been written for a mom of a son who was struggling with math. Here are just a few...
I lift up my eyes to the hill. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. (Ps. 121: 1) Surely he can help my son learn his math if he made heaven and earth!
Ps. 121:8 said, "The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore." I added in the margin, "and your getting in" and even "your getting it", meaning he also knows if my son will get in to school and if and when my son will get his math.
Ps. 123:2 - "...so our eyes look to the Lord our God till he has mercy upon us." That's what I do. I turn my eyes to God for His mercy on myself and my son.
Ps. 124:1 - "If it had not been the Lord who was on our side.....Our help is in the name of the Lord who made heaven and earth."
This was one of my favourites, Psalm 131:1,2 - "O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me, but I have calmed and quieted my soul...." That verse described it best. I'm not going to occupy my mind with things that are beyond me, beyond my control. Instead I'm going to calm and quiet my soul. Now, when I do that, my day goes on because I no longer am feeling like I'm trying to control everything. The burden of my son's success is no longer on me.
Psalm 138:8 says, "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me." And He will fulfill His purpose for my son, too.
So, that's been my most recent life lesson. As usual, God is using my kids to teach me many lessons. I often tell my friend, if you want to get sanctified, have kids....
Speaking of kids....there are 11 in my house this week. I'm watching 3 extra. The funny thing is we don't even really notice! So it's a full house again, but everyone is loving having different "siblings" around.
God even knew these kids would be here this week, "In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139
He knows every day even before it happens. I can take comfort in that this week and in every week.
No comments:
Post a Comment