We've been having a lot of sibling "interactions" lately that have had one or the other sibling left in tears, particularly with the younger 4. I had had enough of this and decided I had to do something and focus more in this area of training as it wasn't improving on its own. All along we had encouraged kindness, of course, but it seemed they just couldn't pull it off in the heat of the moment.
We had been reading in Proverbs in the morning and I had been focusing on a few verses each day that really stuck out to me. We would read from the chapter that corresponded with the day of the month (Ch. 19 for the 19th, etc.). The day that their little tiffs were really getting to me, I said, "You watch, there is probably going to be a verse on just this!" And sure enough, I came across Proverbs 19:11, "Good sense makes one slow to anger and it is his glory to overlook an offense." Fantastic! I could sense a great lecture coming, but instead we just took that verse apart and discussed it together. But then, I came up with a plan with them to put all this into practice.
We decided they needed to do three things before they reacted to a sibling:
1. They had to try to stop and pray and ask God for self-control.
2. They needed to call for help if they couldn't solve it on their own.
3. They had to try to "kill" their sibling with kindness instead of hurting them. In other words, try to do something completely opposite to how they were feeling to diffuse the situation.
We also decided there would be consequences if they didn't follow these rules and if a fight ensued:
1. Biblical correction (for a politically correct term)
2. They would write out the verse from Proverbs 10 times.
3. They would pay me at least a quarter if they fought.
Everyone seemed to agree and day 1 went so well! They actually told me that they each found themselves praying at one point during the day asking God for self-control! I hardly got called to get involved. The kill with kindness thing seems a bit harder to do as it goes against everything in their nature to do that. My one daughter, however, who was soooo frustrated with her brother came and told me her situation. I suggested instead of freaking out on him as she felt, why not completely turn things around and make him an iced-cappuccino as a surprise, and wait to see his reaction. She actually liked this idea and actually did it. She brought him one outside and to her amazement he was so thrilled (and taken aback, I'm sure!). He then came back in the house and helped her finish the dishes and they got along the rest of the evening.
I feel like it's a turning point in their lives. They are all older now and they all have more of a sense of self-control. They are not all toddlers anymore, just one of those, so they really have no excuses anymore. To see that it is basically just a habit makes me think that it won't be easy to change, but it is absolutely possible. It's quite cute to listen to my 6 year old, "I did pray, but I forgot to kill with kindness. I couldn't remember that one." And my 8 year old, too, "I did two of the things!" They are really having a hard time with the third. So that is the one that needs more practice.
Now we are mostly through my husband's latest contract. It's always a huge physical challenge to him and he admits that he does find himself complaining a lot about the labour, but he recently found himself back in his shop, working hard as usual when it occurred to him how grateful he needed to be instead. There is a chance he could get another order that would involve more hard work. Part of us wants this contract, but another part of us doesn't want the hard work! We're too old! But then we think, if God thinks we can handle it, we'll take it! So now we are praying to that end. In fact, I even want the contract now (not that we are being offered it, I wish!).
Yesterday, in the devotional I was reading, it talked about the verse in Genesis where Abraham's servant was looking for a wife for Isaac. "Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder.... Then the man bowed down and worshiped the Lord, saying, "Praise be to the Lord,... who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness." (Gen. 24:15, 26-27) The devotional said, "Every godly prayer is answered before the prayer itself is finished - 'Before he had finished praying...'" It is exciting to think our prayers are answered often before we are done praying, as long as they are in "in faith and in Christ's name". It may be much later before we see the answer, but we can close our prayers with "praise be to the Lord, who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness" each time. So, in boldness yesterday, I prayed for that contract. How do I know it is in God's will? Truthfully, I don't know that it is that exact contract of course, but I do know that it is God's will for RM to provide for our family. I know that he has to be diligent and not slothful. I know that working hard is, frankly, just part of the curse. I know that God doesn't love debt and that this contract would be a great step in the right direction, so now we keep working, doing what He's already given us to do, and then we trust Him for our future and hopefully that contract will be a part of it. If not, He'll provide another way. Our lives are in His hands either way.
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