Thursday 28 August 2014

I Want to Build an Ark!!!!

I'm tempted to not to document this post.  It might seem like a fleece or like I'm challenging God.  I don't think I am necessarily, but at the same time, I want to be careful.  I'm just recording the thoughts that come to me and I do this on purpose as I wanted to write this as it happened as opposed to after it happened.  I think it shows the true faith journey as I don't know how things are going to turn out.  I also want to record it in case my prayers do get answered!  I know they will get answered ultimately, but I'm being pretty specific today, so I wanted to have a record of the request.  It will build up my faith and generations after me, too, including anyone who may read this, as I'm trying to literally document God's faithfulness.  I love looking back at things I've written in my journals over the years.  I find it so encouraging to remember the hard times and then see how He provided or stepped in in some way.  So read it knowing I'm truly trying to give God all the glory, not as a challenge....

We are nearing the end of the fast - one of the longest fasts of my life in some ways.  I'm always asking myself, or perhaps Satan is making me ask myself, "Why am I doing this again?????"    So I always check in, reminding myself why we are doing this and it always takes me back to Esther and how she and her people fasted for 3 days when they found out their people were going to be completely wiped out.  She was told perhaps she was made Queen "for such a time as this" to save her people.  But she needed a plan, so she fasted.  That is one of the reasons I am fasting, for a plan.  I'm asking God to reveal to Renaissance Man and me what He wants us to do.  Perhaps our people are not going to be wiped out, but then again....doesn't it feel sometimes, no matter what size the debt is, big or small, that there is this weight on our shoulders that is making us feel like we are being wiped out????  So that has to be the top reason - for a plan.

Why 40 days?  I could have just done a 3 day fast, too, but I felt this was more serious.  I was reminded yesterday of Noah.  We had studied Hebrews 11 a few weeks back in church, but I came across it again yesterday as I happened to be there in my personal reading plan, so I re-read it and stopped at the verses on Noah.  He was on the ark for 40 days and 40 nights.  God was wiping the world of sin.  It took that long to flood the earth.  He was preparing a new work for Noah.  Forty days is often a time of preparation as I've written before.  It is a time of discipline.  God often reveals something major, such as the Ten Commandments,  or starts a new ministry in someone's life, including His own Son, after the 40 days.  That was why I went with the idea of 40 days.  The things I've given up, I've NEVER given up this long and it's been hard.  But, I wanted God to do a work like I've never seen before, so I was willing to do whatever it took to be a part of that work.

I went back and read the story of Noah in Genesis.  I wanted to see if something else jumped out at me as I re-read the story.  Sure enough, over and over again, I noticed the phrase, "....and Noah did EVERYTHING God commanded him."  That was when the pieces started to fall together in my head.  God had asked Noah to build an ark!  So crazy!  I've written about this before, too, but it never ceases to amaze me that Noah obeyed and built an ark!  God really could have just sent him one to save him and his family, but he made Noah and his family build it, over, no doubt, many years.  So yesterday, I specifically sad to God, "I want to build an ark, too."  What do I mean, you might ask?  Well, as I thought about Esther, praying for a plan and then I thought about Noah, it occurred to me, God answered her prayers by revealing a way to talk to the King without getting killed.  She was able to save her people.  With Noah, there was the problem of all the sin on the Earth and yet his family was righteous.  God gave Noah a way to save his family and wipe out the sin of the world.  "Lord," I prayed, "Give us a way to wipe out the debt.  Give us a way of saving our future generations.  Give us an ark to build!"  Like I said, God didn't send an ark, He had Noah build it.  I'm not asking for the lottery or a cheque in the mail to magically wipe out debt.  I know we have to work for it.  I'm asking for the work!

This was the funny part.  As I kept reading in Ch. 11, I came across Abraham again.  The phrase that struck me there was he, too, was obedient and went where God wanted him to go "even though he did not know where he was going."  My prayer again, "Show us where you want us to go.  We'll go!"  Abraham and his children even "lived in tents" as they went to this foreign country.  I could relate.  Perhaps we haven't lived in tents, but anyone who knows this journey we've been on for 5 years would agree...we moved every few weeks there for a while, with 6 kids, and one on the way....it was as if we were nomads when we were building that house.  I still don't know how we got through that time except for the grace of God.  Actually I do know how we got through that time, it was just like Abraham, "For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God."  That was it.  We had forward thinking, still do, looking forward to a life of no debt...that was what kept us going.  His wife, Sarah, alongside him, was right there with him, full of faith as well.  And here's my favourite new phrase from the Bible, Abraham showed this faith when he was "as good as dead"!  So I literally prayed that, too, for my husband, who is getting weary from this gazelle intensity, "Lord, give us an ark to build, as my husband is as good as dead!"  Sounds funny, but I know he is tired.  Poor Abraham, finding out his wife was about to have a baby when he was in his last days!  Must have made him feel even older!  Yet God gave him a baby and I'm sure it energized him! 

So, does it seem like a fleece?  I don't know.  Perhaps God is even showing me how to pray?  Hebrews 11 later talks about how at any time the people of faith that are mentioned could have gone back to their home country.  Noah could have stopped building the ark.  Abraham could have gone home.  Sarah could have terminated the pregnancy.  NONE of them did.   What kept them going was their forward thinking, "Instead, they were longing for a better country, a heavenly one."  That really struck me, too.  Their longing.  That is what it is for me, too, a longing.  I've had that feeling before when I longed for more babies.  Anyone who has wanted to be pregnant understands that longing....it is all you can think about day and night.  Before that, it was a longing to be married.  I don't think I could have been accused of discontent when I had these longings.  Quite the opposite, actually.  I think God placed those longings in my heart.  The sin would have been to sit there in my house and hope a prince came along.  I never did that.  The longing motivated me to be the most eligible bachelorette out there!  It motivated me to seek God and develop the qualities He wanted in me that would draw the right man into my life.  Same with a baby - I couldn't sit in my house and just hope for a baby.  I had to stay active, give to those around me, seeking God all the time as I waited.  I never knew if He was going to give me a husband or a baby, but I rested in the fact He had put those longings in my heart, so by faith, I really trusted Him to be faithful.  One of my favourite verses during those years of waiting was from Isaiah, "For He longs to be gracious to you."  That was such an encouragement to me.  Getting out of debt has got to be a longing placed there by God, too, but just like with the longing for a husband or a baby, I cannot just sit here and hope for a miracle.  I am asking God to show us what we can do, in addition to the things we are already doing.  I think we need a job to do that is ark-like in its scale, so I'm asking for an ark.  I want to build an ark!  Ok, I know that it will probably not be me building it.  It'll be my husband who is "as good as dead", so that is why I'm thinking and praying, "Lord, show it to us soon!" 

Remember, God doesn't always answer how we hope and even that is an answer, so though I'm asking boldly, really boldly, I know that I must be content with no ark if that is His will.  But, if we get an ark-type job, I'll be thrilled!

Ok, it's documented.  It's in God's hands.  Now I wait.

Monday 25 August 2014

I'm Going to Med School

This post will seem a little off topic, except that I feel it is a direct answer to prayer for my daughter who has been struggling with her health for so long.  I feel it is also a direct result of this fast, as the conclusions I've come to have all come during this time of praying and seeking God, on all forms of oppression in our life, not just financial matters.  I'm so grateful!

So my 10 year old daughter, just to recap, has been suffering for over 2 years now.  It began with, "I don't feel well."  "Hmmm...what do you mean," I'd ask.  "I can't describe it.  I just don't feel good.  I think I feel nauseous."  "Well, go lay down," I'd say.  At first, I hate to admit, it's not that I didn't believe her, I just thought it was an odd coincidence that she always felt badly when we were just about to start school!  It got on her older sister's nerves.  She thought she was just a whiner.  I didn't stop and really listen to her until I realized that girl wasn't doing any school anymore.  She was now constantly saying she wasn't feeling well.  After a trip to the doctor, it seemed they wondered if it was all in her head.  I was shocked.  But it did make me follow her moods more closely.  Did she just need more attention?  So we even tried that - giving her as much attention as we could, lots of hugs, time together.  She actually perked up a bit, but not for long.  It was right back to feeling badly all the time. 

Then we finally got it to see a paediatrician and after many many tests, all the results came back that she was healthy.  But she clearly wasn't, so one day, I don't know why, it occurred to me - it has to be her diet.  I'd always known about gluten intolerance, etc., but there was no way that was going to be me.  I also thought those people exaggerated a little, too.  But then I realized it had to be that.  So we tried it - she went off wheat and it seemed she improved quite a bit, but then within a few weeks, there were more symptoms and this time even more of them.

Now she had headaches, nearly daily.  She complained of weird pains all around joints and random spots.  I began to wonder if she had Lyme Disease, but the one test she'd taken said no.  She was still always needing to lay down and if she did, she slept for hours!  She was still not doing very much school and was rarely her perky self anymore.  I was so discouraged.  If it wasn't gluten intolerance, what was it?????

One of my friends had told me about the GAPS diet (short for Gut and Psychology Syndrome).  It never struck me to do a diet like that as I'd never heard about it.  It is often used for autistic children as this doctor who wrote the book has discovered that if autistic children, (or depressed,  dyslexic - basically children suffering from pschological issues), are put on this diet, their gut heals and messages that were once sent to their brain, damaging the child's development, are no longer being sent, thus the autistic child can be healed!  That didn't seem to be my daughter as she wasn't autistic, but she said I should look at it anyway as perhaps her gut was damaged.  I still didn't take the time to read it.

Then, one awful day, my husband took the kids to see a movie (gift card!  Remember, nothing full price!) and being the nice Dad that he is, they begged him for cotton candy and he caved.  BAD DADDY!!!!  I heard all about it that night and thought bad move.  Sure enough, the next morning, my girl came down so sick and had to go right back to bed where she basically stayed for 3 days.  Headaches, fatigue, feeling awful.  She slept and slept.  That was when I talked to my friend.  I knew I had to get the book and find out if this was what she needed.

Almost immediately I was struck that it was describing my daughter's condition to a "T".  To simplify, it talked about good bacteria and bad bacteria in the gut.  If the bad bacteria takes over, due to diet, then it simply starts to drill holes in the intestines, letting out all sorts of dangerous substances into our blood stream that should never be there.  For an autistic child, it goes right to the brain.  For my child, it described how it can lead to food intolerances and food sensitivities.  That was her.

Then, later on in the book, it talked about yeast in the gut.  Again, to simplify, if you are on a poor diet and you have this yeast in your gut, you are basically creating alcohol.  A sick child with this yeast, combined with a diet full of sugar, wheat, processed food (all things children love), then the symptoms can appear like they are hungover!  That was her!  She was acting hungover all the time - headaches, nausea, tired, bad moods.  Then, suddenly I remembered something one of her doctors had told me that I didn't know what to do with at the time.  He had said, "One really strange thing came back in one of her tests.  It said she had yeast in her stool.  That's really weird.  I've never seen anything like that.  I wonder what that means?"  Then it was just left!  Oh well!  I guess if you don't know what it means, you don't have to worry about it!!!!!!!  Looking back, it makes me crazy!!!!!!  But these doctors all kind of fired me - one doctor actually said to me, "There's nothing more the medical world can do for your daughter.  I recommend that you go see a naturopath."  I couldn't believe it.  I told her about the GAPS diet.  She quickly pulled it up on her computer screen in her office.  She took one look at it and said, "Looks a little extreme.  Why don't you start with something more manageable, like the paleo diet and we'll talk in a month."  But what if "EXTREME" IS WHAT YOU NEEEEEEEEDDDDD???????  I am so frustrated with doctors right now, if you can't tell.......

We did go see an osteopath for a bit, but no real changes and he refused to talk to me about her diet.  So all this to say - I dove in, the day I finished the book.  I explained to her, to my husband, to the family, what I'd read, then from that moment on, she was on the diet.  Basically, I had to stop feeding the yeast, which thrives on sugar.  I prided myself on the fact we didn't use all that much, but we were using enough to make her very sick.  The book even claims that "in many cases, when the gut wall is healed food allergies disappear."  In order to stop the feeding of the yeast, all sugar and all grains had to be eliminated from her diet.  Even starchy vegetables to start, like potatoes and corn, also had to be taken out.  No processed food either.  But she was allowed all meats, all vegetables, dairy, and lot of fermented food like kefir, homemade yoghurt, etc.  She was allowed raw honey, too, so she could even make things sweet if she wanted.

Within one week, I saw a difference.  By week two, no more headaches.  By week 3, her skin colour was coming back.  Week 4?  Completely wonderful, healthy, perky, happy, jumping around the house, full of life.  It's a miracle.  I've thanked my friend for this book and thanked God many times for how He has created medicine in nature to heal my daughter!  She is a completely different person.  I went back to my doctor and told her what I'd learned and what we were doing.  She said, "I think you should keep doing what you are doing, but you won't get "buy-in" from the medical world."  Once again, I was shocked.  The GAPS diet was created BY A DOCTOR who actually took the time to study the connection between the brain and the gut.  Even though she wasn't a Christian, it occurred to her, ALL THE DIFFERENT SYSTEM OF THE BODY ARE CONNECTED.  But in the doctor world, you have specialists that ONLY focus on one system, apart from all the others.  It doesn't seem to occur to them that they work, by God's plan, in conjunction with all the others!!!!!  So it makes sense that if the gut is damaged, it will impact every system in the body as my daughter's body has clearly shown - it was crying out for help.  No one would listen.  Until now.

She will be on this diet for at least a year, then I can slowly add things back in one at a time.  It hasn't been that hard to manage at all.  She only gets bugged when it seems she can't have candy if others are having it, or yummy desserts she sees, etc., but I have some great alternatives so she usually bounces back.

I have my daughter back.  Poor thing, now she'll have to do school for the first time in a couple years!  I'm not even letting her repeat anything.  I'm putting her right into the grade she's supposed to be in.  She'll just have to catch up!  But now there should be no more excuses.  For myself, I'm applying to med school.  I want to become a doctor.  Now just any doctor, but a teacher of doctors!  At all the med schools in the country - I want to go on a world tour, describing how God has made the body work.  They don't seem to teach this at med school.  Mind boggling.  There's my morning rant for the day.....

Saturday 23 August 2014

Do Hard Things

There is a book out there written by a couple of young men, Alex and Brett Harris, called Do Hard Things.  It is a book we generally give to friends of ours who are coming of age to spur them on to not be "regular", but to encourage them to push themselves to do things for God while they are young, while they have the energy, strength, resources, instead of wasting their time on things that won't benefit them.  It is a good book for anyone to read, not just a young person.

I kind of took the challenge on during this fast and kicked it up a notch.  I'm not starting an orphanage or anything like that, but somewhere along the line in the last few weeks, I've said to myself, "You must do one hard thing a day....at least."  What has that looked like?  Very interesting.  In fact, it has shown me just how much I procrastinate because all the hard things I've been doing are things I should have done a loooooong time ago.  Again, these are just basic things, but in my mind, they were huge, overwhelming, or just plain awful.

An example would be cleaning up the closet in the homeschool room - I'd been dreading that forever, but I did it.  Our basement was a swamp pit this past winter as the pipes froze, so all our laundry water started accumulating up to 6 inches or more down there.  It was awful.  I cleaned it all up a couple weeks ago.  Our van gets unbelievably messy on a fairly regular basis.  I usually get the kids to do it, but yesterday, an entire bottle of sub sauce got spilled in it, so this time, I didn't even call anyone out, I just cleaned it up and then kept going, picking up garbage I know has been there for months!   Another example has to be my white bathroom.  Who picks white?  I do.  Not smart, but I love the colour so much that I was willing to pay the price, or so I thought.  I generally keep it clean, with the kids help, but upon closer inspection, particularly around the ceiling and every nook and cranny in the room, you would have found (at least a week ago anyway!) a spider, a spider web, a spider dinner, a cobweb......it was honestly taking over the bathroom, but I couldn't do it.  It was too big a task in my mind.  Not to mentiont the dust on the light fixtures or under the cabinets, where I found a host of lost socks, pony tail elastics, toothpaste lids.....a treasure of things gone missing!  But, my new silly challenge made me clean it up last week - and did I ever.  I even took down the unfortunately, but beautiful, white shower curtain, and while it soaked, I got a chair and washed ceilings, walls, light fixtures, under the cabinets.  My toilet was so clean that week I could have washed veggies in it for salad!  Now, it doesn't last looking spotless for long, but at least now you can walk in and not be afraid that a spider will land on you!

Doing these little challenges has helped me so much as my list of things to do has gotten shorter and shorter and the feeling of accomplishment is great.  My hard things generally have to do with cleaning as it just isn't my strength, which is why I put them off.  I've been sharing with my kids what I've been up to as, unfortunately, they are notorious for putting things off, too, and shockingly, they don't seem to be noticing all that I'm accomplishing!!!!!  So I had to tell them, but that's ok.  I think it will be our theme for school this year as the older ones are going to be hit by the reality, especially the boys, that they will be providing for real-life families one day, not just playing anymore.  They are all going to have to get super serious about their school work now as it is more than just busy work, it is going to provide them with a potential career!  It's all a little overwhelming, but exciting at the same time.  Renaissance Man and I hope to live like this all the time.  It goes back to living like an ant - no supervisor, but just getting stuff done because it has to get done.

This will be an interesting day ahead for our family.  We're off to pick out a couple horses that we're "horse sitting" over the winter.  Most horse camps don't keep their horses all winter.  They house them elsewhere and then they come back for the summer.  This great idea occurred to my husband, "Why don't we horse sit some perfectly trained riding horses that are great with kids?????"  So, after a quick call to the camp, they jumped at the opportunity and the next thing you know we go pick the ones we want today!  How fun!  So we'll be riding, I hope, all fall/winter, and then gaining some experience to maybe one day have our own again.  This is a lot cheaper as we don't buy them, we just supply some hay.  Our kids are super excited.

Is that a hard thing?  Picking horses?  No really, but it sure determines how our kids will be spending their time once the horses arrive!  It should keep them off the streets for a bit!  After the 40 day fast, I'm definitely going to do more hard things and keep that challenge going all year.  We'll see if the kids buy into it.......me and my crazy ideas.

Thursday 21 August 2014

50th Anniversary, Summer Reflections and Future Opportunities

I feel like I have to type fast as the internet is still flaky.....don't want to lose another post!  It's been a busy few days.  We celebrated my parents' 50th wedding anniversary on the weekend.  All the siblings were together including my older sister and her family who drove up from the States.  Even though only 3 of us have children, it totals 18 grandchildren just between the 3 of us!  My brother and his wife will hopefully add to the crew one day which will bring that total up even higher!

It was an awesome time of seeing God's goodness in the generations, reflecting back on my parents' 50 years and all that they had done, how God had led, how they had relied on Him all those years.  As children we saw it and as adults we are grateful!  I was most moved by two particularly special parts of the afternoon when we were gathered as a larger group including all their friends.  My mom had asked a representative from each family to speak from a grandchild's perspective.  I had no idea who my sisters would choose to speak and I had no idea what they would say.  It was so interesting to see that each one of us had one of our older boys who are now all young men (it seems like they were toddlers playing together just days ago.....sigh) write a few words down.  Each cousin wrote basically the same thing without knowing what the other would say.....they blessed my mom and dad for all they had done for them over the years, the models they had been and how grateful they were to have them as grandparents.  It was beautiful.  Then my brother-in-law, who happens to be a pastor, came up to pray a blessing over my parents, but then he caught me off-guard, and called all the families up, to stand around my parents, including every little grandchild.....I could barely keep it together as he started to pray a beautiful prayer acknowledging how grateful to God we were that He had been with my parents all those years and had touched so many people through them.  As we all bowed our heads, tears were flowing for me.  I heard all sorts of clicks happening as pictures were being taken of this family that was so blessed to have a Christian heritage that came even before, from the parents of my parents.  A very beautiful and special time.  I could only humbly thank God myself for that powerful blessing.

I love special occasions like that!  Last year it was my brother's wedding and this year my parents' 50th....there's no one else left to get married and no more 50th anniversaries!  What can I look forward to!!!???  I told the kids to quickly get married so I could have more fun things to do next summer!  Well, it is my 20th anniversary, but that isn't as big an event that the whole world can celebrate, though I wish they would!

My oldest daughter continues to surprise us with her evangelistic heart.  She followed through this past week and gave a tract to her long-time piano teacher who amazingly enough took it whole-heartedly!  I guess we'll see what happens next week!  Hopefully she'll read it and hopefully my daughter will get an opportunity to discuss it with her.  She mentioned how during the whole lesson, before giving her the tract, a battle went on in her head.....should I give it?  what if she won't take it?  what if she is offended by it?  Satan was right there.  He was trying to put all sorts of doubts in her head.  I heard a sermon on that very thing.  In the parable of the farmer sowing the seed, it can be immediately plucked up by the weeds and birds.  The pastor talking said that when the seed falls on the soil, Satan is always prompt and shows up immediately, trying to take from the person that has received the Word.  For the seed that falls on hard soil, only prayer and fasting can make that person receptive.  So during this time of fasting I've been bringing up the name of this teacher.  It's all we can do.

We are almost at the end of the fast - God has continued to show us Himself throughout these 40 days.  It has not been easy though.  Yesterday I wondered if all the thoughts going through my head, thinking about food, thinking about "when will the end come????", etc. would have been on a small scale what Jesus went through in the desert.  He was certainly hungry and thirsty as he had given up all food and water.  I haven't been quite that extreme....Satan certainly tried to mess with him, at least the 3 times recorded in Scripture.  I was grateful to remember that Scripture was the only thing Jesus used to fight back.  I see the heat being heated up as the fast is coming to a close.  Satan doesn't ever seem to take a break.

The street preachers come back next week for a few days.  We'll have some evangelism training at the church and enjoy their fellowship again before they return back to their respective homes.  The summer went fast as they first arrived at the beginning of the summer and now it is the end of August...how can that be?  I'm always sad when the summer comes to a close.  No vacation, per se, happened and I always wonder if my kids had a good time even though they didn't go away in the typical sense of the word, but it was a full summer - lots happened, lots of friendships were made.  We managed a day trip here and there, berry picking, visiting people, hosting people, celebrating people...I still feel that it was full.  They really never complained as their days were usually occupied doing something.  These are days my kids will look back on and I think they will have many positive memories. 

I'm nearing the end of my early morning planning times....it is not easy getting this all done, but slowly but surely it is taking shape.  I think it's going to be a great school year.  I'm not sure we'll get everything done that I'm hoping or follow the schedule that I'm making to a "T", but at least there is a bit of a framework...This year we've decided to take on a new responsibility as a couple.  We're joining the board of our local homeschool group.  We hesitated and had to think about it for a while as we weren't sure we were ready to take on additional responsibilities outside the family, but after praying about it, we realized we have to step up!  Homeschooling is in such jeopardy, it's hard to know how long we'll be allowed to do it in this province.  Our premier would not be happy if she knew how many homeschoolers there were out there completely against her homosexual agenda.  We joined the board so that we can hopefully help keep homeschooling alive.  One of the board members made a great point when we met last night.  If the board falls apart due to lack of interest, then the homeschool group falls apart, then there in no homeschool presence in this area, no support for any families....homeschoolers need each other!  So, we're excited about this new opportunity and I'm thrilled we can do this as a couple together.

Time to throw in an early morning load of laundry......bye for now!

Thursday 14 August 2014

I Prefer the Hill of Vision!

I didn't know our modem was on the fritz until I had written a verrrrryy long post some time last week only to find out nothing I had written had been saved.  I've been longing to rewrite for days, but it has taken this long to get it fixed.  Here we go again....

Our big girl returned from her week away all fired up - it was amazing to have her back and watch the sibs all light up when she pulled in the driveway with her Dad and brother who went to pick her up.  The parents were invited to sit in on any sessions during the week just to see what the kids were hearing, so Renaissance Man and bro went on the final day and were able to hear two great speakers.  It was very inspiring.  Sharing Christ needs to become our norm, not the unusual was the message of the day.

After a day or two of debriefing...in fact, a week later, we are still debriefing....there has been so much for her to share!.....she had her last driving lesson.  All along, we've been letting her go with this instructor, asking for protection, checking in with her to make sure the instructor was keeping it strictly as a driving lesson (you never know....), etc.  There was never any extra chatting except for, "Oh look - you have chickens!"  The instructor did know, however, that she was going away to a youth conference of some kind and asked how it had gone when she returned.  If that girl didn't go right into all that she had learned and starting using all sorts of strategies on him to share her faith.  The thing is, he was ready to hear it and was very engaged in what she was saying.  By the end of it, she passed him a tract, asking him where he thought he would spend eternity!  He responded, "Thank you!  You've given me a lot to think about!"  Incredible.  I'm ashamed at how many opportunities I've missed because I wasn't prepared and I was not bold enough.  My daughter has inspired all of us to be more bold as she showed us, it wasn't that hard!  Sure enough, a few days later, when the telephone guy was here to fix our modem/internet, RM handed him a tract at the end of his service call and shared with him that it asks the question, "Where do you think you will spend eternity?"  Never in my married life has RM done something like that - sharing with someone he doesn't know, highly unusual, but, like I said, it needs to become the norm.   The young guy seemed thoughtful and thanked him for the tract - who knows?  Will we be the only ones that had a chance to share with that person?  Our family is realizing we have a "farm ministry" - God regularly brings non-believers to our farm, either through service calls, farm machinery sales, kitten pickups....and these people seem to be sent by God, at least that is now how we are looking at them.  We have a stack of tracts we plan to give out now that clearly share the gospel.  We are excited to give them out now as we can!

The other topic I had written about was on books I'd been reading and how they had impacted me recently.  This is what I started to write and now I'll try to finish that post, too.....

I don't have time for light reading so when and if I get a chance to read, I always dig into the good stuff....missionary stories.  I always learn so much from them.  The latest ones I've been reading have been by Helen Roseveare, He Gave  Us a Valley, and this week it's been A Thousand Miles of Miracle, by Archibald Glover. 

The first book was about a young missionary in Africa and her twenty years of mission work in Zaire.  If I ever thought our family was driven or had accomplished a lot in a short time, all those proud thoughts were immediately put away as Helen Roseveare did things that would typically have taken a small army.  Missionaries back then were not regular people - they were many, many people in one.  But she had a pride issue, it turns out.....Right at the end of her mission work, as she was about to leave Zaire, everyone turned on her, especially the nationals, accusing her of stealing their money, deceiving them, making the foreigners always look good, etc., etc....the list of things went on and on.  She ended up being forced to resign her post as director of the medical school, which she had built, with her own hands.  She also had to be on "trial" by the elders of the church and community, in front of all the missionaries she had worked with for years......it was a nightmare.  Where was God in all this?  She couldn't believe this was happening to her!  After all she had done for Him?!  Or was it for Him.......Days after the trial she found herself in a very serious time of self-examination.  All of the things she had been accused of were untrue, but she could see why the nationals wondered what her true motives were.   The Zairian people were always suspicious of foreigners.  They represented colonialists who, in their minds, had ruined their country - the national radio shows spewed propaganda all about the terrible white people and how they must be gotten rid of.  No one trusted anyone anymore, even missionaries.  This she knew and had sensed it for some time.  Earlier on in her missionary career, it came to a head.  A terrible time of unrest followed in Zaire where many protests and eventually civil war had gone on...so much so all the missionaries were told to leave.  She left, too, but not before being brutally attacked by some rebel soldiers one night and even raped.  Shockingly, after she returned to England to recover and wait for the war to calm down, she returned to Zaire.  This was when she was approached with the idea to build a medical school, hospital and training center for the Zairian people in order to teach them how to help their own country.  See, this all seems so good!  Why would God seemingly desert her in her hour of need for all that she had done, even when she had returned to a people that had treated her so badly!  They didn't deserve her help!?  She was confused.  But then she heard God speak to her as she argued with Him about her circumstances.  This is what she wrote,

"He quietly rebuked me.  'No.  You no longer want Jesus only, but Jesus plus...plus respect, popularity, public opinion, success and pride.  You wanted to go out with all the trumpets blaring, from a farewell-do that you organized for yourself:  with photographs and tape-recordings to show and play at home, just to reveal what you had achieved.  You wanted to feel needed and respected.  You wanted the other missionaries to be worried about how ever they'll carry on after you've gone.  You'd like letters when you got home to tell you how much they realize they owe to you, how much they miss you.  All this and more.  Jesus plus...No, you can't have it.  Either it must be "Jesus only" or you'll find you've no Jesus.  You'll substitute Helen Roseveare.'"

I couldn't fathom it.  There she was ending her career in shame because pride had gotten in the way.  Fortunately this happened with six weeks left to go before she actually got on a plane and left the country.  In those six weeks, she humbly trained the new missionaries taking her place.  She humbly set to work on handing over the reins to other people.  No farewell party was to take place, all exciting events had been cancelled.  No thank yous or anything was to happen.  But in those six weeks, as God changed her heart and she took his gentle rebuke, she was changed.  In the end, she was sent off by her fellow missionaries with tremendous gratitude.  All the nationals who had accused her came back and asked that they would be "remembered to her as sons who loved her and to let God blot out the memory of the sore wound they had tried to inflict on her in their stupidity."  So there was healing in the end.

A very low time in her life, undoubtedly.  I can't stand it when we have to be knocked down a notch to learn a lesson. 

Archibald Glover's book was very moving, too.  He and his young family had to escape China in 1900 as China, too, was trying to rid itself of all foreigners during the Boxer Rebellion where thousands of missionaries and other foreigners were killed.  China, not unlike Zaire, didn't want the influence of Westerners anymore and planned to exterminate them all.  The ordeal this family went through is mind-boggling.

At one particular time, they found themselves hiding on top of a mountain so they wouldn't be seen by the people that were chasing them, but they found themselves without shade or cover of any kind from the blazing sun that was literally blistering them and their children for hours.  It was during this time that Glove wrote about this experience,

"As the sun mounted toward the zenith, darkness gathered over my soul.  I think we were each one conscious of the same experience.  It was not difficult to believe that Satan had been desiring to have us that he might sift us as wheat.  That hallowed sense of our Lord's near Presence, which had hitherto solaced us and given us power to endure, was now withdrawn; and the language of our hearts was, 'Oh that I knew where I might find Him.'  Yet all the while the Lord was near, though for the time being He willed, for His own great name's sake, that our eyes should be holden that we should not know Him....In that hour all God's waves and billows seemed to go over me.  As the sun poured its fiery heat upon us from above, the Wicked One hurled his fiery darts at us from beneath.  How often I fell back upon the word, "I have prayed for thee that they faith fail not.'  Over and over again I said to the Accuser, 'Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.'"

I appreciated this man's honesty so much....to acknowledge the fact that even he, a seasoned missionary, could experience a darkness over his soul, was so comforting to me.  It was interesting to notice that though it seemed the Lord wasn't there, He was, but Satan was sifting them like wheat.  What a battle it must have been!  How many times have I, too, had to speak to the Accuser who tries to whisper in my ear doubts about God as well.

One of the most encouraging passages was as Glover was separated from his wife and children for a period of time.  He wrote,

"Separated from the fellowship of my companions I was left to my own reflections.  The bitterness of the lonely ride who can tell?  Some may perhaps wonder why, after such signal deliverances and sustaining grace, faith did not rise superior to the new trial.  I only record the fact that it was so.   Seasons of darkness do not necessarily argue the failure of faith.  Often the very reverse is true, for faith needs to be educated and its schooling has to be done in the valley of sorrow as well as on the hill of vision."

This quote reverberated with me so much because, I, too, have had so many "signal deliverances and sustaining grace", too many miracles to count even, and yet how often do I find myself in a place where my faith does "not rise superior to the new trial"!  His simple response was wonderful, "I only record the fact that it was so."  He doesn't make a lot of excuses, he simply states, it was so.  That's where he was at and it helped me to know, even a mature Christian has these periods of darkness and trial.  Yet, he explains, his faith wasn't gone.  This is true for me, I don't ever think I lose my faith.  No.  He says it so well, his faith was not gone at all, it was just being educated!  But in a valley of sorrow.  That is not where I like being educated.  I much prefer the hill of vision!  My greatest times of education, though, have been in that low place, I must admit.

So those two books impacted me greatly these past few weeks.  I've appreciated the authors so much and wish I could go back in time to meet them and thank them for writing their experiences as they've helped me more than words can describe.  It is the power of the pen.  They would have no idea their impact when they were first writing the words down.

I can now write in retrospect myself as when I was first reading the books, we were in the middle of another trial, waiting for work.....RM had put in a bid on a contract that we were not supposed to get.  He went after this one particular contract as he had some rink experience, automating ice rinks, from years ago when he used to commute downtown.  He realized it was a longshot as he was going to be bidding against his former mega-employer, but God was on his side, wasn't he?  He wrote a 50 page proposal and left it with the purchasing agent nearly a month ago.  Days turned into weeks with no news.  Then he finally talked with someone over a week ago.  The guy on the phone said RM would be notified the next week as to whether or not he had gotten the work.  No news for over a week again!  That is never good news.  It seemed they had notified the person who had gotten the work and just left us out of the picture for the time being.  Meanwhile, I was reading these great stories of faith.  I was fasting.  I was crying out to the Lord.  I was speaking to the Accuser who was trying to make me doubt not only God's goodness, but even worse, getting personal and making me question my own husband.  That is hard.  I shared that with RM two days ago and communicated as carefully as I could that I was sensing the attack that was going on in my mind was not good.  I needed reassurance from him.  All during this fast, we've been praying for work, for this contract and for serious breakthroughs.  RM took my doubts and laid them to rest, reassuring me he was doing all that he could, the rest was in the Lord's hands and then we prayed.  "Lord," he prayed that morning, "we need a breakthrough today."  We separated, the attack was over and we both went about our day.  I had to go to the dentist with my children's expensive mouths.  He went and tried to get more info on whether or not we were getting the job, though it seemed impossible.  When he finally got a hold of someone, they said, they'd try to let him know by the end of the week.  He said to them, "Well, it's not looking like it'll be us."  "I wouldn't say that, " was all the lady said on the other end of the line.

Meanwhile, back at the dentist's office, I heard a text come through, "We got the job!"  What?!  We weren't supposed to hear for a few more days?!  I couldn't believe it.  I found tears coming to my eyes while I was sitting in the dentist's waiting room.  This was a huge coup, to take work out of the competitor's hands...to just a little guy.  I quickly told the kids - they were so excited as they'd been praying with us for weeks, too.  It was amazing.  We came back together that afternoon as a family and just thanked God for His goodness to us.  Another faith education had happened for all of us.

It's still not easy street by any means, we are still in the valley, not of sorrow per se, just a plain valley.  But it is keeping us on our knees.  I appreciate the education.  I don't love going through the educating process, but I know it is a necessary part of the Christian life.   As I write the stories down, maybe one day my children will look back and it will help them in their walk later on in their lives.  Who knows, for now, writing it is helping me!  I see God's "signal deliverances and sustaining grace" and I'm encouraged once again.

Ok, all caught up for now - hopefully this time I won't lose the whole post!

Tuesday 5 August 2014

I'm on the Ark

"'J' is swearing at you," my little four year old said to me yesterday. 
"What?  He's not swearing at me!" 
"Yes, he is!  Watch him!  He just looked at you!  I can swear, too." 
"What are you talking about?"  I was shocked that my son knew what swearing was and that he knew he could do it, too.  Then suddenly I started to laugh.  He was definitely "swearing" at me, standing there, still as anything and just looking at me without blinking.....I think he meant to say "staring".  I quickly explained the difference between staring and swearing, had a giggle, and life went on.

My little 4 year old's worldview isn't entirely Biblically based....yet.  Right now, every decision he makes is through his owned skewed preschooler perspective.  I actually quite like his little worldview, it's so fun!  My oldest daughter's worldview this week is going to be challenged.  The speakers will be encouraging this group of students to look at every thing they do and say and to have it based on a Biblical worldview.  I'm really excited for her. 

It's cute to see my other children and how they react to her being gone.  The youngest girl, 6, wanted to know where her big sister was going and for how long.  We tried to explain, but all she heard was that her bed would be empty for a week.  "Can I sleep in her bed?!"  "Sure!"  "Yeah!  Bye!  See ya soon!"  The other children think about her all the time and now in the world of texting are constantly fighting over who gets to text her next!  How sweet!  They really want to know what she's up to and how things are going.  Turns out the second night of being there she found herself on the worship team playing piano - so great!  I'm sure she is having the time of her life.

Dropping her off on the Sunday afternoon was very strange though.  It was at an actual college campus with residences....kind of felt like we were truly leaving her for the first time at college....forever!  It took everything in me to not get a little teary as I left.  Fortunately, we had comic relief with us, the 2 year old and 4 year old also came along, so it was laughs everywhere we turned, pointing at diggers, etc.  No time for tears.  If anything, they were so callous and could have cared less if they ever saw her again!  It was pretty funny, but that's their little worldview again coming out.....seeing everything through their eyes and their eyes only.

I think she is going to come back a different person.  I'm looking forward to seeing her pumped up about all that she is hearing this week. 

Meanwhile, the fast continues...I'm up early again.  Still trying to organize and declutter, plan and plan some more.  I've never taken a fast so seriously.   I've started to consider this a fast of epic porportions, on the same level as Noah's flood.  Seriously.  I'm considering the debt to be the "evil" of Noah's day, so awful that God had to wipe it out with a flood.  It took 40 days of rain, day and night, an entire ark to be built over years and years, one family to stand alone against the persecution from everyone that saw them and what they were doing.  But then, the beautiful thing.  The evil of that generation was wiped out and a rainbow was sent to remind Noah and everyone after him that He would never do such a flood again.  I feel like Noah and his family.  I feel sometimes like we are taking a stand against this debt just like Noah did.  Is that too over-the-top?  Perhaps, but that's how it occurred to me the other day.  I'm hoping to see something like a flood or something that will wipe it clean and clear.  I have no idea what that will look like, but I'm on the ark right now, praying and fasting for 40 days asking Him to wipe it out, just as He did with the flood.   Comparing my family to Noah's family is a bit of a stretch, but I still love the comparison.  Noah did something so radical in his day and somehow got buy-in from everyone in his family.  Our kids are on board, too, pardon the pun.  It isn't easy being different.  I've said it many times before, but obeying God isn't always supposed to be a walk in the park.  Unlike Noah, I'm not asking for a generation to be wiped out, just that future generations won't experience debt. 

One of the things I gave up was sugary desserts  and sugary drinks (I love lemonade in the summer).  Last night, RM took all of us out for a sundae.  Accidentally he ordered too many meaning I could have had one for sure.  The kids saw that I refused and couldn't believe the missed opportunity!  I said, "I'm determined guys, I mean, 'debt-termined!'  I've never been more serious about something before."  And it's true.  Each week we are seeing God's hand in all sorts of mini-miracles and not-so-mini miracles.  Each week I do the math and though everyone jokes at my bad math, I see how God is multiplying either our time or adding income in some small way, even if it the smallest thing, I add it up and mentally apply it to the debt.  I don't know what the final outcome will be, but I'm excited to see what God could do.  Once again, He might keep us faithful and dependent on Him.  That isn't a bad thing.  Or He might clear it once and for all.  I'd be good with that.  I just know I'm praying more than I've ever prayed and I daily receive an encouragement of some kind.  So I press on, seeking God, storming the gates of heaven....

Saturday 2 August 2014

A Personal Miracle, One Child at a Time.....

This past January, God worked out a miracle for our oldest son to go to the "Nationals", a Bible Quizzing tournament that we felt we couldn't afford to attend as a family, let alone to send just one person.  A family intervened that we hardly knew and took him under their wings, covering many of the expenses enabling him to go.  Well, unbelievably, it has happened again, but this time for our oldest daughter.

She had wanted to go to a Worldview Camp this summer, but it was quite expensive.  We would have loved to cover it, but we had already paid for her driving lessons as her big 16th birthday gift.  Then, she thought she could pay for it herself, but we really weren't sure that we could even let her go as haying season is so unpredictable and she has become an integral part to the process driving the tractor!  If we had registered her for the camp, as Murphy's Law goes, no doubt that would have been the week we would be haying.  We had to sit her down one night and just tell her to let it go, surrender her rights as our son did, and just trust the Lord to work it out for next year.  There was just no way we could swing it this summer....or so we thought!

Then yesterday morning I was checking my emails and something came through from the homeschool support group that I attend.  It mentioned the Worldview Camp and had been specifically sent by them to all homeschool groups to say there were a few spots left and some PARTIAL SCHOLARSHIPS.  If anyone was interested, email asap and let them know.  I stopped and wondered if this was a prompting from the Lord.  Last minute.  Love that.  The final day before anymore could be accepted.  Love that, too.  Hmmm....God of the 11th hour again?  Wasn't sure, but it made me wonder!  Registration had stopped ages ago.  Partial Scholarships.....hmmmmm.....my mind starting whirring with the potential possibility of her going.  I ran upstairs to my sleeping husband.  "Uh, time to get up!"  Eyes still closed.  "Hey, uh, I got an email this morning about the camp "S" wants to go to.  They say there are still spots and scholarships available.  What do you think?"  With eyes closed, he grunted, "No...too expensive," and kept sleeping.  Disappointed, I went downstairs, kept cleaning in the kitchen and then returned back to the room to tidy upstairs.  This time he grunted to me, "Email them about what the scholarships mean....how much do they cover?"  "Ok!"  I ran back downstairs and emailed the camp immediately.  I got a response right away and ran back upstairs!  "They cover half the cost of the camp.  No questions asked.  A complete honour system."  Now I was excited.  He was awake by now and coming downstairs.  I wasn't saying a thing to "S", our daughter...not yet.

One of our big things is having our children always with someone they can trust that is safe.  We didn't know anyone that she could go with.  I suggested a few names, but it is super hard for most people to be last minute with such a big expense and to send a child away for a week.  So my mind was blank.  Then suddenly, a name occurred to me that I knew might be going.  I quickly called the mom who answered right away, "Is your daughter going to that worldview camp?"  "Yes!  She is going with a girl who she met at church who has the exact same name as your daughter, same hair,  eye colour, braces and her dad has the same name, too!"  What a funny coincidence!  I laughed and told her what we were thinking and that I just wanted to make sure her daughter would be there.  Well, she was, with my daughter's twin apparently, and that girl's older sister.  I asked her to commit to pray for us for the next hour or two as we struggled with the decision.  She stopped me and said, "Let's just pray right now together."  Amen!  So together we prayed for wisdom and clarity.  Two minutes later RM walked in and said, "Ok, let's call the "L's" (good friends of ours that have a duaghter her age)."  "Don't need to," I said, "I found out "A" is going (the friend I had just talked to.)"  "Ok, then she's going."  "Yeah!!!!!"  I quickly ran to the computer to tell the camp we would love to take a spot at the camp and would it be possible to sneak our daughter into the same room as those other girls.  Right away she emailed back that she'd just been working on room assignments and that yes, she could do that!  Oh my goodness.  I couldn't believe how fast things were coming together.  Then we called "S" down......

"Good news and bad news!" I called upstairs. That's what I always say when I'm about to introduce something to the kids that they might not like to hear.  "Oh no, what is it?" S asked.  "Bad news....you need to cancel your piano and driving lessons.  You won't be able to make them."  "What?  Why?" RM then started to tease her, "Do you have a suitcase? Can you pack fast?  Do you want to still go to that Worldview Camp?" Her eyes were just getting bigger and bigger.  How could this be?  We'd said no!  She thought we were teasing her, but then I announced, "You are going to camp!!!"  She couldn't believe it and was so excited!!!  Then I told her she'd be going with her good friend (and the other girls she hadn't met).  I told her to quickly call her friend to tell her as she didn't know our daughter would be coming.  It would be a fun surprise to tell her, too.  Both girls were now over-the-moon excited!

God did a personal miracle for my daughter.  In the movie, Facing the Giants, after they win the Championships, the coach tells them, "I hope you'll always look back on this day and remember what God did." That's what I said to my daughter, too.  I hope she'll always look back on this day and see what God did for her.  I love it.  I think that is why God does these things so personally sometimes, so they will be able to look back on their life, when they are down or struggling, and they'll remember the personal miracle God did for them, just them, and they'll remember how faithful He was and is.  I can tell already it has really touched her that He bothered to care for her in this way.  She knew yesterday was the final day.  She knew the camp started in one day day.  She was inwardly sad, but surrendered her rights, just as my other son had.  God doesn't always give back what's been surrendered, but sometimes He does!  Hay season was over, nothing was going on at the farm this week.  We were free to let her go.  She can cover the rest of the costs herself.  She's going to be at a camp where she'll be exposed to the top speakers in Canada on Worldview and Evangelism.  Five sessions a day!!!!  She's going to be wasted by the end of the week!  She'll get a brief time in the afternoon to play sports or just chill, but most of the time, she's going to be having her head filled with God's Word.  We can't think of a better place for her to be right now when she is so open to hearing about these topics and so receptive to the Lord in her life.  I'm thrilled for her.  We hope to send our boys in the next couple years and when we do, we hope to give back and sponsor another child the way we were sponsored this year.  What a blessing for our daughter.  It's amazing what a day will bring....you just never know what's going to happen around here......

Friday 1 August 2014

God is in the Plumbing Business

I cannot explain this one.  I have been fighting and fighting with my dishwasher almost since we bought it.  Granted, we got probably the cheapest one on the market, but I still expected it to work...at least for a couple of years!  It seemed half the time I was re-washing the dishes, though it had just gone through an entire cycle.  We all know what that's like.  Sometimes I could figure out why...perhaps the dishes had been loaded wrong, blocking the water jets or sometimes a spoon handle had gotten through the utensil holder also making the jets not work.....but other times, there was no explanation.  This machine seemed to have a mind of its own.  It would wash cups, I'm serious, but not bowls.  It would wash the bottom rack, but not the top.  It would wash the sides, but not the middle.  It was always something different.  Then the water in the basin started to back up.  Renaissance Man hadn't a moment to look at it, but he tried a few things, but no success.  Then I called on my two older boys.  They also tried and it seemed to work for a day, but then it stopped and we were back to handwashing.  I know some people like doing that, but I can't.  I find it hard to stay on top of all the washing, which is constant, and I find it frustrating because I could be spending that time doing something else and, oh yeah, I bought a MACHINE THAT WASHES DISHES TO DO THAT!!!!!

But I digress...then we started to pray.  I never found myself praying for a dishwasher, just debt reduction amongst other things.  Then it occurred to me, why not look at it myself?  So I got down on my knees, dug my hand in that pit of despairt, scraped a few things out of the way, ran it with a some bleach to clean it up and get rid of the smell.  Then, the next thing you know, it worked!  I don't even know what I did?!  It runs better than it ever has!  Every dish is coming out clean!  I honestly can't explain it.  So yesterday I told my husband, "I called in a plumber and now the dishwasher works!"  "What?  Who?" his eyes said to me as plumbing bills are not allowed in this house with him on staff.  "God," I said, "God was my plumber."  It's the only explanation I can come up with.

I'm grateful even for that small miracle in my life.  I rely on my dishwasher just like my washing machine.  I know, I know, think of the pioneers and how they must have gotten by.  Trust me, I think of them all the time!  But I am not a pioneer and I have kind of gotten used to using that luxury!  It has certainly made my life much more manageable, so to have it up and working makes me very, very happy.  I am so convinced that it is just another reminder of how God cares for me.  I know He cares for everyone, but sometimes He has this way of personalizing His love to show an individual that He cares very much for them, as a person, a mom of 8 living on a farm who sometimes just needs a little personal touch from the Lord.  So great!  I took out my mug for coffee this morning and I dared to look to see if it was clean (that's how I'm used to unloading the dishwasher!) and it was!  A fantastic cup of coffee later, I'm thanking God for fixing my dishwasher!