Monday 30 September 2019

Africa, Health and The Critical Role of a Wife

It seems like we're settling into a bit of a routine with our son gone now.  We touch base by email nearly daily and then a weekly phone call or instagram chat.  Technology is amazing.  To think in the olden days people weren't in touch for years.  So much was missed.  I've been able to see and hear so much about his time away.  He's basically become a surgical assistant to the doctor and seems to be dong a great job. His stories continue to gross us all out, but at the same time, lives are being literally saved because of what the hospital is doing.  And he gets to play a small part.

He'll be off to the farm soon where he'll find out more about this alleged leopard and python problem.  Great.

Meanwhile, back at my farm, we continue to try to stay on track with all our health and financial goals by way of being more disciplined and determined.  In less than 2 weeks, my husband is already seen over 6 lbs gone and I'm almost the same.  On all those instagram stories you'll hear "I made this one change and it all disappeared".  No.  We made many changes.  It isn't just one thing.  This may sound like we're depriving ourselves, and in a way we are, but when you have a spiritual goal in mind, it isn't hard at all.  We've both noticed that it hasn't been difficult really one bit.  Maybe it's because we're doing it for our son in a way, for his protection, to kind of come alongside him in his lack of conveniences, to feel a sort one oneness with him maybe?

For starters, I'm exercising more regularly again.  I didn't do anything over the summer because I  was in the vines so much, so that was enough exercise for me.  But now that that is basically over I'm doing just a few minutes a day.   I also decided to to the dreaded black coffee, no cream or sugar at all (except I do on the weekends).  I actually don't mind it.  We're both intermittent fasting, so no food until maybe 10 am and then we stop at dinner - nothing else after that until the next morning.  We used to enjoy a glass of wine - that's gone.  We eat a lot of salad now, no bread really or anything white.  Small portions.  There's definitely been a calorie deficit, especially for my husband.  He's totally on board though.  He's been bringing coffee to work.  He used to go for coffee and maybe a snack at Tim Horton's every day, more than once a day.  No more.  I joke with him that he was the hole in the bucket.  He's saving us so much money by not doing that.  He brings his measly lunch with him every day.  He eats such small portions I can't believe it and he doesn't even complain!  I've noticed the difference in the way his shirts fit already.  So we're all in.  He plans on being a completely different looking person by the time our son gets home.  I'm just planning on being what I was pre-babies if possible.  I'm motivated, too.

We are entering into Thanksgiving month.  We have so much to be thankful for.  Three years go we were in a place of the unknown for my husband's work.  We'd been without a regular contract for a long time and didn't know which way to go.  After a time of intense praying and seeking the Lord, a job got dropped in our lap at the college and we were in awe.  It was only part time at first, but that allowed him to still be home, do some farming and tie up loose ends with his other company.  Within a few short months, he was able to get some teaching time there and we were amazed at how not only did God answer our prayer for a job, but two jobs!  The other part-time job went to full time and then he even got more teaching hours.  In some ways, this was more than we could have ever asked for or imagined!  The only problem was that now he was no longer around.  Yes he had work and good work and he was thriving, but our home life was suffering as never saw Dad.  Again we prayed.  What do we do now?!  And things were unsettled at his job.  Being government funded, it was always uncertain as to how long this would last or if the funding would come in.  He applied everywhere just in case.  But nothing seemed to come of all the applications.  It was a confusing time.

We continued to pray.  Then one day this past summer a position opened up a the college that he was really excited about.  He applied one last time and got interviewed and offered the position.  We were thrilled.  He is now in a management position at the college overseeing all the research going on there and he loves it.  This allows him regular hours where he is home more again and is able to do work on the farm in the evenings as well as be around the kids.  We are so grateful.  As he looks back on his career, all the unusual jobs he's had, running his own company for 12 years, even the jobs as a kid, they all seem to point to this one.  This current job has every skill he's ever acquired all rolled into one.  As I met with another mom who's husband is trying to figure his career out, I encouraged her with our story as all those times of wondering where my husband should work, what kind of career he should pursue, were all part of the process.  I didn't love being in the job wasteland as we found ourselves sometimes.  But looking back, it was an amazing faith journey.  I told this other mom, it was my job to pray for him when he was so down and out on himself.  I lifted him up every day for months, years even.  He was my main prayer request when I met another friend to pray with.  I fasted on his behalf often.  His career path has been my faith path.  Of course, it would have been waaaaay easier if I'd known then what I know now.  If I'd known it would all work out, but that's just not faith, is it?  There were hard times, but I just kept praying through it all and I  know I can't take the credit for his job, but I do kind of feel like my prayers were responsible!!!  To God be the glory for sure, but I know He used me! 

The moral of the story - wives, steadfast praying wives, are the key to a husband's career.  I'm convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my role was critical in my husband's career search.  All the times he was down, I held him up.  I encouraged him.  I often had a verse for him that I would share.  When he couldn't remember how amazing God was, I told him.  I prayed for him when he couldn't pray.  I reminded him of God's faithfulness in the past.  Ann Voskamp calls them "planks of thanks" - these are the memories of what get us from the unknown to the known.  By recalling the past we get through the times of the unknown.  I tried to do this for my husband.  I couldn't apply for the jobs, I couldn't get him the interviews.  I couldn't make the money for our family to feed us.  I could only do the work in the background, the spiritual background.  This role cannot be underestimated.  "He who finds a wife finds a good thing."  Why is that verse in the Bible?  Because Solomon knew wives were important!  But as wives, we need to be that "good thing"!  We have to be the very "good thing" that a husband finds "good"!  Just existing isn't enough.  We need to move into that role very actively and be something that our husbands can write about like Solomon.  Were there times when inside I was just as panicked at my husband was possibly feeling?  Yes and no.  I had times when I wondered what our future was going to look like, but I have the biggest "thanksgiving" bank account - I have "banked" so many amazing answers to prayer in our marriage, in my life, that it really becomes impossible to doubt God when you look back and see what He has done.  So when the doubts would come, as they tried to, it just took a quick reflection on the past and I was back on board, full of faith.

All that said, Thanksgiving may just be a contrived date on the calendar, but I'm still grateful for the opportunity to truly reflect on all that God has done.  It gets me excited about the future.

Monday 23 September 2019

Turning the Hearts of the Fathers to their Children

It hasn't even been a week since my son left, but in that short amount of time he's lived a lifetime!  Thankfully everything worked out smoothly catching all the flights, not losing luggage, documents, or money.  We can only thank the Lord for that and all the people praying!

The good doctor he's staying with gave him the day he arrived to recover and the very next day he was supposed to be involved in 15 different procedures, 5 of them being surgery.  Keep in mind my son is not a doctor and has never seen human surgery before, only animal surgery (which I also thank God he did see that 4 years ago.  It was great prep for the surgery he was about to see).  I couldn't believe it.  From what we heard later on via email, he was able to be directly hands on, scrubbing up, assisting in a variety of different operations from a hernia, broken femur, nose tumor, brain tube replacement, and more.  That was just in one day!  Since then he's already seen a very sick patient die, participated in more surgery and has already seen the sick recover.  I can't even imagine what 3 months will provide for him in terms of more experience!  I say, "Come home now!"  He's had probably more experience than a typical med student gets in a year!

I'm amazed that the surgeon he is staying with is taking him under his wing.  I really didn't expect that.  I thought he was going to pass him off to another lower doctor.  But no, this surgeon is taking him everywhere.  We have since found out his reputation goes before him.  Apparently he's been asked by med schools out here to teach the types of surgeries he performs, so I feel so grateful that he's the one by son gets to observe.  He's been allowed to take the odd picture of the operations he's been involved with.  The irony of that is I feel like it is deja vu.  The pictures he sent us were almost identical to the ones my dad had taken years ago when he was there (when I was a a baby).  To think his grandson is now taking operation pictures is amazing!

There is one more powerful thing my son told us that makes me realize the sovereignty of God and how He uses everything in our lives to prepare us for something down the line as well as the power of just being near our children when they are young.  Over 11 years ago we heard teaching on the verse that ends the Old Testament, Malachi 4:6, "And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.”  How we longed to turn our hearts to our children, but it felt so hard when my husband was gone all day and was working away from home.  As we prayed and begged God to bring him home, our prayers were answered and he was able to have a home business for 12 years.  In that time, my husband was super deliberate and made a point of having all the kids as much as possible near him helping with any task he could get them to help him with.  He made a point of working even more closely with the boys, knowing he was raising men.

This was not always a walk in the park, as the expression goes.  Doing the stuff of men is hard work, often intense, scary, occasionally an emergency situation.  It would sometimes mean there was no time for a soft voice and a long explanation of how to do something if a horse was out or a cow was escaping.  It might mean a loud shout and the boys would have to respond.  No time to take offense.  Just listen, obey and do it so that no one gets hurt.  Other times while fixing a car it might mean shouting out, "Hold the light here!  Now!!!"  If the boys didn't respond quickly then the engine might drop on him under the car.  I was amazed at how the boys just took it.  They seemed to know Dad wasn't mad.  He just needed them to listen right way.  Personally, when I work with my husband, which I do ALL THE TIME now because all my boys seem to be GONE ALL THE TIME, I can't stand it!!!  We recently had to get two naughty little horses back in to the fencing and, trust me, I was doing a very good job, but I got shouted at like I was 6 and I didn't like it.  He told me later he didn't shout, but he had shouted and, like I said, I didn't like it.  But that's because I'm his wife, not his son.  My sons seemed to know what the tone of voice meant.  I, on the other hand, don't care how intense the situation is, I don't like being shouted at!  I have had to learn what my boys already know, he's not mad, he's just shouting out commands that will save my life.  I guess I don't have to like it.  Just like the boys, I just have to do what he says so I don't die!

All this to say, in the middle of surgery, my son had to, yuck, hold a bone in place, or something awful like that.  He then had to hold another object he was passed, all the while not moving the bone.  At one point, he said, he was holding multiple things, holding skin back, sucking up blood, and wasn't allowed to move a muscle.  He said it was very hard and had no idea surgery was such a physical thing.  Having never done this before, my son didn't know exactly what to hold, where to put things, etc.  And the doctor snapped instructions at him.  My son didn't even flinch.  He's been snapped at before.  He knew it was an emergency situation and he didn't have time to stand there and cry or faint or drop the bone.  He had been prepared for that moment years earlier when he'd been on the farm putting cows and horses in.  Then later he had to hold the light for the doctor over the incision.  Again, having the light in the exact place is key.  Well, guess who has tons of experience holding the light for someone else over an engine or over a wall that's being painted or over all sorts of things, all the while being told perhaps sharply, "No, not there, here. no, not there, HERE!!!" ?  That's right, my son.  He has tons of experience holding the light over things, so when the surgeon was in the middle of the operation, my son didn't need to be told where to put it, he just knew.  My husband has always tried to explain to the boys, "Anticipate what I need so I don't have to ask."  My son had learned and this proved it.

When he told us that over the whatsapp phone call we were able to have (love technology!!!)  my husband just sat there and smiled.  I sat there and laughed!  Never in a million years did we know all that effort we had put in and prayed about and tried to develop in our children would actually amount to anything.  Of course we had hoped and trusted God, but we didn't know how it would play out or what it would look like.  It was such an amazing answer to prayer.  My son had been adequately prepared for this experience without us even realizing.  This is the power of just being near our children.  I feel like it is such an amazing example of what turning a heart towards a child looks like and by trusting God's Word, not knowing exactly what that will mean later on.  It wasn't us that noticed it as we weren't there at the time.  It was my son who told us, "Dad, it was just like working with you."  I couldn't believe it.

I praise God for this experience.  Now, I'm trying to figure out how I can get the 9 year old over there.....tomorrow....He needs some of that heart turning stuff!!!

Wednesday 18 September 2019

Off to Africa....

As of yesterday morning at 11 am, our son is off to Africa.  Knowing my tendency to micro-managing and feeling stress easily, I really chose to back off as much as possible and let him lead the way.  Every time I fear came up, I took it captive and took it to the cross.  I know so many were praying.  It was obvious because the final two days before he left could have been awful, but they weren't.

The day before he leaves, hardly feels like a good time to make a major trek across to East Toronto to the mission office, but that was the only time it worked somehow.  My son gave his testimony at the chapel they had which they have each Monday morning I think, possibly more often.  What a great way to start off a week!  Some former missionaries just back from Ethiopia prayed for him.  Fortunately all eyes were closed so no one saw the spouts of water coming from my eyes. 

I'm so glad we did go though because I ended up meeting so many amazing people who work in the office.  I was amazed to meet so many who knew my grandparents on my mom's side.  One man heard me say that I didn't get to know my grandparents that well as they were serving in Africa their whole lives and my grandmother only came back when I was just about to move away.  I only really got to appreciate her in her final years.  That man told me my grandfather was "legendary" in the mission circles.  My grandmother was also called an "incredible woman of God".  Wish I'd known them more.  My kids have had the privilege of growing up in close proximity to their grandparents and that has made for much closer relationships that I'm so grateful for. 

After getting all the final details worked out (it took some scrambling), we somehow managed to have a relatively calm night on his last night here.  All the kids prayed such beautiful prayers for him and spoke life into him, and really into me through their words.  They all went out as a group of 8 on his final night.  They've actually gone out so many times in the last two weeks.  It became their big excuse, "We're going out because he's almost gone."  "We're going out in case he gets big by a mamba and we never see him again."  "We're going out in case he gets attacked by a lion."  Yeah, we get it.  Go out.  Have fun.

My biggest fears have been the transferring of planes, the missing of flights, being potentially robbed in an airport.....but so far we've heard nothing so I think that means it's all good.  We can track his flight with an app.  He's almost arriving in the next hour on his second leg of the flight to a country near Angola.  Then he stays over in a hotel and makes his way to Angola the next day.  I can only pray and trust God for his safety.

Within minutes of arriving home we had to get right back into regular life as he left on my other son's birthday!  More celebrating and more activities!  Can't even stop and breathe!  We also started immediately talking with our other children about their futures, their plans.  Getting one son off to Africa took all our time, thinking and resources.  Now that he's launched, we've got 7 more kids who need attention, too.  Who has time for all this?!

It's no wonder I go to bed early.

We're all on a fast of some kind now for the 3 months he's gone.  A financial fast for sure as he nearly killed us with all the last minute purchases.  We've asked the kids to come alongside us as all self-indulgences are on hold the entire time he's away - that includes coffee, fast food, restaurants, etc.  We had been stopping more than we ever did as we were always on the road this last month and were making purchases constantly.  Even if we packed food, we always went through it and had to stop for more.  That is OVER.  We are asking the kids to try and pretend they are in a third world where none of those conveniences exist.   It'll help them remember to pray for him each time they would normally stop and eat or buy something.  All healthy eating resumes....

Life continues, but it is different to have him away.  I've already thought I heard his voice,but it was my mind playing tricks on me.  I already imagined him in his bed sleeping this morning as I walked by, but he's not there.  Funny.  Fortunately, with 7 children still all around, I'm sure the time will pass quickly.  Hard to believe it'll be December before we see him again.  Living by faith is my fuel for sure.....

Wednesday 11 September 2019

And I Thought I Was Busy With Toddlers.....

Yesterday has to go down as one of the longest days of "errands", and only two errands - I think we were in the car with 5 kids over 10 hours!  It started off as a trip to a small little mennonite community where we picked up 20 "day-old" turkey chicks.  Not because we love to eat turkey, though we do, but to grow some birds for Christmas sales.  It's just another thing that'll help keep the kids occupied and with some purpose for living!  And possibly make a small buck.  You never make as much as you hope when you add in the labour, the feed, and the processing, but you also can't put a number on all that the kids learn in the process.  We did it with the older kids so we're doing it again with the younger set.  That was errand #1.

After that, we took advantage of the quaint area and did some antique shopping.  But we couldn't stay long because we had to drive almost 3 hours to Toronto to a missionary travel clinic (who knew those existed!) where my son got 4 doses of a rabies vaccine.  That was errand #2.  That was a very cool experience as he chatted with a med school student on how he got into med school, etc., and then with the doctor advising him on which vaccines to get.  As soon as the doctor found out where he was going he immediately asked if he knew Dr. Foster - Uh yeah!  That's the doctor he'll be living with!  Small world and yet in the missionary community I think Dr. Foster is a bit of a legend, so it was just another reminder that my son will be getting the experience of a lifetime by being with this doctor.  He also knew all about the cattle ranch he'll be working on and even knew some of the doctors that my parents knew when they were there. 

By this point we'd already been gone hours and hours and the younger kids were going squirrelly.  Fortunately there was an IKEA around the corner so we popped in for a quick bite to eat as the snacks I had packed were long gone.  Driving home to Niagara from North Toronto in rush hour was no fun, but we finally made it, though our next job was to set the turkeys up who were still alive and wanting some food.  What a day, but once again loved most every minute as the countdown is now on for departure.  It looks like it'll be less than a week now.

Knowing we don't have him around much longer, at least in this country, we are trying to take advantage of every minute.  I even took him and the older siblings to African Lion Safari as a way to get us all in the African mood.  The younger ones were there, too, but the older ones haven't accompanied me on a field trip in years.  Almost all of them went - super hilarious to hear their comments as older kids on a field trip.  The last time they had gone was 13 years ago when my almost 13 year old was in-utero.  How strange to see how our family had changed and grown since then.  I never would have guessed back then that 3 more babies were coming.  To see how my oldest son hadn't changed a bit in his interests was also fascinating. A super fun day had by all.

All the while in the background the kitten sales keep happening.  We had to lower our prices this time as we had more competition on line, but we still managed to sell most of them and every dollar counts around here.

Coming back from the city yesterday and driving into the country was just the reminder we need every once in a while to be grateful for our life and where we live.  The traffic was unbelievable, the construction, the back-ups, all the fender benders we saw, the noise.....I don't know how people do it every day.  We nearly lost our minds in the short time we were there.  We definitely count our blessings for the privilege of living where we live and knowing my husband's commute is on country roads is incredible.  He can count the number of lights he has to go through to get to work on one hand.

All of this to say, we marvel at how God is slowly bringing all the pieces together for my son.  I know people are praying as he keeps knocking barrier down after barrier, including the visa which just came through.  That was a big deal.  Getting the rabies vaccine was also a big deal because there was a shortage everywhere which was why we had to go to to Toronto.  He's just waiting on the flights now and some last minute shopping and then that's it.  Somehow we're managing to keep our life running, fit some turkeys in there, brakes fixed on vehicles, a couple of field trips, kitten wrangling, work stuff going on with my husband he's also had to fit in.......it's busy around here!  I see God's hand in all of it and I'm amazed.  It's in the reflection that I see how it is a puzzle only He can fit all together.  I'm glad I don't have to work it all out......

Thursday 5 September 2019

Homeschool Start Up and Nearly 13

School is in full swing now.  Day 3 today.  I'm actually so glad that sometimes the world chooses the date to start for me.  As homeschoolers I can start whenever I want, but knowing myself, I would never start.  Summer went the fastest it has ever gone as far as I'm concerned.  That makes me sad, but at least the weather is still warm.  I was enjoying summer soooooo much, school seemed a lifetime away.  But routines needed to be started, chores I'd been putting off needed to be rebooted and I'm kind of happy about that.

I'm definitely a much more laid back homeschooler now.  Yes I had my schedules made and printed out, even all my little chore pack lists, but I was super lax on getting school supplies knowing I had old pencils, etc., from last year.  This really upset my one son!  How can  you start school without new pencils?!  I refused to be in the shopping chaos and so I will go this weekend to get the final supplies.  My poor deprived children.

I'm not sure if I mentioned that the 9 year old declared a gap year.  Yes, he wants to take this year off - to travel, make some money and just not do school.  After how the first two days have gone, I can see why - he just doesn't like being chained to a desk.  Doing school work is just ridiculous to him.  I've seen tears in 3 kids already.  This is not for any reason other than I asked them to open their math books.  The 9 year old took about 20 minutes to do that.  He just couldn't seem to bring himself to open it.  Then, when he did, and he got to the first question, he couldn't immediately remember the answer to a multiplication question.....he lost it.  My older sons walk around the kitchen as they see the younger ones with tears and they just look at me with eyes that say, "What can they possibly be crying about?!!!  Times tables?????!!!!!"  Yup.  I actually make them do times tables and because they don't remember immediately, I get the drops coming out of their eyes.  It's almost funny if it weren't so pathetic!   They would NEVER cry like that in school.  Ah....the nature of being at home I guess.

I will say the best thing I ever did was have them write about their life.  That same 9 year old who wouldn't do any math must have written for 45 minutes about all his summer injuries.  Spelling mistakes were rampant, but I didn't even ask him to write.  He just ran to the couch and stated, "I have to write about all my accidents this summer!"  That was a dream come true to most parents of boys!  So that was a great part of the day!

Around noon and 3, when I let them officially escape, though I caught the 9 year old outside many more times than he was supposed to be outside yesterday, a hush falls over the house....the kids are nowhere near me.  They run for their lives!  What a great life they lead.

My 12 year old is nearly 13 in a couple weeks.  How I've prayed for him as he's clearly getting older, more mature, not as interested in the little boy things, longing to be with the older siblings and their gang of friends.  I always beg God to take over as I feel so inadequate to parent these boys and this age group.  And so He does.  I've watched as each one of my boys develops an interest in a certain area that is always out of the blue, perhaps bees, weapons collections, drones, cars, whatever...it's often an area that is out of nowhere.  This son is no different.  I've watched him learn about all sorts of things without me initiating anything.  He has taught himself ukelele, trampoline tricks, bmx tricks, and now recently he's discovered a unique interest in old riding lawnmowers that he plans on fixing and selling.  On the first day of school he went and picked one up with my husband and brought back a broken riding mower which, according to my husband, should be an easy fix.  Then yesterday on my husband's way home from work, he saw 2 more riding mowers for free on the side of the road!  So we're picking those up this weekend!  My son is set for projects this fall/winter and I couldn't be happier.

These are great things for me to remember and reflect on when anxious thoughts try to enter into my head.  I don't need to worry.  God is the true parent, I just work for Him.  These kids are on loan to me, not my ultimate responsibility, His.  That takes the load off of me.

Hopefully today there will be less tears.  Each day is a restart.  Routines will get set in place.  They'll learn.  I'm glad for the laughs throughout the day and even the tears. I can always laugh about them later on as I explain the day to my husband.  They'll look back one day and laugh, too, I hope.