Tuesday 29 November 2016

Racy Girl Talk, Houseguests and Christmas

This past Friday I had the privilege of hearing another popular speaker, Sheila Wray Gregoire.  I certainly did not expect to hear what I heard that night.  I went in with the understanding that it was going to be about "Girl Talk" as that was the name of her tour she was on, and that it was going to be about marriage and possibly even alude to the "S" word, but I had noooooo idea that that was, in fact, going to be the focus.....the whole night was pretty much about, uh.....sex.

Absolutely shocking.  Why?  Because no one talks about it.  She dared to.  She even dared to write several books on the topic, specifically for Christian women.  I asked her how she ever got permission from her husband to write books like that, but she explained he was a doctor....it's a medical thing to him, so it didn't bother him in the least.  It bothered her younger daughters at first, but now one of them is married and she said, "I'm just so grateful you wrote this book so that now we don't have to talk about it!"  Ironically, now that same daughter works for her and they talk about it every single day.

It is clearly a sensitive issue for so many women and the fact that it appeared nearly sold out says a lot!  What struck me wasn't all the laughter that was going on all night (we were killing ourselves laughing most of the time!).  I was more aware of the pain in a lot of women through the questions they anonymously asked.   Pornography was a big topic.  No longer just for men anymore, but now for women through certain kinds of "literature", I use the term loosely....

Little House on the Prairie women would never have had a talk like this one, but clearly the time has come for women to be able to talk about it, hear about it and get issues out of the dark and into the light.  I was very impressed with Sheila's boldness and sensitivity and how she handled such a potentially squeamish topic.

This week for us will be a full one, literally.  I have 17 people under my roof.  Fourteen of them are under 18. Nine of them are under 11.  And, here's the big "wow"....nine of them are BOYS!!!!!!!  Last night we decorated a tree with this visiting family and, big mistake, we used popcorn.  It looks like we popped the popcorn in the family room with the lid off the machine!  It's incredible, the mess.  It will be a fun week for the kids.  We'll see if the Mommies survive.

I was determined to keep some semblance of order and fortunately they all brought their schoolbooks, so at one point, they were all sitting around the table doing their school.  It was amazing.  When I used to teach I realized that was how many I had in my classroom at one point (because it was a small private school).  So yes, it was a small private school here yesterday and will be all week.

Today 4 of them will actually go to "school" at a historical museum where they will act out what school was like 100 years ago in the "Strict but Nice" program they offer.  My dad went to a one-room schoolhouse and that's just what this will be like.  It's a program I've done with all the kids and they love it.

So we've given ourselves a bit of a challenge.  We're going to see if we can make it a month without the extra car.  It is a bit of an inconvenience, but the only time we really need the extra car is when we go somewhere as a family and that's only once in a while now.  We haven't even needed it for church because I've been home watching my friend's kids.  We'll see how that goes!

We're well into the Christmas season now.  The house is decorated, though messy.  There's no question about gifts anymore.  We just know that we don't fall for the insanity anymore.  Such a relief as it would put me in a tailspin every year.  However......this year will be a little different.  We're hosting my friend and her family on Christmas day and they do exchange gifts, so in the spirit of making it a fun day for them and not being grinches, we will do a gift exchange with her kids.  We'll keep it simple, but each kid will open something that they get from the other family.  It's getting us creative as we'll probably make things and if we do purchase something it'll be on the small scale.

So every year is a little different.  I never know just how it will look, but I'm grateful that we are still very much trying to not lose the focus of the season which can get eaten up in the world's view of Christmas.  That makes the decorating, cookies and music even more meaningful as I can really enjoy all of those fun elements without being caught up and distracted by the stress that usually accompanies all those things.  Whew!

Friday 25 November 2016

Horses, Chariots and Coconut Pie

Yesterday the kids and I were reading Psalm 20:7, "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.  They collapse and fall, but we rise and stand upright."  I asked them what was jumping out at them about that verse.  They didn't see it at first.  It was so obvious to me.  "Chariots" and "horses"?  We don't have too many of those running around the streets these days, so what could it mean to us?  How about cars and trucks?!  Yup.

What about the next verse, "they collapse and fall"?  Same thing.....they break down and stop working.  Suddenly the whole Psalm came to life in a whole new way.  God knew what we were going through.  Perhaps he was just checking to see what we were trusting in, Him or a car?  The verse clearly says, "we trust in the name of the Lord our God", not a working car or truck.

If we weren't before, this has sure helped get that back on track as we are constantly having to manage our tricky life with just one vehicle for all of us.  Verse 8 says, "...but we rise and stand upright".  We can rise and stand upright despite the inconveniences and despite all the extra driving around because we know our happiness is not dependent on a vehicle, at least it better not be.

One awesome way of provision this weekend as we're going many separate ways, is that my parents made their second vehicle available to us....not forever, of course, but to help us get through the weekend.  That is provision!  To top it off, when they dropped it off yesterday mom blessed me with a lunch out that was at a local restaurant.....so delicious!  What a treat!

We continue to look for another one, still praying for the right one to help us out, but in the meantime, we trust God and not our horses and chariots.

This weekend will take our kids' street preaching/handing out tracts to a whole new level.  They're off to the Grey Cup (Canadian Football Championship) with a group that goes all over the U.S. and Canada sharing Christ before the game to those who will listen.  They'll be around the wealthiest people in the country ('cuz who can afford those tickets otherwise??!)  They'll be meeting people who absolutely depend on horses and chariots, as well as fame, celebrities, and any other idol you can think of.  They'll be trying to show those people that only God is who we can trust in.

On a funnier note....it was our annual pie contest at the homeschool group last night.  I was going to make a pie, but asked my kids if one of them wanted to - the clincher?  A Starkbucks gift card was at stake!  Suddenly all of them wanted to, but only one, my 15 year old boy, actually ended up taking the challenge.  The trick was to make something that would stand out, something that you don't eat every day.  The year I won I brought a grape pie....I had a funny feeling it would win because no one has eaten grape pie and lived.....you usually die of the amazing flavour!!!    I had coconut on hand....about 10 kg!!!  So I had been looking for ways to use it up.  It would be perfect!

Well, I'm happy to say, my son came home with a second place gift card!  Only to be beaten out by my good friend who made an even better flavour - peanut butter and chocolate!  Rats!  So fun...we all laughed when I got home.  I had to hand him the prize as he had made the pie!  Maybe I'll get a coffee out of it somehow......


Tuesday 22 November 2016

The Bible Written for Moms

Our church started up a mentoring program recently where an older woman is set up with a younger woman to intentionally meet and spend time together with the goal of Titus 2, "They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind an submissive to their won husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."  I may not love being considered the older woman now, but who cares?!  I love meeting with other women and actually feel so compelled to do it that it takes everything in me to not stop young moms in the grocery store and ask if they want to come over.

So yesterday was the first official visit with my new young mom friend.  It was great.  One of the things we talked about at the end was how I read the Bible.  I did not tell her to pull out a Greek word dictionary, but instead I told her to read it as if God has written it just for her, a mom.  I know that Jen Wilkin, an author who has recently written a book called Women of the Word would disagree with that, but allow me to explain.  I gave her the example of the verse I read yesterday.

2 Cor 6:4, "...but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way:  by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labours, sleepless nights, hunger...."

This young mom will probably not be persecuted (at least not in the same way the Corinthians were), but will she need to commend herself to great endurance?  to afflictions and hardships?  Yes!  As a young mom, when your oldest is only 4 and you have a two year old and a baby on the way, all you do is deal with needing endurance!  Afflictions, hardships and calamities are going on all day!  Will she go through beatings?  Sure, in a way!  Her body is getting beat up by the baby inside her and in our house there are regular beatings between siblings!  I'm constantly breaking up a fight.   Inprisonments?  Maybe not in the Corinthian way, but sometimes I wish I had a police officer in my home to help manage the kids.  Riots?  Oh yes. There are riots.  My kids picket against the work, the food, the long hours....This mom probably has riots in her home, too.  Labours?  Literally.  She'll go through labour in a few short months.  She'll also labour in her home all day long.  Sleepless nights? Of course!  All moms have seasons, sometimes really long seasons of sleepless nights.  Before the baby, after the baby, during toddlerhood......it seems like it will never end.  Hunger?  She may not go hungry, but she may experience seasons of financial stress where she's eating on an extremely tight budget.  My other friend is getting her food from the food bank and did experience hunger this past summer for the first time in her life.  So yes, even a mom can experience hunger.

Suddenly the Scripture has come to life!  Paul really did write it for her.  He may not have known she would exist, but God knew.  And as she reads on she'll find that if she commends herself to God during this season of life, then she'll be just like the Corinithians, "as unknown and yet well known". What a great phrase for a mom who feels like what she is doing doesn't matter.  She feels "unknown" and not important, yet she is so well known, so important...in the eyes of God.  Though she will feel exhausted and "dying"...."behold, we live"!  If we live as moms in the word of God, even though we feel we're at the end of our rope we still live because of the power of God in our lives.  "Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything." In the eyes of the world this mom is wasting her time, her life.  She is sacrificing by living on one income which may make her appear poor.  Yet the Bible reveals the amazing contradiction that she is in fact making many rich!  Her kids!  She may have fewer possessions than others, but she possesses everything - eternal life.

I know that Paul's intent was for a different audience.  I know that he wrote it to those under persecution, but to to me, no one is under more persecution these days then the stay-at-home mom. She's a fool in the eyes of the world.  So when I explained to read that passage in that way, it really comes to life for a mom who won't necessarily be in the middle of an actual prison, but may feel imprisoned in her own home surrounded by kids and cold weather.  Reading it in that way may just help her feel God knows her situation exactly.

Monday 21 November 2016

The Secret to Joy

Winter is here.  It went from a balmy fall day that felt like summer to freezing temperatures overnight.  This always reminds us of the cold house we have and that there is still so much work to do to get it less cabin-like and more house-like.

Sometimes we separate the little boys at bedtime and will start one of them in my bed and then transfer them when they are asleep to keep them from talking.  Last night I moved my 6 year old in the dark from my bed to his bed and then I jumped under the covers because I was so cold.  I didn't move again until morning.  When I did wake up, I felt something on my back which seemed like cookie crumbs.  I don't eat in bed, so I scrambled out of bed wondering what in the world!?  I turned on the light only to discover I'd slept with a whole bunch of chocolate my son had hidden in my bed when he went to sleep.  I had been so tired I hadn't even noticed it melting into my back all night! How disgusting!  My morning began with a quick load of laundry.....I'll be sure to inspect him before I put him to bed from now on.....do other people have to frisk their kids????

We are also now down to one car again.  No big deal except there are a lot of different people going a lot of different directions.  It means I'm doing a lot of driving as now RM is out of the house 3 days a week, so if I need the car, I have to drive him.  Truth is, I don't actually mind.  It's a mini-date as we drive a half hour together each morning, kid-free (as I leave them all behind!).  We talk, dream, vision, plan.....I enjoy that so much.  Then, on the way home, I pray, listen to a sermon, catch up on adult news and come home to kids running around the house, sometimes doing what they're supposed to, oftentimes not.....

We've been looking for another miracle car and went yesterday to look at one, but the seller was clearly trying to sell a car that had been in an accident.  My husband took a quick ride around the block and realized he'd have to walk away from what seemed like such a good deal.  Was it a waste of a trip?  Not really.  RM said it was good for the boys to see (he took the older ones with him) that we should be willing to walk away sometimes in order to get the best deal.  A good lesson against impulse shopping, I guess!

We had a visiting missionary at church on Sunday from Papua, Indonesia.  He spoke about the contradiction we all seem to live - we all experience suffering and yet there is joy to be found in that. It doesn't make sense and yet it is true.  Even with just having the one vehicle, I can see joy in the frustration by allowing me one-on-one time with my husband, interruption-free!  It's literally a drive in the country every morning together.

As for the cold house, I just know you can't complain when there are so many around the world who don't have a home, so I can experience joy just by being grateful for a roof and walls.

Chocolate on my white bed sheets?  I have a healthy kid with a great sense of mischievousness.  Then I have to smile instead of scream!

What about real suffering?  Like my friend who is in this terrible situation where life is just not going how she hoped.  We talked last night and she was able to tell me all the amazing things that have come out of her dark time.  I was amazed.  I shared with her the verses that the pastor had given and she was able to nod in agreement, "Yes, that is my experience," she agreed.

2 Cor.6: 4-10:

"....but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way:  by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labours, sleepless nights, hunger, ....as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything."

As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.  What a great phrase.  As having nothing, yet possessing everything.  Wow.

Then 2 Cor. 8:2, "...for in a severe test of affliction, their abundance of joy and their extreme poverty have overflowed in a wealth of generosity on their part."  For the Corinthian church, though they suffered, they were still able to be full of joy and even extremely generous.  Amazing!  The missionary shared stories of great joy, but also stories of great affliction, yet as long as he kept his eyes on God and what God was doing in the big picture, he was able to maintain his joy.    Hebrews 12:2 says, "looking to Jesus" we can endure whatever is our burden.  Keeping our eyes always forward.  Even though we will not and cannot understand what the purpose is at the time, that is the only way to keep the joy.  That's the secret.





Thursday 17 November 2016

He Deals Bountifully With Us

In our family growing up you were never aloud to call someone a "loser".  It was the cool term to call someone if you were a bully in public school and naturally we all picked it up and started using the term at home to our brothers and sisters.  It didn't go over well.  Mom and Dad felt it was very demeaning, so I remember Mom coming up with a new term/phrase if we were less than impressed with a sibling, "You are someone that doesn't make good choices!"  It worked!  We stopped calling each other bad names!

The reason I share that is because I was going to write this morning about what "loser" I am, but I decided I should say, "I am someone who doesn't make good choices!"  Why am I calling myself that?!  Because I set every single clock in the house back one hour except the one in my bedroom. Stop laughing.  I knew this!  I just forgot that I had not set it.  So when I woke up and looked at the clock, even though it was way ahead of my time to get up, I got up anyway because I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep.  I also knew I had lots of laundry to do, stuff like that, so I thought I'd make the most of it.

I went downstairs, made coffee, excercised, read my Bible, wrote the blog (please note when I published it two days ago.....) and then suddenly I looked at the computer screen.  5 a.m.  Impossible. It should have been well past 6 by this point.  Nope.  I'd been up since 4, not even knowing it. Actually awake since 3:15, but had laid in bed trying to sleep for a half hour.  This was why I was going to call myself a loser, but I won't use the word loser because loser is a bad word.  (That's what my kids do when I say, "Don't say stupid!"  They'll say, "Ok, I won't say stupid.  Stupid is a bad word. You won't hear me saying the word stupid.  If I say stupid I'll get in trouble."  How many times did they say the word stupid?!)  Well, I made the most of it!  I ended up having to lay down by 11 am for a few minutes as I was turning into a zombie, but I made it through the rest of the day!  Early to bed. And I still haven't changed my clock.

A great story again in provision this week.  We've been so grateful for the regular income that has started to come with the new job.  I dare say I wish it were more as we have to finance the other entrepreneurial work my husband has, so even though there is money coming in, it is always spoken for way before it comes in.  We won't see payment from the other job until spring!  It is a fine line we are walking and sometimes we still see the accounting that has to be done and we raise our eyebrows in wonder....how will this work?  Tuesday was one of those days.

We had automatic payments coming out and no automatic payments going in.  Hmmmmm.....In the past my husband would have communicated that to me and I would have panicked.  This week he didn't even tell me.  Not because he wanted to hide it from me, but because he had already told the Lord the situation.  He said later he had prayed, "Lord, you know these payments are coming out and you know there isn't anything coming in.....I trust you for a way to provide."  He's learning that over the years all the fear he had was all wasted.  He regrets all the times he didn't enjoy life as much as he could have because of fears he had with respect to trusting the Lord for provision.  I didn't even know that about it him.  He's only shared that recently with me.

About mid-day, I got a call from him.  "There's a cheque waiting for us."  I didn't really think anything of it because I didn't know the pickle we could have been in.  He came home later and said, "A miracle happened today!"  Then he explained why the cheque was so important.  Nothing bounced in the account because of that unexpected money.  We were owed that money....at some point this fall, but why did it come that day?  Because we worship the same God that George Mueller did.  As we reread his story, it is such an encouragement to see how much he relied on God and to see how God provided over and over at the last minute.  We were so grateful!  But I'm more grateful to learn that my husband is gaining victory over his fears, too.  Both of us sleep well at night knowing our lives are in His hands.

I had another small but significant miracle that same day.  We finally slaughtered our big bull.  We have several hundred pounds of ground beef in our freezers.  In just a matter of days my children are already officially tired of meatballs, burgers, spaghetti.....you name it, I've made it.  What a spoiled culture we are!  Anyway, when the beef first arrived, we told the older boys to put it in the freezers. We never checked to see if they had done it properly which we should have!

Yesterday I went down to get a different roast out of the freezer only to find the freezer partly open and the meat in the door cold, but completely thawed.  Oh no!  I was certain we had lost it all and nearly died with the thought of the waste.  I smelled a terrible smell, but wait, was that rotten meat or just the kitty litter that hadn't been changed in a looooong time......I think it was the kitty litter!

I opened one of the packages of thawed meat...seemed ok.  The meat had thawed, but fortunately had been kept cold the whole time.  The freezer was still working, it just had been left open an inch.  I quickly took all the meat out of the door of the freezer and unplugged it so I could thaw it enough to scrape off all the new frost that had built up.  It was an all-day affair, waiting for it to thaw, scraping it all out, taking out all the meat, putting it all back in.....but it was good and another lesson learned - make sure the door is 100% closed!  These little tests can be really frustrating and a reason to blow up, but we maintained composure.  I turned it into an opportunity to get everyone downstairs and we did a full-out clean (well, an opportunity in my eyes, not the kids' eyes!).  Now, everything is back in order, meat is saved, basement is tidy.....whew!  What is the miracle?  I haven't been going downstairs for meat in a looong time.  We had enough in our upstairs freezer or in a different one downstairs that I hadn't checked on that freezer in ages.  But that day, I thought, I feel like something else today besides ground beef.  If I had waited even one more day, I wonder if we would have lost the whole freezer full of meat.  I was so grateful!!!

Psalm 13 is one of my favourite psalms.  Stuart Townend wrote a great song about it called "How Long?"  So often this is what we cry out to the Lord....How long this or how long that?  We want our circumstances to change.  Here's verse 1 and 2:

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
    and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?


But what I love about this Psalm is the writer turns his "how longs?" to no longer questioning, but accepting of his situation and realizing God has a "steadfast love for him".  He realizes he can even "sing to the Lord" because he has "dealt bountifully" with him.  

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
    my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
    because he has dealt bountifully with me.

This is the point of this post....instead of questioning "how long?", we daily choose to trust Him and we realize through these small examples that He isn't ignoring us, but He's actually dealing "bountifully" with us.  Reading that psalm encourages me, too, that I can still be honest before Him as I do wonder, "How long?????" But it is also a slight rebuke to stop and reflect on His goodness and to turn, as the psalmist does, and remember all that He does on a daily basis.

Tuesday 15 November 2016

Another Powerful Example of Hospitality

This past weekend was a mini-getaway for me and 6 of our children.  We were able to head up to my friend's cabin where she is now staying for the winter months as she continues to go through this tough time.   We are down to one vehicle right now, so the kids and I were picked up by my friend and headed up in her van.  My husband and other boys met us later on in the weekend.  It was a nice break in the routine of school and gave her kids a different change of pace, too, as we tend to be a "party in a package"!!!  It was soooo loud the whole time!!!!!  With 13 kids, most of whom were boys under the age of 10, what would you expect????

While we were there, we tried to connect her to a family that lived nearby that we knew so that she would have a form of back-up if she needed help.  It was also a Bible Quiz weekend and this family was also a quizzing family.  They invited us over for dinner along with her family.  What we hadn't realized at the time was this family was possibly not the best family to offer help as they, too, were desperately in need of help!  The wife suffers from terrible arthritis and just recently the husband went through surgery for cancer.  Yet, amazingly, we found ourselves, with 20 kids, at their house for dinner!

How did they pull it off?  This is the power of family and once again, the testimony of hospitality. They have 5 children, the oldest is 20 and the youngest is 10.  Their oldest child is a girl and I remembered her having plans for possibly a career in acting or something like that, but when I asked her about it on the weekend, she said, "No, it's on hold for now."  This girl is their live-in help.  Some people would probably feel sorry for her and rightfully so, but I looked at it quite the opposite.  She is such a blessing to her family and we were blessed as a result, too.  Though she was at the quiz meet all day, she prepared a simple, but delicious, meal beforehand for all of us after the quiz meet.  The mom, who is barely able to walk and spends most of her time in bed, could only look on helplessly. You could tell she would have perhaps made something different or had it set up in more of a "mom" kind of way. It was kind of sweet as her husband had done some of the grocery shopping and had picked up what he thought would be a good side dish - pretzels.  His wife said, "Uh, you didn't get any vegetables or salad?"  "Why?" he said, "I got pretzels!"  I laughed, only a Daddy would think pretzels were a good side dish!

But that, again, is the difference between hospitality and entertainment.  It wasn't meant to be a big show about who can put on the most beautiful spread.  It was a truly a night of Christian fellowship. My friend who is struggling so much didn't want to come.  She isn't social.  She doesn't like to meet new people.  Neither do her kids and one of them begged her not to bring her.  But we forced them to come out and because we did and they complied, they ended up making wonderful connections with this family - all through the power of hospitality.  If this other family hadn't been willing to open their home and had waited until they were 100% well or until they had all the perfect side dishes, this opportunity to connect the two families could have been missed.  My friend left their home that night so encouraged that she wasn't alone up there.  She left feeling like someone else cares for her.  Even though they are hurting themselves, this family reached out to her and were so kind.  Her words? "I'm so glad I came."  Doesn't that say it all?

It reminded me so much of the whole talk by Ann Voskamp again.  In their brokenness, this family is being Christ's hands and feet to others.  And, the irony is, my friend now wants to help them in her brokenness!  She saw how the wife could barely walk and she saw how the oldest girl probably needs a friend.  She left wanting to help them!  How is that possible when she is hurting so badly?  Because God is starting to use her broken heart to be sensitive to others.  Because of her pain, she now is seeing others who are in pain which she admits she wasn't so sensitive to before this.  It's kind of sad that it takes severe testing to make all of us learn these awful lessons, but she is grateful.  It's opening her eyes and the eyes of her heart to others around her.  Ann Voskamp would love this story.

Thursday 10 November 2016

Brokenness Qualifies

Two nights ago, while the Americans were voting for the shocker-of-all-shockers, I was able to attend a talk given by Ann Voskamp.  She is currently touring around promoting her new book, The Broken Way.

It was all about brokenness.  Brokenness isn't something only a few of us will experience.  All of us will at some time if we haven't already.  She said, "Suffering is coming.  Graves are coming.  Dark is coming."  The brokenness that is coming will leave us, most likely, with a broken heart, but....and this is where she gave a whole new light on brokenness....this is not something to fear.

We are typically afraid of all things broken.  It is in the brokenness that we get opened up, cracked, to be able to receive His love for us.

She spoke of her first book, 1000 Gifts.  That book taught her the importance of gratitude and how that is the secret to joy.  Yet, if she had left it there and just become a woman of gratefulness, that would not have been enough.  She realized, now that she had been changed, she had to now give.

She even boldly suggested that perhaps our hearts are made to be broken.  Isn't it always as a result of our deepest hurts we receive the greatest wisdom?

Her challenge to the women last night was to all the wounded souls, "Be world changers."   And for anyone who was there who was going to say, "No, I'm not qualified."  She said, "Brokenness qualifies you to be a world changer."

It is actually in our brokenness that allows us to reach out to others who are broken.  Isn't that a big wake up call to those of us who want to stay in our pity party instead of going out to minister to others?  We are to be "brokers" of pain.  What a statement.

Being a farmer's wife and in a long line of farmers, she compared brokenness to a seed.  All along the way, in the life of a seed, brokenness is required - first the seed breaks, then the soil, then the wheat and ultimately the bread is even broken.

She repeated so many times, "We don't need to fear broken things."  But, just like with the seed, we aren't happy with how long it takes to grow.  We want to be resurrected fast.  She gave the image of an acorn seed covered by a slab of concrete.  Seems like an impossible situation, yet we've all seen it, giant trees that have miraculously broken through unthinkably hard barriers - like cement.  "We have to believe in the seed life," she said.  "It will eventually break through."

Wounds break open the soil.  And though at first, when the seed is first broken it appears destroyed, it isn't.  It's all a part of the growth process.  If we avoid brokenness or think that it is something to deny, then it is possible that we actually circumvent the change that we're desperate for.  Once that change happens, we become a gift to others.  What a thought!  "We are the gift to be given," she said. With Christ within us, we give Christ to others.

So many of us are born in privileged places and are really like Esther, put in positions of privilege, given many things, "for such a time as this".  We are all like Esther, she said.  We are to risk our position and and use our gifts, all that we've learned through our brokenness and give of ourselves.

If Esther hadn't put her life on the line she would have died anyway along with the Jews.  She realized this and decided she would go speak with the king, which also had a risk - no one was allowed to go speak to the king unannounced or uninvited. She said, "If I perish, I perish."  She was a risk-taker.  She risked everything for those "outside the gate".  Who is outside our "gate"?

Ann used to cut herself on her wrists when she was a young teenager.  She was in so much emotional pain and she thought that would take away some of her pain.  Now, she draws a cross on her wrist where her cuts used to be.  This reminds her of the "cruciform" life she wants to live now - in the shape of a cross, where the vertical beams remind her of all the gifts that come down and her gratitude goes up.  The horizontal beams remind her of "koinonea", which is Christian fellowship and communion with others, only possible because of the vertical beams.

Her final demonstration was of holding a bottle of water.  It was full.  If we want more water, we have to pour it out.  "In the same way, " she said, "You only receive more of Christ if you are poured out."  This is what we want.

So it was a very powerful night.  Over 1100 women (and a few men) came to hear her.  She sat right in front of me before the talk.  She was held by her husband as we sang a few songs.  These songs were very moving and they made her seem very emotional as she bent over, so overwhelmed by God's love for her, to be used in this way as she would raise her hands at each line that spoke of who we are in Christ and how we need to be brave.  Her husband kept his farmer arm around her shoulder the whole time just loving her.  It was hard for me not to be crying along with her as I witnessed this special moment between the two of them.  God is using this woman in really neat ways.

The unique part of the night was how I found out only one hour before that I was going to be going.  I had tried to coordinate a group of women, but discovered it was double-booked on a night of a homeschool meeting.  Oh well, I thought.  I've seen her speak before.  It wasn't meant to be.  But then the meeting got changed!  Oh yeah!  But this time, I couldn't find anyone to go with me and I thought again, "Oh well....not meant to be."  I remembered thinking to myself as well that if God did want me there, He could work it out.  Sure enough a friend of mine knew someone who had backed out.  She also knew I wanted to go, so one hour before, I got the call, "I have a ticket!"  So off we went.  I've told the kids to surrender their rights so many times and I had to as well.  I was blessed in the process.


Monday 7 November 2016

Hope for the Afflicted

Sometimes we find ourselves wishing our circumstances would change and that we would have a problem-free life.  However, when everything is going "swimmingly"....we can often get comfortable and complacent and our need for God is not as strong.  For a couple of Sundays, I've been unable to go to church as I've been hosting a friend who's going through a difficult time in her marriage.  She has been using our home as the kid headquarters whenever she has to make arrangements to connect her kids and her husband.  So, I watch children and do "church at home".

This past Sunday I listened to a sermon on King David and the pastor talked about just that.....how King David's problem-free life led to his affair with Bathsheba.  He was at the top of his game as king.  Everything was going great with Israel.  He was now wealthy and no longer being chased into caves, wandering around in the wilderness, worried for his life.  In fact, he was now what the pastor called a "couch potato"!  The Bible actually says "he got up from his couch", and at that point he saw Bathsheba bathing.  Perhaps if he hadn't been lazing around on his couch and he'd been at war  (when all the other kings were at war).  Perhaps if he hadn't sitting around doing nothing and instead been busy, not idle, than the whole incident with Bathsheba could have been avoided.

What really struck me was that the pastor pointed out how David's greatest Psalms, the ones that give all of us the most comfort and the ones that are the most powerful are the ones that he wrote when he was in his greatest trials, when he was most dependent on God.  Isn't that how it often goes?  When we look back on our lives, our greatest times of spiritual growth are when we are in our darkest times. Yet, when things get a little better, a little less stressful, we find we aren't depending on God so much. David got a little lazy, a little complacent and it led to his terrible downfall.

I don't love trials and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to say, "Please give me more trials so I can stay dependent on You", but at the same time I think I can truly say I understand the purpose of trials so much more now and I am oddly grateful for them as I do look back on my life, at my darkest times, and I see how much God was working and how much my faith grew.  With my friend who is in her dark time right now, I'm watching God do the same with her.  I would love to wish her into a problem-free life, but He is working.  She has so many stories to prove how God has been showing up and making Himself known to her in a way she hadn't seen before when she had been living a life less dependent on God.

She's been on her own now for a few months and has been looking for a way to supplement her income.  She's become very dependent on God for her financial needs.  God keeps providing in amazing ways.  Just this weekend people showed up at my house with money in an envelope for her and a huge bag of clothes for her kids.  She's been trying to figure out what a good job would be that she could do long term.  Recently she was introduced to the idea of selling essential oils.  She liked the idea.  She could do it from home and it wouldn't impact her children too much.  She had a family friend introduce her to someone who could get her started in the business.  Once these people, who also happened to be Christians, found out what her situation was, not only did they offer to train her on how to do it, but they generously provided her with a computer and a large gift of money just because they were so blessed in their life.  I said to her, "Wow!  They sound like angels!"  She said, "You'll never guess what his name is (the husband)....)  "What?"  I said, wondering.  "Gabriel."  So funny.  So Gabriel, the angel-husband, and his wife are helping my friend get her oil business off the ground.  But wait.....oil business?  Could that be coincidence, too?

RM suddenly said to me, "Isn't that like the widow and her oil?"  Think about it.....My friend is just like the widow is the Bible who has lost her husband.  In the Bible story, the children are possibly going to be taken away if she can't pay her debts.  In my friend's case, if she can't provide for her kids, that could happen to her, too.  She wants to keep her kids!  Along comes Elisha.  He asks her, "...what have you in the house?"  "Your servant has nothing in the house except a jar of oil."  With that oil, she was able to fill all the jars in the house and it didn't stop flowing until all the jars were filled.  Then she was able to sell the oil, pay her debts and live on the rest.  A miracle.  I cannot help but think God has given my friend "oil", literally oil, to help her pay for her life so that she can keep her kids and live on the rest.

Again, I do not wish problems on my friend or her children, but I am seeing her faith grow and watching how her children are learning the truth about God.  Psalm 10 says it best, "Arise, O Lord; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the afflicted. ...But you do see.....to you the helpless commits himself; you have been the helper of the fatherless....O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed...."   What a beautiful passage that shows how God cares for the afflicted, the fatherless, the oppressed.

As Robbie Symons says, "What is the wisdom moment?  What is wisdom saying?"  I think what I'm learning over and over is to not fight my trials, but to embrace them as James says and to truly "count it all joy" when I "meet trials of various kinds" for I "know that the testing of (my) faith produces steadfastness."  That steadfastness has a job to do.....to make me "perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  Why wouldn't I want that?  Why wouldn't my friend want that?  We do.  So we may not love the process, but we can trust God with our lives, even with the painful parts.

Psalm 10 acknowledges the painful part of the process and really describes what we all feel sometimes. Right before the psalm gives that amazing encouragement that God does sees the afflicted, the psalmist says "The helpless are crushed, sink down and fall by his might.  He says in his heart, 'God has forgotten, He has hidden His face, He will never see it."  This tells me there will be times when we will feel crushed and that we will feel like we are sinking.  It will appear like God has forgotten us, that He's hidden His face and that He will never see our situation or that He'll never act. Thank goodness the psalm goes on to say the exact opposite and leaves the reader with hope that God does hear.

Psalm 9 says it best, "For the needs shall not always be forgotten, and the hope of the poor shall not perish forever."  So even if our hope is languishing, it shall not be that way forever....

Thursday 3 November 2016

No Longer a Slave

I continue to maintain we live like Dr. Doolittle.  The only difference between us and the Doolittles is that we try to get rid of some of the furry visitors in our house.  I mean, who sets mouse traps in their bedroom?  I do.  Who catches mice in the middle of the night in their bedroom?  I did, just last night. Who finds mice, that's right, a live mouse, in their bed!!!!??  My son did three days ago.  The mice are entering in our home through every nook and cranny with the colder weather and we've declared war.

It's also continuing to be a literal biology class as we now have R-rated dog activities going on outside around the clock.  If my children ever wondered where babies came from before, they will never ask again.  It's, uh, very clear.

If salmon could come in our home they would, too.  They would find a way to get from the ocean back to their little creek where they were born no matter what it took.  Every year we go watch the salmon run in a creek near our home.  It's amazing to see these fish fight upstream to go and lay their eggs.  So many don't make it, but many do.  We've gone twice this year already and my kids and I are always amazed at the size of the salmon, let alone, the journey they've been on.  Incredible. Thankfully, our home isn't in the way of the salmon's journey or we would have salmon trying to get in as well.

I am going to say, by faith, that we will have another driver in our home as of this morning.  I'll be taking my son for his driving test shortly.  I'm praying all will go well!  We are country road drivers now, so city driving can be a little scary with all the one ways and the lights.  It will be another sign that our children are getting more and more independent and making those "leaving the nest" moves. But I welcome it.  I am enjoying each new stage.

I've written about this before, but whenever a new month begins, such as November, and I read the date, "the 1st", I used to get so sad.  Seven years ago it symbolized how time was passing and we weren't where we wanted to be by the date we had planned.  When I was pregnant with my 7th, that was when I discovered that about myself.  I would often myself crying and upset just because a new month had started.  I had no idea where I'd be giving birth, our house wasn't finished, it didn't seem like anything was coming together as we had hoped.

I shared this with the kids the other day, on the 1st.  I've shared it many times with friends or even in the blog, but I had never told my own kids.  They don't see their mom as a crying mom.  I asked them, "Did you know that I was struggling so much?" (referring to so many years ago)  My son said, "I had no idea, Mom.  How did I miss that?"  I explained it was because it was often at 5 in the morning when they were all in bed, so by the time they got up, I had pulled myself together.

The good news, I shared, however, was I have since then been freed from that pain.  Why?  The new month not only symbolized that we weren't where we wanted to be, such as in the house my husband was building, or in a better financial place, but it was a manifestation of the tremendous fear I had that God was going to just dump me.  I was paralyzed by fear a lot of the time...and dread...even panic, which I've also written about before.  I finally had to deal with this or I was going to end up being completely ruled by it.  I explained to the children how God used that very difficult time in our lives to free me from fear.

Then, yesterday, on the 2nd, we were driving on the road to the salmon run and the song from "I AM They" came on, "No Longer a Slave" has got to be one of the most powerful songs out there.  If I could have written a song that put my fear lesson in words, that has to be it.  It is very moving and powerful.  To have the car full of kids, listening to the song, as well was perfect.  I didn't have to say anything.  I think they knew it was communicating through song what I had been trying to tell them the day before.  I can now go through the 1st of every month without fear.  I am no longer a slave. Here are the lyrics:

You unravel me with a melody You surround me with a song Of deliverance from my enemies
'Til all my fears are gone I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of God I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of God From my mother's womb You have chosen me Love has called my name I've been born again Into your family Your blood flows through my veins I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of God I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of God You split the sea So I could walk right through it My fears were drowned in perfect love You rescued me And I could stand and sing I am a child of God... You split the sea So I could walk right through it My fears were drowned in perfect love You rescued me So I could stand and sing I am a child of God I am a child of God Yes I am I am a child of God Full of faith Yes, I am a child of God
So that's it.  My fears have been drowned in His perfect love.  He did rescue me.  He did split the sea so I could walk right through it.  In some ways, we are still in the same situation that we were in before, our circumstances are waaaay better, but we still aren't exactly where we thought we'd be, but now that's ok.  I told the kids that I've even tried to stop telling God how to fix things.  Yes, I do that. Sometimes I think if God would just obey my plans then we'd be in a better place!  So obnoxious.  I guess I think I'd be better at running the universe, or at least my universe.  But I've even stopped doing that.  Being a child of God changes everything.