No Longer a Slave

I continue to maintain we live like Dr. Doolittle.  The only difference between us and the Doolittles is that we try to get rid of some of the furry visitors in our house.  I mean, who sets mouse traps in their bedroom?  I do.  Who catches mice in the middle of the night in their bedroom?  I did, just last night. Who finds mice, that's right, a live mouse, in their bed!!!!??  My son did three days ago.  The mice are entering in our home through every nook and cranny with the colder weather and we've declared war.

It's also continuing to be a literal biology class as we now have R-rated dog activities going on outside around the clock.  If my children ever wondered where babies came from before, they will never ask again.  It's, uh, very clear.

If salmon could come in our home they would, too.  They would find a way to get from the ocean back to their little creek where they were born no matter what it took.  Every year we go watch the salmon run in a creek near our home.  It's amazing to see these fish fight upstream to go and lay their eggs.  So many don't make it, but many do.  We've gone twice this year already and my kids and I are always amazed at the size of the salmon, let alone, the journey they've been on.  Incredible. Thankfully, our home isn't in the way of the salmon's journey or we would have salmon trying to get in as well.

I am going to say, by faith, that we will have another driver in our home as of this morning.  I'll be taking my son for his driving test shortly.  I'm praying all will go well!  We are country road drivers now, so city driving can be a little scary with all the one ways and the lights.  It will be another sign that our children are getting more and more independent and making those "leaving the nest" moves. But I welcome it.  I am enjoying each new stage.

I've written about this before, but whenever a new month begins, such as November, and I read the date, "the 1st", I used to get so sad.  Seven years ago it symbolized how time was passing and we weren't where we wanted to be by the date we had planned.  When I was pregnant with my 7th, that was when I discovered that about myself.  I would often myself crying and upset just because a new month had started.  I had no idea where I'd be giving birth, our house wasn't finished, it didn't seem like anything was coming together as we had hoped.

I shared this with the kids the other day, on the 1st.  I've shared it many times with friends or even in the blog, but I had never told my own kids.  They don't see their mom as a crying mom.  I asked them, "Did you know that I was struggling so much?" (referring to so many years ago)  My son said, "I had no idea, Mom.  How did I miss that?"  I explained it was because it was often at 5 in the morning when they were all in bed, so by the time they got up, I had pulled myself together.

The good news, I shared, however, was I have since then been freed from that pain.  Why?  The new month not only symbolized that we weren't where we wanted to be, such as in the house my husband was building, or in a better financial place, but it was a manifestation of the tremendous fear I had that God was going to just dump me.  I was paralyzed by fear a lot of the time...and dread...even panic, which I've also written about before.  I finally had to deal with this or I was going to end up being completely ruled by it.  I explained to the children how God used that very difficult time in our lives to free me from fear.

Then, yesterday, on the 2nd, we were driving on the road to the salmon run and the song from "I AM They" came on, "No Longer a Slave" has got to be one of the most powerful songs out there.  If I could have written a song that put my fear lesson in words, that has to be it.  It is very moving and powerful.  To have the car full of kids, listening to the song, as well was perfect.  I didn't have to say anything.  I think they knew it was communicating through song what I had been trying to tell them the day before.  I can now go through the 1st of every month without fear.  I am no longer a slave. Here are the lyrics:

You unravel me with a melody You surround me with a song Of deliverance from my enemies

'Til all my fears are gone I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of God I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of God From my mother's womb You have chosen me Love has called my name I've been born again Into your family Your blood flows through my veins I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of God I'm no longer a slave to fear I am a child of God You split the sea So I could walk right through it My fears were drowned in perfect love You rescued me And I could stand and sing I am a child of God... You split the sea So I could walk right through it My fears were drowned in perfect love You rescued me So I could stand and sing I am a child of God I am a child of God Yes I am I am a child of God Full of faith Yes, I am a child of God

So that's it.  My fears have been drowned in His perfect love.  He did rescue me.  He did split the sea so I could walk right through it.  In some ways, we are still in the same situation that we were in before, our circumstances are waaaay better, but we still aren't exactly where we thought we'd be, but now that's ok.  I told the kids that I've even tried to stop telling God how to fix things.  Yes, I do that. Sometimes I think if God would just obey my plans then we'd be in a better place!  So obnoxious.  I guess I think I'd be better at running the universe, or at least my universe.  But I've even stopped doing that.  Being a child of God changes everything.