I'm a Big Girl Now

I do not like being forced into things without being asked and this year that is exactly what has happened - I've been forced to learn and do things I do not like doing...and....no one asked me if I did or not.

Once RM got his job, all was well.  He was working 3 days a week at the college which left him lots of time to do farm and house work as well as any other personal business work.  However, then it turned into full-time, which meant 4-5 days a week, which left very little time for all the things I had on my list for him to do.  These are very silly things, but the truth is, he used to do them for me. Even when he was home more, I still had backup...my older kids, but now, I don't even have them!  So, as funny as it sounds, I've finally had to become a capable woman!  I have lots of friends who are capable women and they will laugh if they read this, but it is true, I have been spoiled for a long time and it was about time I started to learn a few things around here.

To be fair, I had my hands full of kids, babies, and teenagers for a long time....it was a lot of work, and still can be, to just keep them fed, clean, buy groceries, organize house and homeschool, but now that season is changing.  My youngest is now 5 and is really very independent now, which I love and hate all at the same time.

Ok, a few ridiculous examples....please don't laugh.  Banking.  Hate it.  Haven't done it in a long time (only use debit machines, never tellers).  Am afraid of tellers and all things monetary.  I am one of the few fortunate women whose husbands take care of bill paying, etc., even all the cheques my kids get from various places.  I just don't deal with that.  My older kids take care of their own banking, thank goodness.  But now, with RM gone, my younger kids had cash from birthdays or selling eggs, and they really needed to take it to the bank.  I was frozen!  So ridiculous.  I decided enough was enough and I got all my nerve up and walked into the bank with my kids.  No tellers laughed at me.  No one shamed me.  No one had ever seen me before!  It was quite funny.  I realized it was a fear that was unfounded that I had paid attention to for a long time.  I'm over it now and pretty much run the bank. Small victory.

Next, running farm machinery.....at least small scale stuff.  All my farm girlfriends run equipment on the farm from lawn mowers to rototillers.  Not me.  No way.  Can't pay me enough.  Man's work. Well, no longer!  My yard was starting to look really bad.  I wanted SOMEONE to mow.  They were always busy and at work and too tired each evening to do it.  Finally, my husband saw it was a little out of control so he quickly trained the 10 year old to run the riding mower and he did a great job and had a lot of fun.  However, he was new at it and missed quite a few spots and wasn't big enough to run the huge weed eater that is gas-powered and is quite a challenge to use.  So guess what....I learned to not only run the high speed mower, but also how to use the fancy weed eater (I even pull the starter string, or whatever that thing is called, with my big muscles).  I can change the string on it, fill it with gas (I now understand mixed gas and oil, double cylinder engines, too!), and all things mechanical.  I impressed myself.  My kids joked that I weed whacked Canada.  Took me 3 hours to do the whole property.  Very funny.

I also plant gardens now, too.  Last year, being the first garden, I just watched and observed how RM did it so I could do it if I needed to one day.  Actually, that's not true.  I watched and observed thinking he would do it again this year. Nope. He didn't.  He was too busy.  He got it started and prepped the land and planted a few tomatoes (50 plants to be exact....we're going to have a lot of tomatoes), but then I waited....and waited....I couldn't do it.  He would do it.  Wouldn't he?  I was so unsure of myself.  It was so pathetic. Finally, I realized how could he, when could he?  It wasn't going to happen.  So yesterday, I grabbed a few kids and out we went.  Another fear conquered.  It was so easy (well, the labour itself isn't, but putting seeds in the ground is!).  I feel a little ridiculous that, again, I hadn't done it before, when all my friends had been doing it for years!  However, there always has to be a first time.  I have been doing the flower planting which was pretty much the same thing, but for some reason, the garden was his territory.  Who made that rule?  So now, I have a funny feeling it'll be my deal from now on.  But I loved it.  I felt strong and capable yet again, though slightly embarassed...

On top of all that, I man handle cows.  All by myself. When the fence was down, the cows were regularly getting out.  I was always chasing them in.  I was bravely going right up to them, horns and all, and guiding them in.  I was not happy about this, but it had to be done!  I felt very farmer's wifey. Though I did nearly get run over last weekend as we were attempting to get one ornery cow in.  RM was chasing on the gator and I was running in front.  He was watching the cow, not me and at the last second swerved out of the way before nearly running over his wife.  I was not happy.  My life flashed before my eyes.  I've always thought it would be a kid, not me, in some kind of farm accident. Grateful for safety that day.

I'm glad I didn't have to do all these things when my kids were super little.  I'm grateful that my husband was kind to me and took on the greater burden then.  But now, I'm a big girl.  I'm ready to take on more challenges around here.  I'm trying to show my girls that this is a very serious way they can help their husbands one day.  I heard a story about a wife who refuses to do anything to help around the house, all because of her little baby.  Well, that's not a good excuse.  I was noticing my husband was already under a lot of stress.  Having the pressure of doing even more things wasn't fair. I'm not doing much, but I've at least alleviated some things from his plate.  Does that finally make me a capable woman?  Hardly.  I know some women who have been doing these things, and more, for years.  Baby steps, right?

The verse that is stuck in my head is "I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me."  That means, I can do it!