People Mean More

The reunion has now come and gone.  What a week it was.  The big questions are, "Did everything on my list get done?"  "Did I win?"  The short answers are "no" and "no".  Technically my "miracle" I was hoping for didn't happen, however, many more miracles did happen - inside me. 

I think I had actually pictured a truck from a TV show showing up with 200 tradespeople, all at the ready, determined to finish everything that needed to be done in less than a week.  Uh, that wasn't going to happen, but I was a dreamer.  But then that meant I was basically expecting the same of my husband, the work of 200 tradespeople.

Soon after I wrote my mega-list of things I had hoped we could do, I then never looked at it again.  I committed it to the Lord knowing if He wanted those things done, they would get done and if not, they weren't that important.  That immediately released me of stress and anxiety.

I also had resolved myself to try to do whatever was on his list, no matter how strange or seemingly unimportant.  Turns out most of what he wanted done was only stuff he could do, like move machines out of the way, hang up lights, etc., so that meant I was free to work on things indoors and around the house tidying.  Whenever I started pushing him or wanted to remind him of what needed to be done, I tried to rein my tongue in.  Even my son said to me, "He knows what needs to be done."  So I simply surrendered over and over what I wanted to see accomplished and really just tried to enjoy the week that he was around and actually enjoy my life and kids.  The phrase that kept coming into my head was "the tyranny of the urgent".  That is a phrase from Ann Voskamp describing how we can get ourselves in such a tizzy over what seems "urgent" and then it becomes the "tyranny of the urgent".  I've done that before and I didn't want to do it again.

I think my turning point was night one of the reunion.  It was just a "meet and greet" as everyone was flying in that night from all over the country.  I didn't have to go, but being the ever social being that I am, I wanted to go.  That always amazes RM.  He had an "out" - my son needed to be picked up from work, so he "sacrificed" and stayed back.  I was sooooo glad I went. 

Within a few minutes of being there I was put on "driver duty" and was asked to go pick up some of RM's aunts, uncles and cousins who hadn't rented cars and needed to be picked up at a restaurant.  RM's 92 year old aunt sat in the front seat with me and those were the most precious few minutes that changed everything for me.  She is the spunkiest, most alert, young-looking lady.  I can only hope I look and act like she does when I am 92!  She asked about all my kids (remembered them!) and wanted to know all that we were up to.  I loved being with her.  But, it occurred to me, even though she is healthy and doing well today, you don't know if she'll be gone tomorrow. 

I left having chatted with all of his cousins, aunts and uncles and went home with a sense of urgency.  RM hadn't really planned on being at every event.  He was happy to host the one on Saturday at our house, but the rest of the time he hadn't scheduled into his week.  I convinced him he had to take time away from all the prep that was left to do and put it aside in the name of being with his 92 year old aunt and his 88 year old uncle.  He gladly came the next day and soaked up the time with them.  The house could wait.  All the preparations could be put on hold.  Everything was suddenly put into perspective.  Relationships matter.  People matter.  92 year old aunts matter.  Stuff does not matter.  I was so glad he came.  And he ended up going to every single event that they offered that weekend!

There is a spiritual heritage in their family and I learned more about it from his 92 year old aunt.  She had gotten baptized by the local pastor against her husband's wishes.  He was so mad he locked her out of the house!  I think he eventually came around, but she sounded like a brave woman.  She had 12 children, 10 of whom lived.  Each morning she would do her chores and then she would come in, make her coffee and go into the "good" room that was meant just for special occasions.  There she would read and pray for an hour.  Sounds kind of like Susanna Wesley!  She was NOT to be disturbed.  "That was where she found her strength," his aunt told me.   She also remembered sitting around her mother's feet where she read them Bible stories each day.  These are all the things I needed to hear.  The godly heritage has been passed down unknowingly even into my children.  His aunt continued, "I don't know why I've been given more time.  Perhaps it is just to pray."  "Yes!"  I told her.  "That's exactly why!"

Meanwhile his 88 year old uncle was looking for my husband.  I wasn't sure why he would want to talk with him, but then he reminded me that RM had helped build houses with him when they were both younger.  He wanted to talk to him about that.  That's when it occurred to me - I was standing by an uncle that had built into my husband's life and had helped make him the man he is today.  He had learned so many skills because of the willingness of these older uncles to allow him to work with them.  RM ended up building his parents' house, their cottage, and also worked on his uncle's houses.  Those construction skills allowed him to build a house for us and multiple projects over the years.  I thanked him so much for being such a great uncle.  He was shocked and had no idea the impact he had had on his nephew's life.  Another great moment in the weekend.

There were easily over 70 people to spend time with all weekend.  My kids kept looking around and saying, "So we're related to EVERYONE here??"  "Yup.  They are ALL your cousins, aunts and uncles."  They couldn't believe it and had the best time making new friends and relationships with everyone.

The day of our event was a pig roast.  People were supposed to arrive around 4:30.  Right up until the minute before people came we were still doing last minute stuff.  We probably spent way more than we should have as we purchased beautiful "Edison" lights for the front of the house, hung between trees, and tiki torches lining the driveway and around the edge of the property, not to mention a boatload of fireworks, but it looked so beautiful and the when the sun went down and everything was lit up, I can only say it looked "magical".  My husband and I walked around and just felt so happy all night as we saw everyone enjoying themselves.  It was really wonderful.  I was sad when everyone left and it was all over.  It was just such a nice time.  I would really be quite happy to do something like that every weekend!

I still have a list of things we need to finish in our house and perhaps one day they will get done or perhaps not!  But I'm so glad we didn't sacrifice the relationships with all his family for the sake of a "perfect" house.  I'm so glad we figured out that people mean more than "stuff".