Mayor of my Home

This week I was reminded how different my life is compared to some and how different it could have been had I made different choices.

There were mayoral elections all over Ontario this week including my little town and also in the big city of Toronto.  I was watching very closely to the Toronto elections as I had gone to university with the female candidate, JM.  She and I knew one another and I would see her almost on a weekly basis at the Christian meeting on campus so many years ago.  She was quite the shaker and the mover then.  It is no surprise to me that she took on the top job for Toronto.

But I found myself comparing myself to her throughout the campaign.  There were times I would just walk through what a day must be like for her and then I would compare what my day is like.  I would almost laugh out loud.  She rides a bike to work.  I walk downstairs.  She has two kids that go off to school.  I have 8 that seem to be surrounding me all day long!  Her husband works from home and does all the cooking and child care management.  My husband is currently rarely home and I am certainly the main child care person!  She works in a nice clean office.  I have dirt under my nails from all the work I did in the vines still, not to mention the multiple injuries I've sustained recently from being on a farm.  That is another story.

I could go on and on.  It is potentially a slippery slope and even a dangerous and unhealthy one.  I could start to hear the lies.  "You're just a homeschooling mom.  Look how successful she is.  You aren't as important."  I had to really stop the thought process in its tracks.  It is true.  I am certainly not well-known compared to her, that is for sure.  But with fame and being so well-known comes a high degree of stress.  I don't think I would handle that very well.  My life is pretty full of it as it is!  Her life requires her being home very rarely to see her kids and have dinner with them.  I, on the other hand, as much as it is sometimes, am able to be around my kids all day, every day, every meal, every snack.  I may not be known much to the outside world, or even to those down my street, but I'm known by my kids, super well.  They imitate me all the time and laugh at my weird "mom idiosyncrasies" because I have a lot of them!  I don't have a tidy office that, no doubt, has a janitorial staff, but I do have a great farm house, full of dirty floors and laundry, on a wonderful property.  No views of a city scape, but amazing views of rolling hills and now vines.  Hard to compare the two.  I may not be as quick on my feet and articulate in front of cameras, but this year I'll have several opportunities to speak to other homeschooling parents at conferences and homeschool support meetings where I will get to share some things I've learned on the journey.  I'm way more comfortable in a group like that anyway.

So, though the attack did try to start, I was pretty quickly able to shut down the thoughts as I worked through my lame insecurities.  I am exactly where I need and want to be.  She must be, too.  I'm fairly certain she has a faith, at least she did at one point.  I am doing exactly what God has created me to do.  There is such utter indescribable satisfaction in my life's work, raising this crew of children.  If I were offered to change places with her for a day, I would turn it down in a heartbeat.  I would be so lost anyway.  Would I like a janitorial staff? Yes, yes, I would, but I did get a new vacuum cleaner this week and I can't tell you how many times I've vacuumed with such incredible joy that it feels like I have a new janitorial staff working for me full time, that's how badly I needed a new vacuum cleaner.  Did I mention we only use shop vacs as that is the only type of vacuum cleaner our house can handle!?  We're hard core dirty.  I should be an ad for their company.  Would I like a new wardrobe of the latest clothes?  Sort of, but I would just get those dirty, too.  Here's a great example.  I was out in the field trying to get a rogue horse back in the fence and as we brought him over, his leg lifted up the fencing wire tripping me and making me go flying!  Not only did I have a major bruise from the fall for days, but I had some pretty sweet grass stains that may never come out.  I'm sure she could never relate to that kind of a day!  Would I like someone else to take over all the childcare, cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping?  Some days, ok, quite often, but then I'd miss all the hugs, smiles, thank yous, laughs, all for what?  To be with some stuffy grownups?  No thank you.  Would I like the big salary that comes from being very important?  Money is great, but being frugal is kind of fun.  Yesterday I took the kids to the local thrift shop.  I was praying for a coat for one of my kids.  There it was, his size, only one.  It wasn't in the brand-new, best-shape department, but, to my great appreciation, he said, "It's perfect!"  $3 later I had a "new" coat and he is so happy.  I'm so happy that he doesn't even know to ask for a "real" new one, that going to the thrift store is normal.  I find true joy in that.

Stay-at-home moms will probably always have this battle, wondering how important we are.  Fortunately I have a very supportive husband and appreciative kids who are pretty great on giving me positive reinforcement when I need it.   And, here's a funny thought - I really am mayor, of my home!  I run a pretty interesting town, Crazy Town.  Population 10 (not including animals - in that case the population went up by 5 kittens the other night).  I oversee budgets, building plans and renovations, future developments and industry, food management, janitorial crews.  I sit on the education board.  I run a pretty tight ship, though, on some days, I would fire myself and I would let another mayor step in.  But all in all, being mayor is a pretty fun job.  I'll keep it. 

Really, the comparison game is never good.  I was told once at a retreat, way back when I was at university, by the main speaker, "If you never remember anything else I say, remember these 3 things:  You are unique.  Refuse to compare.  You have nothing to prove.'"  Amazingly I have remembered them!  Ultimately, my greatest feedback is from the Lord Himself who reminds me daily that He is with me, He has created me, He loves me.  That's better than any fame or feedback that the world can offer.