My Casual Commentary on Deuteronomy 1:18

Deuteronomy 1 is basically my life in a nutshell.  I am officially an Israelite.  Moses just does not know what to do with me.  But first, a little verse by verse commentary by me of chapter 1.  As I read it this morning, I couldn't believe how many verses jumped out at me.  I have a new Bible as a gift with a journaling margin and so even though I've read this book before, I haven't underlined verses yet in this new Bible, so it's interesting to see which verses are jumping out at me this time reading it.

It starts out a little bit like a review by Moses of the Israelites history.  Moses said in verse 6, "The Lord our God said to us in Horeb, 'You have stayed long enough at this mountain...."  Right away I underlined that phrase.  I'm always looking for principles from Scripture, messages to me that are implied sometimes indirectly, and what I immediately loved from this verse was that there is a time line.  God has us in places for a very specific amount of time and in this verse is was "long enough".  This is such an encouragement to me.  God will keep me in a place of discomfort sometimes until I've learned what I'm supposed to learn or our family has learned what we are supposed to learn and then, as the next verse continues, it says, "Turn and take your journey...."  So, that's it.  We wait in the place He has us and then when it is time to move on, we go.  He wants to give us the the land, but we often have lessons to learn before we take possession of it.  There are always so many action words in Scripture - Turn, take, go.....or, like yesterday, drive out, destroy, demolish.....if you are a Christian, you are not passive.

Then, Moses recalls how he was starting to get overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of Israelites, "I am not able to bear you by myself".  This is another great math verse, "The Lord your God has multiplied you...May the Lord, the God of your fathers, make you a thousand times as many as you are and bless you, as He has promised you."  A lot of people think large families are crazy.  To some extent this is true!  However, when I read Scripture and I see how God sees large families, like the Israelites, I feel blessed!  I have literally been multiplied from one person to 10!  That is cool!  But, many Christians do not agree with me, let alone the world.  We were sat down for one interview by church leadership as we sought membership a few years ago.  They wanted to know why we had so many children.  Do they ask everyone that?  Why do you only have 2?  or 3?  or 1?  It wasn't asked with a heart of kindness, is all I can say.  Another pastor's wife told me not to have more children when were expecting our 5th.  She felt sorry for our oldest as she assumed she would be "stuck" raising her younger siblings.  One relative said to me, "Better you than me, " when I mentioned I was pregnant with my 7th.  Did I mention the dread I had when I told her?  I knew that was going to be the response.  So, that's only a couple comments from many inside the church who do not agree with large families.   All that to say, Scripture encourages me and tells me that multiplication is a sign of blessing and I do feel blessed!  One time, back in the city, when I only had 4 kids, we were all out on the driveway playing.  Out of nowhere, some older African woman (I swear she had bare feet and a tribal type of dress on) walked by, as if she was on her way to get water from a well.  She looked at me and my kids and in her thick African accent she said, "You are blessed."  I remember saying, "Yes!  Thank you!"  or something like that.  Did God send me an angel right at that time?  I'm pretty sure she was an angel.  Never saw her before or after that time.

So, being overwhelmed, Moses gets the Israelites to appoint leaders, "wise, understanding, experienced men".  This jumped out at me, too, as they were appointed as "heads of your tribes".  Just as the New Testament describes men as the head of their homes and of their wives, these men have that same title.  This made me think of how we can pray specifically for our girls and for the type of husband we must be praying for.  In Titus and Timothy, there is a very specific list of things that an elder must have in order to be qualified as an elder.  It is really a list of what all husbands must have as elders of their homes.  Similarly, this verse gives another phrase to ask God for, "wise, understanding and experienced men".  It also implies those men are out there!  I don't have to be afraid that they aren't there, we just have to pray that we'll find the few that are there!  It also helps me to keep praying for the parents of those future men, and even for myself, that all of us will raise "wise, understanding and experienced men".  May this be the kind of man each one of my daughters will marry one day.

The reason the Israelites, in particular, needed this type of man was in order to hear all the cases brought before them all the time.  Yesterday we had one of those "cases between a man and his brother".  Whoa, one boy jumped on another boy in fury when he simply didn't want to hear his voice anymore.  It was quite the commotion.  I literally felt like a judge listening to the witnesses, the defendant, the plaintiff.  Oh, for the wisdom of Solomon.  I often want to cut everything in half just to have it over with.  So, I pray, that I, too, will have wisdom, understanding, and experience, just to be fair and pass good judgement in each case.  I still wish I had a dungeon sometimes.  "You shall hear the small and the great alike.  You shall not be intimidated by anyone for the judgment is God's.  And the case that is too hard for you, you shall bring to me and I will hear it."  That verse says it all.  I have small and great cases on a daily basis - spilled milk in one moment or a vicious couch attack like yesterday.  Sometimes that is exactly it, "the case is too hard" for me.  I don't have Moses in my house to take it to, but I do have my husband and I do have God, so that's what I do.  I take it to God and to RM.  We have trials going on all the time.  It's a regular courthouse around here.

This is getting long, but I'm writing because I can't stop.  But I will stop for now.  I have much more to write on the next half of the chapter.  But I have a cat party to plan....I can't believe I just wrote that.

Driving out, Destroying and Demolishing - Oh, and a Cat Party

This has been one of the fastest winters - who says that?  Winter is always slow, but I think it is because somehow we have stayed busy and it isn't because I get any credit for creative ideas or anything like that.  It is simply God's grace as I cry out day after day for help - help in keeping the younger ones busy, help in somehow getting them to buy into going outside, even when they don't want to, help in keeping them busy when it was too cold to go outside, help in finding ways to have them get along, when they are the only ones they see all day every day!

There are days when I wasn't sure how things were going to go, but then they get these crazy ideas that come out of nowhere.  One day the two younger boys spent hours making a fort near the pig barn so that I couldn't find them!  That was a stinky place to play, but ok!  Then, after Christmas, they discovered the joys of board games.  I am not a huge board game person, never was, but I wasn't about to let them know how I felt, so I just encouraged it.  We bought a couple and they literally played for hours, day after day, until they got bored of the board games!  Then, the snow came - how I love a good snowfall.  Big enough to make huge drifts where they dug tunnels and made "homes" with "backyards", trails and everything.  They would literally play for hours out there, too.  Another time the snow turned to ice and it made for a treacherous and scary sledding hill beside our house.  Again, even though it was so cold, out they went and had so much fun avoiding dangerous buildings!  After that it was a trip to the local thrift store.  They happened upon some building toys, K'nex, which are not cheap brand new, but they had a whole bin for a great price, so I bought that and it kept them busy also for days.  We also picked up another board game there and they played that, too, for days.  These little things are such blessings to me.  Winter can be hard and it is so easy to go to the TV, computer or phone to keep them quiet, but I have really tried to avoid that in the name of Numbers 33:50-55, a passage I read this week which made me realize God was working all winter, even when I didn't see Him or recognize it was His hand.   This passage has become the theme of Lent around here and looking back over the winter which is nearly over, I thank God for how I now see how this passage was being worked out in a real and practical way.  All winter He revealed creative ways to keep the boys, in particular, busy and productive and I think it was entirely His doing to help me drive back the winter blues, among other things.  Here's the passage:

50 And the Lord spoke to Moses in the plains of Moab by the Jordan at Jericho, saying, 51 “Speak to the people of Israel and say to them, When you pass over the Jordan into the land of Canaan, 52 then you shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before you and destroy all their figured stones and destroy all their metal images and demolish all their high places. 53 And you shall take possession of the land and settle in it, for I have given the land to you to possess it. 54 You shall inherit the land by lot according to your clans. To a large tribe you shall give a large inheritance, and to a small tribe you shall give a small inheritance. Wherever the lot falls for anyone, that shall be his. According to the tribes of your fathers you shall inherit. 55 But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land from before you, then those of them whom you let remain shall be as barbs in your eyes and thorns in your sides, and they shall trouble you in the land where you dwell.

I talked about these verses with the kids the other day.  It came down to the 3 Ds - Drive out the inhabitants of the land.  Destroy all their figured stones metal images.  Demolish all their high places.

This was the challenge in our home all winter, and still is, and probably always will be- figuring out what we need to drive out, destroy and demolish.  What is in our home, what habits, what things are distracting us from doing the better thing or even slipping into hopelessness?  During the winter lockdown, it was clearly a battle - God was longing to bless us.  We just had to do what He asked.   So all winter long, even though I hadn't read this passage until the end of winter, I see now how He was showing me and the kids ways to help us "take possession of the land and settle in it".  He was giving us amazing ideas, gifts, and creativity that helped us  drive out, destroy and demolish, though not entirely, the depression and boredom that always tried to creep in.   When we succumbed to the bad habits, the easy things to do, TV, cell phones, computers, using them in unproductive ways, then they became just what the Bible described them as, "as barbs in your eyes and thorns in your sides, and they shall trouble you in the land where you dwell".   We are not against computers and phones - as long as they are tools for learning as much as possible.  I think it is interesting that the Bible uses the expression "barbs in your eyes" as too much of the social media or anything computer related really will do just that, it'll be like a barb in your eye literally, as so much of what is on the internet is so bad!  It can harm you emotionally, spiritually, and even physically if too much goes on and all because it comes in through our eyes!  

The 3Ds are all very strong commands.  There is nothing passive about these phrases.  It also implies how we must take action and not hope it'll happen.  Now, having the winter nearly over, we read these phrases together and talked about these things, I always think, "They get it!"  But then I turn around and I catch one of them having fun with "the inhabitants of the land".  I said to them, "Uh, remember how we have to 'drive out, destroy and demolish' these habits?"  "Oh yeah."  They quickly forget.  The battle is real.  It is so easy to go back to old patterns.

Like I said, I didn't read this passage at the beginning of the winter, but at the end of the winter.  Yet, as I said, I can look back and be so grateful for how God was helping me fight "the inhabitants of the land" all winter long.  If left to themselves, kids succumb to the law of thermodynamics which states, and I'm quoting my sciencey husband here: "if left on their own, things go to the highest degree of disorder".  Even though my kids know better, it is just easy to not do what they are supposed to do.  They all know it's bad to be lazy.  They know ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner is bad, but if I'm not guiding and point them in the right direction all day long, they would literally sleep in till noon, watch TV and eat candy every second of the day.  Each day of winter I wondered, "How will I keep them busy and happy?"  No one was coming over, school was dragging on, depression was always being kept at bay and sometimes made its way in the house....I prayed and prayed....yet I find myself on the precipice of Spring and somehow we made it!  I didn't realize how God was helping me over and over.  He gave creative ideas not just to me, but to the kids themselves.  He gave gifts of weather and the occasional barn visit.  He provided inexpensive toys and games that kept everyone distracted.  I look back and see He was helping me all along drive out, demolish and destroy not just bad habits, but He was helping me fight back depression and caving into dread.  This only comes with reflection.  That is in fact the power of reflection.

We have one more hilarious event to help us get through the winter tomorrow.  I don't know where this idea came from, but it has to be one of the best yet, and once again, I thank God for these very funny ideas.  We're having a cat birthday party tomorrow, for our dumb cat.  She's not that dumb actually - kind of cute to be honest.  She was born on leap year last year and was the runt.  We didn't think she would make it, but she pulled through.  The kids begged to keep her.  How could we say no?  Now, because we are sooooo bored, we decided we had to come up with a way to celebrate and pass the time, so we are having a cat party, complete with cat games (pin the tail on the cat), cat art (rolling a cat on plastic covered in catnip with blank paper full of paint underneath it), cat cookies, cat cake (canned cat food/triple layer with a candle), balloons, oh, and the most important part - cat guests (all our other outdoor cats are invited for cake).  It is going to be the best day ever!d

So, as always, I'm grateful.  I think we made it through winter and not just a regular winter, but winter LOCKDOWN and we are relatively unscathed.  I feel like we drove out the inhabitants of the land that wanted to fight back and not move.  We will hopefully with God's grace move into the next season of Spring and inherit the land God longs to give us.

The Multiplication Effect - Again - Gym Style

Many years ago when I first started writing this blog I wrote about the Multiplication Effect.  I came up with that expression because it was something I had noticed God was constantly doing.  Instead of giving us a new home or a new barn, He would instead open our eyes to seeing our space with a new perspective and thus began to multiply our spaces.  Our home has been reworked so many times to give us more space, more rooms, even though we haven't added a single room in the typical renovating way.  The layout of our home is so much better than when we first moved in and accommodates all of us easily.  Our barn is amazing, too - and it keeps improving as well.  

Just when I thought it couldn't happen again, it did.  Our basement/dungeon where literally I almost stepped on a toad the other day, has been turned into a new space which I DID NOT see coming.  All our kids have become fitness buffs and pre-covid were either members of a gym or worked out at home.  Once covid hit, they were forced to work out at home.  We had a few small weights, mats and a chin-up bar, but that was about it.  We had a stationary bike, but it was in the shop outside and no one was using that.  As they were getting somewhat restless, a crazy thought (which is always how it starts) came into my head - "Let's clean up the basement and make a gym downstairs!"  "Cool!"  my son thought.  The basement had become a bit of a dumping ground for old videos, boxes of things we never used, who knows what else.  All it really needed was to move those out to the storage room or throw stuff out, so he went at it and after a few days of working on it - it looked awesome, in a clean dungeon kind of way.  But this is the thing - it's just for working out, it doesn't have to be pretty.  And, if it's a gym, it's nice to be cool and feel air-conditioned!  Which it does!  It's freezing!  It'll be awesome in the summer....

So, then we stared to purchase equipment.  Because there are 5 of us who want to use the equipment, it was very affordable because we were splitting the costs 5 ways.  We quickly bought adjustable dumbbells, which are the newest and coolest trend, as all the weights are on one dumbbell.  You simply twist the end of it and it adds or takes off the weight.  Love that!  Then we got a bench which can incline or decline depending on the exercise.  Then we brought in the bike from the shop and a mat on the floor and that's all we have for now, but it's enough to keep them happy.  But as I was thinking about it I was in awe yet again.  It's as if we added a whole new room onto our house.  One that has always been there, but it just always seemed unusable.  It is now an amazing space and the kids (and even us parents) are using it!  It has new life and is such a great space I can hardly believe it!  It feels like a $20,000 renovation.  Even the younger kids go down there now and play, doing whatever kids do in basements - I just can't believe it.

There are two spaces in the basement, one where there is a gym and one other empty space behind that.  I'm thinking of using that for a canning/cold cellar and also for a potential seedling room for the future garden.  I'm quite excited now that it is all cleaned out to see what we can do with it.  

This is just another amazing example to me of how God has worked so many times in our lives.  So many times I've wanted to complain and I often do, but then once in a while, I sit back and I try to "manipulate" my thoughts, which is my new faith exercise, to choose gratitude.  Then suddenly these crazy ideas come into my head - thoughts that were never there before.  My eyes open to what can be done and then the manpower is amazingly willing and provided as well (through my kids).  Then the miraculous multiplication occurs and I get not just one, but two new spaces.  In fact, it's basically a whole new floor!  This is the irony....my friend was literally just telling me about her extensive basement reno.....I was kind of listening with a little bit of jealousy as our's was never going to look like her's, but even then I realized it was ok!  We were also getting a basement reno, just in a different form!  Everyone is so excited because when you are working out happy hormones are being created and moods are lifted.  It has helped everyone already and is inspiring even those who are less inclined to working out to start.  I thank God for what may be a small miracle to some, but it is a big miracle to me.  This new space saves my kids tons of money on memberships and gas to the gym, not to mention all the extra minutes wasted driving there and back, plus it protects my girls from working out with weirdos at the gym as well!  All in all, it's so great.  If we are to be thankful in everything then this cannot be excluded.  I am thankful so much to God for how He even cares about our health and physical fitness!  

We think we figured out our son's condition who experienced what seemed like seizures weeks ago now, though we are still officially waiting on the doctor's explanation.  Back in 2020 he figures it was actually due to anxiety that he was experiencing with school and a variety of stressful situations he found himself in.  It goes to show the power of the subconscious mind.  Then in the new year he started experiencing symptoms that felt flu-like, though it wasn't covid- he was tested regularly for his job.  When he went in to see the doctor, they discovered mono - a virus that wipes you out .  We, as non-medical people, are convinced the seizures he experienced were directly related to that as since he has recovered he has no other symptoms and hasn't had an episode again like that.  As well, he is doing much better in handling his school-related stress, so all in all we think it was just a bizarre time and are grateful he seems ok.  The doctor did say that was probably going to be the case.

We are now into another season of Lent.  I try to ignore it in a way every year when I know it is coming.  I don't really want to sacrifice, give anything up or try to be more disciplined.  But as the day approaches year after year I find myself unable to avoid it as there is always something to pray for more intently, always an area in my life where I long for more discipline, and so, somewhat reluctantly I give in and I find myself on day 3.

The kids are now in the habit themselves and are now choosing things to give up in the name of seeking the Lord.  This is amazing to me as I didn't even broach it with some of them.  They came to me telling me what they wanted to do.  I'm excited to see what God is going to do with them.

We are dreaming constantly about the farm, the winery, a market garden, the courses RM is offering, all the entrepreneurial things we want to try - so that is a big thing we are praying for.

Without really intending to seek it out, verses daily jump out at me and I'm recording them as my "verse of the day".

Numbers 24:21 says, "He has not beheld misfortune in Jacob, nor has he seen trouble in Israel.  The Lord their God is with them, and the shout of a king is among them .  God brings them out of Egypt and is FOR THEM like the horns of the wild ox."  This was such an encouragement to me.  God doesn't see misfortune in my future, nor does he see trouble.  He is with me and brings me out of Egypt.  He is FOR ME.  This is not to say bad things won't happen, they might, but they won't be things that surprise God, they'll be things he has allowed always for my good, because HE IS FOR ME.  I think this is why I am still ok with how God has worked in my son's life.  Not getting in to a Canadian medical school wasn't an act of misfortune or trouble, but a way of directing my son potentially somewhere else.  He is now considering international schools, such as an Australian med school - so another thing to bring before the Lord.

Genesis19:29, "...God remembered Abraham...."  God had destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, but He remembered Abraham and saved Lot.  My prayer is that God will remember me during this time, whatever that looks like.

Numbers 26:9, "....who contended against Moses and Aaron in the company of Korah, when they contended against the Lord."  These are the men who went after Moses and Aaron questioning their authority.  They thought they were going after Moses and Aaron when in actuality they were going against God.  This encouraged me, too, as the battle is fierce sometimes and Satan comes against me, but this reminded me that in actuality Satan is fighting God, not me and He is much greater at handling the battle, so I can rest in how He will fight for me, even when I get discouraged and I feel like He is not working, I know He is.

Once again and as always, grateful for the Word of God as my only source of truth.  Looking forward to great breakthroughs during this season yet again.

Answered Prayers

God has answered our prayers!  Just not like we hoped.  The day I wrote the post about waiting to hear the big news, about half way through the day, my son came downstairs and said, "Ok, I have an email from U of T, but I can't open it.  I'm too scared!"  We all screamed and joined each other in the family room, but before he opened I said, "Remember, if it's a no, we have to believe that God is at work and it will be ok."  Then he opened it and within seconds, he said, "I'm not going there either...."

Those initial seconds were so hard.  The floods of disappointment, sadness, near tears, washed over the whole room.  We were all in shock and silence as it soaked in.  All the work, all the studying, the shingles, the sacrifices, the money, the hours in filling out applications - suddenly it seemed like it was all for nothing.

After about 10 minutes, everyone sat down and all the kids prayed for him, prayed for peace and understanding that God was protecting him from something, preparing him for something and that He had his best in mind.  So hard to hear.  My son couldn't pray.

As the day wore on and he talked out his anger, he just couldn't understand.  Then the rejection feelings came.  It was seriously as if we were going through a death - he went through every stage.  Shock.  Anger.  Grief....whatever they are, he experienced them all.  I listened and encouraged him.  The siblings were very sweet.  He felt bad for them as he knew they had fasted and prayed for him on his behalf.  He said, "It was all a waste."  Nooooooooo.....

That night before I went to bed, I tried so hard to be thankful.  I knew that was the right attitude to have.  Then, I thought about another thought - what if I weren't just thankful, but excited.  Excited that nothing makes sense!  How strange!  But as I thought about it, I really loved the idea.  To not know or understand why something like this would happen was exactly the place God would want us to be in.  That is Hebrews 11 at its finest - to believe by faith when you can't see!  So I literally manipulated my thoughts to think that way and came up with the idea that this was perfect - We don't know why.  We don't know what is ahead.  And that is amazing, exciting and even a thrilling place to be!  

The next morning, I was determined to get in the Word first thing.  I was now excited to see what God would say to me.  I knew He was going to say something.  I read in Numbers 21 where I was in my reading and I came to the section where Israel asked King Sihon if he could pass through his kingdom.  Moses promised to not touch anything, drink anything, etc....just let Israel pass.  For no reason, he said no and tried to go after the Israelites instead.   But that didn't go over well, Israel defeated them, no problem.  In fact, Israel kind of went crazy on them and took over multiple cities and then dwelt in them to top it off.  This thought came to me - My son had asked the med schools nicely, "May I please go to your med school?"  And for no reason, they said, no.  Just like Israel then went out and took over all the areas, it occurred to me, that's what my son has to do.  He has to say, "Oh, you didn't like my first application, well, then wait till you see the second one!"  He needed to fight.

Before my son experienced the rejection of the med schools, we had refused to entertain the idea of writing another MCAT, quitting at Marinland, reapplying to the schools all over.  It was too much to think about.  That first day of the bad news was not the time to think about it so we didn't talk at all about the next steps except in dread.  But that morning I realized, my son had no choice.  He had to go to battle if he wanted to get into med school.  

Years ago when we were buying the farm, we were carrying two houses and the deal on the farm was closing.  It was the scariest time in our life financially.  A friend called me at that time and I shared with her my fears.  She then shared with me about the time she and her husband also went through a scary financial time and the bank was going to take their home.  They decided, and so did we, that, fine, no problem, try and take our house, but we will go down fighting.  We didn't have our house or farm taken away and neither did they.  My son needed that same attitude.  Fine, reject me, but if I don't get into med school, I'm going to go down fighting.

That morning when he woke up, I had the pep talk of a lifetime planned.  He had barely opened his eyes, and I let him have it.  I told him what I had read, how Israel fought and how he now needed to fight.  God had purposely chosen to not let him get in.  He was giving him a 9 month gift of time to get his act together before 2nd round med school applications went in.  He was going to use this time to refine him and make his application even better.  His first MCAT was ok, but it needed to be STELLAR.  His first application was maybe a B, but it needed to be an A+.  His years of experience were great, but they needed to be even greater.  He was going to have to kick it up a notch and FIGHT.  He was going to have to go after research projects at school, get published, work in another hospital, make more connections with doctors, volunteer in other places to round him out.....and quit his beloved Marineland.  That was the kicker.  He was so upset about that, but it had to go.  IF, his goal was to get in.  And we had to assess that - was he still wanting to be a doctor?  Yes.  He really wanted that.  So he sat there and then thought about it all day and into the next day and the next day and then yesterday I saw a change.  He started to make calls, lists, reach out to people.....he made a plan on how to execute the MCAT again.  He thought of ways to study better without getting stress and shingles again.  He thought of what to do and how to to make his application better.  Though it was going to be hard, he was going to make it IMPOSSIBLE for the med schools to reject him. 

Numbers 21:34 says, "Do not fear, for I have given him into your hand...."  My son had fear about being rejected a second time.  For sure, it could happen.  He will not apply a third time.  If he gets rejected again then we know it was not God's will for him to be a doctor and he will pursue something else.  But, he is going to go down fighting.  I'm so glad that he has taken this rejection to push him instead of to deflate him which is what I'm sure the enemy would have wanted.  So yes, God answered our prayers, not how we had hoped, but perhaps even in a better way.

Spring up O Well! Singing to the Well and Shouting to the Med School Mountain

I have a feeling this will be a big week for my son who has applied to med school.  All the schools are sending out their requests for an interview now.  Sadly, he has already been told by two schools that he didn't get an interview.  In some senses we weren't really surprised as there are only a 200 spots and nearly 6000 apply to each school.  His MCAT mark was solid, but there are lots who did better than he did, we are sure.  His average was awesome, but many get higher marks.  This is what we know - if God wants him in, then something will make his application shine.

Years ago, when I applied to teacher's college I remember feeling the same way.  I had average marks, fairly good experience, but thousands of people were applying.  Why would they choose me?  That winter/spring was the first time I ever fasted.  I fasted once a week while I was in my 4th year at school every Monday.  At dinner I would meet with another woman who was also fasting and that's when we would break the fast and eat together.  It was a powerful experience because I had never done that before and also because I got in to Queen's which was the exact school I had hoped to get into as it had an international job fair (the only one of its kind).  And getting into Queen's really shaped me into who I am today as I ended up overseas for two years teaching in Colombia.  That experience all came out of a few months of fasting on Mondays.  I didn't get in to any other school.

This past week, my son started fasting and two of my older daughters also started fasting on his behalf.  We aren't just praying for him that God will be our genie.  No, everyone is praying for God's will.  One of my girls came down and excitedly said she had read the verse in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  That amazed me.  Just the day before he had heard from Queen's that he hadn't gotten an interview.  When you feel rejected hopelessness sinks in.  He started to question everything.  What would he do if he didn't get in?  Would he have to rewrite the MCAT?  Last summer was so hard....studying around the clock, getting shingles from the stress...he wasn't sure he could handle that again.  He was starting to borrow sorrow from tomorrow.  He didn't know his sister was praying for him.  The next day he came down and he started to talk about what life would be like if he did get into the final school.  Would he move in with roommates?  Would he need to buy furniture?  What about grocery shopping for a bachelor?  What would that be like?  He didn't know it, but someone had prayed hope into him.  I could hear it in his voice.  The despair was gone.  Later my praying daughter said, "I know that God doesn't have to get him into school.  I'm praying that J will be ok if he doesn't get in, but I also know God could get him in and I'm praying that HE WILL!"  

Yesterday as I was reading in Numbers, I read a passage I had never noticed before - chapter 21.  As usual, the Israelites were complaining about the lack of food and water.  It said, "The people became impatient on the way".   That's about it.  We are a little impatient, at least I am.  They said, "We loathe this worthless food".  Yikes.  So God sent them "fiery serpents" that bit a lot of people and killed them.  After praying to Moses, God relented.  As the chapter continued, I had forgotten about the whole food and water thing.  It seemed like God had just ignored their request.  I'm not sure how many days the chapter covers, but it says "they set out and camped" many times - they just seemed to have to keep going, but then suddenly God says, "Gather the people together, so that I may give them water".  So he hadn't forgotten!  This is the part I had never seen before.  The next verse said, "Then Israel sang this song, 

Spring up, O well! - Sing to it! - "

This phrase was from a song I had sung as a kid years ago.  No one had ever told me it came from a verse in Numbers!  Next it said, "the well that the princes made, that the nobles dug, with the scepters, and with their staffs."  An interesting revelation started to come to me as I read this.  It seemed to me that they sang to the well before God gave them the water and then the water came and it came miraculously - It almost doesn't make sense - nobles and princes don't typically dig wells, let alone with scepters and staffs.  If you are going to dig a well, you don't use a stick.  So God must have made it bubble up from the earth or something like that.

Then it reminded me of the passage in Zechariah 4:7, "Who are you O great mountain?  Before Zerubbabel you shall become a plain.  Then he shall bring forth the capstone accompanied by shouts of, "Grace, grace to it!"

I was excited.  I told my husband what I had read and I really wanted to tell the kids.  My son is rarely able to take in a church service these days as he is often working on a Sunday, so in order to include him we try to do something together on Sunday nights.  I was the preacher last night.  I told everyone about Numbers 21 and how the Israelites complained, were impatient and then bitten by snakes.  Then, how God hadn't forgotten them, but with many apparent delays, eventually told them to gather together.  The Israelites then sang a song to the well and a miracle happened.  I suggested we do the same in the spirit of  hope for what God could do for my son in his week ahead, either way...that we would sing to the "well of med school"- Spring up!  My daughter went to the piano and the family sang a song called "Open Space" by Housefires....how I love that song.  We sang the lyrics that basically say, I'm open to what you want to do, to move what you want to move, change what you want to change....my eyes are open wide, my heart is open wide.....this was our way of singing to the well, asking for water to come out of the impossibly dry med school well for my son.  I wanted to be thankful first, to sing first, to anticipate by faith that we know God is the only one who can get my son in.  It was a really beautiful time as we sang together and then prayed God's will for my son.

So now, we wait - we have sang to the well and we will shout to the mountain, the very high med school mountain - Grace, grace to it!  As the pastor said online yesterday, when you get very low, at the base of the mountain, and you look up and see how high the mountain is, that is the only way to understand our position, needing God's amazing grace.  You don't see it until you are low enough.  We are at the bottom of the mountain, looking up - the mountain is HUGE, SO HIGH!  But, that is the best place to be.  God can flatten the mountain if He wants.  He can bring forth water from a well with just sticks if He wants.  Either way, by getting in the humble, low position we felt yesterday, it means that if he does not get an interview from this last school, then that is God's answer and way of protecting him as well.  Getting low like that helps us accept any answer He gives even if it isn't the answer we want.  Now we wait.....