New Eyes

Remembrance Day came and went this week.  I'm always so moved by thinking about my grandfather who served in the war and how he was separated from his wife for, I think, 4 years.  He came back alive, but I'm sure he was a changed man.  I think he saw things he wished he'd never seen.  We could rarely get him to talk about it when he was still alive.  I always try to read the poem "In Flander's Fields" with the kids.  I have a beautiful book with painted pictures of the poem.  I always try to have a time of being solemn and reflecting, but this year was different.

Leave it to the 4 year old to add a new twist.  He woke up on the 11th and came and sat at the island in the kitchen, waiting for breakfast.  I asked him, "J, do you know today is Remembrance Day?"  "Yup."  "Do you know what Remembrance Day is?"  "Oh yes!  It is the day we remember 'To Tame a Dragon' comes out on dvd!"  Oh my goodness.  I guess I missed that one.  If it weren't so AWFUL, it would be funny.  So, a little more history lessons with him this week, needless to say.....

This weekend I give the seminar on Managers of Your Chores.  I had to put the blog aside for awhile and  was up early, but writing the seminar.  It has certainly been a test at our house to see if the system works as I've had to really step back and allow the kids to step up so that I could lock myself in my room, sometimes for hours at a time.  Who knew prepping for this thing would take so long!  Not having done it before, I was shocked at how much time it took to put together.  I'm not done yet, some last minute photocopying to still be done and set up, but other than that - the body of the seminar is done.

It is a testimony to the kids though and to how great the Maxwell's chore system works.  The house really didn't fall apart during these last two weeks.  I was determined to use every minute wisely, too, so made sure I stayed on top of things as much as I could when I wasn't working on the seminar.  I knew there was a little bit of pressure though....what if someone suddenly showed up at my house on the week of the seminar and found my house a disaster?!  So, I knew I seriously had to practice what I preach even more than usual.

In the seminar, I will be challenging the women to evaluate all activities and see if they can try to be home more as so many of us run around with our heads cut off - it's no wonder our homes can't get clean, we're never home!  Of all weeks, this was the case for me, too, as I had to take our oldest into her piano lessons for a whole morning one day and then the next day was a whole morning of dentist appointments.  A bit of an unusual week, as normally my husband drives her and normally we don't have dentist appointments, but alas, it revealed how important it is to either be home or be prepared when you are going to be gone.  Again, the kids who stayed back really stepped up, but you could tell I'd been away.  As I'll say in the seminar, kids don't have the same eye for detail as an adult.  If I were away more, our house would be a disaster.  I've learned how important it is for me to be home as much as possible with this number of kids at the ages they are.

This has been a super tight month for us, money-wise.  We are waiting on payment from a contract that should come any day, but the big question is when?  We kept thinking it'll come in time for this or that, but it didn't.  As a result, I had to make some tough calls this week. First, I had to call the dentist to tell them I was sorry, but I wouldn't be able to pay them this time, did they want me to cancel?  I was put on hold for a second and then when the receptionist came back she said, "Come on in anyway.  No worries."  It was a little miracle as the appointments are all related to the orthodontics, so kind of critical to miss. I was so grateful and made sure she knew it.

We were also supposed to book all my daughter's exams this week for piano.  Unbelievably expensive.  We couldn't do it.  I had to go to the teacher and tell her as well.  She was very understanding and suggested that we put them off a few months.  We would keep progressing in the levels as if she took the exams, but this way the financial pressure wouldn't be as great.  We're still hoping the cash will come so she can take them in January, but if not, it won't be the end of the world.

Both of these tough financial conversations happened within minutes of each other.  I was near tears as I was feeling so humbled and embarrassed, really, that we couldn't pay.  In both cases, I could have easily made up some excuse that would have even been true, but I felt I really needed to be honest with each person and tell it like it is.  I called my husband to tell him how I had handled things and how I wished it didn't have to be this way.  He could hear the emotion in my voice, but he encouraged me and said, "This is good, P.  God is keeping us humble. He doesn't want us to ever be proud." Then he went on to describe how he'd been reading in Isaiah and how the proud are an absolute abomination to God.  What he'd been reading really impacted him and made him so grateful for our situation!  I was oddly encouraged that God loves us enough to keep us from being an abomination to him.  Yes, it is humbling and he admitted that he didn't like the fact I had to make those calls, but, really, we are still ok.  Food is in the fridge.  Gas is in the cars.  The heat is on. My kids have clothes coming out of their ears thanks to some generous friends and sisters.  It was good to talk to him and to hear his encouragement instead of panic.  I was so grateful for that perspective.   The truth is, money is coming...we will be paid shortly.  It's always a matter of time when you are an entrepreneur. people don't always pay when you want them to.  Often there is a 30 day delay on top of that, so it's a big waiting game around here, running to the mailbox to see if the cheque came each day!  My husband and I both long for freedom and we still believe it is coming, but in God's timing, not ours. He may be quite ok with it taking a little longer.  He must still see we need more humility in our lives.

I share the stories not so that people will feel sorry for us.  That's what I wanted, I think from my husband when I called him.  I think I wanted him to feel sorry for me, for us.  But he stopped that right away and nipped it in the bud.  I've shared what he said with the kids, too.  I've explained to them, that yes, this is a hard time, but it is so good!  I've encouraged them to look for God and His provision in all the small things, and big.  It's everywhere - we get little mini-miracles all the time. When something gets taken away in our 5 senses, all the other senses get heightened.  It is the same with our money.  Being so tight on cash has made me so grateful for things I used to take for granted. Feeling the heat coming from the vent below me right now gives me a whole new appreciation for heated houses.  I used to expect heat, not be thankful for it.  No frozen taps makes me so grateful for a glass of water!  The area around the sink is now sided on that part of the house, so hopefully this year will not see so many frozen pipes.  I'm grateful that we have clean teeth!  I used to expect that, too!  Not now.  I know it is a privilege.  What about piano lessons?  Never appreciated that as much as I do now - a huge privilege few can afford.  I could go on and on.  I really think I will look back on these days as the richest time in our life, not the poorest.  I'm learning gratitude, to see God in everything, not just in the obvious.  I don't feel sorry for myself in the slightest anymore.  I have new eyes.