The Courtship - I Need to Marry a Tree!

Before I go on about our relationship "birth story", I have to describe our recent pool purchase.  We never meant to get an inground, that's ridiculous!  But our little "10 minute" above ground, 12 Ft. pool became just that. 

The box said it'll take 10 minutes to set up.  Make that 2 hours and 10 minutes.  The box also never mentioned you would need a skid steer to level your lawn.  Oh my goodness. Well, suffice it to say, we now have water to cool our little ones down and it's basically "inground"!  The big kids will have to be content with dipping their legs up to their knees, but it'll still cool them off a bit.

That was my husband's birthday present, a kiddie pool that he had to set up.  He didn't mind though.  It will provide hours of entertainment!

So, I left off with basically how I had terrible expectations in my head about what kind of guy I thought I should be with.  I didn't really know I had them until I met RM and he wasn't exactly who I thought I should be with.  Yes, the first date swept me off my feet, but once we were clearly in a relationship I started to panic thinking to myself, "He's not who I pictured I would be with!"

This is where Dad stepped in.  Thank goodness.  I was open and honest with my parents, explaining my doubts.  I was also still praying and in the Word a lot.  I think that helped to make me receptive to their insight.  Dad wrote me a letter.  In it he basically called me out on my pride and shallowness in terms of what I thought I needed in a guy instead of looking at RM and all his amazing qualities that made him a potentially wonderful husband. Though it wasn't called a courtship at the time (I didn't even know what that meant back then), this is where I believe God allowed us to be in a courting-type relationship as it was clearly being blessed by my parents and being led by their insight, which I think is one of the differences between dating and courtship.  Prior to meeting RM, they had shown me a lot of "thumbs down" on other guys, so to have such enthusiasm towards RM made a big difference.

Isn't it interesting though how Satan loves to confuse us?  He knew he needed to somehow stop what was going to be a potential Christian marriage.  Enter J.  Where did he come from?  He was someone I had been interested in years earlier.  Suddenly, when he found out I was dating RM, he decided after years of not showing interest that, yup, he was interested and made his move.  Talk about messing me up.  Once again though, I thank God for godly friends who were able to see things more clearly than myself as I was no longer able to be objective and called this other guy out on what he was doing.

RM was unbelievably patient during this whole time.  I was very honest with him about this other guy and, in fact, it was because of his patience and maturity in how he handled this situation that drew me to him even more.  He was unshakable.  Every time I told him how I was struggling and what this guy was doing, he never panicked or showed any insecurity at all.  He walked me through it and was able to be very objective as well.  Eventually I saw that this other guy was just a distraction from who I should really be with.  He claimed he was a Christian, but he also basically came right out and said that he needed me to help him be stronger.  Uh, no.  I needed to marry someone who was going to be a leader in our relationship, especially our spiritual relationship.  It would not have been a good match at all.  Though, ironically he was an engineer, too, who also loved cars.  What is it about engineers and cars?

Once we got through our first major struggle, I was able to see how strong RM was and his feelings for me.  Every time I threw something at him, he would calmly respond, "It doesn't worry me at all." He could handle a very up and down emotional, confused girl like me!  That is a rare quality!!!!  They say you often marry someone just like your Dad and it was true.  Dad often had to handle us girls in our emotional puddles of tears.  Suddenly my eyes were opened to RM in a whole new way and he could sense it. 

Just before I left for Colombia again, I remember driving down the road on one of our last nights together and he looked at me and said, "You know, I'm in this for the long term."  He didn't say the word marriage, but I knew that was what he meant.  That was only 6 weeks after our first date.  He gave me his engineering ring to wear and it just so happened to fit my fourth finger on my left hand.....hmmmmm.

Then, I left for Colombia in August and our letter writing relationship began.  Email was just beginning, so we hand-wrote most letters which was so wonderful.  He came down for a week in October to visit me.  That was the first time he used the "M" word - marriage.  Inside I was freaking out because suddenly it all seemed so fast!  He left to go back to Canada pretty sure that it might not work out after all as I seemed so unsure again all of a sudden!  The poor guy!  I'm sure it was Satan again trying to make me feel this way.  I was entirely relying on feelings at this point and wanting to feel something magical instead of actually making a decision that used, dare I say, logic and Biblical reasoning. 

After he left, I sat on my bed and thought long and hard.  How was I supposed to know if he was the right one for me?  Three miraculous epiphanies came to me that I can only think happened because I was crying out for help to the Lord.  I'm also very sure my parents were praying, too.  The first one was the night he left.  I had been listening to sermons from my pastor back at home.  He was doing a series on Jeremiah (not your typical book on relationships) and my parents sent me the sermons while I was gone.  That night I listened to the passage on Jeremiah 17.  It read,

"Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord.  He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come.  He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.  Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.  He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.  THE HEART IS DECEITFUL ABOVE ALL THINGS, AND DESPERATELY SICK; WHO CAN UNDERSTAND IT?  I THE LORD SEARCH THE HEART AND TEST THE MIND TO GIVE EVERY MAN ACCORDING TO HIS WAYS, ACCORDING TO THE FRUIT OF HIS DEEDS."

The italicized part of the verse was what struck me.  I had been trusting in my heart which is DECEITFUL!  Then, I read the part about trusting in the Lord.  It compared trusting in the Lord to a tree planted by water.  Try and follow this....I knew marriage was the picture of Christ and the church.  The husband is like God, the bridegroom, and the wife is like the church.  I saw trusting in God, the bridegroom, like trusting in a future husband, my potential bridegroom.  I knew at that point I wasn't trusting in God, or RM.  Suddenly I saw RM like that tree, too.  He had been described by friends who had meant him as the strong silent type and as "still waters run deep".  Just as God was worthy to be trusted, I started to see RM could be trusted.  That was it!  I needed to marry a tree!  I needed to marry a tree that had deep roots by a stream.  I began to see he had those deep roots.  He had already shown me he had no fear of heat when that other guy showed up.  He had leaves that had remained "green" and he had already shown me he was not anxious in the "year of drought" when I was so confused.  He never ceased bearing fruit the whole time.  That was it!  God had shown me through His Word that I was to marry a tree - RM!  

Then, right away, another series of interesting thoughts came to me.... miraculous epiphany #2.  This was crazy, but suddenly a list of girlfriends/roommates that I had lived with over the last 5 years came to my mind. I had often joked with each one of them, "I wish I could marry you!"  Each one of those girls had been the perfect compliment to my personality.  Each one had been much quieter than me, more organized, more logical, more studious!  The exact opposite to me, in fact!  I was louder, more outgoing, more spontaneous (fun, fun, fun!), more fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants..... you get the idea.  Suddenly it occurred to me, each roommate had been a female version of RM!  Each roommate had been my best friend at the time of living with them!  I had joked about marrying them, but unfortunately they'd been girls!  Here I was considering the MALE version of them!  And I was struggling?!  Why?  If I could be best friends with each one of them and they were my exact compliment, than it was a no-brainer when I considered RM - he would be my best friend, too, and better yet, my husband.  I couldn't believe the epiphany I was having!  I was so excited!  I knew I was going to marry him!

I called him up immediately and told him how sorry I was that I been so confused again!  I explained how God had shown me through His Word and through all those crazy thoughts that he was perfect for me!  He was so relieved as he had been quite certain that I was the one for him (turns out he had had the ring for a long time already and was basically just waiting for me to come around!).  Sadly we were now separated for another two months, but I would be home by mid-December and I hoped to come back engaged!

The third miraculous affirmation came when I was at church.  I had been attending a Spanish-speaking church and was getting quite good at understanding the pastor.  I had my Spanish-English Bible just in case, but for the most part I grasped what each message was about.  If I hadn't already received all sorts of confirmation, this passage would have convinced me.  He spoke on Ezekiel 47, again, not your typical relationship book in the Bible.  Ezekiel was being led by the Lord all through the book of Ezekiel.  Over and over each chapter begins with "Then he led me" or "Then he brought me"..... isn't that just like the Lord?  Constantly leading and bringing us to new places?   In Ezekiel 47, Ezekiel was brought to some water.  First, he takes him in just ankle-deep.  Seems ok.  Then,  knee-deep.  Then, waist-deep.  But then he gets to a river that he "could not pass through for the water had risen.  It was deep enough to swim in, a river that could not be passed through."  Wow.  That was just what I was feeling!   I was being taken on a walk by God with this new man in my life and at first everything was just fine..... sailboats and wine.  Perfect.  Ankle deep.  I could handle that!  Then, knee-deep.... new conflicts and trials to work through like surprise suitors.  Then waist-deep... my pathetic expectations being challenged.  Then over-my-head-deep..... potentially marrying him?  It was a river I couldn't imagine jumping into.

But God takes Ezekiel to the bank of the river and suddenly he saw "many trees on one side and on the other."  He showed him where the water will go and how the water will become fresh.  "And wherever the river goes, every living creature that swarms will live and there will be many fish... so everything will live where the river goes.... there will grow all kinds of trees for food.  Their leaves will not wither, nor their fruit fail, but they will bear fresh fruit... Their fruit will be for food and their leaves for healing."

Again, the leaf imagery!  This river that seemed so deep and unswimmable was actually full of life, not salty, but freshwater.  If I was willing to go over my head and jump in, I would experience a life down the river that was swarming with living creatures many fish (isn't that what has happened????  I am swarmed by 8 children and animals every day!).   I feel like God was showing me again through His Word to not be afraid of the future, but that He was showing me a window into the future that revealed fruit, if I was willing to take the plunge, the faith-filled plunge of not knowing all that would be ahead for us.  It was so affirming that when we did end up getting engaged and were planning our wedding I asked my cousin who sings to write a song based on Ezekiel 47.  He called it "The River of God" and how we need to jump into the river!  I'm sure it wasn't an easy song to write as it is a bit of an obscure passage, but he did a great job and sang it at the wedding!

One other funny image RM gave me when I shared my reservations about marriage with him was about chickens.  Who would have that twenty years later we'd be surrounded by chickens?  Back when he was a kid, they raised chickens in their backyard.  When they first were teaching them to drink water, they would dunk their head in, under the water, forcing them to swallow.  "That's what love is like," he said.  "You've got to get dunked."  It went along with the whole Ezekiel passage as far as I was concerned!  Chickens, trees, rivers..... not your typical love story so far.

I knew I could never have all the answers as to what my future held, but I knew I had enough information to be 100% positive RM was the man I was supposed to marry.  Satan pulled out one more stop, however, just before I came home that Christmas.  He was determined to play on my doubts.  When I came home mid-December, again, one of my girlfriends made a simple comment that, unknowingly placed all sorts of doubts in my head ahead about getting engaged.  She said it was too soon to get engaged when we had really only been in each other's presence 7 weeks!  Oh no!  She's right, I thought.  We should wait at least until the summer like regular people and get to know one another better.  So I told RM, "Don't propose when I come home!"  That poor guy.  I was so weak!  After all that confirmation, just to be tossed by the wind by one small comment by a friend.

But, within days of being in each other's presence, we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, we were supposed to be together.  He proposed on January 6, leaving us two weeks to plan a wedding before I went back to Colombia.  What a whirlwind!  I'll finish that part tomorrow..... planning a wedding from another continent was an interesting way to do things......!