I haven't written a ton about debt-reduction recently. We are still trying and doing what we can. It can be discouraging though as the journey is slower and longer than I would like. However, even if I feel discouraged, God knows, and He reminds me through His Word that it is His war.
I've been reading through the Old Testament still and am currently in 1Chronicles. This book is not one of those books that you can get into very easily. It begins with lists and lists of genealogies that do not strike you as particularly interesting or meaningful. but I did want to share a few different passages that really stood out, that have encouraged me in the debt-reduction plan and even with my own children, all from the not-so-interesting book of Chronicles.
First, from the genealogy of King David. I found out, or had forgotten, that he was the 7th child. It jumped off the page at me - #7. I have a number seven child. I love him to bits, but he has been a bit more of a challenge at times. He is bursting with life....and mischief. Yesterday, he woke up, skipped breakfast, ran outside and was at the top of a tree and it was barely 8 am. I was grateful in that moment that we had a tree for him to climb! Then, a few minutes later, I found him using my older son's exacto knife, trying to cut an avocado seed into a new shape. He could have lost a finger!!! I try to follow him around the house so that I can anticipate what trouble he's going to get into before he gets into it, but I get so distracted by laundry or dishes or some other crying child and then.....'Mooooommmmmm!!!" His energy is hard to contain. His antics are remarkable. His cute, curly blonde hair, his tiny little freckles on his nose, his 3 missing teeth on the bottom row....all help to keep us in love with him, when we don't want to throw him out a window! When I read that David was the 7th, I thought to myself, "That's it! I have a King David on my hands!" I was so grateful to read that 7th children (or really any number, I'm sure....) can and will still turn out to be godly men and women (take hope KK! :) ) All that from a verse that simply read, "...David the seventh..." (1 Chron. 2:15) So I will keep him, knowing I might just be raising a king.
1Chronicles also records the famous prayer of Jabez. People say is it prosperity gospel, at least that's how it was criticized when a little book was written on the prayer by that title. However, it is still included in the Bible for a reason, so I have found myself still praying the prayer again as I just read it this past week and it pretty much sums up the things that are on my mind,
"Jabez called upon the God Israel, saying, 'Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from harm so that it might not bring me pain!' And God granted what he asked." (1 Chron. 4:10)
I do want God's blessing. I do ask that He would enlarge our borders, with respect to using our family, my husband's business, ultimately enlarging our family with godly spouses and grandchildren. I know God doesn't always keep us from harm. He allows it sometimes, but I pray that He would keep me from any attacks from the enemy that would try to harm us. And, quite frankly, I would love to avoid pain! But, that is simply not possible sometimes, so I accept what He will bring my way, that is part of His plan for my life. I really only want His will. We know of a family that has gone through tremendous pain recently. Their son was run over by a lawn mower and was nearly killed. While they were in the hospital, their 2 ATVs were stolen from their shed....how awful is that?! They were not kept from harm or pain. It seems hard to imagine that this was part of God's will for their lives, but as Christians, from what I've heard, they are experiencing God in a deeper way through this experience. But perhaps this is how God is enlarging their borders as so many people around the world are praying for this very injured boy. They are making connections, I'm sure, that they never thought or hoped they would make. God will bring glory to His name somehow through this experience.
Then, finally, in chapter 5 the descendants of Gad are recorded,
"The Reubenites, the Gadites, and the half-tribe of Manessah had valiant men who carried shield and sword, and drew the bow, expert in war, 44, 760, able to go to war. They waged war against the Hagrites, Jetur, Naphish, and Nodab. And when they prevailed over them, the Hagrites and all who were with them were given into their hands, for they cried out to God in the battle, and He granted their urgent plea because they trusted in Him. They carried off their livestock: 50,000 of their camels, 250,000 sheep, 2, 000 donkeys, and 100,000 men alive. For many fell, because the war was of God. And they lived in their place until the exile." 1 Chron. 5:18-22)
This was a group of valiant men. I sat with the kids yesterday morning and we talked about our valiant men, our valiant Dad. It described the men as able to carry a shield, a sword and able to draw a bow. I asked them what that would look like in our family, "Is Daddy able to carry a shield, sword, and draw a bow?" Well, ironically, he is able to! In fact, he got injured drawing a bow!!! We actually have swords on our boys' walls! But that is not necessarily what I meant! Can our Dad multi-task?! Yes. Can he handle different types of attacks? There are some that require a shield, where he is defending himself (let's say from a bank!). Then there are other times that he needs to go on the offense with a sword, meeting a new customer, being brave to attack a new area of business, drawing a bow. The kids were all definitely confident their Dad was a valiant warrior, an expert in war. Though he is inching towards senior citizenship (no joke...next month he's old enough to be in the "Young at Heart" group in our church!!! I tease him about that all the time now as I'm soooooo far from that......ha.), however, he is still "able to go to war". Yes, he's often in pain now from the physical labour he does on the farm or with his business, but God hasn't shut him down entirely yet.
Then, a description about who the war was against. I asked the kids who are we at war with. My one son said it immediately, "The bank." He knows. We are at war with debt. But the Israelites knew who was on their side and it says, "And when they prevailed over them, the Hagrites and all who were with them were given into their hands, for they CRIED OUT to GOD IN THE BATTLE, and He granted their URGENT plea BECAUSE THEY TRUSTED IN HIM."
It was a great reminder to us that the reason the Israelites prevailed was because they cried out to God in the midst of the battle. They trusted in Him. The Bible doesn't record that itwas a short little prayer. It says, "urgent plea"!!! So, we did that again. We cried out that He would help us against our enemy of debt. He granted their request and we pray that He will grant our request because we do trust in Him.
After they won the battle, they carried off their livestock. It records exactly, with numbers, what they took home. I read that with different eyes....knocking off each and every debt, with specific numbers in mind. I really loved the fact numbers were included as I know God knows the exact number of our debt and when and if our debt is erased it will be to the exact penny.
"For many fell, because the war was OF GOD." That line encouraged me, too. I believe He has allowed us to be in this battle for so many reasons, to teach us so many things and to ultimately give Him the glory. I don't believe He gave us debt as I think He hates debt, but I do believe He is using it for His purpose. It is His war. That doesn't make me think that we are supposed to sit back and just let God fight it for us. I think that is why the valiant men are recorded in the Bible, too. They are used by God to fight the war. As long as we are crying out to Him and trusting in Him, then I believe we will prevail!
The book of 1 Chronicles is far from boring. It is full of encouragement even amongst the lists of Hebrew names of people I do not know. I may not hear this book preached on from the front of church, but it contains great truths that leave me encouraged even though the battle is still on.
Tuesday, 31 May 2016
Monday, 30 May 2016
My New Porch
This past weekend was the final Bible Quiz meet. The kids were tested on Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians and Colossians. I'm sure I've said it before, but it BOGGLES my mind how they were able to memorize all of that, keep it in their heads all year and then recall it to mind under pressure. I'm so grateful for this experience knowing that the Word of God will not return void.
My oldest son fought to the death for top place but went up against one amazing quizzer and so came in second, but he knew she deserved the win, so he was happy for her. My daughter who is only 12 had set a goal early on this year to be top rookie. She worked so hard this year and managed to make her goal, bringing home a medal for Top Rookie! She was thrilled.
I stayed back while the older kids went to quiz as it was an hour away. The younger kids always feel a little ripped off that they can't go, so I try to make those days a little more fun when they are "stuck with me". I actually have come to really enjoy these special times as they are few and far between when it is just me and them.
The weather was hot and agreeable for a change. I begged my older boys to bring out the little pool that we had from last summer. They dragged it out and we set it up before they left. Thank goodness we did that! It was burning hot! With no air conditioning in the house, it was the perfect way to spend most of the day. But...you can't do that all day....what to do.....
These ideas might sound basic, but I loved how God would just bring simple ideas to my mind all day on how to occupy the kids in a way that wouldn't cost a lot of money, but would still be fun. When we were at the peak of boiling hot, (and we were low on groceries....hadn't had a chance to run out....) I immediately thought of what I would have bought if I had wanted to go to a drive-thru....either a lemonade slushie or some kind of ice cappuccino. It seems so simple and hardly profound, but I became very popular when I put a whole bunch of ice cubes, water, lemon juice and some sugar in the blender.....lemonade slushie.....the kids were sweetly amazed that it tasted "just like" (their words) it came from the local Tim Hortons. The night before I had done the same thing with a little milk, coffee, ice and sugar (waaaaay less sugar than the restaurants.....) and had made an ice capp. Again, seems simple, but it was delicious and cheap!
The next thing that came to my mind was doing a bit of gardening. Kids love dirt. They love planting. Flowers in the summer are so beautiful. I always put a few hanging plants in urns, as I don't have a porch area, per se, but then I thought....wait a minute...I DO have a porch....it's just a little ugly patch of cement. I had never bothered to decorate that area. I actually really hated looking at it. I longed for the day when it would be chopped up, removed and replaced by some kind of deck....in my dream anyway. But we're still trying to be careful with our money, not overdoing it, not doing unnecessary renovations, so there were certainly no immediate plans for that space. I had used that area just for little tricycles, scooters, etc.
On the Friday night when the older kids went for Day 1 of the two day quiz meet, my 7 year old daughter and I started talking about what we could do while the rest of the family was away. That was when I said, "Let's plant some flowers!" She got really excited about the idea, but in my mind, there was no where to plant these flowers as we really don't have any prepared beds around our house....we're still doing siding and any landscaping we would like to do won't be for awhile until the siding is finished. Knowing that buying more urns from a nursery was not an option, I told her, "Come with me." We started on a search in the barn. You should have seen me. I was a woman on a mission.
My husband had found some "artifacts" he had set aside, knowing we could use them some day in some way. Then I found some more things like empty bushel baskets, barrels, basins, wine crates.....the next thing you know, I moved, carried, rolled, just about anything that could hold dirt. I found a gorgeous old bench, a rusty lantern, another antique ladder, all sorts of unique things. My daughter was beside me the whole time suggesting, "What about this? or this?" It was so fun running through all the barns and sheds, upstairs and downstairs looking for things that might hold some dirt and flowers. All this for free, on sight, not a penny spent.
Once we had it all set up on my new "porch", we sat back and my daughter made a comment along the lines of "Wow! You've changed this whole place!" It looked amazing and that was without flowers! We were getting really excited. That was when I brought in the little boys. They had been playing around the yard that whole time, not interested at all in what I was up to. But at the mention of dirt, shovels and digging, they came running.
We had a pile of triple mix dirt on the other side of the driveway. I gave them the task of filling up pails of dirt and then carrying them over to tall the empty bins or crates or boxes. They were at it for what seemed like hours. They had so much fun.
By the time my husband and older kids had pulled in just after 9 pm, the ugly patch of cement at the side of the house was a whole new place....the newly arrived older kids were amazed! My husband, as usual, just laughed. When I get an idea in my mind, I can't wait. I had to finish it then and there.
The next day, kids and husband gone again, we bought some flowers. I stuck with the cheapest and the brightest colours I could find. We came back, made more slushies, swam in our deflating, but awesome little pool, then went back at it with the flowers. It was hilarious, there was dirt EVERYWHERE. They had filled the crates so full of dirt that it was literally falling out all over the place, but it was great. In a very short amount of time I had filled all the empty containers, but had somehow misjudged and had all sorts of extra flowers (I don't plant flowers very often.....) That led me on a whole other new search looking for even more empty containers....what else could I use? I found a few more and put even more flowers in them making the ugly cement patch a whole new lovely place to sit and spend time. I added a couple of chairs and voila, my new happy place.
This time when the kids came home after day 2 of quizzing, the flowers were in and they were so happy! Being surrounded by things that are beautiful, like flowers and antiques, really affects our moods more than I think we realize. The cement before was literally just a dumping ground. No one cared about it and would leave their bikes, garbage, old lawn chairs, propane tanks....it was like a garage without the door and I really couldn't stand looking at it. Today when I came out, I saw a few dishes that the kids had left out the night before, the scooters, some toys.....I immediately tidied it up again and put it all away so that I could keep my newly flowered porch area neat. I feel like God opened my eyes to something I had never seen before. He does that a lot. He doesn't give me a deck the way I wish He would. Instead He asks me to be content with what I have. Then, once I've surrendered my rights to have something the way I want it, when I want it, He gives it back to me. That ugly cement patch had always been there. The containers had always been around, but I had always begrudged the fact I didn't have a nice place to plant flowers, so for years, it has sat untouched, never prettied up, never "decorated". I was waiting and waiting for the miracle deck to happen.
Today - I love my ugly cement patch. There are flowers everywhere in all sorts of containers, big and small. I have to say, this is not a big area, yet last night all 10 of us were out there! Sitting on our two little chairs, or riding a scooter, or standing in the grass nearby. It has become our new meeting place as a family. So funny. Two days ago I hadn't seen it. I thank God for new eyes to see beauty even in the ugly.
My oldest son fought to the death for top place but went up against one amazing quizzer and so came in second, but he knew she deserved the win, so he was happy for her. My daughter who is only 12 had set a goal early on this year to be top rookie. She worked so hard this year and managed to make her goal, bringing home a medal for Top Rookie! She was thrilled.
I stayed back while the older kids went to quiz as it was an hour away. The younger kids always feel a little ripped off that they can't go, so I try to make those days a little more fun when they are "stuck with me". I actually have come to really enjoy these special times as they are few and far between when it is just me and them.
The weather was hot and agreeable for a change. I begged my older boys to bring out the little pool that we had from last summer. They dragged it out and we set it up before they left. Thank goodness we did that! It was burning hot! With no air conditioning in the house, it was the perfect way to spend most of the day. But...you can't do that all day....what to do.....
These ideas might sound basic, but I loved how God would just bring simple ideas to my mind all day on how to occupy the kids in a way that wouldn't cost a lot of money, but would still be fun. When we were at the peak of boiling hot, (and we were low on groceries....hadn't had a chance to run out....) I immediately thought of what I would have bought if I had wanted to go to a drive-thru....either a lemonade slushie or some kind of ice cappuccino. It seems so simple and hardly profound, but I became very popular when I put a whole bunch of ice cubes, water, lemon juice and some sugar in the blender.....lemonade slushie.....the kids were sweetly amazed that it tasted "just like" (their words) it came from the local Tim Hortons. The night before I had done the same thing with a little milk, coffee, ice and sugar (waaaaay less sugar than the restaurants.....) and had made an ice capp. Again, seems simple, but it was delicious and cheap!
The next thing that came to my mind was doing a bit of gardening. Kids love dirt. They love planting. Flowers in the summer are so beautiful. I always put a few hanging plants in urns, as I don't have a porch area, per se, but then I thought....wait a minute...I DO have a porch....it's just a little ugly patch of cement. I had never bothered to decorate that area. I actually really hated looking at it. I longed for the day when it would be chopped up, removed and replaced by some kind of deck....in my dream anyway. But we're still trying to be careful with our money, not overdoing it, not doing unnecessary renovations, so there were certainly no immediate plans for that space. I had used that area just for little tricycles, scooters, etc.
On the Friday night when the older kids went for Day 1 of the two day quiz meet, my 7 year old daughter and I started talking about what we could do while the rest of the family was away. That was when I said, "Let's plant some flowers!" She got really excited about the idea, but in my mind, there was no where to plant these flowers as we really don't have any prepared beds around our house....we're still doing siding and any landscaping we would like to do won't be for awhile until the siding is finished. Knowing that buying more urns from a nursery was not an option, I told her, "Come with me." We started on a search in the barn. You should have seen me. I was a woman on a mission.
My husband had found some "artifacts" he had set aside, knowing we could use them some day in some way. Then I found some more things like empty bushel baskets, barrels, basins, wine crates.....the next thing you know, I moved, carried, rolled, just about anything that could hold dirt. I found a gorgeous old bench, a rusty lantern, another antique ladder, all sorts of unique things. My daughter was beside me the whole time suggesting, "What about this? or this?" It was so fun running through all the barns and sheds, upstairs and downstairs looking for things that might hold some dirt and flowers. All this for free, on sight, not a penny spent.
Once we had it all set up on my new "porch", we sat back and my daughter made a comment along the lines of "Wow! You've changed this whole place!" It looked amazing and that was without flowers! We were getting really excited. That was when I brought in the little boys. They had been playing around the yard that whole time, not interested at all in what I was up to. But at the mention of dirt, shovels and digging, they came running.
We had a pile of triple mix dirt on the other side of the driveway. I gave them the task of filling up pails of dirt and then carrying them over to tall the empty bins or crates or boxes. They were at it for what seemed like hours. They had so much fun.
By the time my husband and older kids had pulled in just after 9 pm, the ugly patch of cement at the side of the house was a whole new place....the newly arrived older kids were amazed! My husband, as usual, just laughed. When I get an idea in my mind, I can't wait. I had to finish it then and there.
The next day, kids and husband gone again, we bought some flowers. I stuck with the cheapest and the brightest colours I could find. We came back, made more slushies, swam in our deflating, but awesome little pool, then went back at it with the flowers. It was hilarious, there was dirt EVERYWHERE. They had filled the crates so full of dirt that it was literally falling out all over the place, but it was great. In a very short amount of time I had filled all the empty containers, but had somehow misjudged and had all sorts of extra flowers (I don't plant flowers very often.....) That led me on a whole other new search looking for even more empty containers....what else could I use? I found a few more and put even more flowers in them making the ugly cement patch a whole new lovely place to sit and spend time. I added a couple of chairs and voila, my new happy place.
This time when the kids came home after day 2 of quizzing, the flowers were in and they were so happy! Being surrounded by things that are beautiful, like flowers and antiques, really affects our moods more than I think we realize. The cement before was literally just a dumping ground. No one cared about it and would leave their bikes, garbage, old lawn chairs, propane tanks....it was like a garage without the door and I really couldn't stand looking at it. Today when I came out, I saw a few dishes that the kids had left out the night before, the scooters, some toys.....I immediately tidied it up again and put it all away so that I could keep my newly flowered porch area neat. I feel like God opened my eyes to something I had never seen before. He does that a lot. He doesn't give me a deck the way I wish He would. Instead He asks me to be content with what I have. Then, once I've surrendered my rights to have something the way I want it, when I want it, He gives it back to me. That ugly cement patch had always been there. The containers had always been around, but I had always begrudged the fact I didn't have a nice place to plant flowers, so for years, it has sat untouched, never prettied up, never "decorated". I was waiting and waiting for the miracle deck to happen.
Today - I love my ugly cement patch. There are flowers everywhere in all sorts of containers, big and small. I have to say, this is not a big area, yet last night all 10 of us were out there! Sitting on our two little chairs, or riding a scooter, or standing in the grass nearby. It has become our new meeting place as a family. So funny. Two days ago I hadn't seen it. I thank God for new eyes to see beauty even in the ugly.
Friday, 27 May 2016
Waller Debrief
The Wallers have left, but not without leaving us feeling extremely blessed to have met them. I'm only sad that more people didn't get a chance to hear their message. As I sat there listening to their beautiful music and hearing their heart for marriage, I thought of all the sad, hopeless people out there who don't truly understand God's intention for marriage - to be a model of His love for us. Our model for marriage so often comes out of Hollywood. We should know by now, Hollywood doesn't have the answer.
The evening began with both of them singing original songs they had written. Brayden sat at the piano, while she either played on the drum or guitar. They had also brought along a young lady who accompanied them on violin. I was entranced. Their music was so incredible. Their voices were amazing. He reminded me of Keith Green mixed with a little Michael Card. I honestly could have listened to them for hours. Most of their songs were simply Scripture put to music.
They began by talking about John the Baptist. He was used by God to prepare the way for the coming of Christ. They described how different he looked in that he wore clothes out of camel's hair and he ate locusts and honey. He stood out. He was different. The challenge was - are we ready to be used by God to prepare the way for Christ's second coming? Are we willing to stand out? To be different? Are we ready to live our lives in a way that is perhaps different from the rest of the world, particularly with respect to marriage? We all know the statistics. Half of the marriages, Christian and non, are simply not making it. We are doing something wrong.
It hasn't always been this way. Marriages used to last a long time, but then we took a more casual approach in the last 50 or 60 years and with that came casual dating where you "try out" different people and the pattern for divorce was set.
Brayden and Tali were encouraging all the single people there that there is a better way. We don't have to do things the way the world is doing them with respect to preparing for marriage.
It wasn't your typical "stay pure" talk. You can get to the altar "pure" and still not give your heart fully to your spouse-to-be. If we engage in the dating phenomenon, each person that we date gets a piece of our heart, big or small. We want our children to truly give their whole hearts to their spouses. They encouraged all the single people there to picture their future spouse existing right then and there. Would that future spouse be happy if they were going around hugging and kissing other people? Of course not. They would hope and pray that they would be saving themselves for their future marriage.
There was so much more to the talk, but suffice it to say, it was very inspiring and we all left filled up with hope for the future and for our children's future spouses.
God brings people like this into our lives at just the right time. We really did nothing to coordinate the whole event. God brought them to us. This often happens at times in our life where we are really needing encouragement. We see it as God stepping down from heaven and putting His arms around us. It's His way of saying, "Stay on the path. Keep going. There are others on this same path. You are not alone. I'm going to show you. I'm going to bring people into your life to encourage you." It is amazing! If you had told me 10 years ago when we first watched their film, "These people will be in your house visiting you one day," I never would have believed it. It is just another reminder to me that God loves us. But He doesn't just say it in the Bible, He uses real people, with skin! He sends them to me out of the blue, to my little house. We somehow slept 20 people in our tiny farmhouse the night they were here and everyone had a bed! Funny. Well, I'm grateful to God for these big doses of His love. He sees us. He knows us. How can I ever doubt?
The evening began with both of them singing original songs they had written. Brayden sat at the piano, while she either played on the drum or guitar. They had also brought along a young lady who accompanied them on violin. I was entranced. Their music was so incredible. Their voices were amazing. He reminded me of Keith Green mixed with a little Michael Card. I honestly could have listened to them for hours. Most of their songs were simply Scripture put to music.
They began by talking about John the Baptist. He was used by God to prepare the way for the coming of Christ. They described how different he looked in that he wore clothes out of camel's hair and he ate locusts and honey. He stood out. He was different. The challenge was - are we ready to be used by God to prepare the way for Christ's second coming? Are we willing to stand out? To be different? Are we ready to live our lives in a way that is perhaps different from the rest of the world, particularly with respect to marriage? We all know the statistics. Half of the marriages, Christian and non, are simply not making it. We are doing something wrong.
It hasn't always been this way. Marriages used to last a long time, but then we took a more casual approach in the last 50 or 60 years and with that came casual dating where you "try out" different people and the pattern for divorce was set.
Brayden and Tali were encouraging all the single people there that there is a better way. We don't have to do things the way the world is doing them with respect to preparing for marriage.
It wasn't your typical "stay pure" talk. You can get to the altar "pure" and still not give your heart fully to your spouse-to-be. If we engage in the dating phenomenon, each person that we date gets a piece of our heart, big or small. We want our children to truly give their whole hearts to their spouses. They encouraged all the single people there to picture their future spouse existing right then and there. Would that future spouse be happy if they were going around hugging and kissing other people? Of course not. They would hope and pray that they would be saving themselves for their future marriage.
There was so much more to the talk, but suffice it to say, it was very inspiring and we all left filled up with hope for the future and for our children's future spouses.
God brings people like this into our lives at just the right time. We really did nothing to coordinate the whole event. God brought them to us. This often happens at times in our life where we are really needing encouragement. We see it as God stepping down from heaven and putting His arms around us. It's His way of saying, "Stay on the path. Keep going. There are others on this same path. You are not alone. I'm going to show you. I'm going to bring people into your life to encourage you." It is amazing! If you had told me 10 years ago when we first watched their film, "These people will be in your house visiting you one day," I never would have believed it. It is just another reminder to me that God loves us. But He doesn't just say it in the Bible, He uses real people, with skin! He sends them to me out of the blue, to my little house. We somehow slept 20 people in our tiny farmhouse the night they were here and everyone had a bed! Funny. Well, I'm grateful to God for these big doses of His love. He sees us. He knows us. How can I ever doubt?
Tuesday, 24 May 2016
Funerals, Gardens, and the Wallers
It has been a busy time. Well, when is it not a busy time....but EXTRA busy, it seems. Sadly, a couple of weeks ago, we lost my mom's sister to Alzheimer's, but we were able to celebrate her life last week. It was a wonderful opportunity to learn more of her faith as well as come together as an extended family. That's definitely the upside of these types of events. My uncles and aunts came in literally from all over the world, including Baghdad.
We've also been busy attempting to start a garden. We haven't had one for a couple of years as it is no small task. It's been a steep learning curve for me. I thought you could just till up the soil and plant a few seeds. Turns out it isn't that simple. Our first garden was a huge bomb. The soil had too much clay in it, so we essentially just made a swamp. Whenever it rained there were moats in between the beds. I grew frogs that year, not vegetables.
Then we got pigs, so they took over my garden last year. This year we, my husband and I, decided we would make a small garden (maybe 9 x 14), change the location to be in a sunnier spot and then make it bigger slowly over time. That was what I thought we had talked about. Then my husband got out the tractor and tilled a 40 x 40 ft. garden. That was not what we had talked about. He said the tractor made him do it.
So now we are going to plant a very big garden. I guess we'll be feeding the rest of the town as well! Well, that is assuming we get seeds in it....we keep getting distracted by other things.....
This week brings another wild opportunity....we are privileged to have a well-known family, the Wallers, (that is in homeschool circles, I guess!) come in and tell their story. We first met them through a documentary about their family called A Journey Home. That film really moved us. It was all about a father who had a successful job as an executive with Federal Express, but who felt he was missing out on raising his 5 boys. He did the unthinkable, quit his job and came home to be with his family. They moved out to the country where they took up organic farming, lived off the land, and through the sale of their vegetables, their family was provided for.
The next film they were featured in was called Betrothed. This film documented the story of their oldest son, Brayden Waller and his wife, Tali, as they went through the courtship process in a unique style. They wanted their marriage to reflect the heart of God, the Bridegroom, and the Church, the bride. They wanted to show how important it is to be pure and holy, for the Bridegroom, and to be ready for when the Bridegroom comes. Today, marriage is just about the pretty dress, the pictures, the feast, the cake, the honeymoon. But it is a much greater picture of something eternal.
Brayden, Tali, and their four kids, as well as Brayden's sister, Victoria, and her husband, will be coming this week to our house and to our church, to share their love story and the need to be pure before marriage. They are calling it "The Love and Purity Tour", as they are going all over the U.S. and here in Canada to share their message. We will have a full house, but we are excited about it! I'm secretly hoping they'll give us some gardening tips when they come as they are the organic farming experts....
Once again, it is easy for me to get really discontent, really quickly, as my house isn't finished the way I would like to host a family like this, but I realize if I waited until it was all done, I would miss out on these unique opportunities. We're going to kick a few kids out of their beds for a night or two, big deal. They can sleep on the couch. I know some people who build houses with the idea of hosting missionaries and out-of-town guests. They have actual "wings" in their houses for these types of guests. I wish! But, maybe one day. In the meantime, I feel like I just need to stop complaining and be happy with what I have. The Wallers lived with no running water and no electricity when they first started living off the land, so I think my house might even appear to be luxurious!
We've also been busy attempting to start a garden. We haven't had one for a couple of years as it is no small task. It's been a steep learning curve for me. I thought you could just till up the soil and plant a few seeds. Turns out it isn't that simple. Our first garden was a huge bomb. The soil had too much clay in it, so we essentially just made a swamp. Whenever it rained there were moats in between the beds. I grew frogs that year, not vegetables.
Then we got pigs, so they took over my garden last year. This year we, my husband and I, decided we would make a small garden (maybe 9 x 14), change the location to be in a sunnier spot and then make it bigger slowly over time. That was what I thought we had talked about. Then my husband got out the tractor and tilled a 40 x 40 ft. garden. That was not what we had talked about. He said the tractor made him do it.
So now we are going to plant a very big garden. I guess we'll be feeding the rest of the town as well! Well, that is assuming we get seeds in it....we keep getting distracted by other things.....
This week brings another wild opportunity....we are privileged to have a well-known family, the Wallers, (that is in homeschool circles, I guess!) come in and tell their story. We first met them through a documentary about their family called A Journey Home. That film really moved us. It was all about a father who had a successful job as an executive with Federal Express, but who felt he was missing out on raising his 5 boys. He did the unthinkable, quit his job and came home to be with his family. They moved out to the country where they took up organic farming, lived off the land, and through the sale of their vegetables, their family was provided for.
The next film they were featured in was called Betrothed. This film documented the story of their oldest son, Brayden Waller and his wife, Tali, as they went through the courtship process in a unique style. They wanted their marriage to reflect the heart of God, the Bridegroom, and the Church, the bride. They wanted to show how important it is to be pure and holy, for the Bridegroom, and to be ready for when the Bridegroom comes. Today, marriage is just about the pretty dress, the pictures, the feast, the cake, the honeymoon. But it is a much greater picture of something eternal.
Brayden, Tali, and their four kids, as well as Brayden's sister, Victoria, and her husband, will be coming this week to our house and to our church, to share their love story and the need to be pure before marriage. They are calling it "The Love and Purity Tour", as they are going all over the U.S. and here in Canada to share their message. We will have a full house, but we are excited about it! I'm secretly hoping they'll give us some gardening tips when they come as they are the organic farming experts....
Once again, it is easy for me to get really discontent, really quickly, as my house isn't finished the way I would like to host a family like this, but I realize if I waited until it was all done, I would miss out on these unique opportunities. We're going to kick a few kids out of their beds for a night or two, big deal. They can sleep on the couch. I know some people who build houses with the idea of hosting missionaries and out-of-town guests. They have actual "wings" in their houses for these types of guests. I wish! But, maybe one day. In the meantime, I feel like I just need to stop complaining and be happy with what I have. The Wallers lived with no running water and no electricity when they first started living off the land, so I think my house might even appear to be luxurious!
Monday, 16 May 2016
Working Wonders
Here is one of the best quotes I've ever read on motherhood from a Charlotte Mason book that I'm reading called The Outdoor Life of Children:
"...mothers work wonders once they are convinced that wonders are demanded of them."
Mason said this in response to anyone suggesting it is too much work to take children outdoors for more than an hour. She believed in the power of nature and being outside as much as possible with the children. She didn't like the idea of a mother just sending the children out on their own. Children come alive outside. Their powers of observation are completely put to work, creating pictures in their minds that will last them a lifetime and give them wonderful memories to reflect on in their old age even. And, we moms, can be the critical factor in the working of these "wonders" if we realize these "wonders" are demanded of us. We have to make it happen.
If I hadn't already moved to the country, after reading her book I would have packed my bags and left right away. Mason put it so beautifully awhen referring to being outside in the country and the fresh air "...here is the mother's opportunity to train the seeing-eye, the hearing ear, and to drop seeds of truth into the open soul of the child, which shall germinate, blossom, and bear fruit, without further help or knowledge of hers." Mason encouraged the mother to talk less when outside with the children (actually she used the words "perpetual cackle", which is really more appropriate as that is what I'm sure I sound like sometimes....) and instead give the child space to wonder and grow.
So I tried this on Thursday last week. What a beautiful day it was....no one wanted to stay indoors and I figured we'd been indoors for about 6 months, maybe it would be ok to do school outside. I had them take their books and we did manage to do some book work at a picnic table, all the while feeling the warm breeze and the sun on our backs. It was so great. But then we had to stop and just observe. So much had happened on the farm in the last few weeks. Spring had sprung and I wanted them to see it - up close. So we got the picnic table at little closer to our huge chestnut tree and we pulled a branch down and observed where only a few days earlier there had been a tiny bud, then a bigger bud, then a bigger bud. Finally it had literally burst open to display the most amazing bundle of leaves and a huge flower! I asked the kids, "How did all that fit in there?!" We were all amazed. We walked around and I made sure they knew the names of all the trees on our front yard.
Then, I grabbed one of our science books on trees, leaves and the life cycle of the cherry tree. It had a great picture of a blossom, with a bee on it and what the inside of the blossom looked like. I was going to have the kids read the book with me, still outside, but then....I stopped. We have a cherry tree on our property! With blossoms! And bees! We ran to it. We pulled down a branch again, trying not to get stung...as bees were everywhere, doing exactly what the bee was doing in the picture. The kids were so excited as they saw the pollinating process live! We just watched in wonder and awe as we could actually see the pollen on the bee's legs going from one blossom to the next. We smelled the blossoms. We touched them. We stayed there for a long time. Talk about using all 5 senses! Then we talked and talked about the whole process, trying to identify all the different parts of the blossoms, using words I never even knew such as "pistil" and "stamen". Last but not least, we grabbed our paints and we sat and painted. I sat there with them and tried to paint a blossom, too. I have no artistic talent at all, but that was not the point. I was there and because I was there, they painted and stayed for what seemed like hours. They even started to paint other flowers like dandelions. I had never seen dandelions as a beautiful spring flower. Now I do, because of them and their wonder, their observations.
The paints stayed out all weekend. They painted and painted all sorts of things I hadn't even told them to paint. My one child who was determined to not paint eventually caved when he saw what I was painting. I'm sure in his mind he was thinking, "I can do better than that." And he did!
I did "perpetually cackle" a little, as I was determined to make them learn something, but eventually I stopped when my kids all said, "Mom, we know...." Once a child is outside with the mother, Mason says, "...it is not her business to entertain the little people...Who thinks to amuse children with tale or talk at a circus or pantomime? And here, is there not infinitely more displayed for their delectation?" It's true! I just needed to shut up.
The world really is their classroom. There is so much to see outside, especially on a farm. We just had two new calves born, new kittens and we're waiting on some chicks. We never planned on that, but this mother hen is determined to brood and sit on our eggs. Just another amazing thing to observe. I need not say anything.
I've noticed when I'm outside, then they run to me to tell me the things they've observed, but when I send them out and stay indoors (which is sometimes where I'd rather be to be honest, getting things done, etc....) then they stop. I'm too far away, I won't care anyway, they figure. Once I started going out with them, they began to ask that I would be outside, "just watching them" they'd say. I don't know that they know why they like it when I'm outside, but they do. Reading this book has helped me understand again why it is so important that I go with them. They may not understand why it is so good for me to be there, but I understand, wonders are being demanded of me and I must be a part of working those wonders.
"...mothers work wonders once they are convinced that wonders are demanded of them."
Mason said this in response to anyone suggesting it is too much work to take children outdoors for more than an hour. She believed in the power of nature and being outside as much as possible with the children. She didn't like the idea of a mother just sending the children out on their own. Children come alive outside. Their powers of observation are completely put to work, creating pictures in their minds that will last them a lifetime and give them wonderful memories to reflect on in their old age even. And, we moms, can be the critical factor in the working of these "wonders" if we realize these "wonders" are demanded of us. We have to make it happen.
If I hadn't already moved to the country, after reading her book I would have packed my bags and left right away. Mason put it so beautifully awhen referring to being outside in the country and the fresh air "...here is the mother's opportunity to train the seeing-eye, the hearing ear, and to drop seeds of truth into the open soul of the child, which shall germinate, blossom, and bear fruit, without further help or knowledge of hers." Mason encouraged the mother to talk less when outside with the children (actually she used the words "perpetual cackle", which is really more appropriate as that is what I'm sure I sound like sometimes....) and instead give the child space to wonder and grow.
So I tried this on Thursday last week. What a beautiful day it was....no one wanted to stay indoors and I figured we'd been indoors for about 6 months, maybe it would be ok to do school outside. I had them take their books and we did manage to do some book work at a picnic table, all the while feeling the warm breeze and the sun on our backs. It was so great. But then we had to stop and just observe. So much had happened on the farm in the last few weeks. Spring had sprung and I wanted them to see it - up close. So we got the picnic table at little closer to our huge chestnut tree and we pulled a branch down and observed where only a few days earlier there had been a tiny bud, then a bigger bud, then a bigger bud. Finally it had literally burst open to display the most amazing bundle of leaves and a huge flower! I asked the kids, "How did all that fit in there?!" We were all amazed. We walked around and I made sure they knew the names of all the trees on our front yard.
Then, I grabbed one of our science books on trees, leaves and the life cycle of the cherry tree. It had a great picture of a blossom, with a bee on it and what the inside of the blossom looked like. I was going to have the kids read the book with me, still outside, but then....I stopped. We have a cherry tree on our property! With blossoms! And bees! We ran to it. We pulled down a branch again, trying not to get stung...as bees were everywhere, doing exactly what the bee was doing in the picture. The kids were so excited as they saw the pollinating process live! We just watched in wonder and awe as we could actually see the pollen on the bee's legs going from one blossom to the next. We smelled the blossoms. We touched them. We stayed there for a long time. Talk about using all 5 senses! Then we talked and talked about the whole process, trying to identify all the different parts of the blossoms, using words I never even knew such as "pistil" and "stamen". Last but not least, we grabbed our paints and we sat and painted. I sat there with them and tried to paint a blossom, too. I have no artistic talent at all, but that was not the point. I was there and because I was there, they painted and stayed for what seemed like hours. They even started to paint other flowers like dandelions. I had never seen dandelions as a beautiful spring flower. Now I do, because of them and their wonder, their observations.
The paints stayed out all weekend. They painted and painted all sorts of things I hadn't even told them to paint. My one child who was determined to not paint eventually caved when he saw what I was painting. I'm sure in his mind he was thinking, "I can do better than that." And he did!
I did "perpetually cackle" a little, as I was determined to make them learn something, but eventually I stopped when my kids all said, "Mom, we know...." Once a child is outside with the mother, Mason says, "...it is not her business to entertain the little people...Who thinks to amuse children with tale or talk at a circus or pantomime? And here, is there not infinitely more displayed for their delectation?" It's true! I just needed to shut up.
The world really is their classroom. There is so much to see outside, especially on a farm. We just had two new calves born, new kittens and we're waiting on some chicks. We never planned on that, but this mother hen is determined to brood and sit on our eggs. Just another amazing thing to observe. I need not say anything.
I've noticed when I'm outside, then they run to me to tell me the things they've observed, but when I send them out and stay indoors (which is sometimes where I'd rather be to be honest, getting things done, etc....) then they stop. I'm too far away, I won't care anyway, they figure. Once I started going out with them, they began to ask that I would be outside, "just watching them" they'd say. I don't know that they know why they like it when I'm outside, but they do. Reading this book has helped me understand again why it is so important that I go with them. They may not understand why it is so good for me to be there, but I understand, wonders are being demanded of me and I must be a part of working those wonders.
Friday, 13 May 2016
How to Handle Sennacherib and His Cronies
I have always been jealous of crafty people. Being crafty is like a superpower only a few people on earth seem to get. I see the stuff these people create and I shake my head in awe - how do they do it???!!!! Thank goodness for pinterest. It has helped me to realize that there are a few things "regular" people can do, but I still most of the things on pinterest seem impossible to me. But then, just recently, I realized even that is a lie in my head. Maybe it isn't a superpower, maybe it is just fear! What a revelation! Why can't I do some of the things I've seen others do?
On Monday night, a friend at church was showing me the things she's been creating. Something went off in my head. She was making things from just regular materials, nothing fancy. She was just looking at pinterest. She'd never made them before. She just thought to herself, "Why can't I?" I went home with a new determination. I can do this.
Yesterday, off I went down to the barn. I had seen these beautiful ladders for years, just sitting there collecting dust. I knew there was beauty there, but I felt so limited by my lack of craftiness. Don't judge me, but I've never used sandpaper before. That's right. I thought only people with the superpower of craftiness could use sandpaper.
I brought the ladder up to the deck, found some sand paper and next thing you know, I was being crafty. Today I will actually use verathane on it, which will also be a first for me. Then, I will find a spot in the house for it and I will have achieved true craftiness. No one could be more proud than me. My husband saw what I was doing and just laughed. I must have been desperate as I usually make him do these types of things. He has the superpower.
Fear. It is a lie that takes many shapes and forms. Sometimes it is just something small, like "You can't do crafts!" Other times it is much bigger, such as, "You will never be out of debt." I have see how I have fallen for the lies and have become fearful yet am much better at overcoming the big fears, oddly enough, but I hadn't seen it in the small areas. Satan was determined to find some area to make me afraid, even if it seemed like an insignificant area.
But, if I don't keep my guard up in all areas, then I am bound to fall back into old patterns of thinking. Hezekiah, king of Judah, was a godly king. He was described as "doing what was right in the eyes of the Lord." (2 Kings 18:3) This was big news as so many kings before him did was what evil in the eyes of the Lord, or they tried to listen to God, but they tried to serve their other gods as well. Israel ended up being sent into exile as punishment for their evil ways. Hezekiah would not serve the King of Assyria. This made Sennacherib furious. He sent messengers to threaten him and Hezekiah's people. The fear tactics of the enemy began. He was determined to undermine Hezekiah's faith in the Lord and also to make the people question Hezekiah as well...
"On what do you rest this trust of yours? Do you think that mere words are strategy and power for war? In whom do you now trust, that you have rebelled against me?" (2 Kings 18:19, 20)
There's the lie - you have nothing to trust in, no one to save you. Words, strategies, prayer....nothing will save you.
The servants of Hezekiah asked the king's messengers to speak in a different language so that the common people wouldn't understand what they were talking about, but they refused. They wanted everyone to question Hezekiah's leadership. They were quite happy to speak in the language everyone knew so that all would be fearful. They put it quite crudely,
"Has my master sent me to speak these words to your master and to you, and not to the men sitting on the wall, who are doomed with you to eat their own dung and to drink their own urine?" (18:27)
Isn't that just like Satan? If we don't fall for one lie in one "language" he'll switch languages to make sure we hear it and understand it in another "language". I had stopped falling for certain lies he used to throw my way, so he found another way to get to me.
The messengers of the king of Assyria then were more direct,
"Do not let Hezekiah deceive you, for he will not be able to deliver you out of my hand. Do not let Hezekiah make you trust in the Lord by saying , 'The Lord will surely deliver us, and this city will not be given into the hand of the king of Assyria.' (2 Kings 18:30, 31)
Sometimes I see my kids' faith start to falter. We keep telling them the Lord is our protector, provider, strength, and that He will get us out of debt if and when He wants to. Then, time will go by and they'll ask, "Will we really ever get out of debt? Nothing seems to be happening?" It's as if the king of Assyria sent messengers to them, "Don't believe your parents. They're telling you to trust in God, but you can't really. See, nothing is happening. Don't let them deceive you." So we constantly have to remind them that the enemy is even after them!
Satan longs to make us question God. From the beginning of time that has been his tactic. Hezekiah's servants went back to him devastated, though they put on a brave face and didn't answer the lies. I think that is critical - we, too, do not have to respond to the lies. "But the people were silent and answered him not a word, for the king's command was, 'Do not answer him.'" (vs. 36) I think that is a great strategy. Refuse to give Satan the satisfaction!
But, in truth, they were upset and ran back to Hezekiah to tell him everything they had heard. Hezekiah modelled the right response, he "...went into the house of the Lord." Isn't that what we should do? My "house of the Lord" is wherever I currently sit, stand, or walk when fear comes over me. More often than not, it is when I'm doing dishes or laundry. That is when I simply close my eyes and commit my situation to the Lord. Hezekiah had Isaiah, the prophet, to go and see. I have God's word, a wise husband, strong friends, a good church.
Hezekiah also didn't pretend he wasn't bothered or worried. He sent word to Isaiah, "This day is a day of distress, of rebuke, and of disgrace....It may be that the Lord your God heard all the words of the Rabshakeh, who his master the king of Assyria has sent to mock the living God, and will rebuke the words the the Lord your God has heard; therefore lift up your prayer for the remnant that is left." (2 Kings 19:3,4)
He was distressed. He felt rebuked and disgraced. But once again, the Lord spoke to Isaiah and said the words we all need to hear, "Do not be afraid because of the words that you have heard, with which the servants of the king of Assyria have reviled me." (vs. 6) Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid because someone has questioned my faith in God. I don't need to be afraid, even if I doubt sometimes His goodness and faithfulness. It is going to happen all the time. People are going to make us question our source of strength.
Going to the bank a couple of weeks ago was like meeting with the king of Assyria. As we sat across from the banker, it was like negotiating with Pharaoh, discussing our slavery and how many bricks we needed to make without straw. He sat there so confident that we would be under his thumb for 20 years, more or less, while I wanted so badly to stand up and tell him, "No! We won't be ruled by you for the rest of our lives!!!" But, I just sat there and smiled, shaking his slimy, cold, fishy hand as we left. In a way, he was telling us what a privilege it was to have us under the bank's authority and not unlike the king of Assyria, I felt like he was saying, "Has any of the gods of the nations EVER delivered his land out of the hand of the king of Assyria? Where are the gods of Hamath and Arpad? Where are the gods of Sepharvaim, Hena, and Ivvah? Have they delivered Samaria out of my hand? (these were all nations that Assyria had taken captive) Who among all the gods of the lands have delivered their lands out of my hand, that the Lord should deliver Jerusalem out of my hand?"
Isn't that it? We asked the banker what the penalty was to pay off the mortgage early. He was stunned. What do you mean? Who pays off a mortgage early? It took him a long time to make the calculation because that calculation just doesn't get made very often. Where are the gods that deliver people out of mortgages? They don't exist! Who among all the people who hold mortgages have ever been delivered from the slavery of the bank? But we asked anyway, because we want to believe it could happen as we don't serve the gods of the nations, but the God of the universe. I think it is funny that you even get penalized if you pay off your mortgage early!!!! The irony.
It ends like this. The king of Assyria makes one more attempt at defying the Lord. He sends a message again to Hezekiah, "Do not let your God in who you trust deceive you by promising that Jerusalem will not be given in to the hand of the king of Assyria. Behold, you have heard what the kings of Assyria have done to all lands, devoting them to destruction. And shall you be delivered?" (vs. 11)
Don't think you can pay off your mortgage. Don't be deceived. Do you actually know anyone personally who has done this? I didn't think so. And you think you shall be delivered? Think again.
Ahhh...the lies.
Hezekiah goes again to the house of the Lord. Seems to be the pattern for fear and when bad news comes! He took the actual letter from the king and spread it before the Lord, "O Lord, the God of Israel, enthroned above the cherubim, you are the God, you alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth; you made heaven and earth. Incline your ear, O Lord, and hear; open your eyes, O Lord, and see; and hear the words of Sennacherib, which he has sent to mock the living God. Truly, O Lord, the kings of Assyria have laid waste the nations and their lands and have cast their gods into the fire, for they were not gods, but the work, of men's hands, wood and stone, Therefore they were destroyed. So now, O Lord our God, save us, please, from his hand, that all the kings of the earth may know that you, O Lord, are God alone." (15-19)
So, we praise God for who He is. We speak out loud what He has done in the past. We call out for His ears, His eyes, to be inclined towards us, to see us. We tell Him our fears (paying off a mortgage is impossible in man's eyes). We ask to be saved. Hezekiah even said, "please"! We ask that God would be glorified and that all would know that God is God alone.
The Bible is the perfect model for how to handle fear, how to pray against the enemy, how to petition the Lord for our desires. We don't need to be afraid, is the bottom line, nor do we need to be victims of the lies Satan tries to relentlessly send our way. Sennacherib wouldn't give up and neither does Satan. They key is staying in the house of the Lord, all day, prayerfully and reminding ourselves who we serve.
Thursday, 12 May 2016
Back to Gifts....
I wrote this week about surrendering your rights, specifically with respect to gifts. This was in light of hearing a wife complaining about her husband. I had written about my struggle over the years with longing for my husband to speak my love language of gifts. This past Mother's Day he actually did get a gift for me....from the barn and for the barn! It was actually something I really loved. He found a beautiful, antique barrel that was just the perfect size for a little side table. He brought it in and placed it in the family room where I stumbled upon it later. He also got me pigs, 4 of them! Well, not actually for me, per se. They are ultimately for the freezer! He also took me out for dinner the night before because the next morning he and the kids were on for worship at church. He knew that there would be no time for a Mother's Day breakfast...He was thinking ahead!
So you see, he did get me gifts! But I wrote, I'm a little more complicated then that. I would have loved it if he had gotten me something a little more personal or feminine, not just pigs and barrels. I had whole lists in my head of things I would have liked! Poor guy, it must be so hard living with someone like me.
This is all going somewhere......
On the weekend, I had been shopping as well for gifts for others in my life. When I came to the cashier, she told me to put my name in for a draw. She told me I had really good odds of winning as only 3 people had put their names in so far for the Mother's Day gift basket. Who knows what it was worth, but it looked like a pretty nice basket of products. It didn't cost me, so I signed my name.
Then, I went home, Mother's Day happened, barrels and pigs, and, unfortunately, some of the old feelings crept in there about gifts. I'm a sinner, what can I say. My kids were sweet. I got a very meaningful card, a beautiful strawberry/hanging plant and a couple of crafty things the younger girls had made. Plus, we had the privilege of going to a wonderful brunch with family, so I definitely should not have struggled. That was when I realized my selfish heart and how I was being so demanding....again. So I surrendered my rights. I thanked him for all the ways he showed love to me that day and every day. He is so good to me, but sometimes I just get caught up in the way the world does things and my expectations become backwards.
After that, I felt so much better! I was completely at peace, grateful for all I had. I was able to see how God blesses me, with gifts, in other ways, all the time.....I wrote about my own learning curve with love languages and warned others of the danger of demanding your spouse speak in your "language".
Last night, I was checking messages on my phone. There was one from a number I didn't recognize....the voice message said, "Congratulations! Your name was chosen for the Mother's Day gift basket!" I couldn't believe it. I had completely forgotten about it. I can't help but think it is God's way of reminding me His way of loving is better than my way. When I am demanding and seeking love the way I want it, I do not get true love. However, when I see that I am being loved in other ways, not my ways, then I am blessed even more. So, today, I'll pick up this incredible GIFT basket (even the term 'gift' is ironic as I love gifts!!!) and I will count it as God's lesson in love to me. I hope I learn this lesson once and for all.
So you see, he did get me gifts! But I wrote, I'm a little more complicated then that. I would have loved it if he had gotten me something a little more personal or feminine, not just pigs and barrels. I had whole lists in my head of things I would have liked! Poor guy, it must be so hard living with someone like me.
This is all going somewhere......
On the weekend, I had been shopping as well for gifts for others in my life. When I came to the cashier, she told me to put my name in for a draw. She told me I had really good odds of winning as only 3 people had put their names in so far for the Mother's Day gift basket. Who knows what it was worth, but it looked like a pretty nice basket of products. It didn't cost me, so I signed my name.
Then, I went home, Mother's Day happened, barrels and pigs, and, unfortunately, some of the old feelings crept in there about gifts. I'm a sinner, what can I say. My kids were sweet. I got a very meaningful card, a beautiful strawberry/hanging plant and a couple of crafty things the younger girls had made. Plus, we had the privilege of going to a wonderful brunch with family, so I definitely should not have struggled. That was when I realized my selfish heart and how I was being so demanding....again. So I surrendered my rights. I thanked him for all the ways he showed love to me that day and every day. He is so good to me, but sometimes I just get caught up in the way the world does things and my expectations become backwards.
After that, I felt so much better! I was completely at peace, grateful for all I had. I was able to see how God blesses me, with gifts, in other ways, all the time.....I wrote about my own learning curve with love languages and warned others of the danger of demanding your spouse speak in your "language".
Last night, I was checking messages on my phone. There was one from a number I didn't recognize....the voice message said, "Congratulations! Your name was chosen for the Mother's Day gift basket!" I couldn't believe it. I had completely forgotten about it. I can't help but think it is God's way of reminding me His way of loving is better than my way. When I am demanding and seeking love the way I want it, I do not get true love. However, when I see that I am being loved in other ways, not my ways, then I am blessed even more. So, today, I'll pick up this incredible GIFT basket (even the term 'gift' is ironic as I love gifts!!!) and I will count it as God's lesson in love to me. I hope I learn this lesson once and for all.
Wednesday, 11 May 2016
What a Kid Will Do to Earn a Sucker
Yesterday was hilarious. I bought suckers (or lollipops, whatever you want to call them) when I was at the Dollar Store just so I would have something on hand when there was a little injury on the farm. They are a great distraction if you fall off your bike, scrape your knee, or get some type of injury that makes you cry. I mentioned that to the kids (all under 7) and assumed they understood. Each kid got one as a little treat for behaving well in the store and that was that, or so I thought.
Next thing you know, we're back home and my 5 year old comes limping in, "Mom, I reeeealllly hurt myself." "What happened?" I asked. "I fell and I reeeealllly hurt myself." I was about to jump up and see if he was really hurt, when suddenly it dawned on me.....he wants a sucker. Sure enough, he said, "I think I need a sucker." "Uh, no. I need to see blood gushing from your leg for me to give you a sucker."
A few minutes later, "Mom! Look! I have a scratch! Look! There's blood!" I looked, trying so hard not to laugh and saw what could have been blood, but was more like a thin red line of nothing. He was so excited that a kitten had scratched him and that there was blood. He was certain this time he would get a sucker. "I need a sucker, Mom. There's blood!" "Uh, no again...I want GUSHING blood." "What does 'gushing' mean?" he wanted to know. He took his own hand and tried to scratch his arm, trying to get blood, but no blood would come. He was so mad by now. He was determined to get a sucker.
His sister came in next. She even tried to cry. She had somehow gotten a little scrape on her elbow. Again, I could hardly see it, but she was sure it hurt enough to get a sucker. Nope. "Blood," I said, "Gushing...." I got her a bandaid instead. They were fuming. I was not holding up my end of the bargain, but I was starting to weaken as there attempts to get a sucker were soooo funny. I was laughing out loud by now and they were not impressed with me.
"Ok, I'll make you a deal." (We love to make deals in our family.) "You clean up the entire front yard, put away the bikes, pick up the garbage, take down the laundry, and you can have a sucker."
"What!?" they screamed. But the next thing you know, all the bikes were put away, the toys were picked up, the laundry was down. I had to give them a sucker. They were so excited! You would think it was the biggest reward or the biggest piece of candy or a million dollars!!!! All that for a tiny little candy on the end of a stick. Go figure. We'll see what they do today to earn one. Should be good. It is funny living over here.
Next thing you know, we're back home and my 5 year old comes limping in, "Mom, I reeeealllly hurt myself." "What happened?" I asked. "I fell and I reeeealllly hurt myself." I was about to jump up and see if he was really hurt, when suddenly it dawned on me.....he wants a sucker. Sure enough, he said, "I think I need a sucker." "Uh, no. I need to see blood gushing from your leg for me to give you a sucker."
A few minutes later, "Mom! Look! I have a scratch! Look! There's blood!" I looked, trying so hard not to laugh and saw what could have been blood, but was more like a thin red line of nothing. He was so excited that a kitten had scratched him and that there was blood. He was certain this time he would get a sucker. "I need a sucker, Mom. There's blood!" "Uh, no again...I want GUSHING blood." "What does 'gushing' mean?" he wanted to know. He took his own hand and tried to scratch his arm, trying to get blood, but no blood would come. He was so mad by now. He was determined to get a sucker.
His sister came in next. She even tried to cry. She had somehow gotten a little scrape on her elbow. Again, I could hardly see it, but she was sure it hurt enough to get a sucker. Nope. "Blood," I said, "Gushing...." I got her a bandaid instead. They were fuming. I was not holding up my end of the bargain, but I was starting to weaken as there attempts to get a sucker were soooo funny. I was laughing out loud by now and they were not impressed with me.
"Ok, I'll make you a deal." (We love to make deals in our family.) "You clean up the entire front yard, put away the bikes, pick up the garbage, take down the laundry, and you can have a sucker."
"What!?" they screamed. But the next thing you know, all the bikes were put away, the toys were picked up, the laundry was down. I had to give them a sucker. They were so excited! You would think it was the biggest reward or the biggest piece of candy or a million dollars!!!! All that for a tiny little candy on the end of a stick. Go figure. We'll see what they do today to earn one. Should be good. It is funny living over here.
Tuesday, 10 May 2016
The Secret
Last night at our women's group at church, we talked about prayer and petition. Can we ask God what for what we want? Can we bring everything before Him? Do we get on God's nerves if that is all we do, present a list of our "needs"?
The speaker concluded that we can ask God for things, but we must be praying "in Jesus' name". That simply means that we are praying in His will. If I ask for a trip to Cuba or a brand new car, I'm pretty sure that is not in God's will for me, but as I start to pray in Jesus' name, then my prayers start to change. Then I'm starting to sense what might be a more godly desire. As my will starts to line up with God's will, my prayers start to be answered as I'm praying the prayers that He wants me to pray.
We've been praying to be debt-free for a long time. God could have answered that in one second if He had wanted to. That continues to be my prayer and I am pretty sure that it would bring God more glory to have us debt-free than in debt, however, because it is taking waaaaay longer than I would have planned, I've started to notice my prayers are changing. I've seen that He has got a much bigger plan for me. He's been teaching us many lessons along the way that we would never have learned with an immediate out-of-debt response. So, I've had to change my prayers.
Now, I thank Him, for everything, that He's not answering my prayers (the way I first imagined), that He is teaching me so many amazing lessons, that He's proving Himself faithful, that He's got a plan that I don't understand....I continue to ask Him for a miracle, that prayer hasn't stopped or changed, but I've added that element of thankfulness. Philippians 4:6 says, "...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."
Paul talks about the "secret" of being content in verse 12: I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. We can continue to pray for the things we desire, but as we pray for them we simultaneously surrender our rights to them. Then we are content, no matter which way God chooses to answer. The struggle doesn't mean we don't have faith. It is part of the process of learning to surrender.
Therefore, as I said, I still pray for the miracle of being debt-free one day, but I surrender my timing and even the possibility it may not happen in my lifetime. I can be content either way as I rest in His will for my life.
The speaker concluded that we can ask God for things, but we must be praying "in Jesus' name". That simply means that we are praying in His will. If I ask for a trip to Cuba or a brand new car, I'm pretty sure that is not in God's will for me, but as I start to pray in Jesus' name, then my prayers start to change. Then I'm starting to sense what might be a more godly desire. As my will starts to line up with God's will, my prayers start to be answered as I'm praying the prayers that He wants me to pray.
We've been praying to be debt-free for a long time. God could have answered that in one second if He had wanted to. That continues to be my prayer and I am pretty sure that it would bring God more glory to have us debt-free than in debt, however, because it is taking waaaaay longer than I would have planned, I've started to notice my prayers are changing. I've seen that He has got a much bigger plan for me. He's been teaching us many lessons along the way that we would never have learned with an immediate out-of-debt response. So, I've had to change my prayers.
Now, I thank Him, for everything, that He's not answering my prayers (the way I first imagined), that He is teaching me so many amazing lessons, that He's proving Himself faithful, that He's got a plan that I don't understand....I continue to ask Him for a miracle, that prayer hasn't stopped or changed, but I've added that element of thankfulness. Philippians 4:6 says, "...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."
Paul talks about the "secret" of being content in verse 12: I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. We can continue to pray for the things we desire, but as we pray for them we simultaneously surrender our rights to them. Then we are content, no matter which way God chooses to answer. The struggle doesn't mean we don't have faith. It is part of the process of learning to surrender.
Therefore, as I said, I still pray for the miracle of being debt-free one day, but I surrender my timing and even the possibility it may not happen in my lifetime. I can be content either way as I rest in His will for my life.
Monday, 9 May 2016
Love Languages....A Caution!
I listened to a lady whining and complaining about her husband the other day. Another wise woman told this unhappy wife about the book on love languages and how there are different languages we use to communicate love, such as acts of service or actual gifts. Her advice was to read the book so she would know what language her husband was perhaps trying to use to communicate love and what language she was using. This way if they understood one another better maybe there would be less conflict.
I agree with this....sort of. I think it is helpful to know what love language you and your spouse use, but then, upon realizing that, I think it is critical to surrender your rights to be spoken to in that language. For example, in our house, I love getting gifts. I need words of affirmation. Fortunately for me, my husband is always very affirming, but giving gifts is not who he is. He does acts of service all day everyday, but buying a gift? Very hard.
I have learned, the hard way, to not demand this. Instead I have to see all the "gifts" he gives me that are not your typical from-a-store-gift. He gives me the gift of time. He gives me the gift of conversation. He gives me the gift of taking care of all the things that I find overwhelming, like taking care of the vehicles, the bills, banking......I know many women who get gifts, perhaps, from their husbands, but don't do any of these other things that I find so helpful. Or, they get gifts, but never a touch or a word of affirmation. My husband is great at affirming me and never misses an opportunity to hug me or touch me.
For me to sit there and demand,"Where is my gift????" would nearly drive him to the brink of insanity. I have more than hinted in the past my disappointment when he doesn't speak to me in the "gift" language. I should say, some years, on either birthdays or anniversaries, he has bought something. I've actually received a number of gifts over the years, but some years it is just easier than others. Other years, it's been a real challenge, both financially or just time-wise. It is really tricky trying to get out and buy gifts with a large family! Some might argue that he should try harder, but that is to suggest that he can only love me in that language and that if he doesn't buy me a gift, he isn't loving. I don't think so.
Mother's Day, Hallmark, malls, flyers, ads.....it's worse than Christmas. We are so inundated with pressure to spend, spend, spend.....the marketing geniuses know how to play the "Mom card". I can get caught up in the frenzy and I actually think Satan can use these occasions to create tension in a marriage instead of using them to show love to one another.
Now we are in our 21st year of marriage.....still learning about how we can best communicate our love to one another. When I first started this blog, it was with the audience of a young mom or wife in mind. If I had been able to communicate to that wife I talked about at the beginning of this post, I would have encouraged her to still read the book, but then once she saw what language her husband spoke, to be content with that. Learning another love language isn't impossible, but it seems to me to breed more discontentment. If my husband does try to get me a gift, he's learned over the years, it's complicated! In my ideal gift world, he'd have to buy a different gift representing all the different sides of me.....that works out to about twenty different gifts! Poor guy, I'm very hard to please...... But that is how I shop for him, something practical, something sentimental, something delicious.....see what I mean? I will probably still buy gifts for him as that is my love language and hey, I won't deny it, if he shows up with a gift any day, I'll take it! But, if he doesn't....then I've learned, that is ok! It doesn't mean he loves me any less.
When I consider gifts (and how I love them), I have discovered that God still meets this (pathetic) need many other ways. Guess what? Some of my kids love to give gifts! Yeah! I have very generous friends, sisters, parents, in-laws.....I get gifts a variety of ways. I am blessed, all the time.
God has created us to love, to give love, to show love....and that is good, but we must be careful how we demand it. True love doesn't demand it or expect it. True love "does not insist on its own way" or on its own "love language" (1 Cor. 13).
Friday, 6 May 2016
Raising Entrepreneurial Children
Last night we all sat around reflecting about our day and we were all able to share how we had seen God work this past week. We had specifically been praying about a job interview for our 14 year old at the library. It looks like he got the job, we're waiting for the phone call to confirm, but they started telling him his schedule, so we assume he's in! He's very excited! Perhaps not the most action-filled, fun environment, but he's making money! My kids are all about making money right now as they long to have their own vehicles and they know how much insurance costs, but there is no way we will be able to pay for all of those vehicles! We're happy to see each child moving forward knowing they are getting good job experience, experiencing first interviews, writing resumes, learning to save money. But we are definitely noticing how much time this takes out of our lives, getting their lives off and running!
Ultimately, we would love it if our children would be entrepreneurial in their vocations in the future, for so many reasons. My husband shared on the entrepreneurial panel this past weekend how there are just so many benefits. Despite the challenges we are experiencing right now, we still prefer the lifestyle we have compared to what it was when he worked for someone else. Even if one of our sons goes into vet work, we would love it if he ran his own clinic one day.
My oldest daughter was really wanting quick money this summer. She wanted to work anywhere that would give her regular work doing whatever, selling donuts, coffee, or anything! But we sat her down and encouraged her to persevere in developing her piano business. Not just teaching, but perhaps playing for dance schools or at weddings or for anyone who needs accompaniment. She started to catch a vision, but it doesn't come quite as easily as working at a coffee shop.
Another very young guy on the entrepreneurial panel was asked, "Do you have to sell yourself?" What he meant by the question was, "Do you have to be a salesperson for yourself?" Every person on the panel said, "Yes." You have to get out there, tell people what you have to offer, as no one knows or cares about you unless you tell them why you are so great and all the amazing skills you have! Right now, I am my children's biggest saleswoman. I tell just about everyone I meet about what my kids have to offer in order to get them work or more business. I really deserve a cut from all of their paychecks I might add. But if I didn't tell people about their little businesses or their skill sets, no one would come and knock on our door wondering if they had anything to offer. Eventually, I'm assuming I will no longer be their sales guy and they'll do it well enough on their own, but for now, I love doing it! Just need to figure out how I can get them to pay me for what I do...
So, the money will come in a little slower for my daughter, but once it comes in, it will be more fulfilling for her and I actually think she'll make more. I also think it is such a great use of her skills, although eating donuts is another skill of hers, I don't think it is the best skill! We want our kids to have a sense of purpose in life and I think this will give that to her.
One member of the audience at the entrepreneurial panel said, "I'm 47 and just started my own business. I had been driving a truck for years and just felt I had no purpose for living, so I quit and decided to go out on my own." You can drive a truck and have purpose for living, but this man didn't. He was frustrated. We want our children to look back on their lives and see that they were doing what God created them to do, right from the beginning. That's the ideal of course. They probably won't always do that, they'll make mistakes, they'll learn, they'll try different things, some will work, some won't, but we are speaking about the bigger picture.
Again, I can hardly believe I am writing about these things. It seems impossible to me to think that my little babies are now running businesses of their own. I am just so grateful for my younger boys as they help make me feel I still have those little babies in my house. While we are talking with our older children about serious life issues, work, their futures, etc., my little guys are running around with belts sticking out of the back of their pants because they are pretending to be cats with long tails! I just love the two extremes. We had a young single guy over for an hour last night to discuss business with my husband. He came out and saw all the kids running around, digging holes in the dirt, looking for worms, hitting each other, noise, noise, noise!!!! I said, "I bet it's a little quieter at your house when you go home." "Too quiet," he said. We definitely do not have that problem over here!!!
We continue to lift up our children's futures to the Lord, whether they do end up running a business or being an employee, their future's ultimately belong to Him and that helps me relax.
Ultimately, we would love it if our children would be entrepreneurial in their vocations in the future, for so many reasons. My husband shared on the entrepreneurial panel this past weekend how there are just so many benefits. Despite the challenges we are experiencing right now, we still prefer the lifestyle we have compared to what it was when he worked for someone else. Even if one of our sons goes into vet work, we would love it if he ran his own clinic one day.
My oldest daughter was really wanting quick money this summer. She wanted to work anywhere that would give her regular work doing whatever, selling donuts, coffee, or anything! But we sat her down and encouraged her to persevere in developing her piano business. Not just teaching, but perhaps playing for dance schools or at weddings or for anyone who needs accompaniment. She started to catch a vision, but it doesn't come quite as easily as working at a coffee shop.
Another very young guy on the entrepreneurial panel was asked, "Do you have to sell yourself?" What he meant by the question was, "Do you have to be a salesperson for yourself?" Every person on the panel said, "Yes." You have to get out there, tell people what you have to offer, as no one knows or cares about you unless you tell them why you are so great and all the amazing skills you have! Right now, I am my children's biggest saleswoman. I tell just about everyone I meet about what my kids have to offer in order to get them work or more business. I really deserve a cut from all of their paychecks I might add. But if I didn't tell people about their little businesses or their skill sets, no one would come and knock on our door wondering if they had anything to offer. Eventually, I'm assuming I will no longer be their sales guy and they'll do it well enough on their own, but for now, I love doing it! Just need to figure out how I can get them to pay me for what I do...
So, the money will come in a little slower for my daughter, but once it comes in, it will be more fulfilling for her and I actually think she'll make more. I also think it is such a great use of her skills, although eating donuts is another skill of hers, I don't think it is the best skill! We want our kids to have a sense of purpose in life and I think this will give that to her.
One member of the audience at the entrepreneurial panel said, "I'm 47 and just started my own business. I had been driving a truck for years and just felt I had no purpose for living, so I quit and decided to go out on my own." You can drive a truck and have purpose for living, but this man didn't. He was frustrated. We want our children to look back on their lives and see that they were doing what God created them to do, right from the beginning. That's the ideal of course. They probably won't always do that, they'll make mistakes, they'll learn, they'll try different things, some will work, some won't, but we are speaking about the bigger picture.
Again, I can hardly believe I am writing about these things. It seems impossible to me to think that my little babies are now running businesses of their own. I am just so grateful for my younger boys as they help make me feel I still have those little babies in my house. While we are talking with our older children about serious life issues, work, their futures, etc., my little guys are running around with belts sticking out of the back of their pants because they are pretending to be cats with long tails! I just love the two extremes. We had a young single guy over for an hour last night to discuss business with my husband. He came out and saw all the kids running around, digging holes in the dirt, looking for worms, hitting each other, noise, noise, noise!!!! I said, "I bet it's a little quieter at your house when you go home." "Too quiet," he said. We definitely do not have that problem over here!!!
We continue to lift up our children's futures to the Lord, whether they do end up running a business or being an employee, their future's ultimately belong to Him and that helps me relax.
Wednesday, 4 May 2016
Hearts, Cake and Weapons
A great weekend at OCHEC, our homeschool conference. I always hesitate to go every year as it is a sacrifice of time for our kids, for anyone who watches our kids and it impacts my husband's work, but then, I leave every year so glad I went. We are encouraged to stay on the path, to go the road less traveled, to continue to persevere with our children's education. We were reminded it is not about the academics when you homeschool, they are just a bonus. It is about our children's eternal destination, their very souls.
We heard from the founder of the HSLDA, the homeschooling legal defense association in the U.S. He was also the founder of Patrick Henry College. This guy is a "get it done" kind of guy. We had just read about Patrick Henry in our history reading. Now I get why he used that name for his college. Patrick Henry stood up for freedom. His famous line is, "Give me liberty or give me death." Mike Farris, I'm sure, chose the name for his school because he wants to make sure homeschoolers remain free to homeschool their children, not just for our generation, but for generations to come. He just recently finished an international law degree, in addition to all his other degrees, just so that he can help fellow homeschoolers in other countries fight for freedom. It is illegal in countries like Germany to homeschool. Needless to say, he was inspiring.
I also picked up a wonderful parenting book looking at "heart-oriented" discipline. I had read books like this years ago when the kids were young, but hadn't looked at them in years. It was good to revisit a good book specifically dealing with discipline as me and my little guys needed a refresher. The author, Ginger Hubbard, says the Bible has everything we need in it to train our children. She takes the reader right to Matthew 18:15, "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you."
What a great starting point! Try to teach your children to solve matters on their own! So, as usual, I grabbed all the kids that were home (now there's usually only 6 now...so strange....) and I sat them down and read Matthew 18. I told them, "The Bible has the answer on how we are to resolve conflict....listen to this...." I ran them through two scenarios that had already happened that morning with two of the children and we role-played how instead of crying to Mom right away, they could have handled it all on their own. The tricky and most important part is knowing that they are now in charge of resolving their own conflict. I only get involved if the offended party can't get the other party to respond rightly.
Hubbard described how the Bible says we are to "train in righteousness" which means I can't just stand by and hope they know what to do. I have to walk through a few situations with them and show them the right Biblical response, such as reminding them to speak in love, to not be offended easily and to not be rude. Then, I also had to remind them, when the brother comes to the one who has sinned and tells them what his "fault" was, the other brother must respond with a repentant heart and ask for forgiveness. That has to also be taught, so that they are aware how they should respond! It is hard to do this! It takes a lot of time!
I was reminded, also, that the Bible talks about a way of escape when you are under temptation. With children, their temptation is to lash out, hit, scream. If we don't "train in righteousness", then there is no way escape! This was revolutionary thinking to me and a great wake up call as to the importance of taking the time, even if it is a lot of time, to train properly and Biblically. Their "way out" is to give them the tools of right behavior. If there is no training in righteous, they are left with their sin nature, which leads to exasperation with the parent and, of course, bad behavior.
So, we went back to the role-playing and even though it seemed contrived I showed them how to tell their sibling "This bothered me when you did this...." Normally, the other sibling would probably say, "Who cares!" But I told them, it is really important at that point to say, "I'm sorry", otherwise, the judge, mom, gets involved, and they won't like that.
Heart-oriented discipline also goes a step further. It takes the child through a series of questions that gets to why they hurt their sibling. It takes time, too. Through a series of well-thought out questions, it helps the child see they have wronged their brother or sister and that their behavior needs to be that of a new creation....otherwise we are just little Pharisees that have outward change, but no inward change. We don't want that!
So yesterday, in the car, my 5 year old accused my 4 year old of lying.
5 year old: "He says he saw a sheep and he didn't!!!!"
Mom: "How do you know he didn't see a sheep?"
5 year old: "He didn't! He's lying. He always lies."
Mom: "You know, it is very possible that he did see a sheep. You saw one. I think he probably did. How do you think it makes him feel when you call him a liar?"
5 year old: "It makes him feel bad....."
Then, with no further prompting from me, he turned to his brother and said in the kindest tone, "I'm sorry."
It didn't actually take that long to get to that point. It just took a short series of questions before he realized he had hurt his brother. I could see that heart change from my rear-view window! It was amazing and relationships were restored between the two boys. It was actually the only way I could discipline because I was driving! So it was more powerful then I could have even imagined.
So we're back on track.....taking the time to help our children's hearts.
Meanwhile, our oldest boy is back at work today on his 17th birthday. He doesn't know that his workday is going to end a little sooner. He'll be dropped off late afternoon near his jobsite where my husband, my 14 year old son and 2 friends will pick him up to go, get this.....axe-throwing!!!! Yes, "the family that slays together, stays together...." I'm not joking, that is the tag line for this hilarious business. You can go axe-throwing, knife-throwing....whatever weapon you choose! Totally my son's thing. He will be out of his skin with excitement. So, a little surprise for us to look forward to...he has no idea.
More heart-training ahead I'm sure, today, and birthday cake and weapons! What a great combination!
We heard from the founder of the HSLDA, the homeschooling legal defense association in the U.S. He was also the founder of Patrick Henry College. This guy is a "get it done" kind of guy. We had just read about Patrick Henry in our history reading. Now I get why he used that name for his college. Patrick Henry stood up for freedom. His famous line is, "Give me liberty or give me death." Mike Farris, I'm sure, chose the name for his school because he wants to make sure homeschoolers remain free to homeschool their children, not just for our generation, but for generations to come. He just recently finished an international law degree, in addition to all his other degrees, just so that he can help fellow homeschoolers in other countries fight for freedom. It is illegal in countries like Germany to homeschool. Needless to say, he was inspiring.
I also picked up a wonderful parenting book looking at "heart-oriented" discipline. I had read books like this years ago when the kids were young, but hadn't looked at them in years. It was good to revisit a good book specifically dealing with discipline as me and my little guys needed a refresher. The author, Ginger Hubbard, says the Bible has everything we need in it to train our children. She takes the reader right to Matthew 18:15, "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you."
What a great starting point! Try to teach your children to solve matters on their own! So, as usual, I grabbed all the kids that were home (now there's usually only 6 now...so strange....) and I sat them down and read Matthew 18. I told them, "The Bible has the answer on how we are to resolve conflict....listen to this...." I ran them through two scenarios that had already happened that morning with two of the children and we role-played how instead of crying to Mom right away, they could have handled it all on their own. The tricky and most important part is knowing that they are now in charge of resolving their own conflict. I only get involved if the offended party can't get the other party to respond rightly.
Hubbard described how the Bible says we are to "train in righteousness" which means I can't just stand by and hope they know what to do. I have to walk through a few situations with them and show them the right Biblical response, such as reminding them to speak in love, to not be offended easily and to not be rude. Then, I also had to remind them, when the brother comes to the one who has sinned and tells them what his "fault" was, the other brother must respond with a repentant heart and ask for forgiveness. That has to also be taught, so that they are aware how they should respond! It is hard to do this! It takes a lot of time!
I was reminded, also, that the Bible talks about a way of escape when you are under temptation. With children, their temptation is to lash out, hit, scream. If we don't "train in righteousness", then there is no way escape! This was revolutionary thinking to me and a great wake up call as to the importance of taking the time, even if it is a lot of time, to train properly and Biblically. Their "way out" is to give them the tools of right behavior. If there is no training in righteous, they are left with their sin nature, which leads to exasperation with the parent and, of course, bad behavior.
So, we went back to the role-playing and even though it seemed contrived I showed them how to tell their sibling "This bothered me when you did this...." Normally, the other sibling would probably say, "Who cares!" But I told them, it is really important at that point to say, "I'm sorry", otherwise, the judge, mom, gets involved, and they won't like that.
Heart-oriented discipline also goes a step further. It takes the child through a series of questions that gets to why they hurt their sibling. It takes time, too. Through a series of well-thought out questions, it helps the child see they have wronged their brother or sister and that their behavior needs to be that of a new creation....otherwise we are just little Pharisees that have outward change, but no inward change. We don't want that!
So yesterday, in the car, my 5 year old accused my 4 year old of lying.
5 year old: "He says he saw a sheep and he didn't!!!!"
Mom: "How do you know he didn't see a sheep?"
5 year old: "He didn't! He's lying. He always lies."
Mom: "You know, it is very possible that he did see a sheep. You saw one. I think he probably did. How do you think it makes him feel when you call him a liar?"
5 year old: "It makes him feel bad....."
Then, with no further prompting from me, he turned to his brother and said in the kindest tone, "I'm sorry."
It didn't actually take that long to get to that point. It just took a short series of questions before he realized he had hurt his brother. I could see that heart change from my rear-view window! It was amazing and relationships were restored between the two boys. It was actually the only way I could discipline because I was driving! So it was more powerful then I could have even imagined.
So we're back on track.....taking the time to help our children's hearts.
Meanwhile, our oldest boy is back at work today on his 17th birthday. He doesn't know that his workday is going to end a little sooner. He'll be dropped off late afternoon near his jobsite where my husband, my 14 year old son and 2 friends will pick him up to go, get this.....axe-throwing!!!! Yes, "the family that slays together, stays together...." I'm not joking, that is the tag line for this hilarious business. You can go axe-throwing, knife-throwing....whatever weapon you choose! Totally my son's thing. He will be out of his skin with excitement. So, a little surprise for us to look forward to...he has no idea.
More heart-training ahead I'm sure, today, and birthday cake and weapons! What a great combination!
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