A great weekend at OCHEC, our homeschool conference. I always hesitate to go every year as it is a sacrifice of time for our kids, for anyone who watches our kids and it impacts my husband's work, but then, I leave every year so glad I went. We are encouraged to stay on the path, to go the road less traveled, to continue to persevere with our children's education. We were reminded it is not about the academics when you homeschool, they are just a bonus. It is about our children's eternal destination, their very souls.
We heard from the founder of the HSLDA, the homeschooling legal defense association in the U.S. He was also the founder of Patrick Henry College. This guy is a "get it done" kind of guy. We had just read about Patrick Henry in our history reading. Now I get why he used that name for his college. Patrick Henry stood up for freedom. His famous line is, "Give me liberty or give me death." Mike Farris, I'm sure, chose the name for his school because he wants to make sure homeschoolers remain free to homeschool their children, not just for our generation, but for generations to come. He just recently finished an international law degree, in addition to all his other degrees, just so that he can help fellow homeschoolers in other countries fight for freedom. It is illegal in countries like Germany to homeschool. Needless to say, he was inspiring.
I also picked up a wonderful parenting book looking at "heart-oriented" discipline. I had read books like this years ago when the kids were young, but hadn't looked at them in years. It was good to revisit a good book specifically dealing with discipline as me and my little guys needed a refresher. The author, Ginger Hubbard, says the Bible has everything we need in it to train our children. She takes the reader right to Matthew 18:15, "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you."
What a great starting point! Try to teach your children to solve matters on their own! So, as usual, I grabbed all the kids that were home (now there's usually only 6 now...so strange....) and I sat them down and read Matthew 18. I told them, "The Bible has the answer on how we are to resolve conflict....listen to this...." I ran them through two scenarios that had already happened that morning with two of the children and we role-played how instead of crying to Mom right away, they could have handled it all on their own. The tricky and most important part is knowing that they are now in charge of resolving their own conflict. I only get involved if the offended party can't get the other party to respond rightly.
Hubbard described how the Bible says we are to "train in righteousness" which means I can't just stand by and hope they know what to do. I have to walk through a few situations with them and show them the right Biblical response, such as reminding them to speak in love, to not be offended easily and to not be rude. Then, I also had to remind them, when the brother comes to the one who has sinned and tells them what his "fault" was, the other brother must respond with a repentant heart and ask for forgiveness. That has to also be taught, so that they are aware how they should respond! It is hard to do this! It takes a lot of time!
I was reminded, also, that the Bible talks about a way of escape when you are under temptation. With children, their temptation is to lash out, hit, scream. If we don't "train in righteousness", then there is no way escape! This was revolutionary thinking to me and a great wake up call as to the importance of taking the time, even if it is a lot of time, to train properly and Biblically. Their "way out" is to give them the tools of right behavior. If there is no training in righteous, they are left with their sin nature, which leads to exasperation with the parent and, of course, bad behavior.
So, we went back to the role-playing and even though it seemed contrived I showed them how to tell their sibling "This bothered me when you did this...." Normally, the other sibling would probably say, "Who cares!" But I told them, it is really important at that point to say, "I'm sorry", otherwise, the judge, mom, gets involved, and they won't like that.
Heart-oriented discipline also goes a step further. It takes the child through a series of questions that gets to why they hurt their sibling. It takes time, too. Through a series of well-thought out questions, it helps the child see they have wronged their brother or sister and that their behavior needs to be that of a new creation....otherwise we are just little Pharisees that have outward change, but no inward change. We don't want that!
So yesterday, in the car, my 5 year old accused my 4 year old of lying.
5 year old: "He says he saw a sheep and he didn't!!!!"
Mom: "How do you know he didn't see a sheep?"
5 year old: "He didn't! He's lying. He always lies."
Mom: "You know, it is very possible that he did see a sheep. You saw one. I think he probably did. How do you think it makes him feel when you call him a liar?"
5 year old: "It makes him feel bad....."
Then, with no further prompting from me, he turned to his brother and said in the kindest tone, "I'm sorry."
It didn't actually take that long to get to that point. It just took a short series of questions before he realized he had hurt his brother. I could see that heart change from my rear-view window! It was amazing and relationships were restored between the two boys. It was actually the only way I could discipline because I was driving! So it was more powerful then I could have even imagined.
So we're back on track.....taking the time to help our children's hearts.
Meanwhile, our oldest boy is back at work today on his 17th birthday. He doesn't know that his workday is going to end a little sooner. He'll be dropped off late afternoon near his jobsite where my husband, my 14 year old son and 2 friends will pick him up to go, get this.....axe-throwing!!!! Yes, "the family that slays together, stays together...." I'm not joking, that is the tag line for this hilarious business. You can go axe-throwing, knife-throwing....whatever weapon you choose! Totally my son's thing. He will be out of his skin with excitement. So, a little surprise for us to look forward to...he has no idea.
More heart-training ahead I'm sure, today, and birthday cake and weapons! What a great combination!
No comments:
Post a Comment