A Wedding Story

Six years ago, when we built the house that brought us out this way, we had 3 young men live with us for 6 months.  We called them "interns".  They were my husband's 2nd, 3rd, and 4th set of hands throughout the whole house building experience.  They were just 16, 17, and 18 when they came. They really had little or no experience before coming to us, but that was part of the deal.  As interns, receiving only room and board, they would be trained and taught each skill.  It was going to be "school" for them as much as help for us.  In addition, to helping us build the house, my husband also had regular engineering work to do.  He used those boys as his helpers, too, with his engineering work.  They were up early every morning and worked long days.  Now that I have boys the same ages, I'm amazed their parents gave us their kids!  It was an awesome responsibility.

When we first asked their parents if they would "lend" us their children, it was also with the understanding they would be part of our home in every way.  So, they ate every meal with us.  I would deliver lunches to them at the job-site.  Then, after dinner, they were a part of our family worship, often participating to some small degree with extra comments here and there.  In addition to all of this, RM challenged each one of them to a 90-day Bible reading plan as well as certain book titles, requiring an essay at the end.  This was serious construction and Bible boot camp!  Yet, they rose to the challenge and never complained.

My personal challenge was to get these boys a little more prepared for marriage.  They were the most respectful boys I'd ever met, but so quiet!  I would ask them every day how they're day had gone and they would say, "Fine."  I remember saying to them once, "You know, if you are ever going to get married your wife is going to want you to say more than that!"  So I would gently pry more information out of them.  They were good sports.

All this to say, they took this experience very seriously and as a result, not only did we get our house built, but relationships with this family were made that would last a lifetime.  We know this because we keep getting invited to their weddings!

This past Saturday was the wedding of their second son.  Of all the boys, he had the most serious leaning towards engineering, though we didn't know it at the time when we first asked them to come help us.  His wedding was our first experience with a true "betrothal"-type wedding.

He had observed a young girl in his church over 2 years ago.  Turns out, she had noticed him, too, but neither said anything to the other, no flirting, no goo-goo ga ga or fluttering of eyelashes  - in other words, no "awakening of love before its time" (Song of Songs).  They simply prayed about it, asking the Lord to confirm  whether or not he or she was someone they could marry.  She had a checklist of qualities she felt a husband should have and she prayed through each thing.  Week after week, God would show her something so specific that would reveal how this young man was God's choice for her.  Meanwhile, our friend took his time as he was now in engineering school and was quite focused. He didn't feel he could start the relationship while he was in school, so he simply prayed, telling no one of his thoughts or his intentions.  But he wasn't a fool.  He got himself in Bible studies or prayer groups that just so happened to be at her father's house (a father of 11, I might add!  Our friend came from 8, a "small" family!)

By this time, the father had been told about this young man by his daughter, so he was checking out our friend week after week.  But what he saw amazed him, a young man full of integrity, diligence, godliness.....the list goes on and on.  One Saturday morning, the father told all the men there that he hoped his daughter would never leave him as she was such an asset to him and his business.  Turns out that was the morning our friend was going to ask for her hand in marriage.  This could have discouraged him, but no, he got up the courage to talk to her father that very same morning.

When all the other men had left, the father said, "So, what would you like to talk to me about?"  He responded very simply, "I'd like to take your daughter away from you."  So funny!  I think he said it like that because he had just heard how her dad had hoped she would never leave him!  Her dad responded, "But you just heard me say how much I need her help and how much she does for me!"  "Yes," he calmly replied, "And I think she can do those things for me now!"  Unbelievable.

At this point, our friend was given permission to officially speak to this young woman about courting her with the intention of marriage.  She and he had spoken before as friends, but never about a relationship.  That is the difference with betrothal.  It is entirely based on faith and God's working all things out, confirming through the parents (as both young adults had been speaking to their parents about the other person before they ever spoke to one another).  It is also confirmed to the couple through their own personal relationship and walk with God.  He did this for both the young woman and the young man in this case.  Both were praying and seeking God's will without the other one knowing.  That is truly the work of the Holy Spirit and evidence of their close walks with Him.

I do not know how long they courted before our friend officially proposed, but once they were engaged, it was only a 2 month engagement.  Why wait?

The wedding was very simple, but one of the most beautiful I've ever been to.  Our daughter had the privilege of playing the piano for the ceremony and she did a wonderful job.  I cry at every wedding, but was blown away at how many people were crying throughout this one.  All over the place faces were wet with tears as we were in awe of God and what He had done to bring these two amazing people together.

There were many, many moments in the wedding that triggered emotion.  It began almost right away as the pastor gave a beautiful talk about how marriage is the picture of the Bridegroom returning for His Bride.  Then, the couple walked up the steps closer to the pastor so that they could give their vows to one another.  As they turned to face each other, they grasped each other's hands.  That isn't normally a big deal to most, but for them, it was the first time they had touched....ever.  I can't imagine what they were feeling except electricity! Our friend went first and spoke the personally-written vows he had memorized to her.  Words of true love.  Then, she blew everyone out of the water by singing hers!  She had turned her vows into a song.  I couldn't see her face as we were seated in such a way her face couldn't be seen, but what got me was watching her little sister in the crowd looking up at her big sister singing on stage.  The little girl had the biggest smile on her face, yet tears were pouring from her eyes.  My eyes were pouring, too.

But it gets worse.  Once the ceremony was over, the pastor called up the two fathers to pray over their children.  The two men (I get tearful just writing about it!) got up and met at the altar and embraced one another.  What a moment!  Then, each man prayed for this new couple.  It was amazing to watch.

The reception started immediately afterwards, so no delays for the guests.  Immediately following a light snack, the speeches began.  The father of the bride said to his new son-in-law, "Thank you for making this so easy."  He explained how natural this young man had made giving his first daughter away.  He said, "There is a time to hold on and a time to let go and now is the time to let go, but I'm ready."  I think he was ready because our friend made it that way.  This father knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was giving his daughter to the perfect person for her.  He knew our friend would take care of her just as he hoped his daughter would be cared for.  To give away your most precious possession, a child, to another person will be so hard, but if it is done in such a way that you know the Lord has worked and has confirmed His will all along, it will make it "easy" as this father said.  How we are praying for godly spouses for our children!

The final speech went to our friend.  He got the last word.  It was a series of thank yous that again, had wet eyes everywhere.  He looked throughout the crowd, starting at the left and went to the right of the room, all around.  He would pick out individual family members, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters...to anyone who had invested in his life in his life and say moving tributes to each one.  I was shocked when he turned and began to thank us.  I wasn't sure what he would say as he's never commented on his time at our place ever.  He said, "I don't know if I've ever told you, but the night before you called to ask us to come work for you, I had just been praying, telling the Lord I wasn't sure what direction God wanted me to go, whether or not I should pursue engineering (he is an engineer now!)  Then you called."  He went on to say to my husband, "You've taught me so much, so many things, but most importantly, you taught me what it was to be a man."  I was floored.  My husband was floored.  His words touched us so deeply.  God used those words to encourage us that night in a way that cannot even be described.

I've never left a wedding so aware of God.  He was glorified again and again.  I can honestly say that even if they come up against the most difficult challenges in the years ahead, that they will survive. Their marriage started off right.  It had the best foundation.  But they won't just survive, they will thrive.  We told their parents over and over what an honour it had been to be a part of their day.  It felt like a gift to us to be invited and to witness such an amazing event.  It was an encouragement to our children to see how God answers the prayers of His people and can bring the right people into their lives at the right time.