I meant to write about one other seminar I listened to at the homeschool conference. It was on angry children. I have a couple of those who just get easily angered either at me or at one another. I wanted to pick up a few tips. It was a fantastic seminar and was given by a Biblical counsellor who had been counselling for years. Sadly, she said, there is no quick fix. Rats. She also said there is no 10 step plan. Darn. It is a slow process of trying to figure out and study your child and get to the heart of the matter. Fine, fine, fine.
With one child, I had tried to do all the things she suggested, but one thing really jumped out at me - he always gets super frustrated during math. He acts out instead of calmly saying, "Mom, I just don't get this." I could deal with that if he would just say that! But no, he falls apart. She was suggesting there is more going on behind the scenes. He feels badly that he doesn't get it and doesn't know how to communicate his panic, his concern, his feeling 'stupid', so he acts out. It's hard for me to be patient and try to figure him out, but that was her advice. Be a student of your child, she kept saying, and try to get to why he's lashing out.
This same child has been struggling with pain - sometimes pain in his feet, sore muscles, a headache....I wasn't sure if it was a virus, or lack of sleep, or perhaps just running around the farm and overdid it...whatever it was, I didn't want to hear about it. I figured he was possibly making up an excuse or something and I wasn't super compassionate. Sometimes, as homeschool moms, we have more to prove, so we can tend to push our kids even harder so that our homeschooling doesn't get questioned. I was pushing. I had to stop and say, "Are you ok?" No, he wasn't. He wasn't feeling well. The lights went on for me and I realized his behaviour was definitely tied to the fact he was not 100% and perhaps hadn't been for awhile. Right then and there, I stopped everything and I prayed with him that God would show me how I could help him.
We decided we would do whatever it took to help him feel better. I immediately put him on a super clean diet, no sugar or processed foods, and took out all grains for a short time. It's only been a week and a lot of his aches and pains have cleared up. I think he just needed to clear out some of the toxins that can build up in your body when you aren't as careful with what you take in. He feels better and is more able to focus. We went for days without the same behaviour issues. I'm trying to be more aware of my children's physical and emotional needs. There's definitely a connection to behaviour when you are feeling rotten or sad or just not paid attention to. That seminar was a good reminder to slow down, take stock of where my children are all at individually and really look for connections. Their bad behaviour could in fact be the only way they know to tell me they are struggling. I'm listening much better now.
In the meantime, even as I study my child and he learns to calm down, we keep going to Scripture to see what it has to say about anger and quick tempers. There is a LOT on anger in Proverbs. So we've been memorizing and reading many verses on the subject. Even if you are upset, you can't lash out at Mommy, nor can she lash out a frustrated child. My favourite verse this week was, "Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city." Proverbs 16:32 That is the goal - to rule our spirits instead of letting them rule us. What a challenge!
I thank Jesus so much for the power of the resurrection. Living that kind of life where you learn to rule your spirit is only possible because of what He did for us on the cross.
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