One Hard Day....

Yesterday goes down in history as one of the hardest days of our lives.  Our beloved dog, Zena, got hit by a motorcyle and had to be put down.  The motorcyle had shattered her leg in multiple places and the it would have required bone reconstruction costing thousands and thousands of dollars not to mention the many trips to a clinic.  The next best option was amputation, but that was also very expensive and would have limited her life so terribly.  She could never have had puppies again.  We don't even know the extent of her internal injuries.

The worst part was the lack of empathy from the driver who was screaming at my son calling him "an unfit dog owner".  We take full responsibility that she got out of the house and happens to love chasing bikers.  She got away on us and though we chased her at full throttle, we couldn't catch up.  The bikers had a chance to stop at the stop sign and let us retrieve her, but they wouldn't stop.  They were all ready yelling at us and the dog.  After they hit her, the yelling started while my son had to scoop her up off the street into his arms, bloodied and battered.  The lack of compassion was terrible even though my son apologized.  They did not, however, apologize, and took off leaving us with a wounded dog.

Once again, another medical emergency and my son was a star.  He handled it so well, even though she was his baby.  He paid for her and he owned her.  He lovingly rushed her off to the emergency vet clinic with my daughter and they were there when the awful decision to euthanize was made.  They sobbed through the whole ordeal as did we at home. 

Never was a dog so loved.  Never was a dog so human.  She had habits that were so unusual.  She would "hug" you each time she saw you.  She wanted to get as close as she possibly could to you.  If you stopped petting her, she would nudge your hand to keep going.  She would drive us crazy as well, by all the barking at cyclists, bikers and walkers and she certainly destroyed many parts of our house with her nails on window sills and doors, but of course, now we would give anything to have her back - to hear one more bark.

She gave my son two great litters of puppies and helped him through school.  It is uncertain how he will pay for his next year now as she was a big part of paying for that!  She had her own instagram fan page by all of my kids where they regularly accepted submissions from each other!  Even today they are still crying about her.

How and why do these things happen?  We don't know.  We don't understand.  We just try to thank God for her and for the joy she brought to our family for the short 3 years we had her.  She is truly irreplaceable.  There won't be another dog like her who loved us so much, more even than we loved her, if that's possible.  We had predicted this was how she would die....at the wheel of a biker, but of course, we never thought it would actually happen.

All of us had an awful sleep last night and still have headaches today.  Waking up this morning was hard.  She wasn't there to greet me.  But she rarely got up when I did.  If dogs can sleep in, she did.  She wouldn't wake up until the kids did.  She has left her mark everywhere in the house.  All sorts of reminders of her.  No more waiting for us at the door when we pull in.  No more sweet face wherever we go in the house. 

Yet we are so grateful it wasn't a child or even the driver of the bike or his rider.  It could have been worse.  We know that and are so thankful for what we were spared from.

What is God preparing my son for when he heads to Africa?  I'm sure God will  use even this experience.  I asked him how he remains so calm when there is such a hurt animal in his lap.  He said he just thinks to himself how much she needs his help and how he must remain calm in order to help best.  That will help him in a medical emergency for sure.  Where was I the whole time?  Hiding.  Again.  I can't handle the gore.  I can't handle the sadness or seeing something or someone in pain.  I wanted my last image of her (thinking she was coming back that night) to be a happy one.  I will not be a doctor one day.  Hiding isn't a good characteristic of a doctor.

Today we are doing hay.  It is good in a way, keeps our minds busy, off Zena.  So many kind notes, texts, all about Zena.  So many people understand that a dog is truly like a member of the family.  I never understood that until now.  One of the kids' friends is over helping.  I honestly think he's here just for moral support.  It's so touching to see how the kids are being supported by others' kind messages.  It is what is helping them through.  None of them wanted to go to work today.  They were too afraid of breaking down in front of their co-workers and being asked too many questions, but it is good to reflect and to talk about her.

Dogs.  Strange companions and friends.  Created by God for our enjoyment.  Now, we mourn, but we recognize she was a dog, not a human so we're so glad we were spared that loss.  It has been a great experience for our kids to go through because it shows they have hearts, they love, they choose to make close connections and relationships.  That's why it hurts so much.  One of my children said, "I have no more tears to cry" as she just lost a cat a few weeks ago.  But this is life - life and death.  It somehow makes it more full and meaningful, so even though we lost our sweet dog, I'm grateful for how long we had her and what we can learn even in her death.