It comes down to this - will I trust God to defend me? I don't know if I've written about this yet, can't remember, but we've had our first wine delivery disaster. We shipped with UPS to a customer outside Toronto and not only did they lose an entire case (read: stole), but they also broke 3 bottles, repackaged the remaining bottles into a old grocery store box with some scrunched up paper and made it look like that's how we ship bottles. AWFUL. The customer thinks we have no idea how to ship wine and it looks like we don't know how to fulfill orders.
But then I read about Mary this morning and how she was wrongly accused. She was found to be pregnant before she was married and Joseph had decided to divorce her quietly. No one believed what she said had happened, i.e., the angel appearing to her. It seemed too far-fetched. But in the Bible study I read, it simply said she had to trust God to vindicate her. She had to trust Him to come to her defense. I am in a situation where I must do the same. I want to explain away what happened. I want to make sure everyone knows, "It wasn't us!" "We do know how to ship wine!" But all I can do is deliver it by myself, apologize for the terrible mistake and hope for the best. I truly have to leave it in God's hands, so that was a good reminder to me.
Mary also probably second-guessed to herself many times, "Did I really see an angel?" No doubt there were times when her mind was full of questions, but God doesn't leave her there. He sent shepherds. Shepherds came and told her, they, too, had seen angels and that they knew she had just delivered the Son of God. The Star, the shepherds, the angels....if anyone was doubting, God put all their doubts to rest. That's what I pray all the time - just send me some encouragement, Lord. Send someone to reassure me, whenever doubts enter my mind.
My son was full of hope this week - he has now heard from two schools out east. He had hoped so badly to hear that he had an interview out there, but now, two for two, it's a no go. But, back to Mary. We heard a sermon this past week about her as well. The pastor was talking about Mary and her plans. She had so many plans. She was going to marry Joseph. She was in the exciting betrothal stage. Yet her plans were completely upset and that was his point. We all have plans. He went on to say that sometimes our plans are pleasant, perplexing or painful. Well, that just about nails it. My son sure had plans. He had moved out east in his mind. I had moved with him. I had pictured the drive out there with him, dropping him off. I was so excited for him. I knew he was going there. I had enough faith for him, myself and every med student they were going to interveiw. I knew he was going to get in. But he didn't. As the schools get checked off, one by one, his hope is fading. But the pastor didn't leave us in despair. He told us about how Mary responded. "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be according to your word." Ok, here's my translation, "Behold, no way, I am NOT the servant of the Lord, too angry and sad. Let it be to me and my son according to MY word." I should be struck down just for writing it. I sat there in the pew on Sunday and the pastor had the nerve to read my mind and my son's. He said, "Maybe you are waiting to get into a school...." What?! How did he know?! He went on and said that we have to have the same response as Mary. Fighting words. Calm down. We are supposed to think to ourselves when our plans get interrupted, "I am the servant of the Lord. Whatever you do, I know your plans for me are good. Let it be to me......." just like Mary. As I sat in the pew that day it was easy to say because I knew he was getting in, so of course I could say, "Sure! Let it be to me, let it be to my son, according to your word..." No problem. I even turned to my son when the sermon was over, "You have to be able to say that this week when you hear." He knew. He thought the same thing. But the whole time we waited, I anticipated how he was going to tell me how he had the interview. Then, on Monday morning - he heard - no interview. It is SO different to know how to react and then to actually be put to the test. However, the sermon did help. The sermon did allow both of us to read the email and just calmly go on with our day. By faith, though we were soooooo disappointed, there was this reminder that all God's plans our good. But right about now I could use a shepherd to remind me of that. Send a shepherd! To me, to my son.
So that's been the week - amongst a thousand other things - I will keep hoping for my son and one day we'll understand why going out east wasn't right. We have to trust God and not yell at him. Faith is kind of exciting when you can stand back and be objective, but that takes a lot of faith muscle to do that. I guess I'll just have to keep working out my faith muscles.
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