I normally don't write my children's names in the post, but this time I just have to. We are currently in the middle of writing "The Jonas Manifesto". My husband put it this way yesterday, "We are invoking The War Measures Act" on him. Everyone who meets Jonas loves Jonas. He's amazing. He's full of life and lives it to the fullest - every single second of the day he's moving, talking, living life to the absolute fullest and everyone sees this. This is what they love about him. However, this constant living to the fullest has a downside as we long for him to live life to the fullest for the glory of God, not for the glory of Jonas, thus, The War Measures Act.
With the other children we never had to invoke such measures - they typically listened to correction, rebuke and training in righteousness. This guy isn't quite the same. He seems to think he is in charge most days, in charge of me, in charge of his siblings (and I don't mean the 9 year old - I mean the 23, 22, 20, 17, 15 and 13 year olds....) He actually bosses them all around and expects them to listen to him. On any given day he'll basically attempt to tell me how he thinks his day should and will go. If it doesn't go according to his plan, well...that's a problem.
So I pray and I pray. Every day I start a new day, asking the Lord for help, wisdom, patience. We all love him so much and our family wouldn't be the same without him as the life he brings to our family is amazing! I don't want him to change, I just want him to conform to the will of God, to my authority, to be the best Jonas he can be. It's kind of like training a tsunami to go the other way. Not really that easy and quite unnatural to him.
As I trust God for his life, a unique opportunity has shown itself. If I were a celebrity parent I would send my child to boarding school to "get fixed". My husband and I have joked that it's an option, but I know that would kill him. I'll NEVER do that. I won't even send him to a Christian school down the street. That would kill him, too. I am so determined to be beside this boy as much as I can - he can hardly stand it. The opportunity that has shown up is like a school, in the form of a co-op. I typically don't do co-ops. In fact, I don't really like them, but this one seems different. It's not free -eeek, but maybe that's why it works because you're invested. A few families from church have started homeschooling and they are homeschooling hard core. I have always homeschooled hard core, too, but with a waaaay more relaxed hardcoredness (new word?). I've avoided this type of learning on purpose for years and have done fine. My older kids prove to me, whatever we did seemed to work. But this younger set are not the same and now that's it's basically just me and the younger 3, it seems like something has to change. If I can scrape some extra cash together, I'm considering this co-op for January.
My husband was totally against it. I knew he would be so I've been slowly talking about it for awhile now, but then yesterday I explained to him how my son is needing more discipline within the home, more order, more authority and how this outside source could be just the thing we need. What I love about it is that I'm still the main teacher, I'm still at the co-op, I don't drop him off. That, in fact, is what he would prefer - to be dropped off, but he will not be getting his way. As I described this need to my hsuband yesterday, he suddenly got it. We need to write "The Jonas Manifesto", he said. We need to invoke "The War Measures Act" on him, he said. And this will be part of the plan, Lord willing. January typically represents a new start, a new year, a new everything. By being involved with this new group, he'll be obligated to not be the same child he was the year before. He'll have new standards to reach, new goals, new friends, new authorities, new ways of learning, new location (once a week). It could be just what he needs. The manifesto isn't in writing yet - but it just may be, we'll see if we actually put it into words. Not a bad idea.
As I was reading in Scripture yesterday when he was still sleeping, I read about David and how he ate the holy bread when he was running from Saul. One of Saul's bad guys saw him do this and ran and told Saul. Saul then called all the priests, 85 of them, and had them killed for doing this. David found out that Doeg had told on him and said (and I'm paraphrasing here), "I knew it! When I saw him, I thought he would go and tell Saul. It's my fault these priests were killed. It's on me." Now that might not sound like a passage related to me at all, but I actually felt like it was speaking to me. David was responsible for the killing of 85 priests. He made them give him the bread when he really wasn't supposed to eat it. Here's the thing, he knew something bad might happen yet he continued on doing what he knew would get him in trouble, or the priests, and he kept on doing what was wrong. Ok - fast forward to me. I have a situation with my son. I'm seeing patterns I don't love in his life. If I keep doing what I'm doing and don't change things, I will ultimately be responsible especially if I knew things needed to change. Perhaps a bit of a stretch, but it spoke to me.
A few verses later, David is still running from Saul and he gets stuck in a town "with gates and bars". He inquired of the Lord what he should do because he heard that Saul was coming to get him. Two times the Lord says, "Yes they're coming and yes they are going to surrender you". David runs for his life with 600 men and flees and is saved. Again, I heard God talking to me about my son. Like David, I found myself thinking about my own situation. Gates and bars. I don't want my son to feel like he's stuck in selfish behaviour. I don't want him to be stuck. If I keep doing what I'm doing, will things go well? Do I need to change how things are going? I felt like it was God saying, "Do something. Run."
Joining a co-op is the LAST thing I thought I would ever do, but that is sometimes how you know it's a good thing. He is RESISTANT. I love that. It's also how you know it's a good thing, because he DOESN'T want to do it. But I shared these verses with the kids. I think I even got them a little excited. They just need a vision of victory and just because they are the last ones to attend my little homeschool doesn't mean I have to fade out, why not end on a awesome note, on a high note? No need to fade into oblivion. I have to keep going! I can't stop or get tired.
I tried to avoid talking to the other co-op moms. I didn't go to their meetings. I refused to engage. But one after another, I keep coming into contact with them. One mom just kept bringing it up, every time I met her. She started suggesting it and tried to convince me about how much I would love it. Then another mom did. Then another mom and another mom. Then the emails started flowing back and forth. Then the passages of Scripture, and then finally my husband declared the "Manifesto" and the "WMA" - it almost seemed done and I hadn't even signed any papers or paid any tuition. I prayed with the kids about it. Now I'm just waiting for the leader of our family to figure out a way to pay, lol, and then we'll start in January.
It all goes back to Jonas. I am so glad God gave him to me. He has humbled me so much. He has made me rely on God in a way I never did before. There is a greatness in him and it is my job as his mom to bring it in him, not to squash him. I am excited because I feel in a way that God has shown me so clearly to not give up, but to press on. Giving up is not an option. Boarding school, not an option. Allowing him to be in charge, not an option. He wants to be trained, sort of. He just needs some pressure on him. I told him it's the way a diamond is made - under pressure. This co-op brings the best of both - an outside source of authority with me right there. I'm excited to see the man he will become.
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