We think we figured out our son's condition who experienced what seemed like seizures weeks ago now, though we are still officially waiting on the doctor's explanation.  Back in 2020 he figures it was actually due to anxiety that he was experiencing with school and a variety of stressful situations he found himself in.  It goes to show the power of the subconscious mind.  Then in the new year he started experiencing symptoms that felt flu-like, though it wasn't covid- he was tested regularly for his job.  When he went in to see the doctor, they discovered mono - a virus that wipes you out .  We, as non-medical people, are convinced the seizures he experienced were directly related to that as since he has recovered he has no other symptoms and hasn't had an episode again like that.  As well, he is doing much better in handling his school-related stress, so all in all we think it was just a bizarre time and are grateful he seems ok.  The doctor did say that was probably going to be the case.

We are now into another season of Lent.  I try to ignore it in a way every year when I know it is coming.  I don't really want to sacrifice, give anything up or try to be more disciplined.  But as the day approaches year after year I find myself unable to avoid it as there is always something to pray for more intently, always an area in my life where I long for more discipline, and so, somewhat reluctantly I give in and I find myself on day 3.

The kids are now in the habit themselves and are now choosing things to give up in the name of seeking the Lord.  This is amazing to me as I didn't even broach it with some of them.  They came to me telling me what they wanted to do.  I'm excited to see what God is going to do with them.

We are dreaming constantly about the farm, the winery, a market garden, the courses RM is offering, all the entrepreneurial things we want to try - so that is a big thing we are praying for.

Without really intending to seek it out, verses daily jump out at me and I'm recording them as my "verse of the day".

Numbers 24:21 says, "He has not beheld misfortune in Jacob, nor has he seen trouble in Israel.  The Lord their God is with them, and the shout of a king is among them .  God brings them out of Egypt and is FOR THEM like the horns of the wild ox."  This was such an encouragement to me.  God doesn't see misfortune in my future, nor does he see trouble.  He is with me and brings me out of Egypt.  He is FOR ME.  This is not to say bad things won't happen, they might, but they won't be things that surprise God, they'll be things he has allowed always for my good, because HE IS FOR ME.  I think this is why I am still ok with how God has worked in my son's life.  Not getting in to a Canadian medical school wasn't an act of misfortune or trouble, but a way of directing my son potentially somewhere else.  He is now considering international schools, such as an Australian med school - so another thing to bring before the Lord.

Genesis19:29, "...God remembered Abraham...."  God had destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, but He remembered Abraham and saved Lot.  My prayer is that God will remember me during this time, whatever that looks like.

Numbers 26:9, "....who contended against Moses and Aaron in the company of Korah, when they contended against the Lord."  These are the men who went after Moses and Aaron questioning their authority.  They thought they were going after Moses and Aaron when in actuality they were going against God.  This encouraged me, too, as the battle is fierce sometimes and Satan comes against me, but this reminded me that in actuality Satan is fighting God, not me and He is much greater at handling the battle, so I can rest in how He will fight for me, even when I get discouraged and I feel like He is not working, I know He is.

Once again and as always, grateful for the Word of God as my only source of truth.  Looking forward to great breakthroughs during this season yet again.

Answered Prayers

God has answered our prayers!  Just not like we hoped.  The day I wrote the post about waiting to hear the big news, about half way through the day, my son came downstairs and said, "Ok, I have an email from U of T, but I can't open it.  I'm too scared!"  We all screamed and joined each other in the family room, but before he opened I said, "Remember, if it's a no, we have to believe that God is at work and it will be ok."  Then he opened it and within seconds, he said, "I'm not going there either...."

Those initial seconds were so hard.  The floods of disappointment, sadness, near tears, washed over the whole room.  We were all in shock and silence as it soaked in.  All the work, all the studying, the shingles, the sacrifices, the money, the hours in filling out applications - suddenly it seemed like it was all for nothing.

After about 10 minutes, everyone sat down and all the kids prayed for him, prayed for peace and understanding that God was protecting him from something, preparing him for something and that He had his best in mind.  So hard to hear.  My son couldn't pray.

As the day wore on and he talked out his anger, he just couldn't understand.  Then the rejection feelings came.  It was seriously as if we were going through a death - he went through every stage.  Shock.  Anger.  Grief....whatever they are, he experienced them all.  I listened and encouraged him.  The siblings were very sweet.  He felt bad for them as he knew they had fasted and prayed for him on his behalf.  He said, "It was all a waste."  Nooooooooo.....

That night before I went to bed, I tried so hard to be thankful.  I knew that was the right attitude to have.  Then, I thought about another thought - what if I weren't just thankful, but excited.  Excited that nothing makes sense!  How strange!  But as I thought about it, I really loved the idea.  To not know or understand why something like this would happen was exactly the place God would want us to be in.  That is Hebrews 11 at its finest - to believe by faith when you can't see!  So I literally manipulated my thoughts to think that way and came up with the idea that this was perfect - We don't know why.  We don't know what is ahead.  And that is amazing, exciting and even a thrilling place to be!  

The next morning, I was determined to get in the Word first thing.  I was now excited to see what God would say to me.  I knew He was going to say something.  I read in Numbers 21 where I was in my reading and I came to the section where Israel asked King Sihon if he could pass through his kingdom.  Moses promised to not touch anything, drink anything, etc....just let Israel pass.  For no reason, he said no and tried to go after the Israelites instead.   But that didn't go over well, Israel defeated them, no problem.  In fact, Israel kind of went crazy on them and took over multiple cities and then dwelt in them to top it off.  This thought came to me - My son had asked the med schools nicely, "May I please go to your med school?"  And for no reason, they said, no.  Just like Israel then went out and took over all the areas, it occurred to me, that's what my son has to do.  He has to say, "Oh, you didn't like my first application, well, then wait till you see the second one!"  He needed to fight.

Before my son experienced the rejection of the med schools, we had refused to entertain the idea of writing another MCAT, quitting at Marinland, reapplying to the schools all over.  It was too much to think about.  That first day of the bad news was not the time to think about it so we didn't talk at all about the next steps except in dread.  But that morning I realized, my son had no choice.  He had to go to battle if he wanted to get into med school.  

Years ago when we were buying the farm, we were carrying two houses and the deal on the farm was closing.  It was the scariest time in our life financially.  A friend called me at that time and I shared with her my fears.  She then shared with me about the time she and her husband also went through a scary financial time and the bank was going to take their home.  They decided, and so did we, that, fine, no problem, try and take our house, but we will go down fighting.  We didn't have our house or farm taken away and neither did they.  My son needed that same attitude.  Fine, reject me, but if I don't get into med school, I'm going to go down fighting.

That morning when he woke up, I had the pep talk of a lifetime planned.  He had barely opened his eyes, and I let him have it.  I told him what I had read, how Israel fought and how he now needed to fight.  God had purposely chosen to not let him get in.  He was giving him a 9 month gift of time to get his act together before 2nd round med school applications went in.  He was going to use this time to refine him and make his application even better.  His first MCAT was ok, but it needed to be STELLAR.  His first application was maybe a B, but it needed to be an A+.  His years of experience were great, but they needed to be even greater.  He was going to have to kick it up a notch and FIGHT.  He was going to have to go after research projects at school, get published, work in another hospital, make more connections with doctors, volunteer in other places to round him out.....and quit his beloved Marineland.  That was the kicker.  He was so upset about that, but it had to go.  IF, his goal was to get in.  And we had to assess that - was he still wanting to be a doctor?  Yes.  He really wanted that.  So he sat there and then thought about it all day and into the next day and the next day and then yesterday I saw a change.  He started to make calls, lists, reach out to people.....he made a plan on how to execute the MCAT again.  He thought of ways to study better without getting stress and shingles again.  He thought of what to do and how to to make his application better.  Though it was going to be hard, he was going to make it IMPOSSIBLE for the med schools to reject him. 

Numbers 21:34 says, "Do not fear, for I have given him into your hand...."  My son had fear about being rejected a second time.  For sure, it could happen.  He will not apply a third time.  If he gets rejected again then we know it was not God's will for him to be a doctor and he will pursue something else.  But, he is going to go down fighting.  I'm so glad that he has taken this rejection to push him instead of to deflate him which is what I'm sure the enemy would have wanted.  So yes, God answered our prayers, not how we had hoped, but perhaps even in a better way.

Spring up O Well! Singing to the Well and Shouting to the Med School Mountain

I have a feeling this will be a big week for my son who has applied to med school.  All the schools are sending out their requests for an interview now.  Sadly, he has already been told by two schools that he didn't get an interview.  In some senses we weren't really surprised as there are only a 200 spots and nearly 6000 apply to each school.  His MCAT mark was solid, but there are lots who did better than he did, we are sure.  His average was awesome, but many get higher marks.  This is what we know - if God wants him in, then something will make his application shine.

Years ago, when I applied to teacher's college I remember feeling the same way.  I had average marks, fairly good experience, but thousands of people were applying.  Why would they choose me?  That winter/spring was the first time I ever fasted.  I fasted once a week while I was in my 4th year at school every Monday.  At dinner I would meet with another woman who was also fasting and that's when we would break the fast and eat together.  It was a powerful experience because I had never done that before and also because I got in to Queen's which was the exact school I had hoped to get into as it had an international job fair (the only one of its kind).  And getting into Queen's really shaped me into who I am today as I ended up overseas for two years teaching in Colombia.  That experience all came out of a few months of fasting on Mondays.  I didn't get in to any other school.

This past week, my son started fasting and two of my older daughters also started fasting on his behalf.  We aren't just praying for him that God will be our genie.  No, everyone is praying for God's will.  One of my girls came down and excitedly said she had read the verse in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  That amazed me.  Just the day before he had heard from Queen's that he hadn't gotten an interview.  When you feel rejected hopelessness sinks in.  He started to question everything.  What would he do if he didn't get in?  Would he have to rewrite the MCAT?  Last summer was so hard....studying around the clock, getting shingles from the stress...he wasn't sure he could handle that again.  He was starting to borrow sorrow from tomorrow.  He didn't know his sister was praying for him.  The next day he came down and he started to talk about what life would be like if he did get into the final school.  Would he move in with roommates?  Would he need to buy furniture?  What about grocery shopping for a bachelor?  What would that be like?  He didn't know it, but someone had prayed hope into him.  I could hear it in his voice.  The despair was gone.  Later my praying daughter said, "I know that God doesn't have to get him into school.  I'm praying that J will be ok if he doesn't get in, but I also know God could get him in and I'm praying that HE WILL!"  

Yesterday as I was reading in Numbers, I read a passage I had never noticed before - chapter 21.  As usual, the Israelites were complaining about the lack of food and water.  It said, "The people became impatient on the way".   That's about it.  We are a little impatient, at least I am.  They said, "We loathe this worthless food".  Yikes.  So God sent them "fiery serpents" that bit a lot of people and killed them.  After praying to Moses, God relented.  As the chapter continued, I had forgotten about the whole food and water thing.  It seemed like God had just ignored their request.  I'm not sure how many days the chapter covers, but it says "they set out and camped" many times - they just seemed to have to keep going, but then suddenly God says, "Gather the people together, so that I may give them water".  So he hadn't forgotten!  This is the part I had never seen before.  The next verse said, "Then Israel sang this song, 

Spring up, O well! - Sing to it! - "

This phrase was from a song I had sung as a kid years ago.  No one had ever told me it came from a verse in Numbers!  Next it said, "the well that the princes made, that the nobles dug, with the scepters, and with their staffs."  An interesting revelation started to come to me as I read this.  It seemed to me that they sang to the well before God gave them the water and then the water came and it came miraculously - It almost doesn't make sense - nobles and princes don't typically dig wells, let alone with scepters and staffs.  If you are going to dig a well, you don't use a stick.  So God must have made it bubble up from the earth or something like that.

Then it reminded me of the passage in Zechariah 4:7, "Who are you O great mountain?  Before Zerubbabel you shall become a plain.  Then he shall bring forth the capstone accompanied by shouts of, "Grace, grace to it!"

I was excited.  I told my husband what I had read and I really wanted to tell the kids.  My son is rarely able to take in a church service these days as he is often working on a Sunday, so in order to include him we try to do something together on Sunday nights.  I was the preacher last night.  I told everyone about Numbers 21 and how the Israelites complained, were impatient and then bitten by snakes.  Then, how God hadn't forgotten them, but with many apparent delays, eventually told them to gather together.  The Israelites then sang a song to the well and a miracle happened.  I suggested we do the same in the spirit of  hope for what God could do for my son in his week ahead, either way...that we would sing to the "well of med school"- Spring up!  My daughter went to the piano and the family sang a song called "Open Space" by Housefires....how I love that song.  We sang the lyrics that basically say, I'm open to what you want to do, to move what you want to move, change what you want to change....my eyes are open wide, my heart is open wide.....this was our way of singing to the well, asking for water to come out of the impossibly dry med school well for my son.  I wanted to be thankful first, to sing first, to anticipate by faith that we know God is the only one who can get my son in.  It was a really beautiful time as we sang together and then prayed God's will for my son.

So now, we wait - we have sang to the well and we will shout to the mountain, the very high med school mountain - Grace, grace to it!  As the pastor said online yesterday, when you get very low, at the base of the mountain, and you look up and see how high the mountain is, that is the only way to understand our position, needing God's amazing grace.  You don't see it until you are low enough.  We are at the bottom of the mountain, looking up - the mountain is HUGE, SO HIGH!  But, that is the best place to be.  God can flatten the mountain if He wants.  He can bring forth water from a well with just sticks if He wants.  Either way, by getting in the humble, low position we felt yesterday, it means that if he does not get an interview from this last school, then that is God's answer and way of protecting him as well.  Getting low like that helps us accept any answer He gives even if it isn't the answer we want.  Now we wait.....

A Tale of Two Children

Some weeks are just regular weeks and then there are weeks like this one where some serious stuff goes down!  A few days ago my 19 year came into the family room around 9 am.  I thought he seemed tired, but he had just woken up so I didn't think twice about it.  We chatted for a minute and then he said, "I need to talk to you."  Those words made me immediately pray, "Lord, help me handle what he's about to say."  Then he said, "I have to talk to you about my health."  Whew!  Is that it?!  That's what I was thinking at least.  Why do we always go to worst case?  Anyway....the long story shorter is that he was woken up that morning by what he thinks was a seizure, shaking, and tremendous chills.  It went on for quite a while and then somehow he went back to sleep.  That in itself would be disconcerting except that that wasn't the first time he experienced this.  This is now the third time.  That morning we got on the phone with the doctor's office and they said, "Go to emergency."  So off we went.

Because he is 19, he is no longer in the pediatric system, which means everything takes longer and they don't seem as concerned when the patient isn't a child.  Also, because of covid I wasn't allowed to be with him.  So I literally had to leave him at the door of the hospital and walk away.  I hated that.  Twelve hours later, he had had a CT scan, blood work and fortunately, it all came back clear.  However, that doesn't explain the seizures he's been experiencing.  So, thankfully, he'll be able to see another doctor on Saturday that is willing to pursue this a little further and help us get to the bottom of this.

In other family news, months ago, in the summer, my daughter finished her performance exam for the highest level in piano with the Royal Conservatory.  It was one of the most stressful things my daughter has been through.  Covid changed all the rules and made it a very difficult process.  Normally you would play one piece at at time in front of an adjudicator.  Now, it was all prerecorded, 45 minutes, in a row, no stops.  It was very exhausting.  Somehow she pulled it off.  She sent it in and within a few weeks they gave her the results.  She hadn't passed.  A pass was a 70 and she was just under that. We were all in shock.  My daughter has always been in the high honours level with 80s as marks.  This was a blow.  For a few days we sat on in it.  Her teacher was so upset as well, not at my daughter, but that covid had changed how everything was done.  We thought and thought about it and were about to leave it alone, but then the teacher called and said, "You have to appeal this.  This is wrong."  She had read all the comments that the adjudicator had made and as an adjudicator herself, she believed that the ruling was very unfair in light of the way she marked, the process of recording, and a whole bunch of other reasons.  The more we thought about it we agreed.  Once covid had started, my daughter hadn't had in-person lesson with her teacher since March, during the most important time in her piano career.  Then, her piano teacher began the process of moving to another city and really stopped being able to listen to all her recording demos, giving input, getting back to her, etc., as she was so busy.  So my daughter found herself pretty much on her own trying to get a recording together that could pass.  It was a very hard time.

My husband sat down and wrote a life-changing letter in the Fall.  He outlined in a very calm, organized and clear way the challenges she faced without whining and complaining like an angry toddler.  He showed how her past marks from the time she was six to now are all exemplary.  He outlined how as a professor himself, a good student doesn't suddenly just become a bad student, there must be extenuating circumstances to take into consideration.  He outlined the process of covid, and how this is an untested, unproven way to mark and judge a student. All she needed was a half mark, per piece, to pass.  If any other judge had seen her work it could have easily been given.  He went on and on and then we just had to wait.  When January hit and we still hadn't heard (we'd been told it would take a long time), we finally reached out, just this week.  They said it had been moved up to a higher level and that we should hear back shortly.  That same day we called, we got the email we had been waiting so long for.  The comments said something like, "Your arguments were very compelling.....and so we are happy to award your daughter with the diploma..."  Yay!  That was it - in one email she went from no diploma to diploma!  It was a huge moment.  We immediately called the teacher to thank her for encouraging us to pursue it.  She was thrilled.  We were thrilled.  We are still in awe.  I think what I loved about the letter writing experience was that 1) it speaks of the power of a parent advocating for a child - love that and 2) it speaks to the power of the pen - my husband helped the powers-that-be understand the weaknesses in their own system just by writing a clear letter and without accusing them or whining at them.  Who knows if others appealed, but I'm so glad we did as we know, not just because we are her parents, but in our heart of hearts, we knew the effort she had put in, literally two years of prep for that moment.  To make her start over and redo the whole exam, was going to put her and all of us over the brink.  I cannot explain the relief enough.

So there you have it - a week of serious highs and a serious lows, but a week of miracles and a week of trusting God in it all.  He proved Himself faithful through it all and we made it.  Our faith grew in leaps and bounds yet again.

Not Wonder Woman

Last week I had a bit of a mommy meltdown.  The funny part is I can't even remember what started it, but I'm pretty sure it was one kid complaining about being asked to do something and then maybe another one grumbling about something else.  It wasn't anything big, but for whatever reason I had had it.  For the next few minutes those kids heard my frustrations and they knew they had crossed the line.  Once everyone had calmed down, including me, we had a debrief.  

It came down to this - I like being a happy mom.  They like me when I am happy.  They don't like doing work, but they know they'll eventually have to do it, so why not do it right away?  I'm happy when they obey, so why not just obey?  It's Romans 7....and I paraphrase, "For I do not do what I want to do and I what I don't want to do I keep on doing!  O wretched man am I!"

The thing that saved the whole situation was Numbers 11.  I had literally just been reading and writing about that chapter for a devotional for the homeschool group.  I may as well have substituted the Israelites for my children.  In that chapter all the Israelites do is complain, grumble and push Moses to the brink of insanity, which is how I felt that night with my own kids.   Read how the Israelites behave:

And the people complained in the hearing of the Lord about their misfortunes, and when the Lord heard it, his anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some outlying parts of the camp. 2 Then the people cried out to Moses, and Moses prayed to the Lord, and the fire died down. 3 So the name of that place was called Taberah,[a] because the fire of the Lord burned among them.

4 Now the rabble that was among them had a strong craving. And the people of Israel also wept again and said, “Oh that we had meat to eat! 5 We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. 6 But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.”

So they were mad about "their misfortunes", read: chores.  Then they were mad about what they were fed, read:  my kids and whatever I feed them for a meal or a snack.  They were mad about their boring life, eating manna day in and day out, read:  lockdown, can't go anywhere, blah, blah, blah.  The Israelites had such nerve.  They wanted their old life.  Yeah, well, sorry, don't we all.  My own kids want it to be how it was, but that just isn't going to happen.  They want summer when it is winter.  They want winter when it is summer.  They want to see people when all they have are siblings.  They want a new house when all they have is an old house.  The list goes on and on.  And, not unlike the Israelites who have seen so many mind-boggling miracles, we, too, have COUNTLESS examples of how God has provided and worked in our lives.  We have been reading the blog/book that my sister had printed out for my birthday.  It has recorded stories that I had even forgotten about.  We have had actual miracles over the last ten years that would blow anyone away.  To read them again is amazing.  But if we forget, I guess it makes sense that the Israelites forgot, too.  Just this month we have had a really unique miracle, not unlike the Israelites and their manna.  For years we've had oatmeal for breakfast.  The kids have gotten tired of it, so with all the eggs from our chickens, I've shaken it up a bit and made more interesting breakfasts lately, but still, all they want are bagels and cereal.  I refuse to buy cereal.  I just can't get my head around how awful it is for them to eat, so if I do buy it, it is on a birthday, maybe.  Bagels are their favourite though, but again, they go through them so fast, so when I buy them they are gone.  A few weeks ago I got a text from a friend asking I wanted to get some baked goods, like bagels and muffins, from a bakery that had leftovers at the end of the day.  Uh, sure?  On literally Christmas Eve, someone dropped a bag of baked goods off and they were amazing....and free!  Now, every week, I get two bags of these free baked goods.  I still don't know how this all came about.  It is another amazing story of God's provision as far as I'm concerned.  How do the kids not see this?!   The irony, bagels kind of make me think of manna.  The Israelites got sick of manna.  My kids got sick of oatmeal and so God gives them bagels, which are kind of like manna in my mind.  Hopefully they won't get sick of bagels,  But, nevertheless, the Israelites did forget and my kids forget.  So what happens next is almost funny.  

Moses loses it.   This made me feel a little bit better as he is a solid guy, but he simply had his fill.  What he says is actually really amusing:

Moses heard the people weeping throughout their clans, everyone at the door of his tent. And the anger of the Lord blazed hotly, and Moses was displeased. 11 Moses said to the Lord, “Why have you dealt ill with your servant? And why have I not found favor in your sight, that you lay the burden of all this people on me? 12 Did I conceive all this people? Did I give them birth, that you should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom, as a nurse carries a nursing child,’ to the land that you swore to give their fathers? 13 Where am I to get meat to give to all this people? For they weep before me and say, ‘Give us meat, that we may eat.’ 14 I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me. 15 If you will treat me like this, kill me at once, if I find favor in your sight, that I may not see my wretchedness.”

He is basically saying, "Hey, it's not like they are actually MY children, right?  I didn't conceive them or anything, so I guess I don't really have any responsibility for their behaviour.  I want out of this contract.  All they do is complain.  I have no way to give them what they want.  I can't satisfy any of their dumb cravings.  I'm out.  This is too much for me.  I'm feeling suicidal thoughts - take me now."  That sounds like a major meltdown to me.  The ironic part of his tantrum is that he says, "Did I conceive all this people?  Did I give them birth...?"  Ha!  No, he did not, but I DID!!!!  So, technically, he could have gotten out of his contract, but I do NOT have that option!  I laughed.  I was not on the brink of suicide, but emotionally, perhaps I felt like Moses did.  Kids cannot see what they are doing to their mom until it's too late sometimes.  My kids crossed the line that day.

So, that night, we literally talked about how me and Moses were one and the same.  I told them how they were just like the Israelites, complaining, being "rabble" as the Bible describes them, which according to a definition I looked up means "a disorderly mob".  Yup, that's about it.  I told them how it was so similar to the way it was described in Numbers, "the anger of the Lord blazed hotly and Moses was displeased".  My anger blazed hotly for sure and I was also so displeased.  But Moses showed us all what to do - cry out to the Lord.  That's what he did, so we cried out to the Lord, too.  For forgiveness for our complaining and grumbling spirit, for literally being "rabble", for pushing Mom to the brink, just like Moses.  

In Numbers, after crying out God tells Moses what to do.  There is in fact a solution to his woes, "Get help!"

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Gather for me seventy men of the elders of Israel, whom you know to be the elders of the people and officers over them, and bring them to the tent of meeting, and let them take their stand there with you. 17 And I will come down and talk with you there. And I will take some of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them, and they shall bear the burden of the people with you, so that you may not bear it yourself alone.

I told the kids, these tasks they are given aren't as a punishment.  They are so we help mom, to keep her sane!  I am not meant to "Bear it alone".  The children are gifts to me and are not unlike the "seventy men" that God sends to Moses.  Some of the spirit of Mom can be passed on to the children so that the burden of housework, etc., can be on them as well.  All of us had our eyes opened to how amazing Scripture is, how incredibly applicable it is to us.  It is just so incredible to me that I was reading and writing on that passage literally hours earlier and then to have it come so alive to me and to all of us in that moment.

This is the thing....meltdowns are never good, however, in this case, my kids saw that I was having a hard time.  I think their eyes were opened up to the fact they were the cause or at least the trigger.  I think they actually felt remorse and that they wanted to not have that happen again.  What I noticed over the course of the next few days is that they started to catch themselves in their pattern of complaining and grumbling, towards everything, school, chores, food, wanting to go somewhere or buy something....it turns out they complain more than they realized!  As soon as it would start I would quickly remind them, "No more complaining", "We're getting rid of the grumbling spirit in our home", "remember the Israelites".  The complaining would start and then would quickly stop.  They knew they didn't want a mommy meltdown again.  They knew it was within their power to help me or harm me and I think for the first time they realized it was just a bad pattern, a bad habit, this complaining.  It is hardly perfect, but we are well on our way to new behaviours.  I didn't love the whole experience, but it showed the kids that I am human, not Wonder Woman, and that I desperately need their help, good attitudes, less complaining and more contentment, so for that, I am grateful for the experience.  And, again, I'm so grateful for Moses, for the fact this story was even recorded in Scripture.  I swear it was written just for me..

The Board Meeting 2021

On Jan.1 I knew I wanted to sit down and talk goals with the family.  We had spent the morning before going around the circle talking about our highs and lows.  That is always our favourite time of year as we literally review each person...we can hardly touch on everything, but it's always amazing to look back and see what we did, what we learned, what was hard, what was good.  After another long tub to soothe his aches, RM came out of his soak with more ideas, more inspiration - a family meeting was called and it was, not coincidentally, to talk about the very things I wanted to talk about - all our goals and how we need to never get complacent.

So, it started off like a board meeting.  I loved it.  RM handed out a pad of paper to every attendee along with a pen.  There was coffee, muffins and nerf guns as well as lots of doodling.  RM had an agenda.  Now that we have the two tables together it actually looked like a boardroom meeting.  I got to share my verses and devotional that talked about how we need to wake up and live our life to the fullest as a Christian.  Very inspiring.  Then RM shared what he had been reading and the direction he wanted to take our family.  Exciting stuff.

Not that we are trying to emulated billionaires, we are not, but if you take a look at some of the most successful people financially in the world, there are a few things they do that set them apart.  And, what is very interesting is that they often follow Biblical principles even if they do not believe the Bible, common grace, I guess.  Discipline, diligence, no distractions, are a few phrases to describe these guys.  Bezos has a very simple morning routine that allows for no sloth at all.  He's up early, doesn't press a snooze button, doesn't touch his phone, exercises, eats a healthy breakfast, showers fast, has a coffee, then makes a top 3 goals list and gets his day to a good start.  Each child had to make a list of morning routines similar to that in order to have a better start in his day.  I've been enforcing early morning wake ups for years, but it's easy to get slack in the winter time when it's dark.  The last few mornings have been remarkable to see the younger ones obey their alarm clocks, stumbling down in the dark.  So great.

After the meeting was over they were given the task of thinking about more goals and other areas of their lives that they wanted to make some changes, such as financial goals.  For me, I was so amazed, looking back over the year at the income I was able to bring in.  Because of the trees that I made and sold, as well as the vegetables I grew and sold, as well as the u-pick concord grapes I organized,  and the chicken and eggs.....I actually really contributed to our household income!  So that decided it for me, I'm determined to keep this up.  I joke with RM that I'm going to get a separate bank account, but in a way, I am.  I want to try to make enough money on the side that it will seem that I'm not touching our regular income at all or at least make it seem that I'm not.  If I can make enough to buy clothes for kids or whatever it is we need, then literally everything else can go to any outstanding debt.  Over the course of December, my daughter sold hot chocolate bombs and she made a LOT of money that she was able to put away.  I could easily make those.  I'm also going to attempt the microgreen business again.  I avoided social media all this time, but no longer.  As long as I can use it for good, I'm ok with it.  I'm going to go "into business" with my 14 year old son.  He's desperate for money.  He wants to buy bigger and better trampolines as well as a camera so he needs a job, but is too young to get one and we don't want him working just anywhere.  So I approached him on the microgreen idea and he's all in.  We'll split the money.  So these are just a few of the ways I'm thinking of making the money.  I'm also going to restart the vine trees, vine balls, etc.  

Another way I'm going to make money is by not feeding the family - well, in a way!  We are huge meat eaters.  Every single day, almost every meal we eat meat.  Meat is so expensive!  Last year before our anniversary, I did a 40 day vegan diet and was amazed how much I loved it.  I have talked with the family about trying a fake vegan diet, at least for a while.  Fake vegan is just a funny way of saying "not entirely".  By this I mean I will attempt to replace all the dairy and meat with cheaper and healthier alternatives at least half the time or more.  Grains are all acceptable so they've been enjoying bagels for breakfast and then I have fresh fruit.  I still cook eggs because we have the layers laying so I'm not cutting eggs out.  For lunch, I've been making soups.  Yesterday we had the most amazing tomato/basil/coconut soup.  Again, bread on the side.  Dinner was with chicken because we still have the frozen chicken, but I won't do that every single meal.  I'm trying to get a lot more veggies in them. I'm going to do as many protein alternatives as I can.  By cutting out a lot of meat and dairy and any other juice and just drinking water and tea or coffee, it is way cheaper.  Again that'll leave money in the bank that can be used to eliminate debt fast.  I expect those who have certain health issues, like sore joints, not the best skin, headaches....they'll see improvements in those areas.

So we met as family and listened for the 3rd meeting in a row to each one's goals.  It wasn't a regimented meeting in any way, but just more of a conversation.  Some had written things down, others just talked out their ideas.  But it was really good to know people were thinking about their upcoming year.  

I am so excited for 2021!  I can't wait to see what God is going to do with our kids, with our winery, with our goals, with our dreams.  RM was quick to finish off our meeting on Jan. 1 with "Lord willing"....no one expected 2020 and a pandemic, so we cautiously, by faith, commit our dreams to Him and say, "Lord willing", as for all we know 2021 could end up being even stranger!

Christmas Eve Magic

I didn't realize I hadn't written anything in so long.  December went so fast and now we are in January - already more than half way through the first week!  How does this happen?  

December was awesome.  I needed that break so badly.  Mostly because of algebra and my son in grade 9 who made me relearn it all.  I loved taking the time off to do stuff I had wanted to do for so long.  I made soap, lip balm, candles, cinnamon buns and then made gift baskets for friends and family as well as to neighbours which we hadn't connected with through covid.  It was a great excuse to make sure everyone was ok.

We did online shopping so I didn't stop foot in a mall except for maybe a small store here and there.  Kids did a secret santa and had so much fun with buying gifts for one another.  

No one connected as family except for a couple of grandparent drop ins, but no turkey meals were shared, so that was sad.  Knowing that, I knew I had to make it special for our family at least.  The German tradition is to do a meal on Christmas Eve and then open presents that night.  RM's parents had some gifts for the kids so we planned on doing that even though they weren't with us.  RM had stepped out on Christmas Eve to buy some last minute supplies for the winery so that he could work during the break.  While he was gone I was doing last minute dinner prep - beef wellington.  So delicious.  My older kids were all gone at Christmas Eve services or at work so we were waiting for everyone to come home.  Normally we eat at 5, but this was going to be a late one.  Then the snow miracle happened....it literally started to snow as if it were a movie, but this slowed all the older kids from coming home on time.  But I was determined to wait so we could all eat together.  Then this genius idea came to me.....

Because our family is so large it is hard to sit together at the table.  We have it divided into two tables most of the time, one in the kitchen for 6 and one in the family room for 4.  We often eat at the couches so we can all be in the same room.  But that was no good for Christmas Eve, so I got all the younger kids together and we moved the large table to fit with the smaller table, brought all the chairs over, set the table, lit the matches, brought out the dishes I never use from my wedding 100 years ago, and suddenly the table and atmosphere was magical.  When my husband walked in he thought he had walked into a dream.  This was his dream.  He has always wanted us to sit together and for a while we had both tables in the kitchen, but the kitchen was too small to keep that up, so we had divided it again.  But since I've rearranged the couches, there was space to keep the tables up and we haven't moved them since.  We now eat there as a family for every meal.  It's wonderful.  Because we still haven't put up different lighting other than Christmas lights, it was dim and mainly candle lit, so beautiful.  I thought RM was literally going to burst with happiness.  Finally the older kids came home and they, too, were so happy.  They had just assumed because it was so late that we would have gone ahead without them, but we had had a charcuterie board so no one was starving.  We all sat down and just felt this amazing warm, blessed feeling that can only come from God.  It ended up being a super late night, but again no one wanted the evening to end.  

The next day was Christmas, but whales had to be fed, so my son was off to Marineland to feed whales. That was fine as we had mostly celebrated the day before.  He had the best day ever as he was with all his favourite people who all love whales, too.  Marineland was turned into Narnia with the snow.  He and his pals all got amazing pictures with Santa hats on while the whales were kissing them.  So funny.

It was just generally a fantastic time off.  The new year has hit and we have big plans.....more on that tomorrow as my battery is about to die.  Praising God for His goodness to us over the last month.