Deception and Pride - ouch!

Like I said earlier, we started this journey over 4 years ago, but only kicked it up to that new level of seriousness just 3 weeks ago.  In that short period of time, many things have struck us.

First of all, in a way, we really had been sort of lying to ourselves for years- even though we'd done so many hard things in the name of getting out of debt, we had never truly been 100% serious about getting out of debt.  We had thought we were being serious, but we were deceived.  Ramsey often says to those who call into his show, complaining about not being able to get out of debt or reduce their spending any more, that they shouldn't even see the inside of a restaurant unless they work there. We were not working in any restaurants, but we often saw the inside of them.  We justified our self-indulgence by saying it wasn't a fancy restaurant, just a few dollars, here and there, but then I added up last month's receipts and surprise, surprise, dollars here and there added up to over, uh, let's just say, it was way more than we thought - that blew us away as we really thought it was nothing. 

I'm not really looking at the time when we were building the house - I think we were doing all that we could at that time.  It was a very hard time for us.  I had two babies in that period of time, we moved at least 6 times in less than 2 years, while pregnant or with newborns, and so those little trips to a coffee shop or a restaurant kept me from losing my mind and my husband knew how fragile I was feeling already, so he was very wise and sensitive to allow a few treats now and then.  So I'm not really referring to that period of time, more of the time before that and since then.

Secondly, we were living in a form of pride.  Like I said earlier, we had thought we were doing really well, living this supposed frugal life, but the problem was we were wrongfully comparing ourselves to others who, perhaps, were not living so frugally.  Therefore, compared to them, we were doing great!  Wrong.  Going over all areas of spending quickly showed just how self-indulgent we were.

I highly recommend this by the way - either go over your bank statement at the end of the month and categorize your spending, every single penny spent that is or keep track of all your receipts, and I mean all, including trips to a dollar store, and track where every single dollar goes.  If you have never done this, it will be a nice reality check for those of you who live in an alternate reality!  This blesses your husband, too, if he is the only one working outside the home.  It accounts for every minute he works and puts a value to each minute.   Do you see what I mean?  Otherwise, it's as if he's working for what?  He doesn't even know what he's working for - in other words, you can show him what
his efforts have literally provided (or wasted - ouch....)  For example - he provided $xxxxx for groceries, and $xxxxx for restaurants and $xxxxx for library fines (that's what my husband was working for - my bad.)  Suddenly, he might not be so impressed that he's been providing for certain things or on the other hand, he might be really appreciative of how respectful you are of his labours - you should find out - like I said, it might surprise you. 

I do not think this is going to be an easy ride.  That is one of the reasons I want to share this so badly with others.  I want to show others how hard this is going to be, but with the goal in mind, that it is worth all the sacrifices along the way.  I've already had a couple of down moments where I think, this is going to take forever - maybe it's not worth it...let's eat, drink and be merry!  But immediately, if RM or I start talking like that, one of us will quickly step in and remind the other, we never want to go back.  Debt sucks the life out of you and is this ever-present burden we want lifted.

Just as a side note, one of the fantastic benefits of being debt-free will be the ability to be generous.  Barry shared many stories about how he can now basically give away money whenever he feels led by the Lord to do so, from the single-mom working in a restaurant, to the cashier at McDonalds at Christmas-time, he now is able to not hold back due to unpaid bills, etc.  I long for this, but often feel inhibited.  There are so many more benefits, this is just one.

Well, we press on......May God get the glory all along the way.