On one of the last days of all my days and weeks of studying, the computer died......then my cell phone died.....I was truly media-free, but not by choice. But, then, somehow my husband managed to fix the computer without having to make a trip into the city, so here I am......finally feeling connected again.
Well, I made it through December. It was definitely a struggle at times. Here's a quick recap of the week before Christmas...
The Sunday before Christmas, the pastor mentioned just briefly about the innkeeper. He had no room for Jesus and put Him in a back corner, in a stable, not to mention the other innkeepers before that who made no room for Jesus at all. He asked the congregation, "Are you making room for Jesus this year in your Christmas celebrations?" I was able to happily say, "Yes" as it was literally all we had. Taking the gifts away felt like, for the 3rd year in a row, we were finally understanding the true celebration of Christmas. It has taken us this long to really listen to the sermons on baby Jesus and not be actually thinking about the gifts in the back of our minds.
Christmas week is definitely where I see the spiritual struggle the most. It is when I start feeling the anticipation of children around me, at church, with friends or family, and I start to hear Satan's voice making me second guess our decision, but God was so faithful and gave us so many blessings that week. One of the greatest blessings was the gift of "busy-ness"! That is not usually a gift, but for us it was! We had so many places to go where we either went to see friends for our annual get-together, or we went to Christmas concerts, or we had a family event to attend or a party to go to or a visit from someone at our house......there was always something to do and because we didn't have to find a parking space in a mall or tons of gifts to wrap, we found it so enjoyable. Each visit, or service or concert was just that much more special and we took it all in.
Christmas Eve, like the last two, was again where Satan's voice was the loudest. I sang each song at the candlelight service reading each verse, meditating on each hymn truly thanking God for sending His Son to save me from myself, who was still there stuck in shackles. I tried to explain it to a friend after who saw I had tears in my eyes during the service and I explained the dramatic changes we had made in our Christmases lately, but how it was still, sadly, hard for me. I joked with her that I still hoped deep down that Santa would come during the night and bring gifts as I certainly hadn't bought them. She realized it was in the name of debt-reduction as well as changing patterns in our lives and the future lives of our children and she reminded me that all sacrifices are hard, but worth it. She then pointed out all the gifts I had right in front of me, the 8 children surrounding me. She even suggested I put ribbons on all the gifts I knew were from God that I had seen recently. In my mind I could really see it. I had been given so many gifts this month, not just tangible ones, but gifts of friendship, gifts of surprise visits, gifts of time, gifts of peace.....it was a great reminder. Even just talking with her was a gift.
Christmas Eve we went back home after the service and enjoyed a meal my parents had gifted us with, an amazing beef pot roast dinner, one I didn't have to prepare...another gift making my evening just perfect. My second daughter surprised everyone and gave each person a homemade gift or a little candy she'd bought with her own money. I hadn't taken her out, so she did it on the sly with my other daughter. That was a special, too.
Christmas morning I got up early and lit all the candles on the table and made a delicious breakfast that looked pretty on the china I rarely use. Everyone came down to a yummy breakfast and just like I have in past years, I thanked them for being so understanding and being in on the decision to go without gifts. I had woken up a little sad, but then picked up my devotional book and read. It was perfect. I had just finished reading in Joshua his warning to not "cling to the remnant of these nations remaining among you", but to instead, "incline your hear to the Lord". In the devotional, the author reminded the reader to "cling to God" and not to His gifts, though His blessings are great, we must cling to Him. I started to realize my sadness that morning was still coming from me clinging to the wrong thing. My whole disposition changed in a flash. I think it was because I had read the word "cling". Such a strong word. It was me, hanging on for dear life to the wrong thing, to something that could never satisfy. I shared that with the family, too, and we all went on with our day, no sadness.
Christmas Day ended up being warm and mild and one of the best Christmas Days ever. We built a fire and sat around it outside while we watched our children chase roosters. It was definitely different! It has been 3 years now since we first made this decision to give up all the gifts, all the spending, all the craziness. I can see now why it was so hard for me to break free as it was years and years of patterns. That is hard to change overnight. I will now be much more prepared for the challenges December brings, and hopefully stronger as a result of all the lessons I learned.
January is now here. We are going to do what we did a couple of years ago and just detox a little from all the sugar. So, the whole family will be on a slightly different eating plan as of today. They aren't even complaining as I think they think it's a good idea!
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