I'm not sure who is more nervous today, me or my son. It's his first day on a construction site. He's been given an amazing opportunity to work on a commercial framing crew with a good friend of our's, trained by some of the best guys in the business. It was too good an experience to pass up. The only thing is.....I don't want him to leave! I only realized that on the weekend! I started walking around the house yesterday thinking how much I'm going to miss him! He's my, "Can we start school, Mom?" or my go-to "bathroom cleaner" or my "take out the garbage" guy. He's always chatting with me throughout the day about all sorts of things, "Did you want to see my tarantula eat the cricket?" or "Can I show you my biology test? I want you to go through it with me...." His presence is felt throughout the house all day. We miss him when he's not here. His brother, next in line to him, will miss him the most. They do all the chores together every day. However, there is another 9 year old brother, in the wings, waiting to be trained, so today is his day. He won't like getting up so early, but that's how old the other guys were when they started doing chores.
I have so many thoughts swirling through my head, "Will he get hurt? Will he be able to measure?! Have I prepared him enough? Will he do well? Will he fit in with the other burly guys? Will he be cold?" I must choose peace over anxiety. The other interesting thing as I realized what my day was going to look like today, is that my oldest daughter will also be gone.....and my second daughter! My older daughter has been out for a few months now, but my younger daughter is just starting out today. She's decided she wants to work in some sort of capacity with seniors or with anyone who needs help. Not necessarily as a nurse, but as a personal support worker. So today she will be starting a volunteer position at a local senior's home for a couple of hours every week. She is so excited! That is three children on the same day!!! I feel like I am releasing three children into the world all at the same time. They're are slowly leaving the nest. Maybe not permanently, yet, but it kind of gives me an idea what that will look and feel like. It makes me sad and yet proud, not of myself, but of the fact they are ready and willing to go. I could keep them all with me forever. I get why that happens sometimes. It is much easier to keep them. All I can do is pray, for them and their safety and for me and my peace of mind. They are not my own. They are on loan to me by God. Wow, did that ever go fast. I'm that classic older mom now who says to the other young mom in the store, "Ohhhh, enjoy them while they're little! It goes soooo fast!!!" It honestly feels like they were born yesterday. Every moment of their births is still etched so clearly in my mind. Every moment of their babyhood, especially the older two, because they were my first boy and my first girl, play like it was moments ago that I held them in my lap.
Enough reminiscing....I could go on and on. What keeps me calm is the verse in Hebrews that we studied a couple of years ago, "We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul...." (6:19). The writer is referring to Christ being the anchor of our salvation, but He is so much more than that. He's also what keeps me calm. Our new pastor is going through Hebrews again and yesterday described how an anchor is what keeps a ship safe and unmovable, waaaay below the water, where no one can see it. Even if a storm is going on up above the sea, there is something keeping the ship from going anywhere. What a great image!
We have a bit of a storm going on at the surface right now. We found out our van is on its last legs this past week. To fix it will cost a small fortune. My husband came in to the kitchen with no words, just this look of, "This can't be happening....." Right away I stopped him and in a fake cheery voice I said to him, "Let's pretend we are perfect Christians! Let's skip the drama and go right to, 'Thank you Lord for this strange event. Thank you Lord for allowing our van to break down. Thank you that there is no obvious way to fix it right now and that you want us to trust you.'" I wasn't really being fake. I was actually begging him to do what I was suggesting! And so we did! We didn't even dwell on it for a moment. We just went along with our day and in my head I thanked God for what He was doing, for our broken van, for another chance to trust Him.
We had to take two trips in RM's truck to church, but no big deal, we live 5 minutes from church. It's ok! We actually wonder if God has allowed this to happen to push us into buying a smaller vehicle anyway. The van takes so much gas to drive and my daughter is driving it all the time. We were thinking of buying a different vehicle anyway.
The anchor of our soul. God can and is being that for us. Despite the storm at the surface, God is busy being our anchor way down in the water of our life. I also read in 2 Kings 4 about Elisha and the Shunammite woman, another mom story. At the beginning of Chapter 4 her kindness to Elisha is described. Because of this, he told her that she would be blessed with a son within the year. She was, but then her son fell ill and died. She immediately went to look for Elisha. When her husband asked why she was doing this, she said, "All is well." When Gehazi, Elisha's servant, ran to meet her with lots of questions, she answered him, "All is well." Why did she keep saying that? Was she lying? No. I'm quite convinced she was just doing what I was trying to do. She was making the God of Elisha her anchor, too. Sometimes we have to speak to the voice in our heads that is saying, "You're in trouble. You should panic. Your van is dead. You should be nervous about your son....." I think the woman was just so sure that Elisha would be able to help her as she knew he was " a holy man of God" (4:9). She knew Gehazi wouldn't be able to help her or her husband. She could say, "All is well" because she knew she was ultimately relying on Elisha's God. He had a direct connection she was depending on.
We, too, are relying on Elisha's God. No substitute will work. We can't rely on ourselves, money, or luck. We can honestly say, "All is well" and we won't be lying. Our children will be ok. Our vehicle situation will work out somehow, even though we don't know how at this moment. The mom of the dead boy also didn't know exactly how things would turn out, but she was quite confident in Elisha as she made an extreme effort to find him. The way it is described in the Bible is great, "Then she saddled the donkey, and she said to her servant, 'Urge the animal on; do not slacken the pace for me unless I tell you.'" (4:24) She was a mom on a mission, determined to save her son's life. That is probably how I should be praying, too, "urging" my prayer life on, not slackening the pace. Yet, she was clearly feeling a mix of emotions, not unlike myself, as she said, "All is well", yet when she met Elisha, he told Gehazi to "leave her alone, for she is in bitter distress..." So she wasn't hiding her distress too well at that moment. I think that makes it clear that it is a battle. On the one hand, we need to speak to ourselves that "all is well", yet at the same time "bitter distress" is knocking at our emotional door. We can't give in to it.
My life is in God's hands. My children's lives are in His hands. Even my van is in His capabale hands. He's my anchor. All is well.
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