This week and next will be crucial for us. There is a potential contract pending which we are hopeful about, but we also know it might not come through - what then? Will we stay hopeful? Can we trust God if we don't get the contract? I've tried to walk myself through the disappointment already. I've tried to anticipate drawing on all my supernatural resources and imagined myself responding with 100% complete faith. Yet, I know, if we don't get the contract that my first response might not be so faith-filled.
RM is also busy working away at his other business. He longs for a sales team that could go out and sell his wares, but for now....he is it. So, he takes off his farmer hat, puts on his sales hat and is busy trying to make contacts, set up appointments and become his own "Employee of the Month" with the "Top Sales Award"! This is not his natural bent, so again, faith is involved.
We've been praying so long now for the direction his work should go that we believe even if we don't get the potential contract, that even that is God answering us. Closing doors is often how God works. It just means another will open somewhere else. As we studied Hebrews 11 last Sunday, we were reminded that faith is simply not being afraid. Moses' parents "were not afraid" when the king said all the baby boys were to be killed. Then, as Moses grew up, he left the comfort of the palace and "not being afraid of the anger of the king" trusted God "who is invisible".
Our future is literally "invisible". We don't know what the next day will hold, particularly with respect to my husband's work. Yet the model in that famous chapter is no fear. All the people named in the rest of the passage all had good reason to be afraid. The Israelites had no hope as they came to the Red Sea and the walls of Jericho. Fortunately, for us, we know how those two stories ended. We are at the edge of the Red Sea and we feel like we've gone around the walls of Jericho 7 days. I have to keep asking myself, "Do I have enough faith to believe God will help me get across dry land? Will my Jericho walls fall down?"
I always want to stop reading Hebrews 11 around those verses because initially I leave the first part of that chapter encouraged. It doesn't go so well for the rest of the people mentioned in the last part. They "did not receive what was promised". No, no, no......don't like that phrase. However, it goes on......"since God had provided something better". That simply means for me, even if my walls don't come down and I don't walk on dry ground, that even that is part of the "something better". That is not easy to take. I prefer dry ground and crumbling walls, i.e......gimme the contract. Now. I'm just an adult toddler! But adult toddlers and regular toddlers don't always get their way, nor should they. God, as parent, and me, as parent, do not give the whiny toddler what they want because God knows and I know it is not always best, even if the screaming child is on the floor begging for it.
It comes down to surrender.....sigh....as usual.....trusting Him for our future, for our provision. So much easier to write about then actually live it. Yet, I know we can do this as we always tell our children, "You've never missed a meal." One day we will write our own faith chapter as we look back at how God answered this prayer. Either way, contract or no contract, it's win-win situation when you're walking by faith.
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