New Hearts

Still continuing in a state of shock, I read this verse this morning and it was perfect,

"But now, for a brief moment, favour has been shown by the Lord our God, to leave us a remnant and to give us a secure hold within his holy place, that our God may brighten our eyes and grant us a little reviving in our slavery.  For we are slaves.  YET our God has not forsaken us in our slavery, but has extended to us his steadfast love before the kings of Persia, to grant us some reviving to set up the house of our God, to repair its ruins, and to give us protection in Judea and Jerusalem.  (Ezra 9:8, 9)

That is such a perfect description of how we are feeling right now.  We are still slaves.  YET, God has not forsaken us in our slavery.  For a "brief moment" He's shown us His favour.  He's provided work, a contract,  (new garage doors even), and some security that we haven't had for a long time.  He "hasn't forsaken us in our slavery" at all, but instead has "extended His steadfast love" to us.  He has brightened our eyes and has granted us a "little reviving", well, actually a lot of reviving!  Even the Israelites needed a boost in their dark times.  So did we.

Yesterday when RM was reading to us from 1 Samuel, he read about how Saul was given 3 signs to show him and confirm for him that he was God's chosen king.  They were obscure signs, but that was so he would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that "God has annointed you to be prince over His heritage".  After Samuel told him what the signs would be, "he turned his back to leave Samuel and God gave him another heart."  Then "all these signs came to pass that day". (1 Samuel 10)

During my time of praying for direction for RM over the last couple of months, I felt I just needed confirmation that we were in His will.  I really needed some "signs".  Yesterday I looked back in my journal where I actually recorded events that happened during that time of praying and I realized even then that God was talking to me and was giving me "signs".  From the outside view, all these things could have been complete and utter coincidence, but to a praying wife, it was evidence that God was hearing me pray.  I really do believe He still gives "signs", personal signs, to those who are seeking Him.

God was not trying to show me that my husband would be a prince over Israel.  No, but I believe He was answering my prayers about doubts I had.  One of the first ones I had was when I spoke with my friend in the berry patch.  Before speaking to her I was quite against applying to work in a college as I thought it would ruin my husband.  He just wasn't a 9-5er/desk/classroom type of guy.  But after speaking to her I was encouraged that maybe there were other positions he could seek out, so I left determined to speak to RM about this only to come home and find out he had already applied without having had me speak to him!  Not only that, but he applied in the 11th hour, with a 12 year-old dusty resume that was hardly polished.  In addition to that, it was part-time, summers off, not a desk/teaching position.....the list of "signs" goes on and on.  And, all that on day one of our intense time of praying.  It is just too hard to write that off as coincidence.  I feel like God was trying to give us "another heart", too, one piece at a time.  We clearly needed to see that God was at work.

Later on, just a few days later, I had a very dark morning.  Doubts had crept in again, about our future.  Perhaps we would never get work, never get out of debt.  I started to believe the lies Satan was sending my way.  Satan must have known we were in a serious time of prayer and just like he came to Jesus in His 40 day fast in the desert to tempt Him to worship him, I was starting to give in and cave to his lies.  I was even beginning to doubt my husband in ways.  Over the next two days, two different men spoke to me about my husband without knowing my doubts and fears.  One man told me what a strong man my husband was and said, "I am so glad he is on my team."  It was a strange affirmation that I really needed to hear.  I left feeling, "Hmmm...yeah....my husband is strong....how did I forget that?"  Then, the next day, in front of  150 people at his own wedding, our good friend spoke about how my husband had shown him was it meant to be a man and "so many other things".  He was so grateful for my husband's input in his life.  But that was what I needed to hear, too.  In my dark time of doubting God and His purposes for my life, Satan used those doubts to make me question my own husband.  I was questioning if he would be able to get work, get us out of debt, if he was in the right field of work....so many fears were trying to creep in. Yet, God, knowing this, sent those two men to tell me, "No, you need not doubt your husband.  He is a strong man.  He is exactly who you need and is the exact right man to lead you and your family.  Don't question Me on that ever again."  Again, I received another piece of my new heart.

Then, an impossible contract was awarded to us.  We were up against the big guys.  How would we ever hope to win it with being just a little company, but somehow, by God's grace, His wisdom and His goodness, we got the contract.  If I didn't have a completely new heart yet, I certainly did by that point.

These 3 major signs during our time of praying helped me to believe God was at work, answering our entreaties, as Ezra put it.  He used obscure people that I rarely see and interact with. He used unusual "coincidences".  He just kept affirming we were exactly where He wanted us.  We just needed to keep believing and trust Him for the long haul.  When Samuel told Saul all the signs he was going to see he said, "Now when these signs meet you, do what your hand finds to do, for God is with you." (1 Samuel 10:7)  We have met the signs, we really feel that affirmation that God is with us.  Now we just have to do what He lays in front of us to do - work!  And keep doing what we are doing!  We had been prepared to move to China if that's what He wanted us to do, or sell the farm, or sell all the animals, switch careers if necessary.....or whatever it was, but we feel it wasn't that at all, though we did surrender all those things.  In the surrendering, He gave it all back (though He doesn't do that all the time) and then some.

Was Saul's heart dying that he needed a new one?  Maybe it just wasn't soft enough and was more like a heart of stone.  For us, our hearts weren't stone, but were just beating slower and slower....we were needing a heart transplant as worry, doubts, fears, were starting to take its toll on our slowly dying hearts. These signs gave us new hearts, renewed, revived hearts.  Ezra, too, needed a brightening, a brief moment in time to see God's favour, "a little reviving" in his slavery in order to set up the house of God.  We, too, needed that reviving to keep going.

Does God always have to use "signs"?  I'm sure He doesn't, nor should He have to, but He does.  I see it all the time.  I believe He knows our humanity and knows we need that encouragement as I've written many times before.  I'm so grateful for the little ways He speaks to me, but wow, sometimes He uses big things and though it isn't every day, both RM and I feel revived and brightened, ready to set up, rebuild, repair whatever God has in store for us.