Faith vs. Fear

"The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones." Prov. 15:30

Boy, did I need good news this week.  I say that I've conquered fear, but as always, Satan is so good at taking a new tactic and I get side-swiped.  I guess what I had better say is, I'm learning to conquer each fear....as it comes along.

Well, lately, the new fear was my son and his future.  I was starting to lose it.  I was becoming a basket case.  My husband wasn't happy with how I was handling my concerns.  This is where I am amazed at our marriage.  He is so strong when I am so weak.  Then, of course, when he is struggling, I am able to be the strong one.  It was definitely his turn to be my support.  

I knew my son's life was in God's hands.  I knew it!  So why was I so fearful?  Once he had started to take this on-line math course, I guess I just thought everything would fall into place, but it wasn't. The math was way harder than he expected and he would daily come down with questions for me, half of which I couldn't answer.  I had learned to not panic. I had learned at least to stay calm when he talked to me.  I never wanted to pass any of my fears on to him.  If anything I was his rock.  I was his moral support, always pointing him to what I knew of God, hoping to always give him hope.  I should have lectured myself.

And I did, but then doubts would creep in, so many doubts.  Doubts that my own son had, "If I don't get in, what will I do?  If I can't handle this, how will I handle university?"  They went on and on and I was feeling tormented by them myself.  I would regularly bring them to my husband and he always reassured me and tried to calm me down.  My own son was fasting for his future, daily surrendering his life.  I was getting up early to pray.  I was regularly in the Word.  But, I think I would surrender his life, and then grab it back.  Why else would I be so fearful?

I found that verse in Proverbs 3 days ago.  I wrote my son's name beside it and I asked God for good news.  I needed good news!  Isn't that a neat coincidence that this weekend is all about good news?! The news is that Jesus came so that we don't have to be enslaved any more by sin or by fear or by anything!  But, I was still acting like a slave.  Finally, I recommitted him, every day, by faith, all week, even though I didn't I always have a fully surrendered feeling, I did it anyway.  I knew if I didn't the fear was going to win.  I also went to the worst case scenario with my husband and guess what, it wasn't that bad.  If he didn't get it, so what?  It meant he'd either wait a year to reapply or that God had a different plan for his life.  I just needed to relax!

Last night we had Bible Quizzing practice.  All the quizzers had gone home, so I quickly scooted the youngest up to bed.  I was still upstairs when I heard my husband shout at the top of his lungs a holler I knew was a happy one, but what was he so happy about?  I ran downstairs to find out.  There was my son, sitting at the computer, with my husband near by and I heard, "He got in! With a scholarship!"  What!?!  Our son received his acceptance letter by email and had just checked at that moment - he was in awe.  We were in awe!  

I ran and grabbed my Bible and showed Jesse the verse about good news, how I had prayed for that this week.  I sure needed that good news, my bones were not feeling refreshed and I was in a bad spiral.  This news came in the nick of time!

My 6 year old came in wondering what the fuss was.  I told him to ask our other son what the good news was, "I got accepted into university!"  "That's great!  I'm so happy for you!"  Why would a six year old care about his nearly 18 year old brother?  Because he has daily prayed for him.  He has heard my son's cares for weeks and sometimes I'll suggest things they pray for, but lately, I've just said, "Pray what comes to your mind."  He daily had prayed that he would get in, that God would help him with his math....the sweetest prayers.  I'm sure they helped!

So today, I woke up with a much happier feeling in my bones - that fear was gone.  It was a great lesson once again in fully surrendering, leaving my concerns with God, listening to my husband, trusting even when it didn't make sense.  

I know Satan will try another avenue of fear on me in the future.  It's definitely my weakest area...clearly.  I will once again try to remember this latest lesson in fear vs. faith.  Had Jesus stayed on the cross and in the grave, then I would have lots of reasons to keep being fearful.  Praise God He rose from the grave so I no longer have to be a slave to fear.