We have a new and different life now that RM is working regular hours. This has been quite the adjustment, but now we have an even different new life now that our older 3 are also working full-time regular hours. Who knew how much you relied on certain kids until they are no longer around and available!? Our life literally changed again, literally overnight and we didn't like it!
This weekend was a great example. We had a garden to put in and we were planning on having the whole family be a part of that. It was not to be. The older kids worked all weekend. They actually woke up at 3 in the morning yesterday to be at work for 4 am in order to help the owner out on his busiest day. Fortunately, they were home by noon, but they were no good to anyone - they went back to bed!!!!
RM and I ended up putting in the garden, at least some of it, on our own! Super marriage enrichment, but sad that the older ones couldn't help. The year before it was all done on one day because each child helped so much!
I shouldn't complain though. We are actually very grateful. Grateful for the work for the kids. Grateful for what it is teaching them about working hard. Grateful for the income it is bringing them. Grateful on so many levels. It is also requiring us to step it up with the younger kids. Now, they are being asked to pick up the slack around home on a new level. They aren't used to this, but when we look back, we required a lot more of the older kids at the same ages, so we're actually being forced to train them the way the older ones were trained.
Life happens so fast. It never stays the same. There are aspects of that that I love and really fight. I think deep down and I would have loved the older ones to stay the ages they are, live at home forever and help forever. The younger ones would also stay the same ages. They might help, too, but they would have to stay cute and funny and try to just play all day. It sadly isn't like that! But it doesn't have to be sad. I think there is a moment of "grief" where you realize your life isn't the same and never will be, but then it can move on to embracing the new life, being grateful for the new season and all that that entails. That's kind of where I'm at...a little sad, but able to see the good.
Back to the garden. We went a little overboard this year. I don't really know what we were thinking. It just kind of happened. All I know is it is HUGE. Bigger than last year, way bigger. We have boatloads of tomato and pepper plants in there. The only thing I can think of is that maybe we'll sell some at the side of the road this summer and if not...perhaps I'll be doing more canning than I've ever done?????
The conclusion. Having a large family has been so great. It has taught us so much and it has forced us into things, like huge gardens, having the kids always move into new stages of life, that we never would have done or ever learned. In Luke 5, Jesus tells Peter to throw his net "into the deep". He doesn't believe it will help as he had already fished all night, possibly in the same spot, who knows, but he has just enough faith to trust Him and says, ..."But at your word I will let down the nets." That's kind of how it's been all along with our family. God keeps asking me to go out into the deep. I think, "I'm deep enough!" But I have just enough faith to trust Him with the next thing He's asking me to do or to go through, so I say, "Ok....at your word, I'll let down the nets", but there's just this little bit of doubt, "Will I make it?" But then, with Peter, the nets break, there are so many fish. He was ashamed of his lack of faith. That is how it is with me, too. With every new stage of our family, with every new trial their new ages bring, with all the new changes with RM's job, I see all the "fish" that are coming in. My nets are breaking. I'm like Peter. How did I ever doubt? Maybe that's why these specific stories are included, just so we see the human side of the disciples. The ones who actually walked alongside Jesus and still doubted Him.
Of course, just like Peter, I'll be forgetful. I do that a lot. But maybe less forgetful as life goes on. I try so hard to pass these life lessons on to my kids and they are now the ones navigating their own lives. A funny example....my daughter wasn't sure how she would earn the money for a car, then this job came up. Once she got there, she was able to meet some people who found out she was a piano teacher, too. Next thing you know, she has 2 more piano students! God is taking care of her even well into the Fall! She was needing more students, God knew that...her net is breaking. Meanwhile, my son, who is nearly done his course and has struggled through it and has been so worried, is now doing so well in his course. His nets are breaking, too.
You really have to go "into the deep"in order to see all the fish. That involves risk and a much greater level of faith, but I want my nets to break, so I'm much more willing to take that risk now. I've seen the pattern over and over in my life and I realize how it is worth it to take Jesus at His word when He tells me to go.
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