Not of Fear

We are all back safe and sound from a wonderful few days away.  I was amazed to come back to a very clean and tidy house, thanks to my oldest rallying the troops while I was away.  My husband had a couple days off work while I was gone so he was there to watch our 8 as well as a couple others from our other "family" (we see them so often now that they call me their other mom, he's their other dad and they are our other kids!), so he had 10 on his own.  Interesting experience, needless to say! The 4 older ones were at the homeschool conference for the weekend, so that made the house a little quieter, though it took some of the help away, but he managed to do fine and the 6 year old tried to run away only once!

Going away is always such a good time to get to know one another on a new and deeper level.  Being just women, (mom, sisters, and sister-in-law) we definitely spend more time talking than say a bunch of guys.  We turned off the TV and just shared what was going on in our lives and then we prayed for one another.  Being all believers that makes the time even that much more significant.  We also shared our greatest fears, dreams and hopes for the future.

I shared how one of my greatest fears has definitely been for my children.  I shared in a different post how I feared for my son getting into university, but he made it, and I knew God was teaching me to trust Him, but I also knew something else would try to take me down in my faith.   Well, I guess fear begets fear.  I've noticed recently that my son has shown that he, too, has fears, but they only show up when he takes tests!  In his math assignments he gets high 90's, but then when he takes his test, he doesn't do nearly as well.  The test atmosphere makes him very nervous and all the math concepts he thinks are solidified in his mind go out the window.  This also happened when he went to take his driver's test.  He had been driving and driving completely fine with me for weeks and months, but then on the day of the test he was so nervous he made a small mistake and it cost him his license.  He was so disappointed!

On the final day of the trip, as we were heading out, I shared with the girls about my son.  I asked for prayer for him, that he would be able to get over his nerves and pass the upcoming driver's test.  Just like when his university acceptance came, it gave all of us a huge boost of confidence, I knew he, and all of us, needed this.  Another point of prayer for sure.

A couple nights ago, right before the test, I remembered a verse.  I quickly looked it up and shared it with the kids on my first morning back.  It was in 2 Timothy, "...for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control."  When I shared that with the kids, one of them said, "Hey, where is that?"  "Timothy," I said.  "We just heard about that on the weekend at OCHEC!"  "Really?" I said.  "What did they share?"  My daughter then went on to say how the speaker spoke about how Paul knew his young friend Timothy was afraid, so he specifically wrote that letter to him to encourage him.  My other daughter later added, Paul knew Timothy had 3 main weaknesses.  He was young, fearful and weak.  It was so great to think about that book in those terms.  Here was my son, young, fearful and feeling weak.  Yet God knew he was feeling that way and He had these verses of encouragement just for him.  I then went back and read the passages surrounding that verse on fear.

Paul said, "I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day."  If Paul prayed, I can pray, and I can get others to pray.  He would have been praying as he knew how Timothy must have needed prayer.  At first I wasn't going to share my requests with my family as I didn't want my son to feel badly, but then I thought, "That's exactly what Satan would want...keep my requests in the dark...." So I shared.

Paul goes on, "I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure dwells in you as well."  I could add to that that my son not only has a faith in his grandmother, but also in his grandfather, and also in his great grandmother, his great grandfather, in his aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters....I could go on and on...he has generations of faithfulness way before he existed, who prayed for him before they met him!  He has people praying for him now who care for him so deeply and, just like Paul wrote to Timothy about his faith, and says, "I am sure", I can say that, too, "I am sure" that my son has a faith dwelling in him as well.

Then Paul says, in light of that faith that dwells in you, "For that reasons, I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands...."

Maybe Timothy forgot that he had generations before him who prayed for him and who were women of great faith.  Paul had to remind him.  He had to remind him of the gift of God that was in him.  He needed to fan into flames that gift.  I guess he had laid hands on him before as a symbol of the faith that was in him.

We read those verses together as a family that night.  I wanted to encourage my son and my daughter as well who is taking a big piano history exam today, that they need not be fearful, but have the spirit of power and love.  So then, in the spirit of Paul, I suggested our two older kids come and sit in the middle of the family room on the bench so we could lay hands on them as a family, praying this spirit of power into them.  They willingly did so and then we had such a beautiful time of prayer for them.

The next morning I woke up to take my son to his driver test.  Normally I am quite nervous and my stomach gets uneasy, but this time I wasn't.  I asked myself,  "Why am I not nervous?" and the words from the Chris Tomlin version of "Amazing Grace" came into my head....."My chains fell off, I've been set free"....that was cool!  I sang the rest of that verse all morning.

As we drove to the test center, I shared that with my son and he said, "I had 'Victory in Jesus' in my head all day!"  So he'd also been singing songs of victory!  My other son came along for moral support that day which was nice.  We prayed once again before he went off to take his test.  When my son first failed his test, he questioned why, but we realized over the course of time that our identity as a man cannot come from man.  He had been humbled through this experience and others like it this past year and he had finally come to the point where it didn't even matter if he failed again.  He knew, if he failed, "No big deal, I'll just take it again."  His identity was no longer coming from awards, or passing grades, or even driver's licenses.   Being humbled in that way was the worst thing and the greatest thing that could have happened to him because it stripped him of all the things he valued.  He had been getting his worth from external rewards not internal.  His confidence was no longer shattered as it had been. He knew, pass or fail, he was a child of God and it showed.

I should have still been completely fine, but once he left for his driver's test, I admit, my nerves were shot.  I texted everyone I could think of to pray.  The test took a long time!!!!!  But I started getting people sending me verses, prayers, encouragements...it helped me so much!

Finally, the car pulled in....I couldn't tell what his expression was.  Then, out he came, with a victory whoop!  We ran over and hugged him in the parking lot.  I even hugged the instructor!  She looked at me a little weirdly!  I explained this wasn't his first test and she said, "Oh, it shows on the test that it is...."  I wondered if that was a godly oversight so he wouldn't be judged too harshly...who knows. Anyway, I think she got a kick out of this poor boy's excited mother and brother....

The great news went out like wild fire and everyone was excited.  Such a small thing in the big picture, but huge in the life of a mom.  Another victory under his belt and another test of faith passed. It is taking me so many hard lessons to learn these truths from Scripture.  I wish I could just read about how to pass them instead of have to go through them, but it just doesn't work that way.  I can look back now and be grateful for my son's tough time instead of wishing he hadn't had to go through it.  I can see how God uses all these experiences to grow us in our character.  He loves us too much to keep us where we are.