The Making of a Man

It has been awhile since I've sat down and written for the blog.  I have been writing though, nearly every morning, just not here!  I had to finish a talk I was giving on anger at the homeschool conference this past weekend.  That consumed many mornings as it had to be an hour long and I had no idea how to write on anger for an hour - it made me so angry!  Ha ha.  But I got it done and I think it went really well.  I don't think people were showing up to hear me talk, I'm a no-name speaker, but based on how many people came to the talk, I would say it is a hot issue in people's homes.  The room was packed, standing room only.

I think moms, dads, and kids, many even moreso in homeschool homes because we're around each other all day every day, really struggle with anger and how to deal with it.  I ended up sharing our family's story of how we dealt with anger in our home.  I explained the effects of anger on a child, the impact of anger on a parent, what the Bible has to say about anger, how we took on the anger experiment we did a few years ago, the results of that, and then other practical tools for getting rid of anger once and for all.  The key I tried to repeat over and over was "confess, repent, and start over" each time anger tries to raise its ugly head.  The sin with anger is the lack of repentance and then the wall is built brick by brick and it is really hard to tear down a wall once it is so high from a series of angry incidents.  The other thing I tried to talk about was triggers.  This is a neat idea that I just heard about recently.

We all know we have triggers that set us off.  We can't avoid them, they are going to happen and set us off time and time again.  Unless we look at them a different way.  Instead of looking at them as things we should avoid at all costs, why not look at them as opportunities?  Let the trigger that typically makes you mad be the very thing that tells you you need to train your child in the area that he is lacking, the very area that is setting you off.  It has really changed everything for me when I consider how often I'm set off during the day.  That means it is that many areas I haven't trained my child!  So if they aren't cleaning up when I'm gone and I come home to a mess (which is what I came home to last night), instead of freaking out, I need to remind them this morning, "Ok, guys, I wasn't happy when I got home last night and found the kitchen exactly how I left it.  Next time, you guys need to make sure the whole kitchen is clean....please!"  That will be way better than yelling at them when they wake up today, which, in the past, I might have sadly done. So, I'm trying to train more these days, less yelling.  I'm trying to take the triggers that set me off to remind me, "That's another area for training!" 

The last few weeks have also been consumed by puppies (a litter was born a week ago - 9 puppies!) and kittens (8 were given away last week!) and my son was getting the last minute stuff ready for India.  Boy, did that trip ever come up fast!  When he was in school, India seemed so far away, but once exams were over, the time crept up so quickly!  There were so many last minute details left to do!  On top of all that he was still being interviewed with Marineland, so I was driving him back and forth there for his first and second interviews.....so much to do.  However, somehow in the midst of all of this, we got it all done.  He texted me from Delhi, India at midnight last night to say he was on his was to Srinigar (northern India).  Gotta love cell phones for that.  So he actually made it to India!  I have a child on the other side of the world!!!! 

I do have to say, the few days he was home, between exams being done and going off to India, were awesome.  I kind of made him into my personal worker.  I called him "Farm boy" (remember that, from Princess Bride?  We laughed and laughed.  "Farm boy, take out the garbage."  "As you wish....."  "Farm boy, clean up the whole farm...."  "As you wish...."  He was amazing.  For the few days he was here, he basically did all the things I've ever wanted done on the farm because he's usually never able to help.  I think it was his way (just like in the movie) of saying, "I love you.  Thank you for all you've done.  I'm willing to do whatever you want in exchange."  I was so grateful as he started off each day with, "What do you want me to do today?"  What kid says that???????

If I could write a book on diligence and perseverance, I would make my son the main character.  His story would be one of the ups and downs that a young man has to go through in life to make him a man.  I would write about the mom who tried to protect him from harm, but couldn't and about the dad who knew better when to step in and when to let him flounder.  All the while, the mom was on her knees, crying and praying for her son as he went through his trials.  But then, when it seemed like all was hopeless, the whole time, the son would pick himself up off the floor after each trial and he would dust himself off and start over, taking on each new battle with a ferocity that she didn't know he had in him.  That has been my son for the last 3 years.  He has gone from being a boy, to a man.  Now I knew I was right when I reacted so strongly to my boys being boys when they were born.  I didn't want boys!  And now I know why.  I think I innately knew I wouldn't be able to handle it emotionally to watch what it would take to make them men.  I wanted girls.  I wanted what I knew.  I wanted it to be easier!  Watching a boy become a man is awful for a mom.  I do not recommend it for the faint of heart.  Everything in me wanted to step in to his life and protect him, hold him, pick him up when things went bad, but I couldn't.  I knew, at least a little, that that was bad for a mom to do.

But it all came to a head this year, all the trials, all the sufferings, all the training.  His school year was rough in the first semester as he was learning to adjust to university life, but then he got into a groove, started to figure out how to study, how to work harder than he's ever worked, how to be the most diligent he's ever been.  Well, let me tell you, it paid off with the highest marks I've ever seen him get.  I think his lowest mark was an 86 %.  Not only that, but all his diligence with the dogs and his animal experience also paid off with him getting the marine mammal caregiver job at Marineland this summer!  He had always watched the movie Dolphin Tale and then would later tell me how much he hated that movie.  Why?  We would ask.  "Because the kid in the movie gets to work with dolphins all day!  That is not fair!!!" Well, guess what, now that's what he's doing - working with dolphins, belugas and tourists - all day, for 4 months. He found out on his 19th birthday, pretty cool.  Sounds like a dream job to me and an answer to prayer. That is, after he comes back from a trip to India where he'll be working with a whole bunch of vets and Indian animals in one of the most beautiful places in India.  I found out on the way to the airport that he really shouldn't even be on this trip.  It is exclusively for vets and vet techs, already trained professionals.  I can only thank God for how He opened doors allowing him to go with my friend who is a vet.  She sees something in him that screams, "Potential Vet" and so she made it happen. She has been used in my life over and over with my son and other very neat ways.  I love the body of Christ and how God uses people in our lives to encourage us and to even help in our children's lives in areas we don't have connections. 

The sermon on Sunday was on humility.  I can truly say I cannot take the credit for any of these amazing stories.  I didn't come up with the answers to anger.  God did.  I didn't come up with how to make my son a man.  God did.  I had no way of getting my son out of the pit of despair when he went through the trials he went through.  I only had the Lord and my prayers.  I couldn't get my son the job or the trip to India.  God used people in my life.  As cliche as it may sound, I am truly humbled by God's goodness to me and my son.  I am so grateful that He blessed him for all his diligence and perseverance.  Now, as my next 4 sons enter the man journey, I am not as worried, not as fearful, though I really don't enjoy watching the process.  I hate seeing them suffer as suffering is what makes them men.  I wish I could fast forward them through all that.  But I can't.  I'd like to sub-contract my parenting out for those years.  Also can't do that.  So, I keep doing what I'm getting really good at....praying.  That is more effective than anything else.  So, to all moms of newborn boys?  Be warned, it is a hard journey, but the blessings along the way are amazing and seeing them become men?  There is nothing more incredible, more rewarding, more fulfilling, than seeing your once little baby boy stand beside you, taller than you, as a man.