Recently we have gone from no one in relationships to three of our kids in relationships. From the time they were newborns we prayed that each one would find themselves in a godly relationship with a godly spouse. By faith I assumed those relationships would happen. What I didn't expect was that sometimes, in the search for the right spouse, there can be some ups and downs. I mean, of course I did, but I guess I didn't know that sometimes there has to be a break or at least a test of some kind to determine how strong the relationship truly is. This has been the case more than once now. There's been a test, even a break, and then the relationship has gone on and has been stronger for it.
As parents this has been truly unpleasant, navigating the path alongside our children. We would have just rather gone to the spouse store, picked one and then given them the gift at the right time. Oh....that's called an arranged marriage! I forgot! Yes! That's what I would have wanted! I am all for arranged marriages. But, for some reason, our kids seem to want a say. So weird. In our lame wisdom we allowed this and it seems it is just not always easy when two imperfect people get together in this imperfect world. However, by more faith, more prayer....so much prayer.....tears, long conversations.....and just trusting God for the outcome, we now have a very full house with lots of extra people over - I mean, socially- distanced outside, of course.
Recently, we held one of the funniest nights of our lives. We call it the "Antler Boiling Party". Have you ever had one of the those? They are very fun. Everyone should have one.\ It had been one of those times when there had been a break, a test or two in the relationships and now, on one strange night, everyone literally in the family and those connected to the family were all going to come together again. After a time of distance, how do you suddenly get everyone back together without it being awkward? You have an Antler Boiling Party OBVIOUSLY!!! An Antler Boiling Party was not my idea. It was actually my son's. He and a buddy had picked up some antlers from some deer from work. I didn't realize deer lose their antlers and regrow them every year, but apparently that is the case. I personally don't want antlers hanging on my wall, but these two young guys did and in order to do that you have to boil them in boiling water for hours. So my son had it all set up and invited his friend over for the Antler Boiling Party. There was a fire, a huge barrel full of water for the antlers, and then all our kids. The extra "friends" were invited, too, some of whom hadn't been around for a bit and it could have been strange and awkward, but really, how can it be when you have everyone standing around a metal barrel full of boiling water and antlers? So hilarious. It was also great to have so many young children hanging out by the fire, too. They are oblivious to any potential tension and they certainly make for a lot of laughs. The antler bros, i.e., my son and his friend, were also huge comic relief, as who boils antlers for fun except these two? To be honest, they also were oblivious to any strangeness in the evening and really just cared about their antlers and that's where I think God comes in. No one wanted a big deal. No one wanted stress. Everyone just wanted to peace and love and I think that's why the Antler Boiling Party was perfect and, dare I say, God's design. It was a comical way to all be outside, standing around, laughing, communing, fellowshiping, and just relaxing, without a big "to-do". Friendships and relationships were re-established where there had been a pause and arms were socially-distanced, yet outstretched, to regroup and regather.
If you were to google "Antler Boiling Party" and how to hold one, I'm quite certain no information would come up. That's how I kind of know God was in this. I couldn't have come up with the idea in a million years. If it had been up to us, we probably would have started building towers on our property, one for each one of our children, where each one could stay for the rest of their lives. It would have been easier to put them all in their own individual tower, but that isn't what God wants. He wants Antler Boiling Parties where people connect or reconnect, reach out, bridge distances. He wants people in fellowship, in relationships, in families, and one day in their own families. Not with any wisdom of our own, but with God's help, He used this funny way to calmly help our family where we had been uncertain how to move forward.
For now, all seems well. As I said, three of our children, are involved in relationships. I now have a more realistic perspective. I actually am grateful for all that their relationships are teaching me. We don't want to be white-washed walls or white painted cups that look only good on the outside. We recognize the importance of washing the inside of the cup, recognizing none of us are perfect. I don't want to pretend my kids, my family, their relationships, are perfect when that isn't true - we are all sinners needing a Saviour and we are imperfect parents. They are imperfect children and relationships, even godly ones, can be messy and hard to navigate. In the end The Antler Boiling Party was a great reminder though that God comes into our lives in such unique ways and helps us when we don't know how to help ourselves. Hopefully we won't need any more Antler Boiling Parties, but if we do now I know how to do them and I can recommend how to set them up for anyone who is interested.
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