Two days ago we finished all the staking and taping of the vines. That was no small feat. Not that anyone cares, but I am sure I have the most muscular back now. We should be cultivating between the rows, but it is so wet out there from days of rain earlier that we our tractor got stuck and has made some unsightly new trenches where no trenches are supposed to be. So the weeds between the rows will grow some more I guess.
Now that the vineyard looks more like a vineyard we will often hear from our kids, "Oh! So that's what it's supposed to look like!" Our kids are learning faith through this vineyard. Not just faith in God, but faith in their parents. They have truly had to trust us all along that we aren't crazy, though we may appear that way sometimes.
Even I have had to have a certain amount of faith, not just in God, but in my husband. I'm sure, to the world around us we may have looked a little crazy as we started out this latest venture. I found out when I delivered grapes to every neighbour on the street that they've all been watching. Every single neighbour commented on what they'd seen us start on. We are 100% being watched.
I have had to trust that my husband knows what he's doing and believe in him and his unique vision for our family and our future. I read a letter from a woman in a homeschooling magazine recently who sounded like she is married to a husband similar to mine. She wasn't complaining, but she was wondering how to support a husband who has lots of dreams, ideas, and plans and wasn't sure what to do when they didn't always work out like she had hoped. The letter she received in response was just great because it was written by a man who was also like my husband and her's. He said, "Have faith in your husband. Think of him as an inventor, failing 999 times in preparation for the great success he will eventually achieve." He then went on about all the crazy things he has done in his own life. He wrote, "I have tried many endeavors which proved to be great only in my imagination. We have been poor to the bone and down to our last potato many times because I was devoting our money and all my energies and time to a new idea that was 'wonderful'." But then he adds, "I had fun every step of the way. Failure didn't discourage me. Like Thomas Edison, I knew I had just discovered one more way that did not work. I had grown."
Fortunately he adds, "Eventually I had great successes..." There's hope! He said, "My wife had to endure criticism from family and well-meaning friends, but it just brought us closer together....We became a team, experiencing life together, having more fun than a whole playground full of kids!"
He quoted a verse from Eccesliastes 11:1 that says, "Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days." It seems to be speaking about what we do now will have a reward later...if we stick with it. This can be a spiritual principle as well as even a financial one, I think. This can apply to our work in training our children now as well as the work we're doing in the vineyard. And, of course, back to believing in my husband's vision - what seems a little nuts now, will eventually pay off.....if I stick with it and stick with him. The thing about his vision is that it wasn't a flippant decision. He had done years of research on vines and growing grapes. I had listened to him all those years never really thinking it would happen! But then it did! Here we are with 5 acres of grapes, planted, staked and taped, ready for the next step of trellising.
The irony is of all the weeks to be reading John 15, it was this week - when I had just finished the taping the last vine to the stake. "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart form me you can do nothing."
Couldn't believe it. Verses like this now jump off the page as I regularly hold vines in my hand all the time. I can't look at them the same way anymore. We regularly take off branches and even some grapes to prep the vines for more fruit later. We actually make life harder on the vines to get the roots to grow deeper into the ground. How it parallels my life is incredible. Truly, apart from Christ I can do nothing. I long to bear much fruit, but cannot do it on my own.
But again, back to being a supportive wife - there is a chance we could lose this crop to some disease or bad weather or something unforeseen (hopefully not!). Will that mean it was all a waste? No, it has actually been the most amazing thing for my husband and me. We have been in the vineyard so much together, always working together, talking together, weeding together, staking or taping together....in addition to being alongside our kids, it has been the most amazing, dare I say, fun, thing we've done lately. Was it more fun than a whole playground full of kids? I'm not sure about that, but it was certainly so rewarding as we always compared our blisters on our hands, or we argued about who had sorer muscles or more dirt under their nails. It has been an adventure that we've shared together. I think our kids have noticed and observed and will one day reflect on how they saw us work as a team on this latest crazy thing we've done. I can agree with the letter the author wrote back when he said of his wife, "Now my wife shares my hair-brained ideas and we are a finely tuned team..." That would be me! I'm starting to share his "hair-brained ideas", too! I think I'm becoming as crazy as him! Ha!
In the end, of course I am hoping for the best. I truly hope my husband gets rewarded somehow for all that he has done and that by God's grace he will get back "his bread" that he "cast on the waters". It was a lot of emotional, physical and financial effort he has put into this vineyard. But, even in the event things go south and we end up "potato broke" as the author put it, it has been fun!
Thursday, 11 October 2018
Monday, 1 October 2018
"The Best Week Ever!" says me.
I was just reminded of how important reflection is. The Israelites constantly looked back and reflected on all that God did for them. Ann Voskamp puts it this way, "Remembering is an act of thanksgiving, a way of thanksgiving, this turn of the heart over time's shoulder to see all the long way His arms have carried....If I can thank God for the good of the past, I can trust Him for the good of the future, no matter what lies down that road. I can walk the planks - from known to unknown - and know He holds."
So I am reflecting on an awesome week. RM took the week off last week. We had so much we had to get done and really lofty goals. Here's just a few:
-weed, stake, tape, cultivate the entire vineyard (almost done)
-buy, set up, new bunk bed for boys (they've been bedless for a few months, sleeping on couches like homeless people) (done)
-pick concord grapes from the other vineyard and make juice (done and still doing)
-sell concord grapes on the side of the road (made good money from total strangers!)
-bring in all the hay from the last field (done in record time!)
-have all the homeschoolers over from our church (check, and so fun!)
-deliver grapes to all the neighbours (check!)
-have friends over to pick grapes for themselves (at least 7 different families!)
-host quiz practice (fit it in somehow!)
-ride horses with niece (she came and only one kid fell off!)
To my shock and awe, we were able to accomplish almost all of those goals - not your average vacation again. I don't even know how it all got done, but the weather cooperated, for the most part, and we didn't sit down for more than a few minutes at a time. My husband and I should be unable to walk for all the hours we were bent over. The vineyard didn't get entirely done, but we got a lot done. We hope to finish the rest by the end of next weekend. It is actually starting to look like a real vineyard! My kids admitted to us this week that they really didn't know what was going on or why we were doing it or if whatever we were doing would ever work, but now that the plants are quite high, staked and weeded, it looks amazing and they are starting to catch on to the crazy vision!
RM said to me, "This must have been your best week ever." It was. The reason he said that was because we had so many people over and I was constantly socializing. The side benefit of having people come pick grapes was always having people to talk to! I loved that!
The funny part about the selling grapes was that in all the advertising we did, no one came. The people who ended up coming were people out of the blue just driving around. The first time they came they told me that they were going to send others. They did send others and they also returned themselves. We sold them so many bushels of grapes that it paid for the juicer we had just invested in! I was so happy! They were such nice people and we got along so well that by the time they left we were hugging each other saying, "See you next year!" I laughed! Who hugs people that sell you grapes?! Who hugs people that buy your grapes!? I wondered if we were entertaining angels. I seriously started to wonder about that when my son took a gator ride with one of the grape pickers. She for some reason asked him what he wanted to do in his future. He mentioned aviation to her (we are praying about this all the time, for direction, for wisdom, for what school to apply to, etc.). She immediately said that she was a nurse who worked in the north and told him he needed to be a pilot of up there, which we've heard before. But it was a neat confirmation to him that he wasn't expecting. An angelic encounter? We wondered.
Not only did we make goals for the week, but additional bonuses happened along the way, such as hosting both sets of grandparents, picking grapes in the vines with both of them, showing them around the vineyard, spending time catching up. We picked so many grapes with my parents yesterday that we are now rather overrun with grapes. After they left last night, RM and I went back and pounded a few more stakes in or taped a few more vines. The whole time I was thinking to myself, "There's no way he'll want to make juice when we get inside. He'll be too tired. But if we don't then we'll be letting the grapes go bad and the fruit flies will be out of control....." iIt was the last thing on my list of "to dos" for the week. So I just resolved to let it go as I knew he was going to be in a lot of pain. But, to my surprise, he walked in just as it was getting dark and looked at the grapes and said, "Well, we've got a lot of work to do yet!" We were up until 11 pm making grape juice together. Such a fun activity to do as a couple! My son saw us and said, "I love it when you guys are so industrious!" That made me happy. You never really know what your kids are seeing or observing. But, I'm telling you, we felt industrious. We have over 5 gallons or 20 L, of juice made and we're not even half way through what we picked. And, there are lot of grapes left to pick.
I felt like God planned each day and packed each day with so many blessings, we truly lost count. If I had somehow tried to micromanage the week and coordinate each visit, or each hour, I don't think the best scheduler could have done it. Allowing God to work each day out and let Him be the head of my week made all the difference. I tried to have low expectations. I tried to not feel disappointed if we didn't get everything done. When the week was over and we not only got nearly everything done, but a few bonuses on the side, I was amazed. I remember reading a verse when I first was reawakened spiritually that spoke about the "abundant life" that Christ offered. "I came that they might have life, life to the full." I was told it wouldn't mean a perfect life, but an abundant one. Our week wasn't perfect, or stress-free. There was conflict with the kids here and there, bad attitudes from one day to the next (no one loves work), but it was abundant. It was truly life "to the full". Even the conflict makes it life to the full as you run around chasing kids, trying to get them to work outside or inside....it all makes life feel abundant. All the work, all the challenges, all the successes, all the not-so-successful moments, all the visits, all the conversations, all the grape stains....made for truly "the best week ever!"
Now, I'm overrun not just with grapes, fruit flies, stains (remember, white kitchen? not so white anymore), but laundry that piled up over the weekend. I had to let something go in order to be outside. But, it is raining today, so I have a chance to catch up. Oh, and that school thing. Have to do that, too, somehow.
Reflecting on this past week will help me with my future weeks. I can't believe it is October 1. Time is flying. The known is now behind me. The unknown is ahead. I can be like Ann and say, I "thank God for the good of the past. I can trust Him for the good of the future."
So I am reflecting on an awesome week. RM took the week off last week. We had so much we had to get done and really lofty goals. Here's just a few:
-weed, stake, tape, cultivate the entire vineyard (almost done)
-buy, set up, new bunk bed for boys (they've been bedless for a few months, sleeping on couches like homeless people) (done)
-pick concord grapes from the other vineyard and make juice (done and still doing)
-sell concord grapes on the side of the road (made good money from total strangers!)
-bring in all the hay from the last field (done in record time!)
-have all the homeschoolers over from our church (check, and so fun!)
-deliver grapes to all the neighbours (check!)
-have friends over to pick grapes for themselves (at least 7 different families!)
-host quiz practice (fit it in somehow!)
-ride horses with niece (she came and only one kid fell off!)
To my shock and awe, we were able to accomplish almost all of those goals - not your average vacation again. I don't even know how it all got done, but the weather cooperated, for the most part, and we didn't sit down for more than a few minutes at a time. My husband and I should be unable to walk for all the hours we were bent over. The vineyard didn't get entirely done, but we got a lot done. We hope to finish the rest by the end of next weekend. It is actually starting to look like a real vineyard! My kids admitted to us this week that they really didn't know what was going on or why we were doing it or if whatever we were doing would ever work, but now that the plants are quite high, staked and weeded, it looks amazing and they are starting to catch on to the crazy vision!
RM said to me, "This must have been your best week ever." It was. The reason he said that was because we had so many people over and I was constantly socializing. The side benefit of having people come pick grapes was always having people to talk to! I loved that!
The funny part about the selling grapes was that in all the advertising we did, no one came. The people who ended up coming were people out of the blue just driving around. The first time they came they told me that they were going to send others. They did send others and they also returned themselves. We sold them so many bushels of grapes that it paid for the juicer we had just invested in! I was so happy! They were such nice people and we got along so well that by the time they left we were hugging each other saying, "See you next year!" I laughed! Who hugs people that sell you grapes?! Who hugs people that buy your grapes!? I wondered if we were entertaining angels. I seriously started to wonder about that when my son took a gator ride with one of the grape pickers. She for some reason asked him what he wanted to do in his future. He mentioned aviation to her (we are praying about this all the time, for direction, for wisdom, for what school to apply to, etc.). She immediately said that she was a nurse who worked in the north and told him he needed to be a pilot of up there, which we've heard before. But it was a neat confirmation to him that he wasn't expecting. An angelic encounter? We wondered.
Not only did we make goals for the week, but additional bonuses happened along the way, such as hosting both sets of grandparents, picking grapes in the vines with both of them, showing them around the vineyard, spending time catching up. We picked so many grapes with my parents yesterday that we are now rather overrun with grapes. After they left last night, RM and I went back and pounded a few more stakes in or taped a few more vines. The whole time I was thinking to myself, "There's no way he'll want to make juice when we get inside. He'll be too tired. But if we don't then we'll be letting the grapes go bad and the fruit flies will be out of control....." iIt was the last thing on my list of "to dos" for the week. So I just resolved to let it go as I knew he was going to be in a lot of pain. But, to my surprise, he walked in just as it was getting dark and looked at the grapes and said, "Well, we've got a lot of work to do yet!" We were up until 11 pm making grape juice together. Such a fun activity to do as a couple! My son saw us and said, "I love it when you guys are so industrious!" That made me happy. You never really know what your kids are seeing or observing. But, I'm telling you, we felt industrious. We have over 5 gallons or 20 L, of juice made and we're not even half way through what we picked. And, there are lot of grapes left to pick.
I felt like God planned each day and packed each day with so many blessings, we truly lost count. If I had somehow tried to micromanage the week and coordinate each visit, or each hour, I don't think the best scheduler could have done it. Allowing God to work each day out and let Him be the head of my week made all the difference. I tried to have low expectations. I tried to not feel disappointed if we didn't get everything done. When the week was over and we not only got nearly everything done, but a few bonuses on the side, I was amazed. I remember reading a verse when I first was reawakened spiritually that spoke about the "abundant life" that Christ offered. "I came that they might have life, life to the full." I was told it wouldn't mean a perfect life, but an abundant one. Our week wasn't perfect, or stress-free. There was conflict with the kids here and there, bad attitudes from one day to the next (no one loves work), but it was abundant. It was truly life "to the full". Even the conflict makes it life to the full as you run around chasing kids, trying to get them to work outside or inside....it all makes life feel abundant. All the work, all the challenges, all the successes, all the not-so-successful moments, all the visits, all the conversations, all the grape stains....made for truly "the best week ever!"
Now, I'm overrun not just with grapes, fruit flies, stains (remember, white kitchen? not so white anymore), but laundry that piled up over the weekend. I had to let something go in order to be outside. But, it is raining today, so I have a chance to catch up. Oh, and that school thing. Have to do that, too, somehow.
Reflecting on this past week will help me with my future weeks. I can't believe it is October 1. Time is flying. The known is now behind me. The unknown is ahead. I can be like Ann and say, I "thank God for the good of the past. I can trust Him for the good of the future."
Friday, 28 September 2018
Why I Love Grapes....
Not sitting at the computer much. It seems the blog has its seasons. Not that I don't have anything to write. I write in my head all day long!
We are on our own a lot more now that my husband is gone several nights a week with school. I'm trying to fill the kids' evenings with meaningful activities. We've recently finished the book The Magician's Nephew, by C.S. Lewis, because we're going to go see the play next month, Lord willing. We've also been out working in the vines like crazy, evening in the evenings, because we really have to get them staked before they grow crooked.
At the same time, we have 3 acres of concord grapes that we decided not to pay to get harvested as it was going to cost too much, more than we would have made. So we decided to give the grapes away to friends and family and have a u-pick for anyone else. Once in awhile I get these crazy ideas in the middle of the night or in the middle of a church service! Maybe it's the only time I'm quiet enough for the Lord to talk. I felt prompted to pick 10 baskets of grapes and then hand-deliver them to our closest neighbours.
All week long I had planned on doing this, but couldn't find time. We were in the vines so much and I just kept forgetting, but then when my husband left for work that night, I thought, "Now is the time." So I grabbed the kids, I told them what I had been feeling prompted to do. I reminded them that maybe, just maybe, God had moved us here to be a witness to these neighbours and that as we went around from house to house giving away grapes, it might just be a way to continue to make connections that could ultimately lead to divine appointments. Who knows?!
They seemed excited and even picked all the grapes for me. I took the younger four kids and we went in the car and started driving. Each visit led to really neat conversations. Each house had someone come out that was shocked to see us. Each house my kids acted a little kooky, so I'm not sure how great a witness we were, but nevertheless, it led to some funny conversations. I may actually have a few of them come by and pick again which could lead to more conversations, you never know! One visit even led to a nice cup of tea with a neighbour who is also a believer. Such an encouraging time! Makes me wonder why I don't do these kinds of things more often!
The grapes have also been a way to have other homeschooling moms come over who want to make jelly or pies with their kids. Yesterday three more moms came by with their kids and picked what they wanted. It naturally led to great conversations with each mom and even a time of prayer together at the end. Such a great time!
We even had three ladies show up at our house this week that drove 2 hours looking for grapes. Someone directed them to our house and they ended up picking 6 bushels and gave me $120!
I never knew how these grapes could be such a wonderful blessing for so many reasons. They've provided a small little income for me. They've been an evangelism tool in my neighbourhood. They've been a source of encouragement for me and for others as well as provided an opportunity to disciple young moms new to the homeschooling journey. They've been a way to offer my kids new friendships as our farm is hopping with people now all the time, which is also super fun for me as I also love meeting new people and I can honestly never have enough people in my life. They've also kept my kids busy by running down to the grapes every day for a snack! These are the most delicious things to eat! We didn't spray them either so they are so healthy for my kids. I love that, too. They've also forced me to really think about how I can use them to make other healthy things. So, this weekend we are planning on picking and picking and making juice out of them. It is the most amazing tasting juice. I can't wait.
All this to say, I love grapes! I love how in a million years I would have never guessed I'd be living on a farm that provides such a great source of abundance that can not only bless me, but so many around us. More families will be coming today! It is so great. If my dad were writing this he would have said, so "grape", couldn't resist.....
We are on our own a lot more now that my husband is gone several nights a week with school. I'm trying to fill the kids' evenings with meaningful activities. We've recently finished the book The Magician's Nephew, by C.S. Lewis, because we're going to go see the play next month, Lord willing. We've also been out working in the vines like crazy, evening in the evenings, because we really have to get them staked before they grow crooked.
At the same time, we have 3 acres of concord grapes that we decided not to pay to get harvested as it was going to cost too much, more than we would have made. So we decided to give the grapes away to friends and family and have a u-pick for anyone else. Once in awhile I get these crazy ideas in the middle of the night or in the middle of a church service! Maybe it's the only time I'm quiet enough for the Lord to talk. I felt prompted to pick 10 baskets of grapes and then hand-deliver them to our closest neighbours.
All week long I had planned on doing this, but couldn't find time. We were in the vines so much and I just kept forgetting, but then when my husband left for work that night, I thought, "Now is the time." So I grabbed the kids, I told them what I had been feeling prompted to do. I reminded them that maybe, just maybe, God had moved us here to be a witness to these neighbours and that as we went around from house to house giving away grapes, it might just be a way to continue to make connections that could ultimately lead to divine appointments. Who knows?!
They seemed excited and even picked all the grapes for me. I took the younger four kids and we went in the car and started driving. Each visit led to really neat conversations. Each house had someone come out that was shocked to see us. Each house my kids acted a little kooky, so I'm not sure how great a witness we were, but nevertheless, it led to some funny conversations. I may actually have a few of them come by and pick again which could lead to more conversations, you never know! One visit even led to a nice cup of tea with a neighbour who is also a believer. Such an encouraging time! Makes me wonder why I don't do these kinds of things more often!
The grapes have also been a way to have other homeschooling moms come over who want to make jelly or pies with their kids. Yesterday three more moms came by with their kids and picked what they wanted. It naturally led to great conversations with each mom and even a time of prayer together at the end. Such a great time!
We even had three ladies show up at our house this week that drove 2 hours looking for grapes. Someone directed them to our house and they ended up picking 6 bushels and gave me $120!
I never knew how these grapes could be such a wonderful blessing for so many reasons. They've provided a small little income for me. They've been an evangelism tool in my neighbourhood. They've been a source of encouragement for me and for others as well as provided an opportunity to disciple young moms new to the homeschooling journey. They've been a way to offer my kids new friendships as our farm is hopping with people now all the time, which is also super fun for me as I also love meeting new people and I can honestly never have enough people in my life. They've also kept my kids busy by running down to the grapes every day for a snack! These are the most delicious things to eat! We didn't spray them either so they are so healthy for my kids. I love that, too. They've also forced me to really think about how I can use them to make other healthy things. So, this weekend we are planning on picking and picking and making juice out of them. It is the most amazing tasting juice. I can't wait.
All this to say, I love grapes! I love how in a million years I would have never guessed I'd be living on a farm that provides such a great source of abundance that can not only bless me, but so many around us. More families will be coming today! It is so great. If my dad were writing this he would have said, so "grape", couldn't resist.....
Wednesday, 19 September 2018
Still Alive!
"Still Alive!" That's a quote from one of our kids' funny movie favs. We say it all the time when we come out of a stressful situation or even a funny situation or, in my case, a minor procedure, where we half-think "we could have died!" But, I didn't die. In fact, I was back on my feet the next day at soccer games with my kids.
The most time for any kind of fear or anxiety came in the 3 hours I was waiting in the waiting room. Ah, the waiting room. That sounds like a great name for a book. The waiting room of life is where all the life lessons happen. In that first waiting room and then in the next waiting room where I was prepped for surgery and then in the waiting hall and then in the waiting Operating Room was where I learned all my lessons.
I learned that I am one of the few people in this world who has rarely been in a hospital....except for giving birth, and even then I was out of there so fast they barely saw me. I've never had broken bones, diseases, stitches......nothing. The anesthesiologist was quite happy with me and said, "You're in great health!" Yes, I am. Why am I not more grateful for that every day? So, I laid there, covered in a sheet just thanking God for my health because I really hated being there. Meanwhile, other people, other kids, even babies, spend half their life in a hospital.
I was also grateful that my kids have been healthy. We have gone for the odd stitch, the odd virus, even had an overnight stay when one of my kids got viral meningitis, but he recovered! Other people go to the hospital with a child and don't come back with their child. I found myself counting my blessings for all my healthy children, all my healthy nieces and nephews, and for all my parents and in-laws. Amazing.
And though I was absolutely hating the whole waiting process, hating the unknown, I was also doing research, half-enjoying the process of having nurses poke me with needles, cover me with warm blankets, wheel me down hallways. I was getting an education on what it is like to be in a hospital. I was observing all the jobs that different people have, like the nurses, doctors, janitors. I was thinking to myself the whole time, "Could my child do this? or that?" I was ready to interview all the people working on me! How can so many thoughts go on in one person's head in such a short time - on the one hand, I'm freaking out inside, but at the same time I'm ready to interview people about their jobs!? So funny. I think I'm a very funny person.
God even sent me someone to the first waiting room that I could chat with. In came a man and his wife who, I assume, was having a day surgery like me. I recognized him immediately as being a farmer who had baled our hay several years. We got to talking and they now had 8 kids just like us. We talked about funny 8 kid things, like "where do you fit all your kids in beds?" It was just "what the doctor ordered", someone to get my thoughts off myself for a few minutes and just talk about nonsense.
I was having to keep my nervous thoughts in check. Having never ever undergone a surgical procedure of any kind, I was constantly fighting the anxiety, but I was able to have my phone up until the last minute before they took me in and from the day before until the morning of, I got countless texts from friends and family, that would just be one-liners saying how I was being thought of or prayed for. Thank you, God, for phones?! Never would anyone a few years ago been able to get those tangible messages of comfort, which I certainly needed in those hours before. I chose to breathe deeply and rest in the fact I knew people were praying for me.
And then, the rest, the forced rest. I loved being taken care of! Even though the nurse told me, "So you're going in for a hysterectomy?" UH, NO!!!! She read the surgery words wrong! And even though one of the other nurses said, "So is it THAT one?" pointing to me. I was a "that" in her mind. Not a "her", a "that". She clearly has had enough of her job and looks at people as just another object to get done. And even though my legs were used as a table and I was not spoken to once about how I was feeling, I still felt oddly taken care of. I felt confident in their abilities and was, again, so grateful for Canada (even though I did hang out in the hallway on a gurney for awhile like I was in a third world) and for our health care.
They took a pregnancy test the morning of the procedure just so an unfortunate accident wouldn't occur.
The nurse asked, "You weren't trying to get pregnant were you?"
"Well, no, but you just never know, right? I wouldn't be upset at all if I found out I was pregnant."
"What?! How many kids do you have?"
"8."
She looked at me with eyes wide open and jaw down. By this point I was seconds away from oxygen and being put under, yet the conversation continued.
"That must be so expensive! All I think about is them all going to university!" Now the oxygen mask is near my head. I started to explain how my son raised puppies to pay for it all.
"What kind of puppies?"
The next thing I know the oxygen is on and I still hear her asking me questions, but I was out. I woke up with a feeling like I had bit my tongue. It hurt for days! I was probably still answering questions about my strange large expensive family while I was going under and bit my tongue in the process! Ouch!
Once it was all said and done, it was no big deal. I woke up in no pain and went home a couple hours later to a couple of wonderful meals made by family.
So the whole experience has been an odd blessing to teach me how blessed we are, to remind me I don't want to be there again, but if I do go, to be even thankful that a place like that exists. I'm grateful for nurses and doctors, even mean ones. I'm grateful for the proximity of the hospital, minutes from my home. I'm grateful for teaching colleges and universities that exist to teach these careers! I was grateful for even the job opportunities it opened up to me that my kids could maybe do! I am just plain grateful. I sit here as if nothing happened which means they must have done a good job! Pathology is coming. I'm not too worried. I suppose there is a small chance (the doctor said a very small chance) that it could come with bad news which I assume would mean more surgery, but at least now I know what would be in store for me. No more surprises.
Back to "regular" life and all that comes with that. But I am grateful for that, too, because my regular life doesn't normally involve hospitals whereas for some it does. I tried to communicate all this to my kids, but even just writing about it again reminds me I should do this every day, reminding them to be grateful every single day, for everything.
The most time for any kind of fear or anxiety came in the 3 hours I was waiting in the waiting room. Ah, the waiting room. That sounds like a great name for a book. The waiting room of life is where all the life lessons happen. In that first waiting room and then in the next waiting room where I was prepped for surgery and then in the waiting hall and then in the waiting Operating Room was where I learned all my lessons.
I learned that I am one of the few people in this world who has rarely been in a hospital....except for giving birth, and even then I was out of there so fast they barely saw me. I've never had broken bones, diseases, stitches......nothing. The anesthesiologist was quite happy with me and said, "You're in great health!" Yes, I am. Why am I not more grateful for that every day? So, I laid there, covered in a sheet just thanking God for my health because I really hated being there. Meanwhile, other people, other kids, even babies, spend half their life in a hospital.
I was also grateful that my kids have been healthy. We have gone for the odd stitch, the odd virus, even had an overnight stay when one of my kids got viral meningitis, but he recovered! Other people go to the hospital with a child and don't come back with their child. I found myself counting my blessings for all my healthy children, all my healthy nieces and nephews, and for all my parents and in-laws. Amazing.
And though I was absolutely hating the whole waiting process, hating the unknown, I was also doing research, half-enjoying the process of having nurses poke me with needles, cover me with warm blankets, wheel me down hallways. I was getting an education on what it is like to be in a hospital. I was observing all the jobs that different people have, like the nurses, doctors, janitors. I was thinking to myself the whole time, "Could my child do this? or that?" I was ready to interview all the people working on me! How can so many thoughts go on in one person's head in such a short time - on the one hand, I'm freaking out inside, but at the same time I'm ready to interview people about their jobs!? So funny. I think I'm a very funny person.
God even sent me someone to the first waiting room that I could chat with. In came a man and his wife who, I assume, was having a day surgery like me. I recognized him immediately as being a farmer who had baled our hay several years. We got to talking and they now had 8 kids just like us. We talked about funny 8 kid things, like "where do you fit all your kids in beds?" It was just "what the doctor ordered", someone to get my thoughts off myself for a few minutes and just talk about nonsense.
I was having to keep my nervous thoughts in check. Having never ever undergone a surgical procedure of any kind, I was constantly fighting the anxiety, but I was able to have my phone up until the last minute before they took me in and from the day before until the morning of, I got countless texts from friends and family, that would just be one-liners saying how I was being thought of or prayed for. Thank you, God, for phones?! Never would anyone a few years ago been able to get those tangible messages of comfort, which I certainly needed in those hours before. I chose to breathe deeply and rest in the fact I knew people were praying for me.
And then, the rest, the forced rest. I loved being taken care of! Even though the nurse told me, "So you're going in for a hysterectomy?" UH, NO!!!! She read the surgery words wrong! And even though one of the other nurses said, "So is it THAT one?" pointing to me. I was a "that" in her mind. Not a "her", a "that". She clearly has had enough of her job and looks at people as just another object to get done. And even though my legs were used as a table and I was not spoken to once about how I was feeling, I still felt oddly taken care of. I felt confident in their abilities and was, again, so grateful for Canada (even though I did hang out in the hallway on a gurney for awhile like I was in a third world) and for our health care.
They took a pregnancy test the morning of the procedure just so an unfortunate accident wouldn't occur.
The nurse asked, "You weren't trying to get pregnant were you?"
"Well, no, but you just never know, right? I wouldn't be upset at all if I found out I was pregnant."
"What?! How many kids do you have?"
"8."
She looked at me with eyes wide open and jaw down. By this point I was seconds away from oxygen and being put under, yet the conversation continued.
"That must be so expensive! All I think about is them all going to university!" Now the oxygen mask is near my head. I started to explain how my son raised puppies to pay for it all.
"What kind of puppies?"
The next thing I know the oxygen is on and I still hear her asking me questions, but I was out. I woke up with a feeling like I had bit my tongue. It hurt for days! I was probably still answering questions about my strange large expensive family while I was going under and bit my tongue in the process! Ouch!
Once it was all said and done, it was no big deal. I woke up in no pain and went home a couple hours later to a couple of wonderful meals made by family.
So the whole experience has been an odd blessing to teach me how blessed we are, to remind me I don't want to be there again, but if I do go, to be even thankful that a place like that exists. I'm grateful for nurses and doctors, even mean ones. I'm grateful for the proximity of the hospital, minutes from my home. I'm grateful for teaching colleges and universities that exist to teach these careers! I was grateful for even the job opportunities it opened up to me that my kids could maybe do! I am just plain grateful. I sit here as if nothing happened which means they must have done a good job! Pathology is coming. I'm not too worried. I suppose there is a small chance (the doctor said a very small chance) that it could come with bad news which I assume would mean more surgery, but at least now I know what would be in store for me. No more surprises.
Back to "regular" life and all that comes with that. But I am grateful for that, too, because my regular life doesn't normally involve hospitals whereas for some it does. I tried to communicate all this to my kids, but even just writing about it again reminds me I should do this every day, reminding them to be grateful every single day, for everything.
Tuesday, 11 September 2018
A Spirit of Power
I'm so hungry and all I want is a coffee, but I can't cause today is the day. In a couple hours I'll be at the hospital for what should be a regular procedure and then back home in a few hours. I'm not super happy about it. Apparently my blood pressure even says so.
When I went in for the pre-op the nurse took my blood pressure and told me it was "dangerously high". I wasn't the slightest bit surprised. I had driven into the hospital parking lot angry, walked into the hospital entrance doors angry, literally muttering under my breath, "I don't want to be here. I shouldn't have to be here." So, no doubt, my blood pressure was high! My body was just listening to what I was telling it! BE ANGRY! I told the nurse just that, "I've had 8 pregnancies and never once did I have high blood pressure. I'm just mad and my body knows it." So there! She laughed and took the next half hour to calm me down. Sure enough, the next reading was better.
I don't necessarily need to be so angry. I guess I feel like it is an unnecessary procedure. I'm almost afraid this will taint my perfect record of never having any surgery, but they say the doctors don't make this decision lightly (I half-believe them). Is it because deep down I'm perhaps a little afraid? Maybe. But in my life, this is just a real inconvenience. My husband has to take a day off work. My kids "miss school" which actually does matter to a homeschool mom who tries to keep her kids on track to some degree. I just don't have time to be down and out. What about the laundry? One day of laundry gone is a pretty big deal in my house. Ah, so what. It'll be over soon. This too shall pass they say. It's all about perspective, isn't it?
Any way I look at it, it's a call to trust. And of course, a good pastor can see into the future (I jest!) and he spoke on not having a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a self-control, which in other versions says, "a strong mind" (2 Tim.1:7). I kind of like that wording better because it was my mind that made my heart race the other day and it was my mind that calmed it down.
So I have a choice today to have a spirit of fear or spirit of power. Not much of a choice really. Of course I will choose the latter. My nurse will be mad at me if I don't and then she'll get high blood pressure!
When I went in for the pre-op the nurse took my blood pressure and told me it was "dangerously high". I wasn't the slightest bit surprised. I had driven into the hospital parking lot angry, walked into the hospital entrance doors angry, literally muttering under my breath, "I don't want to be here. I shouldn't have to be here." So, no doubt, my blood pressure was high! My body was just listening to what I was telling it! BE ANGRY! I told the nurse just that, "I've had 8 pregnancies and never once did I have high blood pressure. I'm just mad and my body knows it." So there! She laughed and took the next half hour to calm me down. Sure enough, the next reading was better.
I don't necessarily need to be so angry. I guess I feel like it is an unnecessary procedure. I'm almost afraid this will taint my perfect record of never having any surgery, but they say the doctors don't make this decision lightly (I half-believe them). Is it because deep down I'm perhaps a little afraid? Maybe. But in my life, this is just a real inconvenience. My husband has to take a day off work. My kids "miss school" which actually does matter to a homeschool mom who tries to keep her kids on track to some degree. I just don't have time to be down and out. What about the laundry? One day of laundry gone is a pretty big deal in my house. Ah, so what. It'll be over soon. This too shall pass they say. It's all about perspective, isn't it?
Any way I look at it, it's a call to trust. And of course, a good pastor can see into the future (I jest!) and he spoke on not having a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a self-control, which in other versions says, "a strong mind" (2 Tim.1:7). I kind of like that wording better because it was my mind that made my heart race the other day and it was my mind that calmed it down.
So I have a choice today to have a spirit of fear or spirit of power. Not much of a choice really. Of course I will choose the latter. My nurse will be mad at me if I don't and then she'll get high blood pressure!
Friday, 7 September 2018
Hope in the Homeschool
You would think I would have an idea how to homeschool after nearly 15 years of doing this, but no. Each child brings a new set of challenges that I have never faced before, so it is like starting over each year, like a newbie.
This year it is my youngest 2 boys. Doing school is the equivalent of prison to them. The only thing that keeps me from pulling my hair out is that the next two kids up, the 10 and 11 year old, are now so wonderfully independent that I hardly have to spend time with them. This gives me hope that I'm just in a tough stage with the youngest and that for some reason, (perhaps too much summer?) they need me to be more patient and give them more help and just keep praying that they'll eventually fall into line.
My 5th child (3rd boy) will be 12 in a few days. He was a super tough baby, one of my hardest. He was a super tough toddler, too, always running, never walking and it felt like he was always injury-ridden from bumping into all the corners in the house. He was the one who made me really start working on controlling my anger levels because he was super naughty! I would repeat, "I will be a joyful mother of children...." over and over again just to convince myself I could be.
Last year in school had to be one of the hardest with him. Looking back, I think it was just because he was really trying to learn, but if he didn't get math right away, or whatever subject it was, he would be frustrated and he would appear like he was being a "smart alec" when in fact it was his way of coping and not appearing like he didn't get it.
All this to say, something has happened to him recently. I can't explain what it is. Perhaps he has matured or taken some magic pill, but he is not the same at all. He has become one of my most diligent children. Sometimes I'm not grateful for the negative influences older children can bring in, such as music, media and other things, but in some cases I'm soooo grateful for the older children because they are influencing the younger ones in really wonderful ways. My two oldest boys are so diligent and respectful (most of the time) and rarely give me flack and I think the younger ones notice this. Last year, my then 10 year old boy, said, "I want to be just like J (my oldest son)." That was the ultimate compliment to him.
I think he noticed he hadn't been the most respectful son and hadn't been very diligent and I don't know if a switch went off in his head or God was simply answering my prayers for him, but this last year has seen such a remarkable change I had to write about it.
The best example recently was in the listing of the kittens on-line to give away just last week. I had asked my older kids to do this last year and they nearly lost their minds. All the phone calls that came in, all the emails, the juggling of the different times, the different sexes of the kittens, keeping it all straight. It was nuts. My daughter told me, "I'm never doing that again." But I wasn't going to do it either, so who would? I thought my 11 year old was a little too young, but I asked him anyway. He figured it was too hard, too and that he didn't know what to do, but then one day last week he said, "I'll try." Yay!
He somehow figured out how to get an ad up on-line and then how to post pictures with the ad. He wrote a quick little description and that was it. Problem was, I would be away for a couple of days. I wasn't interested in dealing with phone call about kittens while I was supposed to be enjoying my anniversary. So I made a big decision and gave him my phone on the condition he would only use it for kitten administration.
By the time we came home a couple days later, he had "sold" all the kittens and handled every email, phone call and adult interaction entirely himself not once getting frazzled or confused. I was so impressed! I don't think I could have done that at that age. He's hired! We have 4 more kittens to go from a younger litter and I will certainly be giving him the job again.
I wonder if God allows those moments as sheer encouragement to the parents to press on, it'll all work out, eventually they do mature, they do come around, they don't stay little. Never did I ever think I'd see the day when he would be able to handle such a big responsibility. This was the one who had me calling RM last year, often near tears, wanting to give up, wishing I had an "out". The change has been so fast and so recent I would almost call it a miracle. I'm so grateful that the Lord hears our prayers for our children and gives us this kind of encouragement at just the right time. I sure needed to experience this kind of answer to prayer right now because my two young boys have me believing that this could be the toughest homeschool year yet.....a great reminder that God hears my prayers, my crying out. There is hope for these two as well!
This year it is my youngest 2 boys. Doing school is the equivalent of prison to them. The only thing that keeps me from pulling my hair out is that the next two kids up, the 10 and 11 year old, are now so wonderfully independent that I hardly have to spend time with them. This gives me hope that I'm just in a tough stage with the youngest and that for some reason, (perhaps too much summer?) they need me to be more patient and give them more help and just keep praying that they'll eventually fall into line.
My 5th child (3rd boy) will be 12 in a few days. He was a super tough baby, one of my hardest. He was a super tough toddler, too, always running, never walking and it felt like he was always injury-ridden from bumping into all the corners in the house. He was the one who made me really start working on controlling my anger levels because he was super naughty! I would repeat, "I will be a joyful mother of children...." over and over again just to convince myself I could be.
Last year in school had to be one of the hardest with him. Looking back, I think it was just because he was really trying to learn, but if he didn't get math right away, or whatever subject it was, he would be frustrated and he would appear like he was being a "smart alec" when in fact it was his way of coping and not appearing like he didn't get it.
All this to say, something has happened to him recently. I can't explain what it is. Perhaps he has matured or taken some magic pill, but he is not the same at all. He has become one of my most diligent children. Sometimes I'm not grateful for the negative influences older children can bring in, such as music, media and other things, but in some cases I'm soooo grateful for the older children because they are influencing the younger ones in really wonderful ways. My two oldest boys are so diligent and respectful (most of the time) and rarely give me flack and I think the younger ones notice this. Last year, my then 10 year old boy, said, "I want to be just like J (my oldest son)." That was the ultimate compliment to him.
I think he noticed he hadn't been the most respectful son and hadn't been very diligent and I don't know if a switch went off in his head or God was simply answering my prayers for him, but this last year has seen such a remarkable change I had to write about it.
The best example recently was in the listing of the kittens on-line to give away just last week. I had asked my older kids to do this last year and they nearly lost their minds. All the phone calls that came in, all the emails, the juggling of the different times, the different sexes of the kittens, keeping it all straight. It was nuts. My daughter told me, "I'm never doing that again." But I wasn't going to do it either, so who would? I thought my 11 year old was a little too young, but I asked him anyway. He figured it was too hard, too and that he didn't know what to do, but then one day last week he said, "I'll try." Yay!
He somehow figured out how to get an ad up on-line and then how to post pictures with the ad. He wrote a quick little description and that was it. Problem was, I would be away for a couple of days. I wasn't interested in dealing with phone call about kittens while I was supposed to be enjoying my anniversary. So I made a big decision and gave him my phone on the condition he would only use it for kitten administration.
By the time we came home a couple days later, he had "sold" all the kittens and handled every email, phone call and adult interaction entirely himself not once getting frazzled or confused. I was so impressed! I don't think I could have done that at that age. He's hired! We have 4 more kittens to go from a younger litter and I will certainly be giving him the job again.
I wonder if God allows those moments as sheer encouragement to the parents to press on, it'll all work out, eventually they do mature, they do come around, they don't stay little. Never did I ever think I'd see the day when he would be able to handle such a big responsibility. This was the one who had me calling RM last year, often near tears, wanting to give up, wishing I had an "out". The change has been so fast and so recent I would almost call it a miracle. I'm so grateful that the Lord hears our prayers for our children and gives us this kind of encouragement at just the right time. I sure needed to experience this kind of answer to prayer right now because my two young boys have me believing that this could be the toughest homeschool year yet.....a great reminder that God hears my prayers, my crying out. There is hope for these two as well!
Tuesday, 4 September 2018
Back At It
Today will be Day 1 of our little homeschool. I started last week to give the kids a mini-trial of what was ahead. I wasn't even in it for a few minutes before the 6 year old started crying. Oh dear. This will be tough, I thought. So I don't know what the year holds. I certainly didn't accomplish all that I had hoped last year. That didn't stop me from making plans and schedules for this year though. I thought I would again! So we will! I picked a theme based on John 1:4, "In Him was life...." I'm trusting that our homeschool, our "life", if based in Him, will be successful, not based on all the schedules and school work I hope to accomplish.
It will not be an ordinary fall. Our afternoons will be in the vineyard! I never thought I'd be writing those words. We are now at the "staking" process. The plants are now so tall they are falling over, so we now have to stake all 6000 plants. We just finished the weeding of all 5 acres. Now we have to start that all over, too! RM and I have looked at each other so many times and said, "What were we thinking?!"
We did get away for our 23rd anniversary somehow in all the mayhem. My only regret is that it is never more than a night, but we made it two full days on either side, so it seemed longer. So fun.
I could write much more, but my poor kids will be woken up soon. They are like newborns. On a really bad schedule....up late all summer and sleeping in. No more. So just like new babies, I'm going to put them to bed earlier now and get them up earlier. They'll be wasted in no time. Love that.
It will not be an ordinary fall. Our afternoons will be in the vineyard! I never thought I'd be writing those words. We are now at the "staking" process. The plants are now so tall they are falling over, so we now have to stake all 6000 plants. We just finished the weeding of all 5 acres. Now we have to start that all over, too! RM and I have looked at each other so many times and said, "What were we thinking?!"
We did get away for our 23rd anniversary somehow in all the mayhem. My only regret is that it is never more than a night, but we made it two full days on either side, so it seemed longer. So fun.
I could write much more, but my poor kids will be woken up soon. They are like newborns. On a really bad schedule....up late all summer and sleeping in. No more. So just like new babies, I'm going to put them to bed earlier now and get them up earlier. They'll be wasted in no time. Love that.
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