A Form of Murder? Yup

I think this Exodus study is going to keep doing surgery in our home.  Yesterday there was an altercation in our home between two siblings.  I don't know why it's so challenging with these two in particular, but they are like fire and gas - when they come in the same room there is often an explosion.  And, the thing is they seem to be unable to stop.  It's not that they enjoy it, but they are incapable of fixing the situation.

No amount of words on my part seem to help either, but then last night, it all came together.  It was like I was given a master plan from the Master himself.  I was told exactly what to say, what to do and how to do it.  As I sat by my son's bed, I asked him, "What commandment do you think you broke today?"  "Do not murder."  "YES!" I basically shouted.  "Murder!"  I then went on to tell him how in the New Testament takes the "do not murder" command and takes it to a higher level - "everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment and whoever says, 'you fool' will be liable to the hell of fire."  I explained this to him and then told him that today he will be reading chapter 22 from Proverbs and he will be searching the Scriptures for help (I'll have both boys do this).  They will write out every verse that applies to their situation and they will post them all over the house.  Then they will pray every verse every single time they want to break that commandment and they will ask, beg, plead for God's help all day.  They will learn new habits by God's grace.  

I think this will be different than how I've handled it in the past.  I think seeing that it is breaking a commandment might make the change more real, more possible.  Then we prayed, my son and I, and we asked for God's help.  I left his room amazed at how once again the ten commandments were bringing life to us, not condemnation.  They were giving me a solution, a plan, on how to handle such specific issues with my children.  

In the Spiritual ICU

This past week as I was in the ICU for a severe case of discontentment, discouragement, doubt, distrust, darkness and despair, God met me through His Word again.  It was exactly what Jen Wilkin, the Bible teacher, had said would happen.  She had warned anyone taking her study that there would be times in the study where you wouldn't be happy.  You would be confronted by what the Bible said and how it brought a tension in your life.  At the time I looked forward to it, not knowing I was in for a week of struggling with God.  I felt like Jacob, wrestling, and getting my whole hip dislocated.  I have definitely been walking around with a limp this week, that's for sure.  But, she had said, the tension would be good.  It would result in growth.  Of course it does!  I just didn't enjoy the process.  

I confessed to the children that their mom was a sinner, God, as her Father, was disciplining her, just as I attempt to discipline them.  It occurred to me, as I was talking to them about how Scripture ultimately brought me to my knees, that there was a passage in Hebrews about cutting through to the joint and marrow - I immediately looked it up, and landed on Hebrews 12 first.  I read the chapter to them.  It started out right away encouraging us to "set aside every weight and sin that clings so closely"....hmmmm...that kind of sounded like me.  My sin was clinging so closely.  And then this, "....run with endurance the race that is set before us....."  Right then and there, in that moment, I thought about homeschooling.  My youngest is 9 and that means I have 9 more years of running the childhood race.  I've been running the race of homeschooling 17 years.....I quickly did math because I'm so good at adding - 17 + 9 = 26.....hold on a minute, that sounds a lot like the same length of a marathon!  How cool is that?!  I'm literally running a marathon homeschooling these kids.  The verse suddenly meant so much more.  And why am I homeschooling them?  Because I long for them to be godly children who I get to influence.  I get to impact their character, mold their personalities, enjoy the ups and downs of every day life.....and it suddenly put everything in perspective - I need to do all of this in the home I've been given, which is a great home, by the way.  I absolutely love my house.  In fact, I had a cute encouragement last week when a little girl came over with her mom and siblings.  She ran around the house saying how much she loved our house and told her mom, "I used to want to move into my friend's house, but now I want to move into this one!"  She didn't see the unpainted walls or the plywood floors.  She saw how there were neat little nooks and crannies and all sorts of great spots to hide.  It helped me to see things through her eyes.  My grumbling spirit clouds my vision all the time.  So, I read that verse out loud and I was reminded ONCE AGAIN (how many times do I have to write on this theme in my life....) to run the race of homeschooling and life, this marathon, with ENDURANCE and remember what my reason is - the cross, the gospel, my children's hearts - in the classroom/house God has given me.  Christ did this "despising the shame".  I admit it, sometimes I'm ashamed of how rundown parts of our house are (I'm so shallow), but this phrase was so helpful to really not care and keep the eternal perspective.

Verse 3 was another reminder "to not grow weary or fainthearted" and to be grateful for the discipline of the Lord - I mean, really, what am I teaching my kids when I'm an annoying grumbling mom? "He discipline us for our good".  I hated/loved it.  And then, the verse of the week (or "weak")...."Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees and make straight paths for your feet, so that was is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed."  I was still reading this to my kids in awe of how Scripture was saying exactly what I needed to hear.  My hands and knees were definitely needing to be strengthened and lifted.  Then I turned back and found the passage where it described how only Scripture which is "living and active and sharper than a two-edged sword" is "able to cut through to joint and marrow"...That's exactly what happened.  I had needed heart surgery, which is why I ended up in the ICU.  I am still weak and I will probably be recovering for a long time, but I figure with some spiritual physio I should be on the mend soon and hopefully I will not need to be readmitted.  Thankfully the Surgeon was kind to me and didn't leave me in my terrible state though He could have easily.  The Bible study ended off with a question, "What trait of God have you noticed after doing this study this week?"  I had many, but the main was Merciful or Patient.  He could and really should strike me down, but in His mercy and patience, He gently teaches me and puts me back on the path which I embarrassingly fall off so often.  That leaves me grateful and just like that the cloud is lifted.

unning the race that is set before 

The Beauty of Brotherhood and The Disease of Discontentment

I have finally been able to clear my schedule and get involved in a women's study at the church.  I always felt I couldn't because it was in the morning, but sadly, now with covid, the online zoom study actually works for me.  We prayed last week for my son - I expressed how he was struggling without going into all the details.  This past week I saw the struggle continue as I wrote about a few days ago, but then God really stepped in in such an amazing way I couldn't have seen coming.

My older sons both have memberships at a gym.  They go almost daily either together or separately.  This last week one of them offered to take the son who is having a hard time.  He was thrilled.  Off they went.  He helped him get a membership and everything.  They worked out, came back and voila - new son.  This is where the miracle is - I didn't ask my older son to do this.  I didn't give him a hint or hand him any cash.  I didn't beg him to take him to the gym.  He's seen my son struggle and has prayed for him, but that's where it stopped.  I can only think God put this in his heart and mind.  This has made my younger son feel like a million bucks.  As he works out alongside his cool older brother, he feels important, loved, treasured and that replaces all the feelings of loneliness, sadness and anger.  The happy endorphins are flowing through him instead of moody teen ones.  Last night as he came home from the gym, he hung out with his younger brother who normally drives him crazy.  It was a peaceful night with laughs and a relaxing nature movie instead of negotiating disputes between him and other siblings.  I'm praising God for how He provided a community for this child within our own home.

Back to the study - Jen Wilkin, the Bible study author, said in the opening video, that there would be times we wouldn't enjoy the study as she purposely writes it to create tension.  It doesn't always resolve itself nicely at the end of every week.  She was right.  As we studied the ten commandments, she set up a chart to help the student see how each command reveals a trait of God, what He values and what He hates.  When I got to the one on coveting I wrote that the trait it reveals is that He is the Provider.  He values contentment and hates discontentment.  That stung.  The day before we had heard from our friends who had come to see our place to discuss the initial plans for renovations.  In short, it doesn't look like it is going to work out.  I was obviously disappointed - things could change, of course, but initially I was quite upset.  Do not covet.  I'm not!  I argue with myself.  I just want a roof that doesn't leak.  That isn't coveting, I say.  It would be nice to have a sink or a floor without holes.  How can that be coveting.  It isn't.  Or is it?  How many times do I have to write about discontentment before I realize the same issue is in my stubborn heart?  This is the exact tension Jen writes about, I think.  I'm stuck between recognizing God is my Provider, but deep down He just doesn't provide quite enough.  O Wretched Woman am I?!  But, the Law provides an antidote - He hates discontentment.  He loves contentment.  He is the Provider.  Just do what the Law says!  Seems easy!  And if I follow the commands that say there are no other gods and to not have any idols before Him, then therein lies the solution as well.  I have "tried" this before, but I think it's been more of a willing myself to get a new habit and break an old one.  It really isn't sustainable.  It has to be a true heart change - a conversion in a way.  I feel like the study of the ten commandments broke me this week.  Maybe once and for all I'll have more success this time around as I continue to battle this demon of discontentment.

I tried to explain my husband that I've been at war 2 hours before he even gets up.  I sometimes am discontent all by myself from the second I wake up.  I come down to put in the laundry and I see a broken tile.  I file that.  Then I go to the drawer without handles to get a coffee and wish they had handles.  I file that.  Then I go and sit on the couch and turn on the lights, but they aren't bright enough because we don't have great lighting.  I file that.  I work out on the floor because we don't have a gym space.....oh my goodness - this goes on and on for the two hours in the morning.  By the time he wakes up, I have a list so long in my head and he has no idea.  Am I ever grateful once again for God's Word to reveal all the sin...well, actually I hate it - this is the tension she talks about? - I kind of like my pity party, but I hate what it does to my husband.  So God's Word cuts out the sin, leaves me hurting, but in a good way.  I repent, truly asking for a new heart.  Please!  And then I seek the contentment He loves and look to Him as the Provider.  He's enough.  We tear down our houses without our own hands, foolish women, that is.  That sounds like a renovation verse!  I want to tear my house down!  But, no, it's speaking of our emotional and spiritual houses and physical houses of people.  I don't want to do that.  If I put even my dreams (how can that be an idol? but it is) ahead of God then I'm sinning.  Ok, I will say what the Israelites say, "All that the Lord has spoken we will do".  That didn't mean they weren't going to fall - none of us are perfect, but by saying we "will", I think that means are wills are willing.  That is what I am trying to say, too.  I "will" not put idols before God.  I know I will still fail, but now that I think I finally am understanding what the command truly means, I think I will have more success at breaking this idol down.  I will slowly uncurl my white knuckled grip around my sick house and just accept it for what it is.  It's not like God doesn't know my situation.  Discontentment is a disease.  I have the cure.  I just need to take the medicine and be done with it.

The Power of Prayer in our Family

I am learning so much about parenting these days.  I wish we could just relax, sit back and enjoy the ride.  Why do we always have to be on alert?!  My older children were very different from my younger children.  I wish I could explain why, but they just are.  It's not that we didn't have issues with the older kids, but they seem so mild compared to the last four.  I think the main thing I'm learning with these younger kids is to stay calm, not get offended easily, not to take their behaviour personally and to just stay chill and pray.

This co-op is really stretching them.  They have a lot of assignments to do and I want to get them done.  On the last day of the week, my son was told to work on it and he refused.  He saw no point and said as much.  In the past I would have engaged.  I would have brought out my angry, threatening mom voice, but when I see this kind of attitude now, I am starting to instantly recognize it as the enemy.  Not that my son isn't responsible for his behaviour - he is - but I'm starting to see how Satan uses my own son against me.  To give in and start engaging will only escalate the situation.  So I did an experiment.  I calmly stated what had to be done and by when.  I offered my help one more time, which he declined, and then I left him alone and prayed my heart out.  I prayed against the enemy.  I don't know what else I prayed, but I prayed.

A little while later as the time was coming close, I reminded him about the deadline and he quickly shot back, "I'm working on it!"  I was shocked.  He even asked me to read it, to listen to him and asked for my input.  It was really good!  The dark cloud that had been over him, was gone.  I'm so convinced it would have been the wrong thing to try and talk him into compliance.  

Another thing I'm amazed at as far as the power of prayer goes is how I just need to continue to sit back and wait as far as my husband goes.  There was a men's conference this past weekend.  I really wanted him to go.  I wanted my son to go.  You can't force this in our family.  So I did what I always do - reminded him of it and gently nudged him that it would be a good idea for our family and then I walked away and prayed.  I couldn't believe it when a few hours later he was signed up with our son.  It was such a great weekend for RM.  My son said he was glad he went except for the fact he couldn't sleep in.  

Sunday we also got up early for church.  That was two days in a row that he couldn't sleep in.  Teens like their sleep.  The dark cloud was back.  He was UNHAPPY and the whole world knew it.  I had everyone praying.  I was ready to call in a professional and wanted him to move out, but it was so obvious that it wasn't him - though again, I hold him responsible - but the enemy.  We talked with him, went to church, came back, more darkness and then left him alone.  A little while later my husband and I talked and agreed to stay calm with him, pray for him, love him and give him opportunities for more sleep.  We also agreed to not let things escalate, to never let things get out of hand, to accept the fact as a teenage boy there is so much going on just hormonally that we don't understand and to recognize and to keep praying when we see the dark cloud.  It was only a little while later, almost inexplicably, the cloud was gone.  And it remained gone for the rest of the day.  He became this pleasant person, happy, funny.....how can this be?  Except God -answers to our prayers.  I almost feel like to some extent it is out of his control.  He doesn't like being a moody teen.  He doesn't want to be angry.  That's where I think think the enemy has a hayday with him.

And, as always, my weakness has been fear in the past.  I'm not giving in to it anymore.  Instead of projecting into the future all my fears about him, I just thank God that He has my son in His hands and I don't have to fear.  Knowing this has changed everything.  I don't like learning parenting lessons.  I wish it could just be an easy life, but that's just not how it is.

Rise, Let Us Be Going

Sad news this week for our son - he wasn't offered any interviews.  We had been so hopeful, but the reality is only 6% of the applicants, at least at one school, were offered interviews, so it was always a low chance I guess.  The Sunday before he heard the news we went to church and the pastor gave a sermon on how Jesus went through the Garden of Gethsemane and how his experience models how we, too, can go through our dark time.  This was before we had the final reality of no interviews. We had really hoped we wouldn't need his sermon, but it turns out, we did.

Jesus asked to have the cup removed - is there any other way?!  I wrote my son's name in my notes, begging God, don't make him go through this, is there any other way?  But, God the Father said "No" to Jesus and he said no to my son.  After pleading with God and seeing that there was no other way he went up to the disciples and said the most amazing line, "Rise, let us be going...."  It was very much a "well, I guess we need to face the music and go straight towards the danger" kind of attitude.  That's kind of what happened over here.  There was the extreme disappointment, the sadness, the confusion, dread, etc...so many emotions, but the next day, he kind of got on his "Rise, let us be going" attitude and we started to plan and discuss future thoughts.  It looks like he's going to attempt one more time.  He's learned how to study for the MCAT.  He knows how to improve his resume.  He's going to keep working and make money.  He's so determined.  He might consider more schooling.  All I know is that he was back at it and really didn't let it spiral him into depression which it could have, so I'm grateful for Scripture and grateful that he heard that sermon.  There must be a reason we'll see one day.  Who do we think we are to have an easy life?

School is going really well.  The kids are pumping out some serious stuff and they're learning a lot.  They are singing the very songs they found annoying at first - including my 15 year old!  He dared to admit to me yesterday that he likes this program.  I think because of all his math and Chemistry his brain can take apart equations really quickly now, so when he sees a sentence and has to diagram it, he knows immediately what to do.  He must see it as an equation.  He knows what phrases are independent, subordinate, compound, complex.....yikes.  The younger ones are surprising me, so it's been a good experience so far.  We have hope that they'll actually stick it out and learn something!

Plan A turned into Plan B, Day 1 and the Church Comes Together

I'm excited to write that our friends were able to come by on Sunday, no cancellations, no sickness, no bad weather.  I was so relieved.  Prior to them coming by, my little minions, I mean, kids, were put to serious cleaning work.  I wasn't about to have these friends come by who are used to high level cleanliness and order and then see our house which looks like a barn most of the time.  They didn't love it, nor did I, but it had to be done anyway and so for most of the week and all of Saturday we cleaned....

I had no idea how the meeting would go.  Would they walk in and start laughing?  or would they walk in and wonder where to begin?  or would they walk in and get excited about what could be done?  Well, none of the above happened.  In fact, the meeting took a very interesting turn that we could not have predicted.  But the best part was it was just an amazing time of reflecting and realizing how long we'd known each other and catching up over great food.  From the second they walked in we couldn't stop talking.  It was so great to see them again.  They've lived an exciting life and it was great to catch up and hear all they've been up to.  We had almost everyone, minus one son and plus one boyfriend, in the kitchen - so it was LOUD!  These people have no kids, just a cat, so, no doubt, it was a experience and a half for them.  Quiche, salad, fruit and cinnamon buns were on the menu and it was great.

The conversation flowed so naturally and slowly but surely we got our dreams out about all that we wanted to do with the property, the house, the winery.  We admitted we have lots of vision, an entrepreneurial spirit, but need more focus.  It didn't take them long to see we have lots going on.  We took them on a quick tour of the property in the cold.  They saw the winery and all the wine that is yet to be bottled and sold.  And that's when things started to turn in an interesting direction and their other skill set kicked in - marketing, branding and design.  I hadn't dared to think they could help us with that.  These people were in that business for 30 years ish and were super successful.  I thought they had left that behind to do home and garden design, but it seems they still do that as well.  They started to throw all sorts of ideas that could really kick us into high gear.  All talk of home and garden were suddenly put on hold as we all started to see certain priorities needed to be done first - i.e., get the wine sold.  This wasn't to say we couldn't move forward on certain things on the house, but now we were no longer just considering these people as home and garden designers, but really as business marketing resources.  

We had pulled all the kids together the night before to pray, to pray for the meeting - we weren't sure how to pray, so we just prayed.  I actually think the meeting was divinely guided.  They were the objective outside source we had needed, truly business angels.  As Christians themselves, they had a bigger picture in their head as well.  They observed our family while they were there and 7 of the kids, plus the boyfriend! were all sitting around in the kitchen playing a game while we talked.  The wife said, "You know that's not normal."  "What, the kids playing a game?"  "No, playing together...highly unusual and so great."  They started to talk of how our story as a family could really be a big part of the branding.  She had so many ideas bursting out of her, I wish I had written them all down.  All that to say, I feel our prayers were answered.   As we stood around before they left, they encouraged us to talk and pray and we'll reconnect by zoom this week and then we'll make a plan from there.  

A loooong time ago I wrote about rebuilding the ruins of this farm.  I had hoped it would be a magical year or two back then and somehow it would all get done.  I didn't know how or when that would be, but looking back I see how things are getting done in such interesting steps and in ways I could have never predicted.  I still have no idea what is next on the house, all I know if we have these people on our team, we have a much better chance of success.

Yesterday was the first day of the co-op.  If looks could kill we would all have been dead.  My one son walked around with angry eyes most of the day, except when he was having fun!  That's right.  There was fun involved.  The day is broken up with games and fun activities throughout the day as well as snacks so that was great.  Yes it was long, very long and rather overwhelming as there is a lot of new things to know and do and they are learning years of grammar in a matter of days and weeks, but guess what, they're actually learning it!  Everyone was rather impressed that we had power learned 12 weeks of stuff in one week prior to yesterday.  I was shocked to see how often my kids raised their hands to answer questions.  They got lots wrong, but they also got lots right.  This is 100% going to kill us all, but like I kept telling the women, oh well.

The day got interrupted with terrible news about one of the dads of the children who attend.  He starting going rapidly downhill yesterday while we were in class as he is sick with covid and in the ICU intubated.  The kids had no idea as we all hung out together.  The mom had stepped out to take the call I guess and never returned.  I figured she had work to do, not knowing she was on the phone.  Good friends of ours called an urgent prayer meeting and many many people joined on the zoom call.  It was actually so amazing and so profound as so many joined together in worship and prayer for 2 hours.  I was so grateful to be a part of something like that where God was glorified by His Church.  I dreamt all night about the situation and half expected news of the miracle this morning....still waiting to hear.  It truly is hard to understand why God has allowed this family over a month of suffering now and with no chance to visit him.  His ways are higher than our ways is the only thing we could pray and sing.

Life is full...how we need God in our lives to help us and direct us all the time.

Learning to Not Be Afraid of My Little Kings

I've learned something recently about myself and my kids  - I'm not afraid of them anymore.  That might sound funny, but in the past I think I've made decisions for them out of fear.  Small example - if they are working on an assignment that is hard and they want to stop because it's been a long time, I'll cave in and just drop it in the name of keeping them happy and keeping peace in the home.  How can that be great parenting?  Don't get me wrong, there are times when I believe it's wise to stop doing something and wise to keep kids happy, but not out of fear.

This homeschool co-op is a great example.  My kids are angry, well, 2 of them are at least.  The older two, 13 and 15, are actually ok with it, it seems.  But what I'm noticing is that I am looking past their anger, which hilariously I think is actually a form of fear, and I'm letting my vision for their future drive me.  As I power through these 12 weeks of missed lessons in English, History, Geography, Latin, Math and Science, I'm actually seeing them grow and learn in just 3 days and I think they secretly are loving it.  I had them so engaged yesterday.  They were jumping up and down trying to answer the questions before one of the other kids.  The 15 year old was amazing.  By the end of the hour lesson, he could name all 4 sentence structures, 7 sentence patterns, 8 parts of speech, 5 sentence requirements and more - in fact they all could.  That took the other kids in their class 12 weeks to learn and we powered through it in an hour.  Had I listened to all their fussing, we wouldn't be accomplishing what we are accomplishing.  I just have to turn down the "noise" they bring and each day I'm noticing they aren't as "noisy".

I am using bribes, I must admit.  Food works.  I don't know why they like granola bars so much.  I never buy them.  I hate processed food, but as dumb as it sounds, I bought them, so to keep them motivated we eat, constantly.  They are like the whales at Marineland.  I toss the kids a "fish" to keep them happy, alert and engaged.  

Believe it or not, Scripture has something to say about this.  Well, as always, I have perhaps taken it slightly out of context, but I see a principle that is so cool in the Hebrews 11 chapter on faith that I have NEVER noticed before.  "By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw that the child was beautiful, and they were not afraid of the king's edict."  My kids studied this passage and the following verses for their young adults group.  My daughter talked about how Moses' parents were mentioned in this passage, how "by faith" Moses was hidden by his parents.  His parents had a plan!  They had a plan because they saw something in Moses, something that was "beautiful".  I'm sure they thought he was literally beautiful, but maybe there was more to it.  Some versions say, "no ordinary child".  Maybe they also thought about his future and wanted to protect him because they had a vision of victory, or purpose, knowing he just needed to live!  AND they "WERE NOT AFRAID of the king's edict."  Those are the kind of parents we need to be - parents that aren't afraid.  We need to make plans for our children, knowing they are beautiful human beings and we can't be afraid of the plans we feel are right for them.  Had Moses had any input, he might have said, "Don't put me in the basket in the river!  I want to stay cozy and comfortable with you!"  But he would have been killed.  Or neighbours or friends, they would have perhaps not done what his parents did for him.  They might have caved in to fear and not been so diligent at saving their young son and he would have been killed anyway.

I look at my kids and I see beautiful, not ordinary, children.  If I asked them what they would like to do all day, they would say, "read us books and let us do a little school and then let us play all day" or maybe they would say, "no school and let us play all day...oh and eat junk food, no veggies please".  That's probably more like it.  But because I see beautiful children with beautiful minds, I have to do something that is risky, a lot of work and so, in a way, I have to hide them.  I have to make a plan that goes against what they want to do.  I can't be afraid of them, of the work, of their bad attitudes.  This has helped drive me to make hard decisions.  I say this to myself all the time as I get closer and closer to the finish line of homeschooling.  I don't want to fade away and get lazy with the final four.  I don't want to give up just because it's hard work.  Later, Moses left Pharoah's home to lead his people out of slavery.  He could have stayed, but he didn't, "choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin".  Why would he do this?  Simple.  "He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward.  By faith he left Egypt, not being afraid of the anger of the king, for he endured as seeing him who is invisible."  There's that phrase again, "not being afraid" and watch this, "of the anger" - in this case Moses wasn't afraid of the anger of the king.  The principle again - no fear.  He was motivated to endure, "looking to the reward".  He had "greater wealth"  by following God than man, eternal rather than temporal goals.  "He left Egypt" where he was cozy, comfortable, happy for time in a wilderness with a bunch of good-for-nothings.  I told a new homeschool mom yesterday that it would be waaaay easier to send my kids away and it isn't the first time I've thought of it.  But I have a greater goal, "greater wealth" by doing what I'm doing as hard as it is, I'm really loving it.  I'm learning to not be afraid of the anger of my little "king's" whose edict is to do whatever they want.

They crack me up.  They'll give me grief again today, undoubtedly.  I'll feel frustration, most definitely.  We'll have another pep talk, most assuredly.  But, it'll end up in the same results.  They'll have to do what I say.  I always tell them, "You'll have to do it anyway, so can we skip all the arguing and go right to the obeying?" Man, life would be so much easier if they would do that!