A Mature Believer? Better Act Like One.

I have just finished reading a book called God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew and the Sherrills.  It's a re-release of a book first published 35 years ago.  I love reading these types of stories.  He was essentially a missionary, smuggling Bibles behind the Iron Curtain.  As of 2001, he was alive and well, but his focus had changed to reaching Muslims.

His story is about the power of prayer and the incredible faith he had in God.  I've used many of his stories lately to encourage my husband as we go along this journey.  I know I'm not doing anything quite as spectacular as Brother Andrew was, but I did relate to many of his stories of faith.

One story in particular that he shared was how he received a fairly large sum of money in the mail one time from a supporter.  It was meant to be put towards his own practical needs, not the work of smuggling Bibles.  He was so touched by this gift that he immediately sat down to write a thank you note explaining to the giver that they really do try to be so frugal and never spend anything on themselves.  The giver of the gift immediately shot back a letter challenging him on his thoughts towards God - did he not see God as caring for his practical needs?  He was claiming to depend on God, but was living as if his needs would be met by his own scrimping.  In other words, in a way, frugality had become a sort of idol.  He had to ask himself if he was nursing what he called "a Sacrificial Spirit".  Then she said, "God will send you what your family needs and what your work needs, too.  You are a mature Christian, Brother Andrew.  Act like one."

That really hit me hard.  I wonder if that could be said for us as well.  We claim to be depending on God, but really, anything frugal I do is really how we'll get out of debt.  Now, don't get me wrong or even what Andrew was saying.  He continued to live frugally and I will, too, but sometimes I find myself caught up in what Andrew calls a "dark, brooding, pinched attitude that hardly goes with the Christ of the open heart" that he'd been preaching to others.  For me, it's almost a form of self-righteous self-pity.  Does that make sense?  It's like being a martyr, but I wouldn't want to dare admit it.  Another way I see it is that being in a needy financial state is almost more noble!  I know that sounds funny, but I think it was another way Satan was really trying to get to me.

When that bill came awhile ago, I immediately felt that darkness coming up again.  I remember feeling, "Woe is me...I guess we won't be able to do all the things I hoped."  See, that's the darkness trying to get at me.  Brother Andrew spoke of this.  When his ministry first started up, miracle upon miracle happened, almost to affirm he was going in the direction God wanted him to go.  He began to depend on those miracles in a way.  He called the miracles "the emergency dispensation to get me out of one spot or another, instead of leaning back on the arms of  a Father."  We've had countless miracles in our journey of late.  I really have come to almost expect them and require them in order to feel I'm in God's will.  Wouldn't it be great if I didn't have to always have a miracle, but instead leaned into the knowledge of who I know God to be?  A provider, a loving gracious God, One who knows all things...even if a sparrow falls to the ground?????  There should be no darkness whatsoever in my thinking if I have a right view of God!

Andrew and his wife hadn't bought a single thing for themselves or their new babies ever.  A renovation on their house seemed so frivolous, but then this new thinking made them realize they could take joy in the physical and practical things that God provided.  His wife went out and bought a few new dresses for the first time.  They took down a wall in their house, so she could have direct access to her kitchen.  They got their new baby some clothes with tags on!  Imagine!

He realized God is a Father, the King of the universe!  He is a God of abundance who wants to give His children good things!  Just as it displeases God to have the idol of discontent and wanting more and more possessions, a "cramped attitude of lack" also displeases him.

We've definitely turned a corner in our thinking this past week.  Yes, I'd been trusting God, but then I would still feel that darkness always waiting around the corner.  It's like our pastor said on Sunday, are we drawing near to God on Sunday and then forgetting about Him the rest of the week?  What does it look like to trust God the rest of the week?

For me it's acknowledging that I still struggle with fear occasionally.  This cannot be!  Fear comes from not acting in the knowledge of God.  As we go through our study in Hebrews at church on Sunday, this was even more fully reminded to me.  The passage we read was from chapter 10,

19 Therefore, brothers,[c] since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus,20 by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh,21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

We "have confidence" to approach God.  "Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith".  Had I been acting with confidence, with a full assurance of faith?  Perhaps not fully.  "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised IS FAITHFUL."  I must hold fast to the very thing I'm constanting confessing, without wavering, that He is Faithful!

I can honestly say that this financial journey is teaching me so much about God, about myself, about my faith. It's become so much more than just achieving a financial goal.  I'm so grateful to be learning what I am learning.  I'm supposedly a mature believer.  I better act like one.