I Am Not Unaware of His Schemes

A series of not-so-good nights and a few interruptions in the mornings have led to very little writing this week.  It's funny how it has become such a part of my day now that if I miss a chance to write it feels like something is really missing.

Not too much has changed, but I've been struck by a few things recently.  First of all yesterday, being April 1, beginning of a new month brought back a flood of memories.  When we were building the house I was told on multiple occasions by Renaissance Man that we would be in the new house by "this date" or "that date".  He wasn't trying to deceive me or lie to me, but those dates would pass time after time as there were so many variables he wasn't in control of, be it the weather or other trades we had hired, etc. I normally thought I was fine with the delays, but one day, on the first day of the month, I think if was March 1, it struck me, we weren't in the house.  The date he had told me had arrived and we weren't in and it didn't look like we would be in for a long time.  I started to cry as I was due with our 7th child and I had no idea where I would be living, where I would give birth....Now normally I am pretty strong and don't cry at life, but the date, the first day of the month somehow hit me (plus all the hormones that come with being pregnant) and I was a mess.  Fortunately I was on my own, and no one saw me cry.

As each month came and went, the first day of the month would start to be a challenge for me as it marked the passing of time in a way that was negative to me and I was starting to become a weepy mess.  This was not like me and RM was getting worried!  Would his wife be able to hold it together?  I am so grateful that through this time I had a very strong husband who just listened to me and prayed with me, as well as family and close friends that encouraged me and also prayed for me on a regular basis.  I was also forced to rely on God and His Word because it was all I had.  The long story short, as you know by now, is we did finish the house, we did move in eventually, it did sell (in fact we marked the anniversary of the closing just a few days ago) and the baby came and never once did the newborn say to me, "Well, it's about time you found me a place to get born.  I was getting really worried."  No, the baby just came and loved the fact he was out of the womb and into the world.

All this to say, yesterday was April 1.  Sure enough, the flood of memories that came evoked the same negative feelings....at first.  I'm so much more aware of Satan and his tactics with me now.  Before the whole house building experience, I had never really been prone to anxiety.  I had never really been a fearful person. In fact, if anything, I used to view myself as a person with quite a large dose of faith.  Perhaps Satan saw that as a threat to himself and decided to take me down a notch.  It sure worked for awhile.  But in the process I gained some great tools of defense....multiple passages of  Scripture, an even stronger prayer life than ever before, and just an awareness of my own weaknesses.

Yesterday, however, I got caught off guard.  I must have let my defenses down.  When I realized it was April 1, my first thoughts which originally had been hopeful, turned sour.  The night before, March 31, I had gone to bed with a sense of anticipation! Tomorrow was the beginning of a new month!  April!  Surely April would bring warmer weather.  Surely April would bring more potential work for Renaissance Man.  In fact the government's fiscal year end was March 31, so more work automatically gets posted on April 1.  We both knew this and were excited about what April could bring.  I was shocked when I woke up, started reading in Philippians and journaling that a heaviness started to come over me.  It happened as soon as I wrote the date.  Satan's old tactic, looking at time passing, not being where I thought we would be, seeing the date as a negative, not a postive.....it all hit me at the same time.

God was good though, faithful as ever.  I shared with RM how I was feeling and basically begged him, "Help me get out of this pit!"  He quickly reminded me the date is a positive!  He reminded me of how far we have come!  How God has been so faithful!  It was all true.  I didn't snap out of it in two seconds flat, but I did come around.  Later on in the day I heard that comment on the radio about how Satan tries to make us doubt God....all day.  I realized he just won't let up.  He'll use anything he can to bring us down and doubt God and his goodness.

The tactic we can use, and this is the only tactic, is speaking God's truth back to ourselves OUT LOUD. Isn't that interesting?  It is one thing to believe it in our minds, but to speak it out loud puts Satan on notice. "We are not unaware of your schemes.  We believe that God is good and that He will be faithful.  Nothing can separate me from the love of God, not the first day of the month, not looking where I thought we should be.....nothing."

I already walk around talking to myself out loud and praying.  The kids probably think I'm nuts, but I do find it helpful.  "Jesus free us," is often the phrase I say, but now it'll probably change to speaking more of what I know is true.  That goes back to the Philippians passage on thinking on things that are true and lovely.  I'll just make sure I not only think these more noble thoughts, but speak them, to drown out the voice that is in my head making me, or at least trying to make me, doubt God.

April 1 ended up being a good day.  It was a warmer day.  The muck is eventually going to dry up.  The kids spent hours and hours outside.  It was a good work day for RM.  In fact I was even able to spend some time with him out in the shop doing some odds and ends to help him ship out his product today.  He may not have gotten another contract, we may not necessarily be where I would like to be in our war against debt, but I still saw it as a good day.







Good morning!  I have
8 Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the Lord promised on oath to your ancestors. ² Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ³ He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. ⁴ Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. ⁵ Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.
⁶ Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. ⁷ For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; ⁸ a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; ⁹ a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.
¹⁰ When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. ¹¹ Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. ¹² Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, ¹³ and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, ¹⁴ then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ¹⁵ He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. ¹⁶ He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. ¹⁷ You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” ¹⁸ But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.
¹⁹ If you ever forget the Lord your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed. ²⁰ Like the nations the Lord destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the Lord your God