Anger is poison in the home, have you noticed that? What does this have to do with debt, you might ask. Well, I've just been observing in my own children little symptoms of adulthood. They are starting to mimic us as parents, all our good and not so good traits. I've started to see when either RM or I am stressed or worried about something, we tend to lash out either at one another or at the kids. My kids are now doing the same. I'm seeing how important it is to show them I trust God, as it keeps my temper at bay, and therefore their tempers, and doesn't bring the poison of anger into the home.
My children aren't quite so reflective yet, so this is something they must learn, something I must teach. One of my younger sons has been really fussing at me about school, getting it all done, or doing it at all. I've started to see he's really quite bright, there are no learning disabilities present, per se, he's just bugged that he has to sit and do school. Oh dear, imagine! I'm making him work! (sorry, that was saracasm...) Of course, I try to be patient at first, but sure enough, if he presses my buttons too long (which inevitably happens) suddenly I'm done. He's done. The world seems to fall apart. During the course of his meltdowns, I often tell him, "Don't bring the poison of anger into our home." You can see how it trickles out into the whole house as voices have to rise to speak over his fussing voice. Then other kids get irritated by him because they need quiet. I'm irritated that they are irritated and the cycle starts. It's been a great mirror to myself of what it looks like to not trust God. Really, because in his own little way, he's not trusting God with his circumstances. He thinks there is no point to all this learning, his own little trial. He's frustrated that he has to go through with where God has put him in life and he'd rather be in a life of ease, where he doesn't have to work, doesn't have to do school, gets to play all day, you get the idea. So, honestly, he just looks like me in a miniature form. It isn't pretty.
My older son is also starting to mimic one of his parents who shall remain nameless. Suffice it to say, it isn't me. It is almost funny how much he is starting to sound like him, oops, I mean the other parent. He, too, has his struggles in school. He has no problem with knowing he has to do school. He gets the bigger picture. He knows that one day he'll be a provider for his home, so he must learn all he can now to become a good Dad and husband, but what he doesn't like is that the learning part doesn't come so easily for him, at least in one subject - math. Guess what he's really good at? Writing. He could write all day. He's a very gifted writer in fact and I have him working on a potential book one day that I'm super excited about. But give that boy a math book and he starts to cringe.
Naturally, when you don't love something, you put it off, so he's a little behind in his math. Once in awhile, he starts to realize this will come back to bite him and you see the panic. Then suddenly nothing goes well. His pencil breaks, his water spills, the cat attacks him, the dog is barking, the toddler rips his page....oh my goodness, Satan knows just how to get to my children and therefore get to me. My son reacts just like the other parent. At first he wants to slam everything to the floor, but he tries to use some restraint. Then he starts saying things he doesn't mean, but he feels them all the same, "Why do I have to do this? Why can't I just forget math all together!" Then he starts to snap at the little toddler who is quite innocent. The poison is back in the house.
Once again, I see this as a mirror for me and the other nameless parent. When we are going through our debt "adventure", we would really rather just jump off the debt bandwagon and forget it. It's too hard. And quite frankly, it is! I hate aspects of this! There have been so many times I've wanted to throw in the towel and just book tickets to Florida! Living like no one else is not fun! Well, that's not true, we are doing ok, but at times, you only see the "what I don't have" aspects, just like the kids. Instead of seeing all that they are good at, they focus on their weaknesses. So interesting.
When we focus on the hard parts, then nothing in life seems right. It all seems like a trial. When I don't see how much God has provided, instead I just see what work we don't have, then I panic, just like my son. Then there is a knot in my stomach that makes me snap at my husband or kids or makes me just plain grumpy. Poison. More poison.
Thank you, Lord, for our kids! For the funny, but awful, reflection they are to me (and that other guy!) Help us model trust. Help us model contentment even in the "subjects" we don't like or that we aren't good at!
So, we are in "school", just like the kids. I hope I pass the subject of "debt reduction". It isn't an easy class. But, fortunately, my professor is God, so I think he'll give me all the help I need.
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