My good friend came down with her gang of kids and her husband this past weekend to visit for the day. She was the one whose three year old was attacked by my three year when RM and the boys needed a place to stay when the truck had broken down a few weeks ago. I warned my son that his "very good friend" was coming to visit him and that he needed to behave nicely to him. "Ooooooh, I won't bite him this time." "What!? I didn't know you had bitten him! DEFINITELY don't bite him!" "Yes, I bit him and I pinched him on the arm, really hard, like this....." (he went on to demonstrate to me the pinch.....)
Later on that afternoon, we were all watching them play really nicely together in front of us and I commented, not thinking the little ones were paying attention to a word we were saying, that it was really nice to have their little guy around. The big joke in homeschooling circles is that we need to "socialize" our children, so I somewhat sarcastically said, "It's good to have them play together so they can be 'socialized'!" Immediately, my son turns around and looks right at me and with all the confidence that a three year old can generate he said, "Don't socialize me!"
We were dumbfounded. How does this little guy come up with this stuff? It was hysterical! We were all snickering, trying not to laugh at him out loud, but we couldn't contain it all. I think it was mostly comical because, like I said, homeschoolers are often questioned about socialization. My son clearly didn't think he needed to be socialized and I better not start trying, at least on my terms. Well, there isn't much more to the story, except to say, my children make me laugh.
My children are also teaching me lessons on diligence (how's that for a tie-in???)....
We read a blog once by a homeschooling Dad who lives on a farm and invents lots of practical farm equipment. He's super funny, but also shares a lot of wisdom. One thing he wrote a while back was that he didn't want his boys to be helpless men. We don't want that either. For a long time now we've been trying to communicate that to our boys, even to our girls, that we don't want them to be helpless. That means they must learn certain skills, but more importantly, they must learn a certain attitude towards work and just learning in general.
We also heard a talk on teaching responsibility to our children, particularly to boys, and in this talk the speaker mentioned that boys must learn that they often have to do hard things. Of course women do, too, but often a Dad gets stuck with the really yucky stuff - it could be anything from taking out garbage, to fixing a broken down truck on the side of the road (in the rain or cold), carrying all the heavy luggage when on vacation, or dealing with kid vomit in the middle of the night....you get the idea. They have to learn to take that burden and not complain. We've been really trying to instill this in the boys. They see it in their Dad. No Dad has to do these hard things. All women are completely capable of doing them. We know this. They know this. But when a man takes that burden off of our shoulders, are we not so grateful? It is just another thing that we don't have to do when we already have such a long list of things that we need to do? So, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying women aren't as capable as men. I'm saying how I love when RM takes that burden off of me.
Well, I'm starting to see that our boys are getting the idea and I'm soooo pleased. To God be the glory always when we start to see the very thing we are trying to instill. I know it is not to our credit. We must simply teach and allow God to do the rest.
The other night our dog started to bark in the middle of the night. "Oh no," I thought to myself. "Here he goes again." He did this last summer when he was sick. I wondered if he was sick again. It went on and on. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to wake up RM as he was dead tired from a long day. I didn't want to go outside myself (the dog sleeps in the shop). Then I thought, I guess I better wake up JM (the oldest boy who is technically the owner of the dog). I felt so bad waking him up, but he had told me last summer that I could if I ever heard the dog barking. So into his room I went. Of course he was fast asleep. I gently woke him up and told him the dog was barking, could he please go check on him. He was up right away, though somewhat delirious. This wasn't the first time this week the dog had barked, so he was quick to try to see if he could figure out what was going on. Earlier on in the week it had been simply because of the wind and he wanted to be in his crate. He didn't feel safe loose in the shop. That was an easy fix. Not this time.
Out he went, into the cold (though that night it wasn't nearly as frigid, it was slightly warmer, thank goodness!) The dog went nuts to see his owner. My son couldn't sense anything wrong, but took him for a quick walk, made sure he had food and water, but then this time he wouldn't stop barking in his crate. What? My son had already come in, so out he went again. Ok, fine, so he left him on his tie outside. This seemed to work for a few hours, but then the dog started to bark again. I had to go back into my son's room, as he can't hear the barking from his room, and tell him, unfortunately, the dog was at it again. Up my son got again. He was getting no sleep, neither was I....we both wanted to strangle the dog. But something was bothering him, so what can you do? This time, he grabbed one of our cats (all our animals are friends with each other!) and threw the cat in with the dog, so funny, to keep him company back in the shop. This seemed to work. He came back in. The dog continued to bark for a bit, but then eventually he stopped and was quiet for the rest of the night. I don't think I had more than a couple hours sleep in a row. Neither did my son. My husband, however, had slept the whole night, not knowing any of this had gone on. He woke up nice and refreshed the next day!
But that is my whole point. The next day, I told my husband what had gone on the whole night before. We were both so grateful my son had stepped in and been a man. Not a helpless man. Not a complaining man. He later told me how hard it had been for him. He had been a little scared. I don't doubt it! It's dark and scary outside! Not a lot of lights, lots of awful sounds, potential wild animals lurking around corners! I was so grateful I didn't have to go! I relied on a fourteen year old and he rose to the occasion. He saved his Dad from doing it who so badly needed the rest to recover. It was such an awesome opportunity to learn how hard it is to be a man, to be a Dad. Sure, like I said, I could have gone, but I knew J would have known better what to do with the dog. I would have been out there the whole night trying to figure him out and probably would have ended up sleeping in the shop to keep him quiet! By sending him out, he was able to figure it out way quicker. I was able to be at peace. I felt so good leaving it in his capable hands. He truly lifted a burden from me that night as well as the other night when the dog had been barking. I wanted him to know how grateful we both were.
This diligence must be learned when they are young. The Bible says it is good for a young man to learn to carry a burden while he is still young. I can see why. It will be my son's habit, it will be normal for him to work hard, to be diligent, if I have him starting to learn these lessons now. Will he have to combat sloth his whole life? Probably, but I don't think the battle will be nearly as difficult if he learns these lessons now. It will benefit him in all areas of life, even the financial, as he'll see it requires diligence to provide for his family.
It was a major milestone. The interesting thing is, since that night the dog has been fine. The only thing I can think of is that it was a test for me and my son to pass. The only other thing I can think of is that Satan wanted me exhausted as the next day I was seriously praying on behalf of one of my friends who was also praying and fasting. I was interceding with her and I was wasted as I had hardly slept a wink the night before. Who knows, but either way, the dog seems fine now!
We keep praying that God will use us to train up our children in the way they should go.
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