Taking My Thoughts Captive

The whole reason I started this blog was to have a written record of the progress we hope to achieve, by God's grace, in complete debt reduction.  The reason I did this during the process, as opposed to the end of the process, was I wanted to include all aspects, even the ups and downs, as well as all the things we, or I, in particular, learned along the way..

I've definitely alluded to this before, but one of the greatest tests or lessons learned has got to be in the area of discouragement or anxiety.  Ultimately, when I feel either one of these feelings I am really questioning the faithfulness of God, aren't I?  So we are at a place where I'm going to walk you through a situation that in the past would have me either sleepless, full of anxiety, or just plain discouraged.  I'm going to try to show what my old train of thoughts would have been and, by faith, what my new train of thoughts will be.  This isn't easy for me to trust God!  Even though he has shown himself so faithful in the past, I still wonder, has he forgotten me?  That seems awful, but it is the truth.  By writing this down, I'm hoping it will give me more faith, as much as it might for someone else reading it.

Ok....here's the old me...

Pretty soon, all the products will be shipped out that my husband has been working on.  Pretty soon, all the other little contracts will be done.  The money will come in that we are owed and we'll be at a better place for sure than we are now, but due to a number of surprises, INCLUDING THE WEATHER, we won't be where we thought we would be.  Seriously, the weather has caused more issues in this house than we thought possible, number one being the cost to heat the house - it is mind-boggling how much we've spent just to stay warm.  We didn't account for that when we were budgeting how far the income he was making would take us, so that puts us back quite a bit.  Discouragement starts to build its little house in my head.

Then, the fact that there is less money available makes me start to realize, oh, we probably won't be able to get this done or that done or buy this that we needed or buy that....you get the idea.  These were all things I had my heart set on getting done, particularly on the house, and that I had been "promised". The pity party joins the discouragement party...can't you see it?

Then, who cares about getting stuff done on the house, what about just plain progress in debt-reduction!?Well, at least we'll make more progress when he gets more work, but wait, he doesn't have more working coming in!  At least not that we know of!  Anxiety has now joined up with the other two and I start to feel awful, stressed, faithless.  Are you starting to get the idea?

What is a woman to do who finds herself in this situation?  Well, remember, I'm not out of the woods and I haven't perfected this by any means, but I'm going to attempt to take God at His Word 100% and watch what he does, just because I am determined (or once again, debt-termined) to not give in to these feelings that can rise up in me so pathetically easily!

So I begin with everything I've ever learned, such as

1 Peter 5:7
casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
This verse acknowledges I'm going to have anxiety and not just once, it puts it in the plural form "anxieties", so God knows this is going to be an issue for us!  So, I don't just place them on his desk, so to speak, I cast them, I throw them.  

The next verse that pops into my head was one I was taught from an early age that would reassure me every time I was anxious about something even as a child.  I'm sure it is not unfamiliar, Philippians 4:4-9,

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Typically we read the "do not be anxious" verses, but the ones surrounding it are the secrets to less anxiety - 

Verse 4 speaks of rejoicing, twice!  "....again I will say, rejoice"!  It's as if Paul is anticipating what the Philippians are going to go through and is giving them tools to handle their anxiety.  I want to "let my reasonableness be known to everyone".  By this I mean, I want the way I handle things that look hopeless, to show ultimate faith in God.  I'm going to define "reasonableness" as what my reason is resting on - the Lord. Therefore, I can truly take verse 6 and "not be anxious about anything", but trust me, I'm praying almost around the clock.  But as I pray, I do thank God as I make my requests known to him.  The peace of God does come, and it does surpass understanding, because in my human thinking, we're up the creek.  We'll never pay anything off at the rate we're going.  It does appear hopeless.  

Verse 7 is typically where people stop quoting, yet verses 8 and 9 are the other secret antidotes to anxiety.  I have to stop thinking about the pity, the hopelessnes and discouragement, as these thoughts are hardly profitable for me and certainly not, "honourable" or "pure" or "lovely", am I right?  Paul says to "practice these things and the God of peace will be with you."  That is not going to happen if I focus on the awful feelings I have.

The last verse that gets me through these darker periods is 2 Corinthians 10:4,5,

"4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ..."

I am fighting a spiritual battle that cannot be seen in my temporal realm, yet it is going on even if I don't see it. I have Christ in me and because of that resurrection power I can literally take every thought captive and make it obey Christ!  That is such a cool concept!  To think that I don't have to listen to every whim and pathetic thought is quite freeing, don't you think?  These anxious, hopeless, discouraging thoughts are going against the very knowledge of God and what I know about him.  They are "arguments" that must be destroyed which is done by taking them captive.  Love those verses.

Now, in some ways, nothing has changed in my life.  There isn't any extra money coming in that I know of or any new contracts, etc., but this is what my new process of thinking is and here is what I will literally pray today....

God, you know me and my anxious thoughts.  You know what I had hoped for.  I admit I am pitiful and feeling sorry for myself.  Help me to take you at your Word.  I'm going to throw the anxious, sad, hopeless thoughts at your feet and take them captive.  I'm going to anticipate what you are going to do in my life despite the fact I have no idea what that is! You know what we had planned, what we had hoped to achieve by this point.  If you want to delay the paying off of debt, then you must have a reason for that.  I'm going to trust you even when I don't see what lies ahead.  Amen.

My husband prayed yesterday, "You only give us enough light for the step we're on."  It is so true.

Watch with me.  See what God is going to do.  If I try this approach as opposed to the scared, anxious, pathetic approach, I think it'll be a happier journey, even if nothing else changes in my life except my attitude towards it.