Daily, as we are storming the gates of heaven as a family, we are experiencing His goodness. Yesterday, yet another miracle happened - the skid steer started! Why does that seem like a miracle? For so many reasons. We originally purchased it broken on purpose knowing/hoping Renaissance Man could fix it. We got a tremendous deal on it even though it wasn't working. It came with several attachments which were worth something in and of themselves. Had we purchased the skid steer new, it would have been ridiculously expensive or had we purchased it working, we never could have bought it. It's been weeks since we first acquired it.
RM got right to it when it was delivered to our property. It didn't take him to long to investigate the problem. Fortunately he is good at trouble shooting. I really consider that a blessing from the Lord, to be honest. The tricky thing was locating the parts. He literally searched the world. He is also very good at sourcing out things like obscure parts and he couldn't find them. When he did eventually find a source, he got a quote for thousands of dollars. Uh, no.
Then, it occured to him to get the part custom made which meant getting drawings done up of this part. All this to say, he got it done. It tooks weeks of researching, weeks of trouble shooting, weeks of waiting, but the part got done and it took a couple days to install it. Not an easy job. He's feels like a pretzel - twisting and contorting his body in ways it doesn't normally go to get that part in! He has a shop space to work in, but not a lift to lift the skid steer high off the ground. It was awful to watch!
To hear it start and to see it move out of the garage was awesome. It means, once again, we can complete so many projects on the farm that we've been unable to do. It also means we have a way better snow removal machine for the long driveway this winter. It may seem strange to read how happy a city girl is to see farm machinery working, but trust me, I've lived here long enough to know, you need good, working equipment if you want your farm to run smoothly. In fact, RM even noticed something different in me and said to me yesterday, "I never thought I'd see the day...." He was looking over at me reading a Farm Machinery Trading Magazine and commenting on what a good deal we'd gotten as I looked at all the other skid steers for sale! Like he said, I also never thought I'd see the day I was talking like that, let alone purposely reading a magazine like that!
On top of all this, I'm making good progress in the school planning. I really have 7 children in school this year, no wonder I feel like I have to start planning weeks earlier. It's only getting done because I'm in bed earlier and up earlier, but I'm accomplishing a lot and I'm feeling God's hand in the process. I wish I had even more time as there is so much I want to teach them!
And, coolest thing! We heard Brother Andrew on the radio last week! He's still alive and well and working in the Middle East reaching Muslims now for Christ. That was really neat. I felt like he was in our home. I wanted to talk to him so badly and thank him for his tremendous encouragement. He's one of those guys who would definitely make it into the Faith Chapter.
Ok, I'm off and running......
Wednesday, 30 July 2014
Tuesday, 29 July 2014
Too Many Men
Fish tank sold. Another miracle. Some poor Portuguese guys. Poor meaning, "What were they thinking????!!! How are they going to move that thing downstairs where they plan on putting it!?" That tank was big. But we won't question it! That was just amazing that it sold when we needed it most.
Now, we are continuing to walk by faith. The faith chapter is over for now, that is, we finished studying it at church. The pastor concluded last Sunday by looking at the final list of people mentioned in Hebrews 11. The fact that names are put down by the author of Hebrews is interesting. Each name included represented a different type of person...Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets....Each person was a different personality type. For example, Gideon... fearful. David...bold. Samuel....rash. Samson.....impulsive. Kind of like me - I can be all of those things at times. I love how God includes the fact that faith can be lived out even by a fearful person, like Gideon.
My husband was asked to do the reading that morning at church and read the story of Gideon in Judges 7. This is how it begins,
"2 The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me, ‘My own strength has saved me.’ 3 Now announce to the army, ‘Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead.’” So twenty-two thousand men left, while ten thousand remained."
You have too many men. That is a great line. We had too much money in our account a few weeks ago, it seems. If the cheque we got in the mail last week had come then, we would have boasted, "My own strength has saved me. Thank goodness we worked all that tax stuff out in time, otherwise we'd be in real trouble." I'm not sure that we would have acknowledged God right away. We probably would have patted ourselves on the back for making sure we'd been on top of our accountant. So, knowing that, God reduced our army, just like with Gideon.
"4 But the Lord said to Gideon, “There are still too many men." He reduced his army even further.
"7 The Lord said to Gideon, “With the three hundred men that lapped I will save you and give the Midianites into your hands. Let all the others go home.” "
He took his army from 22,000 down to 300 just so it was clear God had saved them. As our bank account went lower and lower the week before, it was clear a miracle was needed. Sure enough, as soon as that cheque came in, we looked at one another in awe and realized God had intervened....immediately....with only 300 men. We didn't have to stop and wonder if a miracle had happened....we knew! I'm so grateful for Gideon! He was fearful and always asking for signs. God was faithful and patient and even answered his requests. He used Gideon, despite his fear. He saved Gideon, despite his fear. God was glorified and no one boasted their own strength had saved them.
Now, we are continuing to walk by faith. The faith chapter is over for now, that is, we finished studying it at church. The pastor concluded last Sunday by looking at the final list of people mentioned in Hebrews 11. The fact that names are put down by the author of Hebrews is interesting. Each name included represented a different type of person...Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets....Each person was a different personality type. For example, Gideon... fearful. David...bold. Samuel....rash. Samson.....impulsive. Kind of like me - I can be all of those things at times. I love how God includes the fact that faith can be lived out even by a fearful person, like Gideon.
My husband was asked to do the reading that morning at church and read the story of Gideon in Judges 7. This is how it begins,
"2 The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me, ‘My own strength has saved me.’ 3 Now announce to the army, ‘Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead.’” So twenty-two thousand men left, while ten thousand remained."
You have too many men. That is a great line. We had too much money in our account a few weeks ago, it seems. If the cheque we got in the mail last week had come then, we would have boasted, "My own strength has saved me. Thank goodness we worked all that tax stuff out in time, otherwise we'd be in real trouble." I'm not sure that we would have acknowledged God right away. We probably would have patted ourselves on the back for making sure we'd been on top of our accountant. So, knowing that, God reduced our army, just like with Gideon.
"4 But the Lord said to Gideon, “There are still too many men." He reduced his army even further.
"7 The Lord said to Gideon, “With the three hundred men that lapped I will save you and give the Midianites into your hands. Let all the others go home.” "
He took his army from 22,000 down to 300 just so it was clear God had saved them. As our bank account went lower and lower the week before, it was clear a miracle was needed. Sure enough, as soon as that cheque came in, we looked at one another in awe and realized God had intervened....immediately....with only 300 men. We didn't have to stop and wonder if a miracle had happened....we knew! I'm so grateful for Gideon! He was fearful and always asking for signs. God was faithful and patient and even answered his requests. He used Gideon, despite his fear. He saved Gideon, despite his fear. God was glorified and no one boasted their own strength had saved them.
Saturday, 26 July 2014
Hay Disaster Averted!
We never planned to be farmers. We knew we wanted to be hobby farmers where you have a few animals for yourself, but we never thought we'd actually make money off of our land. It was a dream, but we didn't realize it would be our reality one day.
We became official hay farmers last year. I wish I could even remember the string of events that happened. One thing led to another and the next thing you know there were bales of hay on our fields. Renaissance Man, the oldest girl and the two oldest boys, along with a few farm friends, joined us in the exciting journey of getting the hay off the trailer and then into the barn. It was a lot of hard work, but it ended up paying for our barn roof being repaired and then some of the hay sales during the winter got us through a few dry spells.
This summer we had high hopes for hay again. Now we know why farmers always talk about the weather. Hay is super weather dependent. If you cut the hay too soon then you are in trouble if it rains before it gets baled. If you bale too soon and it rains then you are in trouble because it sat out in the rain. You just can't win sometimes and you can't depend on the weather forecast either as it isn't always accurate. We've waited and waited to cut or bale because supposedly rain was coming, but no, no rain ever came! Very frustrating!
That was our experience this past week. RM had been waiting and waiting to cut - the hay was getting higher and higher and he felt the quality was worsening with everyday. We have some picky customers who like it just the right colour and size and RM was worried that he was perhaps getting too stalky. Finally he decided he had better cut. He risked it knowing there was a chance of precipitation, but he went for it. Bad call. It rained and rained hard. He figured the entire field was garbage and good just for cows who will eat anything. No selling to our picky customers. Still tons of work ahead, but pretty much for nothing. He was very disappointed.
Then he decided after a day or so that he couldn't view it that way. It wasn't a loss. It wasn't a surprise to God. (I hadn't even told him about the "no panic in heaven" thought yet.) So he came to the conclusion, God knew the field was going to rot. He must have had a better plan for that hay, possibly to even heat our home as you can burn hay in a wood boiler which we have, just not set up yet. So his whole attitude turned around and he surrendered his hay. The fast started soon after that.
We got the whole crew out on the field again a few days ago and much to our shock, the hay seemed fine! It smelled good, the colour wasn't bad, the bales were baling great. RM said multiple times that day, "I think a miracle has happened! The hay seems great! I don't think we've lost it!"
Then a day ago, the picky customer came, totally out of the blue, to check on the hay. He took bales apart, smelled it (sometimes he even brings a moisture gauge with him to make sure it has the right moisture).....RM was on pins and needles the whole time. Then, the big announcement, "I'll take all of it." What?! My husband nearly fell over. We knew one of the fields of hay had made great hay, but not that disaster field. He couldn't believe it and ran over to tell me when the guy had left. He was thrilled. All that work wasn't for nothing! Even the boys said, "A miracle happened - that hay should have been ruined!" Did God put a giant tarp over the field when we weren't looking? Or did he send a wind to dry it right away? How did he keep it the right colour and smell for our customer? We don't know, but we are grateful for whatever he did. It is no small thing for us - we see it as another blessing from God. Selling hay is as good as any contract RM would bid on, so it's like we got a small contract. It helps us keep our farm status as well which keeps the property taxes way down, so all round it is a blessing. Never in my life did I think we would be provided for by selling something that grew on our land, but it's happening and we are once again, in awe!
We became official hay farmers last year. I wish I could even remember the string of events that happened. One thing led to another and the next thing you know there were bales of hay on our fields. Renaissance Man, the oldest girl and the two oldest boys, along with a few farm friends, joined us in the exciting journey of getting the hay off the trailer and then into the barn. It was a lot of hard work, but it ended up paying for our barn roof being repaired and then some of the hay sales during the winter got us through a few dry spells.
This summer we had high hopes for hay again. Now we know why farmers always talk about the weather. Hay is super weather dependent. If you cut the hay too soon then you are in trouble if it rains before it gets baled. If you bale too soon and it rains then you are in trouble because it sat out in the rain. You just can't win sometimes and you can't depend on the weather forecast either as it isn't always accurate. We've waited and waited to cut or bale because supposedly rain was coming, but no, no rain ever came! Very frustrating!
That was our experience this past week. RM had been waiting and waiting to cut - the hay was getting higher and higher and he felt the quality was worsening with everyday. We have some picky customers who like it just the right colour and size and RM was worried that he was perhaps getting too stalky. Finally he decided he had better cut. He risked it knowing there was a chance of precipitation, but he went for it. Bad call. It rained and rained hard. He figured the entire field was garbage and good just for cows who will eat anything. No selling to our picky customers. Still tons of work ahead, but pretty much for nothing. He was very disappointed.
Then he decided after a day or so that he couldn't view it that way. It wasn't a loss. It wasn't a surprise to God. (I hadn't even told him about the "no panic in heaven" thought yet.) So he came to the conclusion, God knew the field was going to rot. He must have had a better plan for that hay, possibly to even heat our home as you can burn hay in a wood boiler which we have, just not set up yet. So his whole attitude turned around and he surrendered his hay. The fast started soon after that.
We got the whole crew out on the field again a few days ago and much to our shock, the hay seemed fine! It smelled good, the colour wasn't bad, the bales were baling great. RM said multiple times that day, "I think a miracle has happened! The hay seems great! I don't think we've lost it!"
Then a day ago, the picky customer came, totally out of the blue, to check on the hay. He took bales apart, smelled it (sometimes he even brings a moisture gauge with him to make sure it has the right moisture).....RM was on pins and needles the whole time. Then, the big announcement, "I'll take all of it." What?! My husband nearly fell over. We knew one of the fields of hay had made great hay, but not that disaster field. He couldn't believe it and ran over to tell me when the guy had left. He was thrilled. All that work wasn't for nothing! Even the boys said, "A miracle happened - that hay should have been ruined!" Did God put a giant tarp over the field when we weren't looking? Or did he send a wind to dry it right away? How did he keep it the right colour and smell for our customer? We don't know, but we are grateful for whatever he did. It is no small thing for us - we see it as another blessing from God. Selling hay is as good as any contract RM would bid on, so it's like we got a small contract. It helps us keep our farm status as well which keeps the property taxes way down, so all round it is a blessing. Never in my life did I think we would be provided for by selling something that grew on our land, but it's happening and we are once again, in awe!
Friday, 25 July 2014
There is No Panic in Heaven
Our resolve to be more aggressive with our debt-reduction started about 5 years ago. After building and selling a home we made huge strides. During those 5 years, we sometimes got tired of being so "good" and we indulged ourselves a little here and there. But we always get back on track and resolved once again to stay focused....the goal of financial freedom motivated us. Then, this past October, we got an even more intense resolve to ramp it up even more, but evenso, we still found it easy to slide into old patterns even if just for a brief moment because it was easy or convenient to spend in an area we had said we wouldn't. This past week, I thought Renaissance Man and I should evaluate how we were doing and assess where we could be better in our resolve so we could stay focused. While I was thinking about this, I considered the date....according to my calculations it was exactly 40 days until our anniversary. Light bulb! So I approached him with my crazy idea of, once again, fasting, as we had two anniversaries ago for the sale of our home. During the time of fasting we would pray, but with a more focused prayer on financial freedom, coming before the Lord, asking for freedom from the bondage. I even asked the kids to join us in the 40 day adventure and so some of them have chosen different things they are giving up, like Lent sort of, and they are praying for the same things as well as for friends they know need more focused prayer. None of us have completely stopped eating, for some it could be desserts, or technology. For others, it's giving up complaining or having temper tantrums! It's been interesting what each one has chosen.
One of the other reasons it occurred to me to pray more intensely was because the needs were becoming more intense and we were coming to the end of our financial rope. Please don't misunderstand - this isn't about prosperity gospel. I'm just convinced from a Biblical perspective, debt is bondage. I don't believe God wants us to be in bondage. I know He can use our circumstances to sanctify us and He may not choose to relieve us. I'm praying more on the lines of Paul, seeing debt also as a thorn in our side. If God chooses to leave this thorn here for our generation, I'm ok with that, really. But I will never stop trying to eliminate it or pray about it until He tells me otherwise.
Back to why we were feeling a certain motivation to pray for intensely....Money was going to be coming in, but not in time. There wasn't a sense of panic, but some concern about how we would cover our needs. RM decided to book an appointment with the bank manager. I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but knew something needed to happen in order to make things work. This was day 1 of the fast, a Monday morning. I found myself praying in the shower, "Lord, you know we don't want more bondage, yet we find ourselves in this situation, an appointment with the bank....is there anyway we could meet our needs without seeing the bank?" That's all I could do was pray and leave it in God's hands. Then RM and I prayed together that morning. As we were finishing praying, the little mail minivan pulls up to our mailbox. I could see it coming in the distance. We usually dread this little vehicle as the mail lady usually drops off bills! This time I said out loud to RM, "Oh! Here comes the mail! It's so exciting! I wonder what little miracle she'll bring today!" In my heart I knew I was speaking foolishness, we weren't expecting any miracle money, so I was saying it rather facetiously! Actually, we were due money, but there was no sign of it coming thanks to our accountant not getting back to us. In fact, RM has been quite ticked with our accountant after that whole tax fiasco. Like I wrote a while back, the government had made an oversight and it turns out we had over paid which meant they were owing us money, but it was up to our accountant to work that out for us! Their office would not return our emails. As the days went by, RM was getting really frustrated because he knew we could have really used that money. I thought maybe the accountant's assistant was on holidays, but don't most people have an auto-reply explaining that these days? "Sorry, out of the office, will be back in a week?" I think so. Back to the mail lady....someone ran out to get the mail, and sure enough, lots of envelopes, including one from the government - I hate those brown envelopes.....most of the time. Suddenly, RM looks up at me, "We can cancel the appointment with the bank. I don't need to go there anymore." "What?" I said in shock. There it was, the cheque from the government that we were due. It was going to cover all our needs - just enough. How could this be?
Well, guess what? It turns out the accountant had been on holidays and even emailed that day saying, "Sorry! I was out of the office last week, but I dealt with your tax issue before I left." Thanks for telling us!!!! We had no idea and that's why we were pestering her for that whole week. God knew all along....
I heard a great line this week - There is no panic in heaven. Charles Price was speaking about Romans 8:28 and how "all things work together for good", but sometimes when bad things are happening we start to feel that maybe there's been some mistake. How can bad things being working out good in our lives? We have to realize there is no panic in heaven, nothing is a surprise to God. All things pass through God's filter first - if something "bad" is happening, He has allowed it to happen, and always, always it is for our good, to either sanctify us or to glorify God in some way. It's almost comical to imagine it being otherwise, "Oh my! I had no idea that was going to happen to that family?!" As if we would ever hear God speaking to the angels that way.
So God knew that the whole tax thing had been worked out. He knew that money was coming. He knew that we needed that cheque. But we didn't know what was going on in the background, so we found ourselves trusting, even with respect to our huge dental bills this month. Remember? I kept wondering how God was going to work it out. We still haven't sold the huge fish tank, but it's looking really positive. I just assumed that was what God was going to do. You know, trying to figure out God again. His timing on the money made it even more miraculous to us in light of our first day of fasting - what an encouragement to persevere!
The size of the cheque being enough to cover all our needs reminded me, too, of the manna the Israelites collected - just enough for one day. Then the next day they would go out and collect again. Our "manna" cheque covers more than a day - more than a month actually, but it still means daily reliance, it means always depending on God for his provision.
So, we are in awe, once again of how God is the God of the 11th hour - leaving it right until the last minute. We literally couldn't have gone another day without that money. God gets the glory. He always does. There is no panic in heaven.
One of the other reasons it occurred to me to pray more intensely was because the needs were becoming more intense and we were coming to the end of our financial rope. Please don't misunderstand - this isn't about prosperity gospel. I'm just convinced from a Biblical perspective, debt is bondage. I don't believe God wants us to be in bondage. I know He can use our circumstances to sanctify us and He may not choose to relieve us. I'm praying more on the lines of Paul, seeing debt also as a thorn in our side. If God chooses to leave this thorn here for our generation, I'm ok with that, really. But I will never stop trying to eliminate it or pray about it until He tells me otherwise.
Back to why we were feeling a certain motivation to pray for intensely....Money was going to be coming in, but not in time. There wasn't a sense of panic, but some concern about how we would cover our needs. RM decided to book an appointment with the bank manager. I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but knew something needed to happen in order to make things work. This was day 1 of the fast, a Monday morning. I found myself praying in the shower, "Lord, you know we don't want more bondage, yet we find ourselves in this situation, an appointment with the bank....is there anyway we could meet our needs without seeing the bank?" That's all I could do was pray and leave it in God's hands. Then RM and I prayed together that morning. As we were finishing praying, the little mail minivan pulls up to our mailbox. I could see it coming in the distance. We usually dread this little vehicle as the mail lady usually drops off bills! This time I said out loud to RM, "Oh! Here comes the mail! It's so exciting! I wonder what little miracle she'll bring today!" In my heart I knew I was speaking foolishness, we weren't expecting any miracle money, so I was saying it rather facetiously! Actually, we were due money, but there was no sign of it coming thanks to our accountant not getting back to us. In fact, RM has been quite ticked with our accountant after that whole tax fiasco. Like I wrote a while back, the government had made an oversight and it turns out we had over paid which meant they were owing us money, but it was up to our accountant to work that out for us! Their office would not return our emails. As the days went by, RM was getting really frustrated because he knew we could have really used that money. I thought maybe the accountant's assistant was on holidays, but don't most people have an auto-reply explaining that these days? "Sorry, out of the office, will be back in a week?" I think so. Back to the mail lady....someone ran out to get the mail, and sure enough, lots of envelopes, including one from the government - I hate those brown envelopes.....most of the time. Suddenly, RM looks up at me, "We can cancel the appointment with the bank. I don't need to go there anymore." "What?" I said in shock. There it was, the cheque from the government that we were due. It was going to cover all our needs - just enough. How could this be?
Well, guess what? It turns out the accountant had been on holidays and even emailed that day saying, "Sorry! I was out of the office last week, but I dealt with your tax issue before I left." Thanks for telling us!!!! We had no idea and that's why we were pestering her for that whole week. God knew all along....
I heard a great line this week - There is no panic in heaven. Charles Price was speaking about Romans 8:28 and how "all things work together for good", but sometimes when bad things are happening we start to feel that maybe there's been some mistake. How can bad things being working out good in our lives? We have to realize there is no panic in heaven, nothing is a surprise to God. All things pass through God's filter first - if something "bad" is happening, He has allowed it to happen, and always, always it is for our good, to either sanctify us or to glorify God in some way. It's almost comical to imagine it being otherwise, "Oh my! I had no idea that was going to happen to that family?!" As if we would ever hear God speaking to the angels that way.
So God knew that the whole tax thing had been worked out. He knew that money was coming. He knew that we needed that cheque. But we didn't know what was going on in the background, so we found ourselves trusting, even with respect to our huge dental bills this month. Remember? I kept wondering how God was going to work it out. We still haven't sold the huge fish tank, but it's looking really positive. I just assumed that was what God was going to do. You know, trying to figure out God again. His timing on the money made it even more miraculous to us in light of our first day of fasting - what an encouragement to persevere!
The size of the cheque being enough to cover all our needs reminded me, too, of the manna the Israelites collected - just enough for one day. Then the next day they would go out and collect again. Our "manna" cheque covers more than a day - more than a month actually, but it still means daily reliance, it means always depending on God for his provision.
So, we are in awe, once again of how God is the God of the 11th hour - leaving it right until the last minute. We literally couldn't have gone another day without that money. God gets the glory. He always does. There is no panic in heaven.
Tuesday, 22 July 2014
Chronic Soul Amnesia
Well, it hasn't happened yet, but it's looking like we'll be able to creatively cover our huge dentist bill this week. We finally got around to listing our gigantic fish tank to sell and it looks like we have a couple of interested buyers which would pay for the entire bill! It's all in His care, so I'm not worried. Stretching that faith muscle is so key, refusing to let Satan make me doubt God's goodness, His faithfulness. There is more to that story as we had quite a miracle yesterday, but that is for tomorrow......
Chronic Soul Amnesia. I just found out that is the condition I suffer from! Ann Voskamp told me. Well, her countertop calender did. This is how she describes this spiritual condition,
"I am of the chronic soul amnesia, ever the losing of memory, ever the surprise of remembering, circling again into the old new ways, always re-found. I empty of truth and need the refilling. I need come again every day, bend, clutch and remember, for who can gather the manna but once, hoarding, and mind store away sustenance for all of their living?"
That was it! That described exactly all the ups and downs I have and it also described the absolutely necessary daily refilling from scripture. She refers to the manna the Israelites used to get sent to them from heaven. It came every morning and they were only allowed to gather what they needed for that day, never hoarding or storing away for the rest of the week or it went bad. It was a picture of Jesus - the bread of life - who daily supplies - DAILY - what I need to live. I can't just read the Bible once and then hope to remember a verse when I'm in desperate straits. I can't hoard Jesus for the future. I have Chronic Soul Amnesia - if I did that, I'd turn around and forget as soon as the hard times would come! I can memorize His Word and it will absolutely be there for me when I need it, but I must daily read His Word as well and that is what has been getting me through these ups and downs.
This can be a real challenge for me after I spend time with another mom or talk on the phone with another friend. We, as women, as moms, have to be so careful when we talk to other moms, don't we? It doesn't take much to suddenly sit there and compare our situations, our lives and we get all insecure or we start to covet, wishing we had the other mom's life or whatever she's doing well at. It happens to me and it's just another area to nip in the bud, the second I start to feel that woe-is-me feeling. This time of year it's usually when I hear about someone else's extravagant vacation or fun outing that I start to feel I may not be providing what my kids need - it goes back to Christmas presents, thinking I'm a bad parent if I don't buy them lots of stuff. Chronic Soul Amnesia. I forget!!! (It sounds like it must happen to Ann Voskamp, too, so I don't feel so bad....)
It used to be an initial sinking feeling in my stomach. My thoughts would start to race as I compared my situation to what I wish it were, but now, I fight back. I've been using those phrases all week from Hebrews 11 - I quench the power of fire. I close the mouths of the lions. I cling to the promises I've obtained. It's been so powerful and has really helped me if a negative thought pattern tries to enter into my thinking.
I found another scripture this week that has been just so clear on how I should view things. This is a great example of that daily refilling. I found myself empty of truth and needed to replace it, refill, fast. Again, I've read it before, but I needed it this past week, on one day in particular. It wasn't in my memory. The fact I naturally came across it in my daily reading was perfect timing. Though it was familiar, this time I really stopped and meditated on it, word by word, phrase by phrase, and I prayed it back to the Lord....
"But godliness with content is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, in a snare, into many senselss and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs." 1 Timothy 6:6-10
This passage is so freeing. I read it again and again. My husband woke up and sat with me and we enjoyed a coffee together. I shared with him epiphany after epiphany. He's seen me in my ups and downs since we went more hard core in our debt-reduction decision. It hasn't been easy for him to see me struggle as I can make him feel like he's not doing enough. All along we communicate to one another, which is the key I think in a marriage to not letting a brick wall form between each other. I've shared every thought, even if it's a pathetic one, and he's helped me work through it. He's listened time and time again as I explain the spiritual battle I feel I'm in on certain days. But he can't "fix me"! I'm sure he wishes he could! I bet he wishes the battle would just stop once and for all! I am in the process of being sanctified, being taught lesson after lesson. I think he's grateful for what I'm learning and this lesson in particular was a good one for him to hear. This was what I shared with him...
Food and clothing, that's all I need. I have those things - quite a bit actually! I can be content with that. Once again, it doesn't say anywhere that I need to entertain my kids with huge vacations (though it is still fun!), or give them something I cannot afford. We know one day, when all is free and clear, we would love to travel and bless our kids in that way, but for now, it just isn't wise.
I've never really thought of myself as someone who desires to be rich. I see myself more as someone who desires to be out of bondage. However, occasionally, I still find myself wishing my circumstances were different - either way it is a temptation towards discontentment. This was where the verse really hit me. It says I've fallen "into a snare". That is how it feels sometimes. Being in that snare brings "senseless and harmful desires". Interesting descriptions. Senseless. That means there is no point to dissatisfaction. It'll get me, or anyone, nowhere. Harmful. Wrong desires have the potential of getting me into trouble in some way. Maybe it'll be a complaining attitude or perhaps it'll be modeling bad behaviour for my children. Like I said, it can often come in the form of making my husband feel like he's not doing enough to make his "dripping faucet" wife happy. Those negative desires also not only get me into a snare, but literally "plunge people into ruin and destruction". That is so true! Isn't that exactly what I've been writing about recently? When I have allowed discontentment to creep into my life, I plunge. I don't slip slowly. It's one minute to the next. One minute I'm ok with my life and the next minute, I've plunged. Great word. Plunge. There is no literal pit, but it is definitely ruin and destruction nevertheless. Ruin in my thoughts. Destruction in how my perspective on life gets so skewed. If I were not to have God's Word to pick me up and I just let myself stay in that pit, I can only imagine how awful things would get around here, so it could really be ruin and destruction.
The next verse convicted me, too. I've also read it before, but never thought it applied to me... "for the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs." See? It couldn't apply to me, I used to think. I don't "love money", or do I? When I asked myself the question and truly thought about it, I guess I kind of do! I suppose I do love it in a way. I love how it appears to solve problems! But I must be careful - all kinds of evils.....well, it seems a little bit harsh to call being discontent an evil, but maybe it is! It calls it a craving and could lead someone away from the faith. That couldn't happen to me! But, in a way, when I doubt God's faithfulness, that is leading me away. The verse then says that I pierce myself with "many pangs". Sure enough. It does feel like I'm being pierced sometimes and the irony? I'm doing it to myself by allowing those discontented feelings.
These are all the things I shared with RM that day. He's always happy when Scripture puts me on track. I know Satan isn't going to give up on trying to make me doubt God. But my aresenal keeps growing. I shared with my kids later on that day what I read and I think it really helped them as well because, believe it or not, they get discontent, too! Great reminders.
Am I cured of Chronic Soul Amnesia? I don't think so. It might just be a condition for life, but I'm so grateful for the antedote - The Word of God, daily.
Chronic Soul Amnesia. I just found out that is the condition I suffer from! Ann Voskamp told me. Well, her countertop calender did. This is how she describes this spiritual condition,
"I am of the chronic soul amnesia, ever the losing of memory, ever the surprise of remembering, circling again into the old new ways, always re-found. I empty of truth and need the refilling. I need come again every day, bend, clutch and remember, for who can gather the manna but once, hoarding, and mind store away sustenance for all of their living?"
That was it! That described exactly all the ups and downs I have and it also described the absolutely necessary daily refilling from scripture. She refers to the manna the Israelites used to get sent to them from heaven. It came every morning and they were only allowed to gather what they needed for that day, never hoarding or storing away for the rest of the week or it went bad. It was a picture of Jesus - the bread of life - who daily supplies - DAILY - what I need to live. I can't just read the Bible once and then hope to remember a verse when I'm in desperate straits. I can't hoard Jesus for the future. I have Chronic Soul Amnesia - if I did that, I'd turn around and forget as soon as the hard times would come! I can memorize His Word and it will absolutely be there for me when I need it, but I must daily read His Word as well and that is what has been getting me through these ups and downs.
This can be a real challenge for me after I spend time with another mom or talk on the phone with another friend. We, as women, as moms, have to be so careful when we talk to other moms, don't we? It doesn't take much to suddenly sit there and compare our situations, our lives and we get all insecure or we start to covet, wishing we had the other mom's life or whatever she's doing well at. It happens to me and it's just another area to nip in the bud, the second I start to feel that woe-is-me feeling. This time of year it's usually when I hear about someone else's extravagant vacation or fun outing that I start to feel I may not be providing what my kids need - it goes back to Christmas presents, thinking I'm a bad parent if I don't buy them lots of stuff. Chronic Soul Amnesia. I forget!!! (It sounds like it must happen to Ann Voskamp, too, so I don't feel so bad....)
It used to be an initial sinking feeling in my stomach. My thoughts would start to race as I compared my situation to what I wish it were, but now, I fight back. I've been using those phrases all week from Hebrews 11 - I quench the power of fire. I close the mouths of the lions. I cling to the promises I've obtained. It's been so powerful and has really helped me if a negative thought pattern tries to enter into my thinking.
I found another scripture this week that has been just so clear on how I should view things. This is a great example of that daily refilling. I found myself empty of truth and needed to replace it, refill, fast. Again, I've read it before, but I needed it this past week, on one day in particular. It wasn't in my memory. The fact I naturally came across it in my daily reading was perfect timing. Though it was familiar, this time I really stopped and meditated on it, word by word, phrase by phrase, and I prayed it back to the Lord....
"But godliness with content is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, in a snare, into many senselss and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs." 1 Timothy 6:6-10
This passage is so freeing. I read it again and again. My husband woke up and sat with me and we enjoyed a coffee together. I shared with him epiphany after epiphany. He's seen me in my ups and downs since we went more hard core in our debt-reduction decision. It hasn't been easy for him to see me struggle as I can make him feel like he's not doing enough. All along we communicate to one another, which is the key I think in a marriage to not letting a brick wall form between each other. I've shared every thought, even if it's a pathetic one, and he's helped me work through it. He's listened time and time again as I explain the spiritual battle I feel I'm in on certain days. But he can't "fix me"! I'm sure he wishes he could! I bet he wishes the battle would just stop once and for all! I am in the process of being sanctified, being taught lesson after lesson. I think he's grateful for what I'm learning and this lesson in particular was a good one for him to hear. This was what I shared with him...
Food and clothing, that's all I need. I have those things - quite a bit actually! I can be content with that. Once again, it doesn't say anywhere that I need to entertain my kids with huge vacations (though it is still fun!), or give them something I cannot afford. We know one day, when all is free and clear, we would love to travel and bless our kids in that way, but for now, it just isn't wise.
I've never really thought of myself as someone who desires to be rich. I see myself more as someone who desires to be out of bondage. However, occasionally, I still find myself wishing my circumstances were different - either way it is a temptation towards discontentment. This was where the verse really hit me. It says I've fallen "into a snare". That is how it feels sometimes. Being in that snare brings "senseless and harmful desires". Interesting descriptions. Senseless. That means there is no point to dissatisfaction. It'll get me, or anyone, nowhere. Harmful. Wrong desires have the potential of getting me into trouble in some way. Maybe it'll be a complaining attitude or perhaps it'll be modeling bad behaviour for my children. Like I said, it can often come in the form of making my husband feel like he's not doing enough to make his "dripping faucet" wife happy. Those negative desires also not only get me into a snare, but literally "plunge people into ruin and destruction". That is so true! Isn't that exactly what I've been writing about recently? When I have allowed discontentment to creep into my life, I plunge. I don't slip slowly. It's one minute to the next. One minute I'm ok with my life and the next minute, I've plunged. Great word. Plunge. There is no literal pit, but it is definitely ruin and destruction nevertheless. Ruin in my thoughts. Destruction in how my perspective on life gets so skewed. If I were not to have God's Word to pick me up and I just let myself stay in that pit, I can only imagine how awful things would get around here, so it could really be ruin and destruction.
The next verse convicted me, too. I've also read it before, but never thought it applied to me... "for the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs." See? It couldn't apply to me, I used to think. I don't "love money", or do I? When I asked myself the question and truly thought about it, I guess I kind of do! I suppose I do love it in a way. I love how it appears to solve problems! But I must be careful - all kinds of evils.....well, it seems a little bit harsh to call being discontent an evil, but maybe it is! It calls it a craving and could lead someone away from the faith. That couldn't happen to me! But, in a way, when I doubt God's faithfulness, that is leading me away. The verse then says that I pierce myself with "many pangs". Sure enough. It does feel like I'm being pierced sometimes and the irony? I'm doing it to myself by allowing those discontented feelings.
These are all the things I shared with RM that day. He's always happy when Scripture puts me on track. I know Satan isn't going to give up on trying to make me doubt God. But my aresenal keeps growing. I shared with my kids later on that day what I read and I think it really helped them as well because, believe it or not, they get discontent, too! Great reminders.
Am I cured of Chronic Soul Amnesia? I don't think so. It might just be a condition for life, but I'm so grateful for the antedote - The Word of God, daily.
Thursday, 17 July 2014
Eternal Moments.....Mixed in With a Few Earthly Ones!
I wrote this post a few days back and somehow forgot to post it.....so it'll seem a bit outdated, but here it goes anyway!
I believe it was Max Lucado who first coined the phrase "eternal moment". It was his way of describing something so wonderful that it must be a glimpse, given by God, to us, to show us in some small way what heaven will be like. Do you ever have those moments? I get them all the time. If I were to track them, I bet they come right after those times of discouragement, as I've had so many since that rough period a few days ago. Yesterday was full of them.
Don't get me wrong. My eternal moments are certainly balanced by "Earthly moments"! I've been trying to wake up early even though school is out and that hasn't been a problem at all - the flies are making sure of it! Every morning, by 5:30 am, I'm literally forced out of bed by these annoying little beasts, but that's ok - it led to the onslaught of eternal moments. Coming downstairs, I was immediately greeted by this breeze literally from heaven. We don't have air conditioning and this summmer, as a cost cutting measure, I don't even think we are going to put in the window units. But oddly enough, I'm not minding it. It's as if God has brought the breeze along just for us. I have had no trouble sleeping at all and that is just with a ceiling fan. We keep all the windows open downstairs all night long, so when I walk in the kitchen I'm met with the smells of summer, the sounds of summer and yes, the flies of summer. But the good far outweighs the bad. I found myself immediately thanking God for all those wonderful blessings - the sights, the sounds, the smells.
After writing, coffee, reading or exercise, slowly but surely one by one the kids came downstairs. The other day my now 4 year old, came down, stopped, stood in the doorway with a very serious face on, a nerf gun in one hand, held over his head. He slowly proceeded to bring it down and then suddenly shot me! It was the funniest thing. All I could think of was, "This is going to be an interesting day with him!" But yesterday, it was my oldest daughter's big day. She had her first driver's ed. class! I was so excited! She was so excited! Her Dad, not so much. He found it to be a very emotional experience. This is the same Dad who cried for a week when she was born because he knew one day she would get married and leave him. He hadn't anticipated crying about driver's ed! Poor Daddy. It was an eternal moment for me as I felt so happy that we could help move her along in her life of maturing, gathering more skills. She was with another good friend so I knew she was in good hands. It was her first kind of "public school" experience in a classroom with 30 others. I wondered how she would find it. No surprise - tons of wasted time, a few goof balls, but all in all she enjoyed the whole day - 3 more days left! Then the in-car!!!!
After she left in the morning my other kids were hanging out with the missionary kids - I don't know what my kids are going to do when they leave! They love these guys! They are having so much fun! Even though the missionaries were on their way to go preaching, somehow the kids came up with the idea to sell smoothies at the side of the road. My kids have been doing this on the weekends, but I didn't think it would work knowing everyone was about to leave and it wasn't a weekend, so I knew no one would come. I kept discouraging it, but they wouldn't relent! So fine, go ahead. Suddenly they had tons of customers! All the missionaries came by and bought them and really loved them! They bought more and more and then for all their kids! It was breakfast in a cup! Now I was involved because they were getting behind in production! It was fun and yet another eternal moment as we were able to bless the missionaries - they paid the kids, but I'm going to suggest they donate the money back as they are missionaries after all!
Soon after that, the missionaries, in their 4 vehicles pulled out in a convoy-type line out of our driveway. It was the coolest thing to see - they looked like an army going off to war. It was a really neat picture and so powerful as they all waited in line for the leader of the group to go first. Then they headed out all at the same time - it was so powerful to see, it's hard to describe, another eternal moment. I prayed as they left knowing they were off to battle. It turns out it was one of their best days yet. They had one woman come up to them as they preached with tears streaming down her face, repenting of her sins, knowing she needed to be saved. Another man also came up to them. He had just been told he had less than 2 years to live and he didn't have any salvation assurance. They met with him, too. They also had a major heckler (I guess they do at all events), even the police came up to them, but this time they weren't stopped.
After they left, there was a quietness and I was left with my littlest ones. My husband, who is now officially a farmer in the eyes of our province (he just got the paperwork in the mail - he's so excited!) went off to cut hay for the first time with his new "cutter", a piece of farm equipment that he bought this summer to save money. He's determined to not pay anyone to do something he can do himself. The kids and I sat in the shade of our big tree and watched as he made the first cut - it was yet another eternal moment. I loved watching him. I love the fact he's doing something outdoors, maybe not enjoying the weather, but doing something God created a man to do! Taking dominion of the land - it was awesome! He actually does love doing it, and he does love being outside - he's put in his time in a desk and chair and is quite happy to be out and about, though he is suffering physically from the hard labour, but he sees it as proof of a good day of work.
Shortly after we all loaded up and got in the van with the remaining kids and went for a swim at a friend's house who is away - we're "pool-sitting"! On the way home one of my older sons said, "This has been the best summer ever!" Those are such great words for me to hear! I used to think it was only a good summer if you went on tons of vacations or went to amusement parks or went to a cottage every weekend - no longer. I asked him why he was enjoying his summer so much. He said it was seeing people, having the missionaries over, going to pools, to the beach, doing hay - none of those things have really cost us any money, yet, to him, it was the best summer ever. So once again, an eternal moment. I really walked around all day, "Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord." It's like the Psalmist says in Psalm 40,
"I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell them, yet they are more than can be told."
So true, so true. He heard my cry and lifted me out of the miry bog. A new song is in my mouth. I hope many do see or read and put their trust in the Lord as well. I had gone astray after a lie for a time, thinking certain things, like vacations, would make me happy. The truth is, I'm on vacation every day here! May I not go astray after that lie again. The Lord needs to be my trust. He multiplied his wondrous deeds towards me with the endless list of eternal moments yesterday - I love the verse that says, "I will proclaim and tell them, yet they are more than can be told." That's how I feel. There are more than can be told. Yes, I had many earthly moments yesterday, mostly involving the four year old - that boy....... but the eternal moments were countless. I feel God turned His face towards me and as always, I'm so grateful.
I believe it was Max Lucado who first coined the phrase "eternal moment". It was his way of describing something so wonderful that it must be a glimpse, given by God, to us, to show us in some small way what heaven will be like. Do you ever have those moments? I get them all the time. If I were to track them, I bet they come right after those times of discouragement, as I've had so many since that rough period a few days ago. Yesterday was full of them.
Don't get me wrong. My eternal moments are certainly balanced by "Earthly moments"! I've been trying to wake up early even though school is out and that hasn't been a problem at all - the flies are making sure of it! Every morning, by 5:30 am, I'm literally forced out of bed by these annoying little beasts, but that's ok - it led to the onslaught of eternal moments. Coming downstairs, I was immediately greeted by this breeze literally from heaven. We don't have air conditioning and this summmer, as a cost cutting measure, I don't even think we are going to put in the window units. But oddly enough, I'm not minding it. It's as if God has brought the breeze along just for us. I have had no trouble sleeping at all and that is just with a ceiling fan. We keep all the windows open downstairs all night long, so when I walk in the kitchen I'm met with the smells of summer, the sounds of summer and yes, the flies of summer. But the good far outweighs the bad. I found myself immediately thanking God for all those wonderful blessings - the sights, the sounds, the smells.
After writing, coffee, reading or exercise, slowly but surely one by one the kids came downstairs. The other day my now 4 year old, came down, stopped, stood in the doorway with a very serious face on, a nerf gun in one hand, held over his head. He slowly proceeded to bring it down and then suddenly shot me! It was the funniest thing. All I could think of was, "This is going to be an interesting day with him!" But yesterday, it was my oldest daughter's big day. She had her first driver's ed. class! I was so excited! She was so excited! Her Dad, not so much. He found it to be a very emotional experience. This is the same Dad who cried for a week when she was born because he knew one day she would get married and leave him. He hadn't anticipated crying about driver's ed! Poor Daddy. It was an eternal moment for me as I felt so happy that we could help move her along in her life of maturing, gathering more skills. She was with another good friend so I knew she was in good hands. It was her first kind of "public school" experience in a classroom with 30 others. I wondered how she would find it. No surprise - tons of wasted time, a few goof balls, but all in all she enjoyed the whole day - 3 more days left! Then the in-car!!!!
After she left in the morning my other kids were hanging out with the missionary kids - I don't know what my kids are going to do when they leave! They love these guys! They are having so much fun! Even though the missionaries were on their way to go preaching, somehow the kids came up with the idea to sell smoothies at the side of the road. My kids have been doing this on the weekends, but I didn't think it would work knowing everyone was about to leave and it wasn't a weekend, so I knew no one would come. I kept discouraging it, but they wouldn't relent! So fine, go ahead. Suddenly they had tons of customers! All the missionaries came by and bought them and really loved them! They bought more and more and then for all their kids! It was breakfast in a cup! Now I was involved because they were getting behind in production! It was fun and yet another eternal moment as we were able to bless the missionaries - they paid the kids, but I'm going to suggest they donate the money back as they are missionaries after all!
Soon after that, the missionaries, in their 4 vehicles pulled out in a convoy-type line out of our driveway. It was the coolest thing to see - they looked like an army going off to war. It was a really neat picture and so powerful as they all waited in line for the leader of the group to go first. Then they headed out all at the same time - it was so powerful to see, it's hard to describe, another eternal moment. I prayed as they left knowing they were off to battle. It turns out it was one of their best days yet. They had one woman come up to them as they preached with tears streaming down her face, repenting of her sins, knowing she needed to be saved. Another man also came up to them. He had just been told he had less than 2 years to live and he didn't have any salvation assurance. They met with him, too. They also had a major heckler (I guess they do at all events), even the police came up to them, but this time they weren't stopped.
After they left, there was a quietness and I was left with my littlest ones. My husband, who is now officially a farmer in the eyes of our province (he just got the paperwork in the mail - he's so excited!) went off to cut hay for the first time with his new "cutter", a piece of farm equipment that he bought this summer to save money. He's determined to not pay anyone to do something he can do himself. The kids and I sat in the shade of our big tree and watched as he made the first cut - it was yet another eternal moment. I loved watching him. I love the fact he's doing something outdoors, maybe not enjoying the weather, but doing something God created a man to do! Taking dominion of the land - it was awesome! He actually does love doing it, and he does love being outside - he's put in his time in a desk and chair and is quite happy to be out and about, though he is suffering physically from the hard labour, but he sees it as proof of a good day of work.
Shortly after we all loaded up and got in the van with the remaining kids and went for a swim at a friend's house who is away - we're "pool-sitting"! On the way home one of my older sons said, "This has been the best summer ever!" Those are such great words for me to hear! I used to think it was only a good summer if you went on tons of vacations or went to amusement parks or went to a cottage every weekend - no longer. I asked him why he was enjoying his summer so much. He said it was seeing people, having the missionaries over, going to pools, to the beach, doing hay - none of those things have really cost us any money, yet, to him, it was the best summer ever. So once again, an eternal moment. I really walked around all day, "Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord." It's like the Psalmist says in Psalm 40,
"I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell them, yet they are more than can be told."
So true, so true. He heard my cry and lifted me out of the miry bog. A new song is in my mouth. I hope many do see or read and put their trust in the Lord as well. I had gone astray after a lie for a time, thinking certain things, like vacations, would make me happy. The truth is, I'm on vacation every day here! May I not go astray after that lie again. The Lord needs to be my trust. He multiplied his wondrous deeds towards me with the endless list of eternal moments yesterday - I love the verse that says, "I will proclaim and tell them, yet they are more than can be told." That's how I feel. There are more than can be told. Yes, I had many earthly moments yesterday, mostly involving the four year old - that boy....... but the eternal moments were countless. I feel God turned His face towards me and as always, I'm so grateful.
Tuesday, 15 July 2014
Conquering Kingdoms, Stopping the Mouths of Lions, Quenching the Power of Fire
Today will be a huge outpouring of money......the dentist. Somehow we found ourselves with three children in braces at the same time. One child is already done braces, so that makes a total of four total. Despite the healthier eating, sugar still creeps in there and we've had some unfortunate cavities, too. We talk and joke with our kids that one will need to be a dentist, one a doctor, one an accountant, one a lawyer, one a vet, one a naturopath.....you get the idea.....but we're serious!!!!
I'm reminded once again of the story from Brother Andrew. He and his new wife bought a home together, but didn't quite have all the funds. They got an amazing deal on a very run down home. In order to bring it all together, they borrowed a small sum from a godly friend and proceeded to pay it off as soon as they could. During that period of three years, there was extra income it seemed just to be able to pay back the loan. Sure enough, as soon as the loan was paid back, the extra sources of income just dried up. That's kind of how it has been for us. We've always been able to somehow pay the dentist bill even though it is so much! I suppose on some level braces are always a luxury and borderline unnecessary, but in all four cases of our children, for some reason their top teeth just stop coming down! All four children had teeth stuck in their gums not budging leaving spaces that looked like we were serious backwoods folk. Sure, sure....in time they may have come down....in several years! My one child was starting to get lots of questions, "What happened to your teeth, honey??? Did something happen?" She was seriously becoming rather self-conscious! We started the braces before we made the hard core financial decision to kill debt, but you can't exactly stop the process once you've started! Our dentist is apparently giving us quite a deal and from comparing costs to others I think it's true, but nevertheless it is still very expensive and every time we go for an adjustment I just want to cry at the bill. So, like I said, we're mid-process, we're somehow making it work...I tease the kids that it'll all be worth it in the end, braces will help them find spouses as teeth are usually a nice asset when people are looking for a partner!
But blessings continue to pour in. I was talking with a friend about curriculum for the next school year and she had used the very one I was planning on purchasing. I asked her if she was finished with it and would she mind if I bought it off of her. She seemed open to working something out. The next week I bugged her again and said I would like to buy it sooner than later because I wanted to plan my year during the summer, but needed to have it in hand in order to do that. That's when she pulled the rug out from under me, "I'll give it to you. You don't need to buy it and if and when I need it back you can return it to me then." What?! Immediately I was tearful (such a crybaby). This is not a cheap curriculum. I always buy it new as I just like new stuff and this was the first year I was being a little more responsible and was actually considering used, heaven forbid. Then she goes and offers me free curriculum. I was dumbfounded and so touched. That's the Lord, that's how He works, isn't it? Through fellow believers who are on the same journey. She didn't have to do that. I'm pretty sure she could have used the extra cash from me by buying it off of her, but she wouldn't hear of it. I'm so grateful!
The battles haven't stopped in my head, but I find myself continuing to fight them head on, using Scripture, nipping things in the bud as soon as the battle starts. A very simple phrase from Hebrews 11 has helped me so much this week. It's still from the faith chapter. I must simply "believe that He exists." That's it. I must believe He exists! That is faith! Verse one puts my whole struggle into words, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." I have no actual proof that what we're doing is going to go anywhere, that we'll ever get out of debt...except by faith, the assurance of things hoped for. God does not walk into the kitchen each morning (while in some ways He does!) to give me a little pep talk.....no, it's a conviction of things not seen. He simply isn't actually seen with my eyes. Yet, by faith, I do hear Him each day, through His Word, through these incredible blessings, and I am in awe how by faith I do have assurance that we're going to make it, somehow, someday!
Not seeing, in a way, makes it more of a challenge for sure, but God's Word promises He rewards those who diligently seek Him and I'm already seeing this worked out in my life. Not unlike the many people listed in Hebrews, "who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighy in war, put foreign armies to flight"....I'm feeling like I am conquering kingdoms when I stop Satan's fiery darts. I am obtaining promises already when I see God's blessing pour into my life daily. I am stopping the mouths of lions when I don't give into despair. I am quenching the power of fire when I remain positive in the face of looming financial pressure. I am escaping the edge of the sword when I see my husband discouraged and I lift him up in prayer, refusing to cave into the discouragement and instead encourage him to fight on. I am being made strong in my weakness and I am becoming mighty in war as I'm literally putting Satan to flight with my determination to fight his lame tactics. It's exciting! Now, I won't quote the rest of the chapter as it goes on to things I'd really rather not experience, like being mocked, flogged, chained, imprisoned, stoned, sawn in two, etc., etc....! But, for now, I take heart in the encouragement I read in His Word and I trust him for my day ahead at the dentist - looking to Him to take care of our needs. I really do think He cares for my children's teeth!
I'm reminded once again of the story from Brother Andrew. He and his new wife bought a home together, but didn't quite have all the funds. They got an amazing deal on a very run down home. In order to bring it all together, they borrowed a small sum from a godly friend and proceeded to pay it off as soon as they could. During that period of three years, there was extra income it seemed just to be able to pay back the loan. Sure enough, as soon as the loan was paid back, the extra sources of income just dried up. That's kind of how it has been for us. We've always been able to somehow pay the dentist bill even though it is so much! I suppose on some level braces are always a luxury and borderline unnecessary, but in all four cases of our children, for some reason their top teeth just stop coming down! All four children had teeth stuck in their gums not budging leaving spaces that looked like we were serious backwoods folk. Sure, sure....in time they may have come down....in several years! My one child was starting to get lots of questions, "What happened to your teeth, honey??? Did something happen?" She was seriously becoming rather self-conscious! We started the braces before we made the hard core financial decision to kill debt, but you can't exactly stop the process once you've started! Our dentist is apparently giving us quite a deal and from comparing costs to others I think it's true, but nevertheless it is still very expensive and every time we go for an adjustment I just want to cry at the bill. So, like I said, we're mid-process, we're somehow making it work...I tease the kids that it'll all be worth it in the end, braces will help them find spouses as teeth are usually a nice asset when people are looking for a partner!
But blessings continue to pour in. I was talking with a friend about curriculum for the next school year and she had used the very one I was planning on purchasing. I asked her if she was finished with it and would she mind if I bought it off of her. She seemed open to working something out. The next week I bugged her again and said I would like to buy it sooner than later because I wanted to plan my year during the summer, but needed to have it in hand in order to do that. That's when she pulled the rug out from under me, "I'll give it to you. You don't need to buy it and if and when I need it back you can return it to me then." What?! Immediately I was tearful (such a crybaby). This is not a cheap curriculum. I always buy it new as I just like new stuff and this was the first year I was being a little more responsible and was actually considering used, heaven forbid. Then she goes and offers me free curriculum. I was dumbfounded and so touched. That's the Lord, that's how He works, isn't it? Through fellow believers who are on the same journey. She didn't have to do that. I'm pretty sure she could have used the extra cash from me by buying it off of her, but she wouldn't hear of it. I'm so grateful!
The battles haven't stopped in my head, but I find myself continuing to fight them head on, using Scripture, nipping things in the bud as soon as the battle starts. A very simple phrase from Hebrews 11 has helped me so much this week. It's still from the faith chapter. I must simply "believe that He exists." That's it. I must believe He exists! That is faith! Verse one puts my whole struggle into words, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." I have no actual proof that what we're doing is going to go anywhere, that we'll ever get out of debt...except by faith, the assurance of things hoped for. God does not walk into the kitchen each morning (while in some ways He does!) to give me a little pep talk.....no, it's a conviction of things not seen. He simply isn't actually seen with my eyes. Yet, by faith, I do hear Him each day, through His Word, through these incredible blessings, and I am in awe how by faith I do have assurance that we're going to make it, somehow, someday!
Not seeing, in a way, makes it more of a challenge for sure, but God's Word promises He rewards those who diligently seek Him and I'm already seeing this worked out in my life. Not unlike the many people listed in Hebrews, "who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighy in war, put foreign armies to flight"....I'm feeling like I am conquering kingdoms when I stop Satan's fiery darts. I am obtaining promises already when I see God's blessing pour into my life daily. I am stopping the mouths of lions when I don't give into despair. I am quenching the power of fire when I remain positive in the face of looming financial pressure. I am escaping the edge of the sword when I see my husband discouraged and I lift him up in prayer, refusing to cave into the discouragement and instead encourage him to fight on. I am being made strong in my weakness and I am becoming mighty in war as I'm literally putting Satan to flight with my determination to fight his lame tactics. It's exciting! Now, I won't quote the rest of the chapter as it goes on to things I'd really rather not experience, like being mocked, flogged, chained, imprisoned, stoned, sawn in two, etc., etc....! But, for now, I take heart in the encouragement I read in His Word and I trust him for my day ahead at the dentist - looking to Him to take care of our needs. I really do think He cares for my children's teeth!
Monday, 14 July 2014
Singing Families, Witnessing and Making it in the Faith Chapter
Things are now much quieter now, much more than they have been. The day after the missionaries left, we hosted another family of 12 for the afternoon and evening. They are a singing family that travel all over the US and Canada ministering to people with their music. They do much more than entertain, though they are extremely talented. They bring the gospel as well as a message of encouragement in all areas of family life. The audience was reminded to not miss out on the moments that God gives with our kids, to put down the cleaning and cooking for a bit, and just enjoy the children God has given us. Yes, the cleaning and cooking needs to get done, the mom said, but you don't want to miss out on being with your kids as they grow so fast. She knows. Her oldest is now 24, I think, and I'm sure she feels it was just yesterday she was born. I looked over at Renaissance Man during that song, aka Mr. Misty Eyes, and sure enough, he and I smiled at each other as we both knew it was hitting an emotional note for us. Our youngest boys/rascals were busy running all over the place, generally being not-so-well-behaved in the middle of the concert, but we both knew, it wasn't going to be forever that they act like terrors! One day they'll sit like decent young men, and we'll wish they were those little rascals again. So I have been trying to eat them up and just enjoy them, though I pull my hair out in the process sometimes. Daddy, too, has been spending more little moments with his boys, just holding their hands when he walks with them, even taking them for walks in the stroller which is a rare treat these days as he can be so busy, but he's always reminded how fast these days are flying as it seems they literally get bigger each morning they come down the stairs.
We've also been reminded how fast the days go with our children as our oldest is now done her driver in-class training and has begun the in-car training. How can this be happening??? At times I'm completely fine with her learning to drive as I cannot tell you how many times I've needed her to be able to run out and get something at the grocery store for me, but then other times I think, oh no, what are we doing letting her get her license?! This new independence could backfire on us! We know people whose children are gone from the family all the time now that they can drive. We don't want that! So, it's happening to us, too - our children are growing up right before our eyes.
We're also being challenged to "up" our witnessing opportunities. The night of the concert, the family arrived in their very large coach bus, in the middle of a major rain storm. We have a long enough driveway for it, but not a wide enough one to get out easily. Sure enough, just as they were trying to pull out with their bus to set up for the concert, they got stuck - badly. Our little putt-putt tractor was not nearly enough power to get them out, so we had to call in the big guns. Our neighbour was more than happy to help out and came over in minutes with his mega-tractor. It was out almost immediately. In the process, RM got a chance to explain why we had a huge bus on our property and that we were hosting a concert featuring this family he had just helped out. He then proceeded to invite him and his wife to the concert. This is not RM's typical way. He would normally just say, "Thanks for helping out...see ya!" and leave it at that. But we've been majorly impacted by these street preachers and how they use every opportunity to share Christ. Sure enough, he and his wife came to the concert where the gospel message was presented and they heard every word. They also ran out as soon as it was over, but they did hear it! They were even acknowleged from the front for helping pull them out and the whole church clapped for him! Very funny. We feel he is now responsible for what he's heard and we feel so much better that we know we've done our part.
A final word relating to faith and finances - yesterday we studied the faith chapter in Hebrews at church, chapter 11. It's always so good to go back to something you've read so many times in the past and look at it with new eyes. Sarah is talked about in the chapter. Our pastor reminded us that she is most famous for laughing when she was told she would have a child in her old age, past childbearing years. Yet, somehow she made it into the faith Hall of Fame. How can this be? Because in God's eyes, she did have faith. Perhaps it came after she laughed, after she was rebuked. What was interesting to note was everyone in the faith chapter was an imperfect person, full of faults, yet God saw them as faithful. It seems their faith developed as their lives went on. I found that so encouraging to know even I could have made it into the chapter if the writer of Hebrews were still making a list. I certainly struggle with my ups and downs, wondering when this debt load will ever be killed, wondering how God is going to provide for us on a daily basis, but as I'm going on, as life keeps happening, my faith is constantly growing, constantly being stretched. I'm relying on God more and more and that means, in God's eyes, He is seeing me as faithful and that pleases God. I want nothing more than to have Him pleased with me.
We've also been reminded how fast the days go with our children as our oldest is now done her driver in-class training and has begun the in-car training. How can this be happening??? At times I'm completely fine with her learning to drive as I cannot tell you how many times I've needed her to be able to run out and get something at the grocery store for me, but then other times I think, oh no, what are we doing letting her get her license?! This new independence could backfire on us! We know people whose children are gone from the family all the time now that they can drive. We don't want that! So, it's happening to us, too - our children are growing up right before our eyes.
We're also being challenged to "up" our witnessing opportunities. The night of the concert, the family arrived in their very large coach bus, in the middle of a major rain storm. We have a long enough driveway for it, but not a wide enough one to get out easily. Sure enough, just as they were trying to pull out with their bus to set up for the concert, they got stuck - badly. Our little putt-putt tractor was not nearly enough power to get them out, so we had to call in the big guns. Our neighbour was more than happy to help out and came over in minutes with his mega-tractor. It was out almost immediately. In the process, RM got a chance to explain why we had a huge bus on our property and that we were hosting a concert featuring this family he had just helped out. He then proceeded to invite him and his wife to the concert. This is not RM's typical way. He would normally just say, "Thanks for helping out...see ya!" and leave it at that. But we've been majorly impacted by these street preachers and how they use every opportunity to share Christ. Sure enough, he and his wife came to the concert where the gospel message was presented and they heard every word. They also ran out as soon as it was over, but they did hear it! They were even acknowleged from the front for helping pull them out and the whole church clapped for him! Very funny. We feel he is now responsible for what he's heard and we feel so much better that we know we've done our part.
A final word relating to faith and finances - yesterday we studied the faith chapter in Hebrews at church, chapter 11. It's always so good to go back to something you've read so many times in the past and look at it with new eyes. Sarah is talked about in the chapter. Our pastor reminded us that she is most famous for laughing when she was told she would have a child in her old age, past childbearing years. Yet, somehow she made it into the faith Hall of Fame. How can this be? Because in God's eyes, she did have faith. Perhaps it came after she laughed, after she was rebuked. What was interesting to note was everyone in the faith chapter was an imperfect person, full of faults, yet God saw them as faithful. It seems their faith developed as their lives went on. I found that so encouraging to know even I could have made it into the chapter if the writer of Hebrews were still making a list. I certainly struggle with my ups and downs, wondering when this debt load will ever be killed, wondering how God is going to provide for us on a daily basis, but as I'm going on, as life keeps happening, my faith is constantly growing, constantly being stretched. I'm relying on God more and more and that means, in God's eyes, He is seeing me as faithful and that pleases God. I want nothing more than to have Him pleased with me.
Tuesday, 8 July 2014
Stumbling, Slipping, Picking Myself Up
All the missionaries pulled out yesterday morning and just as I thought, there's an emptiness they've left behind. I kind of got used to them being there. Of course one of my girls cried when she overslept and missed saying goodbye - hopefully they'll all be back at the end of August. They've sure shaken our little world of evangelism and any comfort zone we were in. They've given us a ton to think about and made us really reconsider how we evangelize and why we aren't as bold. They joined us on the Sunday evening at church and took the pulpit for a bit. Then afterwards they stuck around and enjoyed some dessert and coffee on the church's front lawn. As one of them stood talking with my husband near the sidewalk, a neighbour walked by. Sure enough, the missionary just stopped the neighbour and said, "Hi, can I give you a Christian gospel tract?" "Sure, thanks!" This was right in the middle of their conversation and he didn't even skip a beat. This is just part of their life, sharing Christ wherever they go - even at church! Fantastic. They left us with lots to think about and really challenged us in this area.
I've been thinking a lot about my ups and downs lately. The Christian life can be hard. When we share Christ with someone, we cannot guarantee their life will go swimmingly because one day will be full of eternal moments like mine were a few days ago, and then the next day there will be all sorts of attacks on them in some form. What's a person to do?! What can we guarantee? We have to offer them the solid rock foundation of Christ, that He will be their security even in the hard times and that if they put their trust in Him they will be able to weather the storms as He has their times in His hand. There is always a greater purpose to the struggle.
I read Psalm 73 this week to remind me what that looks like....again, a longer psalm, but take the time to read this, it's powerful....
1 Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
I've been thinking a lot about my ups and downs lately. The Christian life can be hard. When we share Christ with someone, we cannot guarantee their life will go swimmingly because one day will be full of eternal moments like mine were a few days ago, and then the next day there will be all sorts of attacks on them in some form. What's a person to do?! What can we guarantee? We have to offer them the solid rock foundation of Christ, that He will be their security even in the hard times and that if they put their trust in Him they will be able to weather the storms as He has their times in His hand. There is always a greater purpose to the struggle.
I read Psalm 73 this week to remind me what that looks like....again, a longer psalm, but take the time to read this, it's powerful....
1 Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.[a]
5 They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity[b];
their evil imaginations have no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”
their bodies are healthy and strong.[a]
5 They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity[b];
their evil imaginations have no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”
12 This is what the wicked are like—
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.
13 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
and have washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.
and have washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.
15 If I had spoken out like that,
I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.
I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.
18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
20 They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.
you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
20 They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
That 2nd verse is always the one that gets me, "But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped." That happens to me all the time! I nearly slip, I nearly fall for the attacks of the enemy. It can come from comparing my situation to someone else's or from falling into despair because of circumstances. I take some comfort that it happened to the psalmist, too. He felt it wasn't fair that the arrogant and wicked were prospering and seemingly having no problems in their lives. Perhaps he was keeping his heart pure in vain. That can be, sadly, how I feel sometimes, too. I cry out to the Lord, "I shop at all the Goodwill stores! I eat beans and rice! Why is it so hard!?" So pathetic, I know. Thank goodness there is a turning point in the psalm! "But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, UNTIL I WENT INTO THE SANCTUARY OF GOD...." There is no making of sense of all that is unfair in the world, except in light of eternity - there may never be anything fair this side of heaven. I compare it to reading the Bible. Until I went back to the Word, I could not make sense of it all. That is my sanctuary. If I don't have the Word of God as my sanctuary, then all is hopeless and I would be left feeling that way. It was like I wrote about Psalm 40, "He...set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure." What is that rock except Him? Nothing is certain in this world. The ups and downs are just that, ups and downs. I am no better than the man who built his house on the sand if I do not trust in God's sovereignty.
Psalm 73 is such an encouragement to me. God guides the psalmist, and those who trust in Him, "Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel....my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever....But for me it is good to be near God. I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."
Once again, my situation doesn't change, but my perspective does. As soon as I have a Biblical perspective on life, then I can handle life's blows much better. After I wrote about Psalm 40 last week, I went through another attack of Satan, where he tried desperately to make me doubt God. This time I had an aresenal. I had Psalm 40 fresh in my mind. But he was relentless. All throughout the day little thoughts of doubt were trying to creep into my mind, almost always relating to the financial side of life, but every time I felt those feelings I quickly said, "My feet are on the rock, my steps are secure." I would say it out loud, in the van, as I walked around the house. It was no different than when Christ was in the desert and Satan was trying to tempt Him. How did Jesus fight back, but by using Scripture itself. If He did it, so could I! It was amazingly effective even though the battle went on for most of the day. I wouldn't give up either. Then, as the dinner hour approached, I was getting weary, but I knew it couldn't go on much longer. Soon, the missionaries arrived back after a day of preaching and one by one the moms came up to me and we were able to debrief about our days. Suddenly it was as if ministering angels were around me, just like when God sent angels to Jesus after the 40 days in the desert. I had made it! I hadn't succumbed! Scripture had seen me me through!
I sat with another friend only days later who has also been majorly spiritually attacked recently. But she had no aresenal - she hadn't been praying or reading her Bible, so Satan was having a hayday with her, twisting and turning her thoughts into a dangerous downward spiral. I encouraged her with my experience reminding her how critical it is to have Scripture at the forefront of our minds to literally do battle! She'd forgotten. It was a great reminder to me, too.
Today, no doubt, Satan will try to bring me down in some way - I'm so much more aware of his attempts these days. The key is recognizing the attack right away and not letting it get too far - nipping it in the bud with Scripture. What are the triggers? Fear. A little comment about anything financial from my husband can make me worry - I'm learning now to listen and not panic when he talks about financial issues. Not looking to the future with worry - I used to forward think and it would get me in a tizzy, now it is one moment at a time, day by day - "tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the days is its own trouble"! Isn't that true? I'll just let tomorrow worry about itself! If I'm getting snippy with the kids, I realize it is my inward thoughts turning outward - another trigger that tells me to get a grip. I need to stop and pray and sometimes I need to "fake it till I make it", meaning I need to talk sweetly to them even if I'm not feeling sweet towards them. This allows me to get in that better emotional space without hurting them in the process. These are just some of the many things I do throughout the day to make it a better day as Satan doesn't seem to take summer holidays from me. I thank God that He has given me more than enough to do battle with the enemy and thrive, not just survive.
Wednesday, 2 July 2014
Rebuilding the Ruins....one beam and board at a time....
Yesterday we celebrated Canada Day on our property with some old friends and our new ones. This year we included a short time of prayer for our country, our leaders, our families. Out of the whole time, that was probably the most significant part of the evening for me. We are a privileged country, but our leaders, at least most of them, are lost. Our current premier of our province is a lesbian. She definitely needs our prayer.
Currently we are at 32 people on our property (including the 10 of us). Now we have 5 RVs and lots more kids. Another man, an apologist/friend of these preachers, showed up yesterday, too, for a quick visit. The few minutes we spoke with him was also such an encouragement as he doesn't go around trying to convince people with all sorts of "Ph.d.-type" evidence for God. He said he had been doing that, but so many Christians that he was training to share their faith just felt they weren't smart enough or that they could never remember all those types of arguments. He has since then changed his approach to simply telling people the Bible is true and this is why. He then shows them the weaknesses in their arguments very logically. Everyone knows there is right and wrong and he explains this is all because God exists. I'm simplifying it very badly, but what I liked was he makes evangelism much more doable, not so intimidating, as so many feel they aren't qualified, or educated enough to share their faith. He was very inspiring as well.
I'm excited to say, during this whole process, life on the farm hasn't stopped and we've been making progress finally on the siding of the house! Yeah! One section of our house has looked like an eye-sore for some time....we had pulled all the old siding off a long time ago and covered it with styrofoam and had not been able to get to siding it (thus the cold, awful winter, frozen pipes, etc....). As of yesterday, though, it is getting done and even quicker than I first thought! Another wonderful father-son opportunity for RM and boys. They are able to pick up another skill by helping. He doesn't make it up when he says he needs them - he really does need them. What I love most about watching them is how they are learning to anticipate his needs before he says what he needs. One of the boys jumped up at one point though RM hadn't said anything and quickly unplugged the saw and plugged in the cord to the air nailer. Sure enough, two seconds later, RM needed the air nailer and he just looked at my son and smiled. He had known what tool was needed next. Suddenly, the same son, jumps up again and grabs the ladder and puts it literally where RM was about to put his foot down. Again, my husband, was just about to grab the ladder, but there it was, right where he needed it. It was cool to watch. It means a lot less yelling, a lot more smooth, seamless work and I'm convinced that is why it is getting done as fast as it is.
The barn floor was the same way. People are in awe that it is complete. We are in awe! I was so sure that was going to take all summer. I was so sure that it was going to take a team of men that didn't exist. I couldn't get my head around how it was going to get done, but suddenly, 15 beams later - all at 300 lbs+ each, only two young boys, one dad - it was done. That includes taking the old floor out, putting all the new boards on top of the new beams....and on a major budget! If we had hired that floor out, we can't even imagine how much it would have cost, but somewhere between $20,000 and $30,000. We figure we put it in for around $1000. RM had sourced out the beams we used from a railway business that was getting rid of old ties at $9/railway tie! Not bad! He had purchased those well over a year and a half ago. They had sat on our property for ages with the idea to use them on the barn floor one day. As time went on, I thought to myself, I had better get used to seeing that pile of railway ties as it's going to be there for a looooong time. The next thing you know, the pile is pretty much down to nothing! I hadn't questioned him when he bought them. I knew eventually he would get to the floor, I just never thought it would be so soon and so quickly!
Another interesting thing happened. I feel it is a bizarre, but wonderful blessing from the Lord - one of our newer neighbours is into collecting old farm machinery. Sometimes he restores them, sometimes he takes them in for scrap metal money. We had had an old threshing machine - a really beautiful antique really, but good for nothing to us! It took up half the barn it seemed - it was HUGE! Huge and useless! We had tried listing it for sale many times and had no takers. One day, this neighbour comes up to RM and says, "I'll take that threshing machine." Are you serious????!!! He wanted it. For nostalgic reasons. You can have it! Done deal! So as soon as that barn floor was done, out went the threshing machine and now, no joke, it is sitting on his grass, doing nothing. Better there than here! The reason that is so great is slowly but surely things are getting cleaned up. That was literally taking up space in our heads - it represented such a barrier to getting the barn empty and ready for more hay. Now we can use that space for hay storage - it just goes to show you how "stuff" can be such a burden. We were so glad to be rid of it.
One by one, the things we had hoped to get done this summer are getting done. I'm grateful. Some people do "school" through the summer - not us! Are you kidding me? There is no time! Our kids do school, but it is farm school. We have so much to do and so little time! We have 100 meat birds on the property now, too, and pigs are arriving shortly, so the animal chores have increased, too. I do LOVE SUMMER. Every day, every warm breeze, every late summer evening sitting outside......it's all so awesome and I wish it would never end! I can do without the flies which have come back with a vengeance with the warm weather, but that is truly my only complaint. I am so grateful for all that God is allowing us to accomplish. It goes back to my original prayer so many years ago - we are rebuilding the ruins. I first read these verses in the King James,
Ezekiel 36:32-37
"Not for your sakes do I this, saith the Lord God, be it known unto you....and the wastes shall be builded. And the desolate land shall be tilled (didn't we just do that when RM plowed the land for the first time!?), whereas it lay desolate in the sight of all that passed by. And they shall say, This land that was desolate is become like the garden of Eden; and the waste and desolate and ruined cities (or barns, in this case) and become fenced (and rebuilt!) and are inhabited (with all sorts of animals!). Then the heathen that are left round about you shall know that I the Lord BUILD THE RUINED PLACES AND PLANT THAT THAT WAS DESOLATE: I the Lord have spoken it and I will do it."
Isn't that an amazing passage??? He builds the ruined places, be it our lives, our marriages, or our barns. He makes what was desolate and ruined inhabited! That old barn hasn't seen fresh hay in generations! We bought it full of hay that had been there for years. It is slowly filling up with hay from this summer and now that the junk is disappearing we can put even more fresh hay in there. Now when you walk into the barn, this amazing smell of buttery hay fills your nose - there is a beautiful warmth, almost a glow that fills the barn. I've never been able to appreciate all the old beams that are so thick it is a marvel they got them up. I never felt comfortable even stepping foot in there before. Now it is a pleasant place to be. We often sit in there and just look around at all that has been done - but of course, God always makes it clear though, it is not for our sakes, not in our power, but for His glory and by his enabling. We are so grateful!
Currently we are at 32 people on our property (including the 10 of us). Now we have 5 RVs and lots more kids. Another man, an apologist/friend of these preachers, showed up yesterday, too, for a quick visit. The few minutes we spoke with him was also such an encouragement as he doesn't go around trying to convince people with all sorts of "Ph.d.-type" evidence for God. He said he had been doing that, but so many Christians that he was training to share their faith just felt they weren't smart enough or that they could never remember all those types of arguments. He has since then changed his approach to simply telling people the Bible is true and this is why. He then shows them the weaknesses in their arguments very logically. Everyone knows there is right and wrong and he explains this is all because God exists. I'm simplifying it very badly, but what I liked was he makes evangelism much more doable, not so intimidating, as so many feel they aren't qualified, or educated enough to share their faith. He was very inspiring as well.
I'm excited to say, during this whole process, life on the farm hasn't stopped and we've been making progress finally on the siding of the house! Yeah! One section of our house has looked like an eye-sore for some time....we had pulled all the old siding off a long time ago and covered it with styrofoam and had not been able to get to siding it (thus the cold, awful winter, frozen pipes, etc....). As of yesterday, though, it is getting done and even quicker than I first thought! Another wonderful father-son opportunity for RM and boys. They are able to pick up another skill by helping. He doesn't make it up when he says he needs them - he really does need them. What I love most about watching them is how they are learning to anticipate his needs before he says what he needs. One of the boys jumped up at one point though RM hadn't said anything and quickly unplugged the saw and plugged in the cord to the air nailer. Sure enough, two seconds later, RM needed the air nailer and he just looked at my son and smiled. He had known what tool was needed next. Suddenly, the same son, jumps up again and grabs the ladder and puts it literally where RM was about to put his foot down. Again, my husband, was just about to grab the ladder, but there it was, right where he needed it. It was cool to watch. It means a lot less yelling, a lot more smooth, seamless work and I'm convinced that is why it is getting done as fast as it is.
The barn floor was the same way. People are in awe that it is complete. We are in awe! I was so sure that was going to take all summer. I was so sure that it was going to take a team of men that didn't exist. I couldn't get my head around how it was going to get done, but suddenly, 15 beams later - all at 300 lbs+ each, only two young boys, one dad - it was done. That includes taking the old floor out, putting all the new boards on top of the new beams....and on a major budget! If we had hired that floor out, we can't even imagine how much it would have cost, but somewhere between $20,000 and $30,000. We figure we put it in for around $1000. RM had sourced out the beams we used from a railway business that was getting rid of old ties at $9/railway tie! Not bad! He had purchased those well over a year and a half ago. They had sat on our property for ages with the idea to use them on the barn floor one day. As time went on, I thought to myself, I had better get used to seeing that pile of railway ties as it's going to be there for a looooong time. The next thing you know, the pile is pretty much down to nothing! I hadn't questioned him when he bought them. I knew eventually he would get to the floor, I just never thought it would be so soon and so quickly!
Another interesting thing happened. I feel it is a bizarre, but wonderful blessing from the Lord - one of our newer neighbours is into collecting old farm machinery. Sometimes he restores them, sometimes he takes them in for scrap metal money. We had had an old threshing machine - a really beautiful antique really, but good for nothing to us! It took up half the barn it seemed - it was HUGE! Huge and useless! We had tried listing it for sale many times and had no takers. One day, this neighbour comes up to RM and says, "I'll take that threshing machine." Are you serious????!!! He wanted it. For nostalgic reasons. You can have it! Done deal! So as soon as that barn floor was done, out went the threshing machine and now, no joke, it is sitting on his grass, doing nothing. Better there than here! The reason that is so great is slowly but surely things are getting cleaned up. That was literally taking up space in our heads - it represented such a barrier to getting the barn empty and ready for more hay. Now we can use that space for hay storage - it just goes to show you how "stuff" can be such a burden. We were so glad to be rid of it.
One by one, the things we had hoped to get done this summer are getting done. I'm grateful. Some people do "school" through the summer - not us! Are you kidding me? There is no time! Our kids do school, but it is farm school. We have so much to do and so little time! We have 100 meat birds on the property now, too, and pigs are arriving shortly, so the animal chores have increased, too. I do LOVE SUMMER. Every day, every warm breeze, every late summer evening sitting outside......it's all so awesome and I wish it would never end! I can do without the flies which have come back with a vengeance with the warm weather, but that is truly my only complaint. I am so grateful for all that God is allowing us to accomplish. It goes back to my original prayer so many years ago - we are rebuilding the ruins. I first read these verses in the King James,
Ezekiel 36:32-37
"Not for your sakes do I this, saith the Lord God, be it known unto you....and the wastes shall be builded. And the desolate land shall be tilled (didn't we just do that when RM plowed the land for the first time!?), whereas it lay desolate in the sight of all that passed by. And they shall say, This land that was desolate is become like the garden of Eden; and the waste and desolate and ruined cities (or barns, in this case) and become fenced (and rebuilt!) and are inhabited (with all sorts of animals!). Then the heathen that are left round about you shall know that I the Lord BUILD THE RUINED PLACES AND PLANT THAT THAT WAS DESOLATE: I the Lord have spoken it and I will do it."
Isn't that an amazing passage??? He builds the ruined places, be it our lives, our marriages, or our barns. He makes what was desolate and ruined inhabited! That old barn hasn't seen fresh hay in generations! We bought it full of hay that had been there for years. It is slowly filling up with hay from this summer and now that the junk is disappearing we can put even more fresh hay in there. Now when you walk into the barn, this amazing smell of buttery hay fills your nose - there is a beautiful warmth, almost a glow that fills the barn. I've never been able to appreciate all the old beams that are so thick it is a marvel they got them up. I never felt comfortable even stepping foot in there before. Now it is a pleasant place to be. We often sit in there and just look around at all that has been done - but of course, God always makes it clear though, it is not for our sakes, not in our power, but for His glory and by his enabling. We are so grateful!
Tuesday, 1 July 2014
It Took a Storm
Have you ever read that passage in 1 Kings 19 where God comes to the depressed prophet Elijah and speaks to him in a whisper after sending powerful wind, an earthquake and fire? Here is the short passage:
"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."
Well, I'm pretty sure that last night, God didn't speak to me in a whisper, but in the loudest crack of thunder I have ever heard and it wasn't just once, it was over and over. What was he trying to tell me? Not unlike Elijah, He wanted me to know He was the creator of the universe and bigger than any problem I was seeing.
Yes, God does speak in whispers and in a still small voice, but there are other places in Scripture where he actually does speak in a storm. Job, for example, is another place where He uses a storm to talk to Job. His friend, Elihu, even describes God's power and how He displays his power specifically in weather, starting in chapter 36 (I know this is a long passage, but read every word....it's amazing how weather is described in such incredible detail):
“He draws up the drops of water,
which distill as rain to the streams[c];
28 the clouds pour down their moisture
and abundant showers fall on mankind.
29 Who can understand how he spreads out the clouds,
how he thunders from his pavilion?
30 See how he scatters his lightning about him,
bathing the depths of the sea.
31 This is the way he governs[d] the nations
and provides food in abundance.
32 He fills his hands with lightning
and commands it to strike its mark.
33 His thunder announces the coming storm;
even the cattle make known its approach."
Then in 37:
"Listen! Listen to the roar of his voice,
to the rumbling that comes from his mouth.
3 He unleashes his lightning beneath the whole heaven
and sends it to the ends of the earth.
4 After that comes the sound of his roar;
he thunders with his majestic voice.
When his voice resounds,
he holds nothing back.
5 God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways;
he does great things beyond our understanding.
6 He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’
and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’
7 So that everyone he has made may know his work,
he stops all people from their labor.[a]
8 The animals take cover;
they remain in their dens.
9 The tempest comes out from its chamber,
the cold from the driving winds.
10 The breath of God produces ice,
and the broad waters become frozen.
11 He loads the clouds with moisture;
he scatters his lightning through them.
12 At his direction they swirl around
over the face of the whole earth
to do whatever he commands them.
13 He brings the clouds to punish people,
or to water his earth and show his love.
Not unlike Job, I had been contending with God. Yes, we had had a great reprieve with the tax bill, but in a funny way, it wasn't enough. I still felt like we were not where I wanted to be financially. God gave Satan permission to mess with Job and it nearly worked. In my case, I don't know that Satan asked God if he could have permission to mess with me, but suddenly I was under attack again. Guess who I unwittingly attacked? My husband. Not blatantly, not knowingly, but subtly. It was by asking too many questions and by sinking into my own pit of despair that he fell in with me. Then because he got discouraged, I was even more discouraged!!!! I never want to give Satan too much credit, but in some ways it was the perfect attack - he wasn't having a lot of success by outside sources. Most blips that came along we were handling pretty well. It took an insider approach and he used a husband and a wife pitted against one another to bring us both down in one blow. Pretty clever! We nearly fell for it. RM had been feeling really hopeful, that we were making progress! I, on the other hand, could only see we weren't making progress fast enough. Once we both saw what was happening, we identified it as a very obvious spirtitual attack - it was right where Satan wanted us, discouraged, feeling hopeless again, and suddenly the one person that we both needed encouragement from, the other spouse, was no longer there for us - we were both down and out. Identifying it helped us see how we'd fallen for his ploys and how we needed to stay armed for the battle. I'm embarassed that I can get so easily discouraged. It seems this blog is more about discouragement than getting out of debt! But, at the same time, I wanted to write the true story, as it happened and unfortunately, the true story shows my weaknesses. I digress.....
That night, we were both sitting in our loft room, in a better place after having worked through the attack, enjoying the breezes brought on by a sudden storm when suddenly the house shook with the crack of thunder and the jolt of lightning that seemed right on top of us. It happened again and again. We looked at each other in awe. Once the storm stopped,which was literally just minutes later and I'm not exaggerating, the sun came out and there was blue sky, I said to him, "I think God was trying to say something to us just now." I was reminded of the story of Job again and how God spoke to him,
"Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:
What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,
or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,
and a path for the thunderstorm,
26 to water a land where no one lives,
an uninhabited desert,
27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland
and make it sprout with grass?
Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’?
The Lord said to Job:
Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm:
Do you have an arm like God’s,
and can your voice thunder like his?"
Wow - that was exactly what I was doing, contending with God, obscuring his plans and words without knowledge. God even starts his arguments off right away, out of a storm, questioning him about his knowlege of lightning, wind, rain and thunderstorms! He even gets a little sarcastic, it seems to me, and asks if the lightning bolts report to him! Was I trying to correct God, was I accusing God? Yes, I probably was, so he sent a storm and spoke to me out of the storm, "Do you have an arm like God's and can your voice thunder like his?" No, I don't and no I can't. I have to admit once again, I had lost confidence in God's provision for that brief moment in time and I brought my husband down with me who counts on my encouragement! He needs me to stay hopeful. I am not unlike Job. This is my identical answer to the Lord:
Then Job replied to the Lord:
"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."
Well, I'm pretty sure that last night, God didn't speak to me in a whisper, but in the loudest crack of thunder I have ever heard and it wasn't just once, it was over and over. What was he trying to tell me? Not unlike Elijah, He wanted me to know He was the creator of the universe and bigger than any problem I was seeing.
Yes, God does speak in whispers and in a still small voice, but there are other places in Scripture where he actually does speak in a storm. Job, for example, is another place where He uses a storm to talk to Job. His friend, Elihu, even describes God's power and how He displays his power specifically in weather, starting in chapter 36 (I know this is a long passage, but read every word....it's amazing how weather is described in such incredible detail):
“He draws up the drops of water,
which distill as rain to the streams[c];
28 the clouds pour down their moisture
and abundant showers fall on mankind.
29 Who can understand how he spreads out the clouds,
how he thunders from his pavilion?
30 See how he scatters his lightning about him,
bathing the depths of the sea.
31 This is the way he governs[d] the nations
and provides food in abundance.
32 He fills his hands with lightning
and commands it to strike its mark.
33 His thunder announces the coming storm;
even the cattle make known its approach."
Then in 37:
"Listen! Listen to the roar of his voice,
to the rumbling that comes from his mouth.
3 He unleashes his lightning beneath the whole heaven
and sends it to the ends of the earth.
4 After that comes the sound of his roar;
he thunders with his majestic voice.
When his voice resounds,
he holds nothing back.
5 God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways;
he does great things beyond our understanding.
6 He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’
and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’
7 So that everyone he has made may know his work,
he stops all people from their labor.[a]
8 The animals take cover;
they remain in their dens.
9 The tempest comes out from its chamber,
the cold from the driving winds.
10 The breath of God produces ice,
and the broad waters become frozen.
11 He loads the clouds with moisture;
he scatters his lightning through them.
12 At his direction they swirl around
over the face of the whole earth
to do whatever he commands them.
13 He brings the clouds to punish people,
or to water his earth and show his love.
14 “Listen to this, Job;
stop and consider God’s wonders.
15 Do you know how God controls the clouds
and makes his lightning flash?
16 Do you know how the clouds hang poised,
those wonders of him who has perfect knowledge?
17 You who swelter in your clothes
when the land lies hushed under the south wind,
18 can you join him in spreading out the skies,
hard as a mirror of cast bronze?"
stop and consider God’s wonders.
15 Do you know how God controls the clouds
and makes his lightning flash?
16 Do you know how the clouds hang poised,
those wonders of him who has perfect knowledge?
17 You who swelter in your clothes
when the land lies hushed under the south wind,
18 can you join him in spreading out the skies,
hard as a mirror of cast bronze?"
Not unlike Job, I had been contending with God. Yes, we had had a great reprieve with the tax bill, but in a funny way, it wasn't enough. I still felt like we were not where I wanted to be financially. God gave Satan permission to mess with Job and it nearly worked. In my case, I don't know that Satan asked God if he could have permission to mess with me, but suddenly I was under attack again. Guess who I unwittingly attacked? My husband. Not blatantly, not knowingly, but subtly. It was by asking too many questions and by sinking into my own pit of despair that he fell in with me. Then because he got discouraged, I was even more discouraged!!!! I never want to give Satan too much credit, but in some ways it was the perfect attack - he wasn't having a lot of success by outside sources. Most blips that came along we were handling pretty well. It took an insider approach and he used a husband and a wife pitted against one another to bring us both down in one blow. Pretty clever! We nearly fell for it. RM had been feeling really hopeful, that we were making progress! I, on the other hand, could only see we weren't making progress fast enough. Once we both saw what was happening, we identified it as a very obvious spirtitual attack - it was right where Satan wanted us, discouraged, feeling hopeless again, and suddenly the one person that we both needed encouragement from, the other spouse, was no longer there for us - we were both down and out. Identifying it helped us see how we'd fallen for his ploys and how we needed to stay armed for the battle. I'm embarassed that I can get so easily discouraged. It seems this blog is more about discouragement than getting out of debt! But, at the same time, I wanted to write the true story, as it happened and unfortunately, the true story shows my weaknesses. I digress.....
That night, we were both sitting in our loft room, in a better place after having worked through the attack, enjoying the breezes brought on by a sudden storm when suddenly the house shook with the crack of thunder and the jolt of lightning that seemed right on top of us. It happened again and again. We looked at each other in awe. Once the storm stopped,which was literally just minutes later and I'm not exaggerating, the sun came out and there was blue sky, I said to him, "I think God was trying to say something to us just now." I was reminded of the story of Job again and how God spoke to him,
"Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:
2 “Who is this that obscures my plans
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.
What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,
or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,
and a path for the thunderstorm,
26 to water a land where no one lives,
an uninhabited desert,
27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland
and make it sprout with grass?
Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’?
The Lord said to Job:
2 “Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?
Let him who accuses God answer him!”
Let him who accuses God answer him!”
Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm:
Do you have an arm like God’s,
and can your voice thunder like his?"
Wow - that was exactly what I was doing, contending with God, obscuring his plans and words without knowledge. God even starts his arguments off right away, out of a storm, questioning him about his knowlege of lightning, wind, rain and thunderstorms! He even gets a little sarcastic, it seems to me, and asks if the lightning bolts report to him! Was I trying to correct God, was I accusing God? Yes, I probably was, so he sent a storm and spoke to me out of the storm, "Do you have an arm like God's and can your voice thunder like his?" No, I don't and no I can't. I have to admit once again, I had lost confidence in God's provision for that brief moment in time and I brought my husband down with me who counts on my encouragement! He needs me to stay hopeful. I am not unlike Job. This is my identical answer to the Lord:
Then Job replied to the Lord:
2 “I know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
3 You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.
no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
3 You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.
4 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.’
5 My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.
6 Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes.”
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.’
5 My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.
6 Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes.”
That's it. The end of the book of Job. He is sorry, repentant, the test is over. He discovers that God can do all things, no purpose of his can be thwarted. He had spoken of things too wonderful for him to know, things he didn't understand. Me, too. My ears had also heard of Him, but now my eyes have seen Him - I despise myself and repent (maybe not in dust and ashes....!)
I've been through lots of storms on the farm here, but this one was different. I hope I don't forget this experience too quickly. Job's fortunes were returned to him twofold - that may or may not happen to me, but I've still learned a lesson. I don't know that I'll think of thunder and lightning ever the same.
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