Stumbling, Slipping, Picking Myself Up

All the missionaries pulled out yesterday morning and just as I thought, there's an emptiness they've left behind.  I kind of got used to them being there.  Of course one of my girls cried when she overslept and missed saying goodbye - hopefully they'll all be back at the end of August.  They've sure shaken our little world of evangelism and any comfort zone we were in.  They've given us a ton to think about and made us really reconsider how we evangelize and why we aren't as bold.  They joined us on the Sunday evening at church and took the pulpit for a bit.  Then afterwards they stuck around and enjoyed some dessert and coffee on the church's front lawn.  As one of them stood talking with my husband near the sidewalk, a neighbour walked by.  Sure enough, the missionary just stopped the neighbour and said, "Hi, can I give you a Christian gospel tract?"  "Sure, thanks!"  This was right in the middle of their conversation and he didn't even skip a beat.  This is just part of their life, sharing Christ wherever they go - even at church!  Fantastic.  They left us with lots to think about and really challenged us in this area. 

I've been thinking a lot about my ups and downs lately.  The Christian life can be hard.  When we share Christ with someone, we cannot guarantee their life will go swimmingly because one day will be full of eternal moments like mine were a few days ago, and then the next day there will be all sorts of attacks on them in some form.  What's a person to do?!  What can we guarantee?  We have to offer them the solid rock foundation of Christ, that He will be their security even in the hard times and that if they put their trust in Him they will be able to weather the storms as He has their times in His hand.  There is always a greater purpose to the struggle. 

I read Psalm 73 this week to remind me what that looks like....again, a longer psalm, but take the time to read this, it's powerful....

¹ Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.

² But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
³ For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

⁴ They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.^[a]
5 They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
⁶ Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
⁷ From their callous hearts comes iniquity^[b];
their evil imaginations have no limits.
⁸ They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
⁹ Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
¹⁰ Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.^[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”

¹² This is what the wicked are like—
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.

¹³ Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
and have washed my hands in innocence.
¹⁴ All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.

¹⁵ If I had spoken out like that,
I would have betrayed your children.
¹⁶ When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
¹⁷ till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.

¹⁸ Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
¹⁹ How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
²⁰ They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.

²¹ When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
²² I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

²³ Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

²⁷ Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
²⁸ But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

 

That 2nd verse is always the one that gets me, "But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped."  That happens to me all the time!  I nearly slip, I nearly fall for the attacks of the enemy.  It can come from comparing my situation to someone else's or from falling into despair because of circumstances.  I take some comfort that it happened to the psalmist, too.  He felt it wasn't fair that the arrogant and wicked were prospering and seemingly having no problems in their lives.  Perhaps he was keeping his heart pure in vain.  That can be, sadly, how I feel sometimes, too.  I cry out to the Lord, "I shop at all the Goodwill stores!  I eat beans and rice!  Why is it so hard!?"  So pathetic, I know.  Thank goodness there is a turning point in the psalm!  "But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, UNTIL I WENT INTO THE SANCTUARY OF GOD...."  There is no making of sense of all that is unfair in the world, except in light of eternity - there may never be anything fair this side of heaven.  I compare it to reading the Bible.  Until I went back to the Word, I could not make sense of it all.  That is my sanctuary.  If I don't have the Word of God as my sanctuary, then all is hopeless and I would be left feeling that way.  It was like I wrote about Psalm 40, "He...set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure."  What is that rock except Him?  Nothing is certain in this world.  The ups and downs are just that, ups and downs.  I am no better than the man who built his house on the sand if I do not trust in God's sovereignty. 

 

Psalm 73  is such an encouragement to me.  God guides the psalmist, and those who trust in Him, "Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel....my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever....But for me it is good to be near God.  I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."

 

Once again, my situation doesn't change, but my perspective does.  As soon as I have a Biblical perspective on life, then I can handle life's blows much better.  After I wrote about Psalm 40 last week, I went through another attack of Satan, where he tried desperately to make me doubt God.  This time I had an aresenal.  I had Psalm 40 fresh in my mind.  But he was relentless.  All throughout the day little thoughts of doubt were trying to creep into my mind, almost always relating to the financial side of life, but every time I felt those feelings I quickly said, "My feet are on the rock, my steps are secure."  I would say it out loud, in the van, as I walked around the house.  It was no different than when Christ was in the desert and Satan was trying to tempt Him.  How did Jesus fight back, but by using Scripture itself.  If He did it, so could I!  It was amazingly effective even though the battle went on for most of the day.  I wouldn't give up either.  Then, as the dinner hour approached, I was getting weary, but I knew it couldn't go on much longer.  Soon, the missionaries arrived back after a day of preaching and one by one the moms came up to me and we were able to debrief about our days.  Suddenly it was as if ministering angels were around me, just like when God sent angels to Jesus after the 40 days in the desert.  I had made it!  I hadn't succumbed!  Scripture had seen me me through!

 

I sat with another friend only days later who has also been majorly spiritually attacked recently.  But she had no aresenal - she hadn't been praying or reading her Bible, so Satan was having a hayday with her, twisting and turning her thoughts into a dangerous downward spiral.  I encouraged her with my experience reminding her how critical it is to have Scripture at the forefront of our minds to literally do battle!  She'd forgotten.  It was a great reminder to me, too.

 

Today, no doubt, Satan will try to bring me down in some way - I'm so much more aware of his attempts these days.  The key is recognizing the attack right away and not letting it get too far - nipping it in the bud with Scripture.  What are the triggers?  Fear.  A little comment about anything financial from my husband can make me worry - I'm learning now to listen and not panic when he talks about financial issues.  Not looking to the future with worry - I used to forward think and it would get me in a tizzy, now it is one moment at a time, day by day - "tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the days is its own trouble"!  Isn't that true?  I'll just let tomorrow worry about itself!  If I'm getting snippy with the kids, I realize it is my inward thoughts turning outward - another trigger that tells me to get a grip.  I need to stop and pray and sometimes I need to "fake it till I make it", meaning I need to talk sweetly to them even if I'm not feeling sweet towards them.  This allows me to get in that better emotional space without hurting them in the process.  These are just some of the many things I do throughout the day to make it a better day as Satan doesn't seem to take summer holidays from me.  I thank God that He has given me more than enough to do battle with the enemy and thrive, not just survive.