Once in a while I get woken up in the middle of the night and no matter what I do, I cannot get back to sleep, especially if it is close to when I'm going to get up anyway. Yesterday, I stopped fighting it at and came down at the ridiculous hour of 4 am.
I can only think I was woken up for a reason as I ended up reading some verses in Deuteronomy that seemed written just for me. Perhaps God knew I needed some encouragement once again on this path.
It started with the Ten Commandments. My thoughts always get so confused this time of year. Christmas will always be a struggle for me I think. No matter that we are on a debt-elimination plan...I don't care! I just want to spend, spend, spend!!!! I want to throw all rules out the window and just do whatever I want! I'll figure out how to make it up in January. This was my pattern for years. This is my flesh speaking, of course. It gets harder whenever I'm near anyone who doesn't have the same convictions (as not everyone has to do things the same way we are) or who just seems to be able to lavish gifts on their children without any impact (that I can see anyway) on their financial situation. I'm so weak!!!! My husband just wants to put me in a closet this time of year and bring me out in January as I share my pathetic thoughts with him. I thought it
would be easier by now, but it isn’t.
As I read the Ten Commandments in Deuteronomy, I realized they
could be written just for me at Christmas time, particularly the commandment on
coveting. I realized I was really just
jealous of how it seemed (not necessarily is in real life) easier for everyone
else. I was jealous of how others were
spending, other kids were getting all sorts of things, I was the only parent
not spending, etc., etc……When I read the commandment on coveting, it spoke of
not coveting a neighbour’s wife, house, field, servant, ox, donkey OR ANYTHING
THAT IS YOUR NEIGHBOUR’S! This includes being jealous of Christmas gifts! I bet I wrote an identical post a year ago and even the year before that.....I hope I beat this weakness this year once and for all. This was what
I needed to read as my thoughts were starting to go down that dangerous
path. God has that commandment there for
my protection, to keep me from being discontent. It is for my own good! It really should be called the Christmas
Coveting Commandment.
I kept reading. In
chapter 5, the Israelites realized how awesome God is and told Moses they will
do whatever God says. But God knew their
hearts and said, “Oh that they had such a heart as this always, to fear me and
to keep all my commandments, that it might go well with them and with their
descendants forever!” God wants me to stay on track 12 months of the year, not 11 months. I'm sure it pleases Him when I am careful, frugal all year long, but then He sees my "falling off the wagon" in December. He must say something similar to this verse in Chapter 5, "Oh that she would just stay on track all year long, then it would go well with her!" I say that to my
kids all the time when they are behaving so nicely, “Oh, I wish you were
listening like this all the time! You
would have a much better life!” But they
seem to forget so easily! Hmmmm....seems I forget, too.
Then, in chapter 7, Moses tells the Israelites about the
land they are going to possess and he lists the seven nations “more numerous
and mighty than you”. I immediately
thought about the debt “nations” in our life and where Moses listed a nation, I
listed the debt which seemed “more numerous and mighty” than me. I started to ask God to clear each debt
“nation” and that He would help us to “defeat them”, just as He helped them to
defeat these nations. God tells them
that once the nations are defeated, they must “devote them to complete
destruction”, never making any covenant with them and to “show no mercy to
them”. “You shall break down their
altars and dash in pieces their pillars and chop down their Asherim and burn
their carven images with fire.” That
became the next part of my prayer, that we would devote ourselves to the
complete “destruction” of this debt, never entering into any covenant with it
again and that once it was gone we would break down, dash, chop, and burn it
forever, never to be seen again.
But, of course, that just seems impossible sometimes. Yet
God dealt with this thought, too, as I continued to read, “If you say in your
heart, ‘These nations are greater than I.
How can I dispossess them?’ You
shall not be afraid of them but you shall remember what the Lord your God did
to Pharoah and to all Egypt, the great trials that your eyes saw, the signs,
the wonders, the mighty hand, and the outstretched arm by which the Lord your God
brought you out. So will the Lord your
God do to all the peoples of whom you are afraid…You shall not be in dread of
them, for the Lord your God is in your midst, a great and awesome God. The Lord
your God WILL CLEAR AWAY THESE NATIONS BEFORE YOU LITTLE BY LITTLE. YOU MAY NOT MAKE AN END OF THEM AT ONCE…But
the Lord your God will give them over to you and throw them into great
confusion, until they are destroyed.
That was just what I needed to read as I often do say in my
heart, “This plan is too great for me.
How will we ever do it?” I am not
to be afraid, but to remember all that God has done, the signs, the wonders,
the mighty hand, the outstretched arm….. (did He not deliver us this week already with the cheque on Monday???!!!) God has done all that for us. He will do this for us as He is in our midst
and is a great and awesome God. But,
just like with the nations before Israel, God did not clear them away all at
once, but instead “little by little” until they were completely destroyed. I would prefer all at once, but must be
content with little by little.
But I still have questions. Do we have to do it this way? Couldn't we learn these lessons another way? Chapter 8 answers even these questions on why we've had to go through this particular journey....“And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord
your God has led you these 40 years in the wilderness, that he might humble
you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his
commandments or not. And he humbled you
and let you hunger and fed you with manna….Your clothing did not wear out…your
foot did not swell…Know this in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son,
the Lord your God disciplines you….”
So, in just one morning, I learned a lot. I had to deal with my covetous heart. I was reminded to be a 12 months- a-year follower of God, not just 11 months. I was given a picture of seven nations, more numerous and mighty than ourselves, but was shown God can defeat these nations, even if they are nations of debt. Though this seemed impossible, God immediately put my fears to rest by reminding me I need not fear or dread, because each nation will be taken down, "little by little". And, just when I started questioning His plan, He reiterated it has to be this way - it's all part of the testing, the disciplinging, the humbling....Sure enough, we’ve been tested for a reason, to humble us, find out
what was in our hearts, to see if we would do it God’s way. Yet all along the way, we were fed, clothed…in
such creative ways sometimes, just like manna!
We were and still are being disciplined.
I sure don’t love being disciplined and it makes me appreciate why my
kids don’t like it either!
I would not choose to wake up this early to learn these things, but I think what I would have missed out on and I'm glad I was woken up. It seems I had some lessons to learn.....
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