I Need Deer Feet for My Life in a Frat House

Starting this co-op might just be the hardest thing I've done yet in homeschooling.  We are technically 12 weeks behind as it started back in September and we'll be joining in January.  I wasn't asked to do this, but in the name of helping my kids feel like they know what's going on I'm giving them a crash course in 5 days on all they've missed.  Needless to say, they're a little overwhelmed and so am I.  I regularly say to my husband, "I don't get paid enough".  I will take a picture of it today because at the time it's so hard and so brutal and so frustrating, but now when I think about it, it's hilarious.  You have to picture it - one kid, head buried in the couch, groaning.  Another child on the floor staring blankly at the ceiling, moaning.  Another child laying on a different couch consistently begging for a break to go outside.  And me, the mom, sitting on the edge of my seat, with a map behind her, an app open on her phone that has all the memory work on it, attempting to coerce, sing, encourage - and then just gives up and says, "Fine, go out and play".  One hour - hardly - this could take some getting used to.  I'm convinced it'll be waaaay easier when I'm not fitting one whole semester in one week.  At least that's what I'm telling myself.  By making it super hard now, they'll find the actual co-op a walk in the park, right?

But, I'm starting to be in awe of all they're already learning, from latin nouns and noun endings, to some super fascinating science facts, grammar, math and history facts - it's very cool.  My oldest son who's now done his degree said he's so glad they're learning this stuff now (he's been listening in when he's not at work) as it'll help them so much more when/if they head off to post-secondary, so that was encouraging.  I think deep down they kind of secretly love the challenge, but they also kind of not-so-secretly wish they had another mom.  Sorry 'bout that.  Today they have to write a 2 minute presentation and memorize it for Monday and do a whole lot more grammar.  In all my years of English at post-secondary I was NEVER exposed to what I'm teaching them.  I told a friend yesterday, it's like teaching them Russian, so no doubt it's a little on the hard side.  

I have to admit, they have a way of breaking me down after 60 minutes of moaning and groaning.  Thank goodness for the snow - it's the best way to regroup and I'm so grateful.  Today is a new day and I get a new verse every morning to consider.  Today's verse was perfect, Habakkuk 3:19, "The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights."  I am most definitely "on the heights" right now.  In His sovereignty, He knew I'd be attempting this.  I don't have the "feet" to tread where I'm currently treading, but I'm going to trust Him to "make my feet like the feet of a deer" which will allow me to "tread on the heights".  That means I need a really specific skill set.  Well, guess what, even though I never was taught the grammar I'm currently teaching my kids, I do have an English degree and though it was more about the study of literature and analyzing lines of poetry, it will still help me and never in a million years did I think it would come in handy with my future children when I was just 20 years old.  So maybe just maybe, in His sovereignty, He was making my feet even then to tread on future heights.  That's a really neat thought and somewhat reassuring.  My children are also on the heights - and unlike a nice little deer who chooses to walk there, my deer don't choose to walk there, they got pushed on the heights and they want to go back to the lowlands.  This verse tells me that their feet will also get made into the kind of feet they need in order to walk on the heights.  Reflecting on this encourages me to keep going.  Only 3 days into my concentrated review week, it's been hard, but reading this makes me think, "It can only get better!"  

Last night when I put them to bed I told the younger boys how they had made my day quite hard and that I didn't love that.  I asked them, "Do you think we could try again tomorrow?  And maybe, just maybe we could do school without all the moaning and groaning?"  They said, "Yes, but how do I do that, Mom?  How do I remember that tomorrow morning?  I want to do that now, but I always forget!"  I love that.  Same here.  So we prayed we wouldn't forget today.  That is the story of man in one question - how do we do that?  Our pastor answered it best on Sunday from Philippians 2:12-14, "Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.  Do all things without grumbling or disputing, 15 that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world..."  That's the answer - we will work out our salvation with God's help, "For it is GOD who works in you".  This won't be me working in them, but God.  The next part is pretty good, too, and trust me, I'll remind them of this today, "Do all things without grumbling and disputing".  Wow, what would I do without Scripture?  So there's my lesson plan today - just read Philippians.

On a happier note, our friends who specialize in home and garden design, who did cancel twice, Lord willing are now coming Sunday.  How I pray they won't cancel again!  I joked with my friend that they better bring their magic wand....and then, when I messaged them last night I told them to bring their winter boots for walking outside to walk around the property and to see our "frat house".  That is totally what I live in - a frat house.  How I pray they'll be able to help us transform it into something other than a frat house!  Oh a penny for their thoughts as they walk through it....

Answered Prayer for Me, Not My Son

My 11 year old will be very excited today - his prayers were answered.  We aren't going to our first day of co-op!  That was his prayer, anyway.  Snowed in.  Big time.  Can't even see my husband's car, the drifts are soooo high.  Last week my husband walked into the kitchen just after my son had just found out we were going to officially do the co-op.  He walked right up to his dad and with a borderline rude voice loudly said, "WHY? Why did you let Mom put us in this co-op?!  What were you thinking?  I PRAYED ABOUT THIS!"  Haha, oh the poor boy.  It just keeps confirming why we need to do it.  Well, the truth is, we won't do it if it isn't completely working for our family.  No one is going to force anyone to do anything that is dumb and a waste of time, HOWEVER, we aren't going to allow a 9 and 11 year old to dictate what we do either.  I laughed that he prayed about it.  I told him that God may have actually answered his prayer by allowing us to go ahead with it!  The co-op involved a lot of songs and singing that aid with memorizing and that is NOT his style (way too cool for that), but I still want them to do it anyway in the name of adding new synapses to their brains that can only come with memorizing.  I hope they can get their minds around it in time....I'm hopeful!

Last week we had a great opportunity to be interviewed by a new bottle shop owner in the city near us.  It was a great chance to reflect on how we came to be where we are and how our vision for our family and running a winery even came to be.  The questions we were asked helped us to remember and reflect.  We get so easily discouraged after a hard day on the farm, so that was great to see it on paper what we've done and even to remind ourselves why we do what we do and what our goals are.  If ONLY we could quit all our side hustles and just do one thing, that would really help and that is my prayer for 2022, alongside our "focus" word, that God will, sooner than later, allow us to do one thing, not 100 things.

Last week was a hard week on our son waiting to hear from med school - another rejection.  He never expects to get an interview as he knows there are nearly 6000 applicants for a couple hundred spots, but he always hopes.  When he received the "no" it almost shocked me as my faith was so strong, but a "no" it was.  There are a few more to hear from and if it's a "no" from them as well, so be it.  We won't borrow sorrow from tomorrow, as I tell the kids all the time.

Well...off to wake up kids - they'll be playing in the snow all day....

The Rock of Escape

I was reading in 1 Samuel 23 in the last week of December and it ended up being one of the more profound chapters I had read this year.  It almost seemed like it was intended as my "end of year" chapter.

In this section of Scripture, David is being chased by Saul and ends up being in several different wildernesses.  Right away I could relate.  It seems like I jump from one wilderness to another sometimes.  David was in Ziph, then Maon, then Engedi.  I can be in the wilderness of homeschooling unmotivated kids, to the wilderness of unwarranted fears, to the wilderness of just the plain unknown.....

David was in the wilderness, but it wasn't really his fault.  He was being pursued by Saul, "Saul had come out to seek his life".  This is how it feels sometimes - like we are being pursued.  It really comes down to being chased by Satan.  Saul hated David and wanted to somehow stop him from becoming king.  Jonathan, his son, came to encourage David.  He wanted him to know that he would be king and that Saul also knew this.  I guess he just wanted to see if he could delay the inevitable and make it somehow more difficult in the process.  In some ways he succeeded.  It must have been discouraging for David, " And he said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Saul my father also knows this.”  Is not this the same with our enemy?  He knows the story is not going to end in his favour, but boy oh boy, does he ever try to attack and defeat us along the way.  But, not unlike David, we are also sent "Jonathans" along the way, people that come into our lives simply to encourage us to stay on the path.  Jonathan literally tells David not to fear.  I ALWAYS need to hear that, every day, sometimes 5 times a day.  Jonathan's job is to remind him about the end, "You're going to be king.  I know it, you know it and my dad knows it."  We need to hear that, too.  Jesus is coming back.  You know it, I know it and Satan knows it.  There will be victory....ONE DAY.  Jonathan doesn't say when, just that it WILL happen.  David needed to walk in that victory and so do we.  We also need to be "Jonathans" to others that are feeling discouraged and share this same message to them.

However, despite his encouraging message, poor David keeps being pursued.  Verse 25, "And Saul and his men went to seek him".  David heard about this so quickly runs away again, but still....."And when Saul heard that, he pursued after David in the wilderness of Maon".   David could not get a break!  And again, this is how it can feel.  We go from escaping a bad situation and yet we run into another one!  Sometimes it almost becomes comical it gets so bad.  In the next part of the chapter Saul and David are like a cat and a mouse running around the mountain - one going one way, one going another way - so funny if it weren't so awful for David!  "Saul went on one side of the mountain, and David and his men on the other side of the mountain. And David was hurrying to get away from Saul."  At one point this year we had NO cars running well.  We had taken 2 off of insurance and were left with the dumpy farm truck and my daughter's car, but then her car died.  Now we were left with basically one dumpy car and it shut our life down.  It seemed to go from bad to worse.  People were lending us cars and we were borrowing cars and it just seemed like we were running around mountains.  We know how David felt.  But then....the best part of the story....at the last moment, the 11th hour...."As Saul and his men were closing in on David and his men to capture them, 27 a messenger came to Saul, saying, “Hurry and come, for the Philistines have made a raid against the land.” 28 So Saul returned from pursuing after David and went against the Philistines....."  Suddenly Saul gets a text - Come home!  The Philistines are attacking and we need you back here!  Oh darn...I guess I'll have to get David later.  WHEW!  David must have been wiping the sweat off his forehead - thank you Lord!  What a relief!  And this is where I read the line of the year....."Therefore that place was called the Rock of Escape" - The Rock of Escape - it could really be another name for God, another name for what He does for us all the time, all day long, all year long.  He provides a Rock of Escape continually.  He gives us a way out.  For whatever reason, He allows us to be chased sometimes, maybe to teach us to trust, maybe to teach us to pray, or to stay humble, who knows, but He seems to consistently, in the 11th hour more often than not, provide a Rock of Escape.  We just have to look back and see how He's done this so many times I can't count.  With the cars, we finally got them all fixed and they were all back on the road and then 2 of them broke down AGAIN!  Fixed one of them again and then weren't sure what to do about the other one as we thought it was going to be a huge cost, but it turns out, it was just loose wheels and cost $60 - so grateful.  So now, back in business and feeling grateful for vehicles that run.  We escaped "Saul" again.

We can look back on our year, let alone our life, and see the Rock of Escape so many times.  I'm so grateful for this passage and for the reminder to look out for how God will be that Rock for us again in 2022.  I've already seen it and we're only 12 days in....

FOCUS - 2022

Wednesday - first week back at school in the New Year, full of resolutions as always!  But time is already flying by as we are at the half way point of the week.

Yesterday I read a verse which can easily be the verse of the year - Colossians 3:9, 10, "Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self[a] with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator."  That's it - all the resolutions in one verse.

Perhaps we don't "lie" to one another around here, but maybe we lie to ourselves that we think we have put off our old selves, when really we haven't.  We think we have put on the new self, but really we keep our old selves near by.  

I also read an awesome Ann Voskamp inspiring post about growing the "gigantic impossible" this year, but by doing this with mini seeds of faith.  Along the same lines, by a secular life coach, I read how any changes we want to make won't be or need to be huge, just little micro changes lead to big changes.  AND, I also was reading a Bible study on how to make any new year's resolutions stick and it comes to this - you can't make resolutions about self-improvement for the sake of self-improvement, or as the pastor said on Sunday, you can't make changes to impress God.  Every resolution, every micro change, every goal, has to be about more communion with God, knowing Him more, otherwise they'll never go the distance.

So, in January, as we have for years, after weeks of enjoying so much food and taking time to just relax, we are hard core again and enjoying the discipline that January brings.  I welcomed it this year.  I have wedding dress goals for myself, not that I have a dress yet, but I will be in pictures for years, too, so...it would be nice if I like how they looked!

I gave the pep talk with the kids and made some action points with them, too - what are the micro changes we can make, slowly, but surely?  What are some example of old self and new self and "practices" that we can get rid of?  What about being "renewed in the knowledge after the image of the creator"?  I just like that there are so many "new" references.  We need to be made new again - RE newed.  I want to be "newed" - not nude, though same pronunciation, lol.  I want to be new - again.  I need to be made new every year, every day, every minute.  Where will my newness goals come from except from the image of the Creator?  I loved that, too.  I can't make up fake goals - they have to come from what I know about Him which means I need to know Him to make the goals.  Does He care how I look in a dress?  No, but my body is a temple and He wants me to have my heart set on the things of the Spirit, not on the things of the flesh.  That's a different kind of goal which is more long term achievable because it's backed by Scripture, not on just self-improvement.  I think that's why we might see more long term success this year.  

RM and I are also choosing the word FOCUS as our 2022 word of the year.  We know we were  spread rather thin last year, well, we always are, but more than ever.  We have discovered that we are not just entrepreneurs, or serial entrepreneurs, but more multi-passionate parallel entrepreneurs - which is basically ADHD entrepreneurs.  We have NO shortage of ideas and things we are passionate about.  We never have enough time or money to pursue all things that come to our mind.  Sometimes we feel badly about how we are wired, but then we ask ourselves why do we feel badly?   This is how God has made us so is there a way to use our passion, our oneness, our visions, for good?  We don't want to fight this bizarre gifting - let's work with it!  But, then the word FOCUS....so we have signed up for some weekly assignments we are putting ourselves through that will help us brainstorm and focus for the year ahead.  We are praying God will show us how to focus with what we've already started and and get rid of anything that is extra.

In the house, I'm attempting a major clean up as our friends are coming this Sunday to walk the property and see the house, Lord willing, and we'll begin the process of planning some potential renovations.  I must hold on to what they are going to suggest with loose hands.  I already have a white knuckle grip starting to form and every time I start to feel that feeling, I have to intentionally surrender dreams, expectations, everything right back to God and not demand or expect anything, except what He wants.  Yet, deep down, or actually not deep down - completely upfront - I am very excited as my house is in such bad disrepair.  We aren't fixing anything anymore knowing there could be big changes ahead.  How I pray they won't find it too much and walk away!  We only have 6 months before the wedding - I also pray that it'll be enough time.

Yesterday was a big day for RM - he finally got heat in his shop/winery.   Our Bozo winery, as we like to call it, had to be heated last year with some hilarious makeshift insulation enclosures.  They worked, but they were not best.  The wine was spared and tastes great, but it was a lot of hard work.  Now, he just turns on his thermostat and voila, heat.  He walked around yesterday so excited.  How he wishes he had had heat 10 years ago when he was working on tower contracts, but he didn't.  There was no gas line to the shop back then.  That came this past summer, so he's so grateful, so very grateful to have it now.  Just by putting that in, we now have vastly increased the value of our home - I see how God is blessing RM and I'm so happy for him.

Now, we pray for contentment as covid restrictions have moved in again and brought potential depression as we are back to 2020 - not 2022....I wonder how long this will last!

It all adds up to the same thing.

I Need a Shepherd

It comes down to this - will I trust God to defend me?  I don't know if I've written about this yet, can't remember, but we've had our first wine delivery disaster.  We shipped with UPS to a customer outside Toronto and not only did they lose an entire case (read: stole), but they also broke 3 bottles, repackaged the remaining bottles into a old grocery store box with some scrunched up paper and made it look like that's how we ship bottles.  AWFUL.  The customer thinks we have no idea how to ship wine and it looks like we don't know how to fulfill orders.

But then I read about Mary this morning and how she was wrongly accused.  She was found to be pregnant before she was married and Joseph had decided to divorce her quietly.  No one believed what she said had happened, i.e., the angel appearing to her.  It seemed too far-fetched.  But in the Bible study I read, it simply said she had to trust God to vindicate her.  She had to trust Him to come to her defense.  I am in a situation where I must do the same.  I want to explain away what happened.  I want to make sure everyone knows, "It wasn't us!"  "We do know how to ship wine!"  But all I can do is deliver it by myself, apologize for the terrible mistake and hope for the best.  I truly have to leave it in God's hands, so that was a good reminder to me.

Mary also probably second-guessed to herself many times, "Did I really see an angel?"  No doubt there were times when her mind was full of questions, but God doesn't leave her there.  He sent shepherds.  Shepherds came and told her, they, too, had seen angels and that they knew she had just delivered the Son of God.  The Star, the shepherds, the angels....if anyone was doubting, God put all their doubts to rest.  That's what I pray all the time - just send me some encouragement, Lord.  Send someone to reassure me, whenever doubts enter my mind.

My son was full of hope this week - he has now heard from two schools out east.  He had hoped so badly to hear that he had an interview out there, but now, two for two, it's a no go.  But, back to Mary.  We heard a sermon this past week about her as well.  The pastor was talking about Mary and her plans.  She had so many plans.  She was going to marry Joseph.  She was in the exciting betrothal stage.  Yet her plans were completely upset and that was his point.  We all have plans.  He went on to say that sometimes our plans are pleasant, perplexing or painful.  Well, that just about nails it.  My son sure had plans.  He had moved out east in his mind.  I had moved with him.  I had pictured the drive out there with him, dropping him off.  I was so excited for him.  I knew he was going there.  I had enough faith for him, myself and every med student they were going to interveiw.  I knew he was going to get in.  But he didn't.  As the schools get checked off, one by one, his hope is fading.  But the pastor didn't leave us in despair.  He told us about how Mary responded.  "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be according to your word."  Ok, here's my translation, "Behold, no way, I am NOT the servant of the Lord, too angry and sad.  Let it be to me and my son according to MY word."  I should be struck down just for writing it.  I sat there in the pew on Sunday and the pastor had the nerve to read my mind and my son's.  He said, "Maybe you are waiting to get into a school...."  What?!  How did he know?!  He went on and said that we have to have the same response as Mary.  Fighting words.  Calm down.  We are supposed to think to ourselves when our plans get interrupted, "I am the servant of the Lord.  Whatever you do, I know your plans for me are good.  Let it be to me......." just like Mary.  As I sat in the pew that day it was easy to say because I knew he was getting in, so of course I could say, "Sure!  Let it be to me, let it be to my son, according to your word..."  No problem.  I even turned to my son when the sermon was over, "You have to be able to say that this week when you hear."  He knew.  He thought the same thing.  But the whole time we waited, I anticipated how he was going to tell me how he had the interview.  Then, on Monday morning - he heard - no interview.  It is SO different to know how to react and then to actually be put to the test.  However, the sermon did help.  The sermon did allow both of us to read the email and just calmly go on with our day.  By faith, though we were soooooo disappointed, there was this reminder that all God's plans our good.  But right about now I could use a shepherd to remind me of that.  Send a shepherd!  To me, to my son.  

So that's been the week - amongst a thousand other things - I will keep hoping for my son and one day we'll understand why going out east wasn't right.  We have to trust God and not yell at him.  Faith is kind of exciting when you can stand back and be objective, but that takes a lot of faith muscle to do that.  I guess I'll just have to keep working out my faith muscles.

"The Jonas Manifesto" and "The War Measures Act"

I normally don't write my children's names in the post, but this time I just have to.  We are currently in the middle of writing "The Jonas Manifesto".  My husband put it this way yesterday, "We are invoking The War Measures Act" on him.  Everyone who meets Jonas loves Jonas.  He's amazing.  He's full of life and lives it to the fullest - every single second of the day he's moving, talking, living life to the absolute fullest and everyone sees this.  This is what they love about him.  However, this constant living to the fullest has a downside as we long for him to live life to the fullest for the glory of God, not for the glory of Jonas, thus, The War Measures Act.  

With the other children we never had to invoke such measures - they typically listened to correction, rebuke and training in righteousness.  This guy isn't quite the same.  He seems to think he is in charge most days, in charge of me, in charge of his siblings (and I don't mean the 9 year old - I mean the 23, 22, 20, 17, 15 and 13 year olds....)  He actually bosses them all around and expects them to listen to him.  On any given day he'll basically attempt to tell me how he thinks his day should and will go.  If it doesn't go according to his plan, well...that's a problem.

So I pray and I pray.  Every day I start a new day, asking the Lord for help, wisdom, patience.  We all love him so much and our family wouldn't be the same without him as the life he brings to our family is amazing!  I don't want him to change, I just want him to conform to the will of God, to my authority, to be the best Jonas he can be.  It's kind of like training a tsunami to go the other way.  Not really that easy and quite unnatural to him.

As I trust God for his life, a unique opportunity has shown itself.  If I were a celebrity parent I would send my child to boarding school to "get fixed".  My husband and I have joked that it's an option, but I know that would kill him.  I'll NEVER do that.  I won't even send him to a Christian school down the street.  That would kill him, too.  I am so determined to be beside this boy as much as I can - he can hardly stand it.  The opportunity that has shown up is like a school, in the form of a co-op.  I typically don't do co-ops.  In fact, I don't really like them, but this one seems different.  It's not free -eeek, but maybe that's why it works because you're invested.  A few families from church have started homeschooling and they are homeschooling hard core.  I have always homeschooled hard core, too, but with a waaaay more relaxed hardcoredness (new word?).  I've avoided this type of learning on purpose for years and have done fine.  My older kids prove to me, whatever we did seemed to work.  But this younger set are not the same and now that's it's basically just me and the younger 3, it seems like something has to change.  If I can scrape some extra cash together, I'm considering this co-op for January. 

My husband was totally against it.  I knew he would be so I've been slowly talking about it for awhile now, but then yesterday I explained to him how my son is needing more discipline within the home, more order, more authority and how this outside source could be just the thing we need.  What I love about it is that I'm still the main teacher, I'm still at the co-op, I don't drop him off.  That, in fact, is what he would prefer - to be dropped off, but he will not be getting his way.  As I described this need to my hsuband yesterday, he suddenly got it.  We need to write "The Jonas Manifesto", he said.  We need to invoke "The War Measures Act" on him, he said.  And this will be part of the plan, Lord willing.  January typically represents a new start, a new year, a new everything.  By being involved with this new group, he'll be obligated to not be the same child he was the year before.  He'll have new standards to reach, new goals, new friends, new authorities, new ways of learning, new location (once a week).  It could be just what he needs.  The manifesto isn't in writing yet - but it just may be, we'll see if we actually put it into words.  Not a bad idea.

As I was reading in Scripture yesterday when he was still sleeping, I read about David and how he ate the holy bread when he was running from Saul.  One of Saul's bad guys saw him do this and ran and told Saul.  Saul then called all the priests, 85 of them, and had them killed for doing this.  David found out that Doeg had told on him and said (and I'm paraphrasing here), "I knew it!  When I saw him, I thought he would go and tell Saul.  It's my fault these priests were killed.  It's on me."  Now that might not sound like a passage related to me at all, but I actually felt like it was speaking to me.  David was responsible for the killing of 85 priests.  He made them give him the bread when he really wasn't supposed to eat it.  Here's the thing, he knew something bad might happen yet he continued on doing what he knew would get him in trouble, or the priests, and he kept on doing what was wrong.  Ok - fast forward to me.  I have a situation with my son.  I'm seeing patterns I don't love in his life.  If I keep doing what I'm doing and don't change things, I will ultimately be responsible especially if I knew things needed to change.  Perhaps a bit of a stretch, but it spoke to me.

A few verses later, David is still running from Saul and he gets stuck in a town "with gates and bars".  He inquired of the Lord what he should do because he heard that Saul was coming to get him.  Two times the Lord says, "Yes they're coming and yes they are going to surrender you".  David runs for his life with 600 men and flees and is saved.  Again, I heard God talking to me about my son.  Like David, I found myself thinking about my own situation.  Gates and bars.  I don't want my son to feel like he's stuck in selfish behaviour.  I don't want him to be stuck.  If I keep doing what I'm doing, will things go well?  Do I need to change how things are going?  I felt like it was God saying, "Do something.  Run."

Joining a co-op is the LAST thing I thought I would ever do, but that is sometimes how you know it's a good thing.  He is RESISTANT.  I love that.  It's also how you know it's a good thing, because he DOESN'T want to do it.  But I shared these verses with the kids.  I think I even got them a little excited.  They just need a vision of victory and just because they are the last ones to attend my little homeschool doesn't mean I have to fade out, why not end on a awesome note, on a high note?  No need to fade into oblivion.  I have to keep going!  I can't stop or get tired.  

I tried to avoid talking to the other co-op moms.  I didn't go to their meetings.  I refused to engage.  But one after another, I keep coming into contact with them.  One mom just kept bringing it up, every time I met her.  She started suggesting it and tried to convince me about how much I would love it.  Then another mom did.  Then another mom and another mom.  Then the emails started flowing back and forth.  Then the passages of Scripture, and then finally my husband declared the "Manifesto" and the "WMA" - it almost seemed done and I hadn't even signed any papers or paid any tuition.  I prayed with the kids about it.  Now I'm just waiting for the leader of our family to figure out a way to pay, lol, and then we'll start in January.  

It all goes back to Jonas.  I am so glad God gave him to me.  He has humbled me so much.  He has made me rely on God in a way I never did before.  There is a greatness in him and it is my job as his mom to bring it in him, not to squash him.  I am excited because I feel in a way that God has shown me so clearly to not give up, but to press on.  Giving up is not an option.  Boarding school, not an option.  Allowing him to be in charge, not an option.  He wants to be trained, sort of.  He just needs some pressure on him.  I told him it's the way a diamond is made - under pressure.  This co-op brings the best of both - an outside source of authority with me right there.  I'm excited to see the man he will become.

A Good Day

Up ridiculously early today - not on purpose.  After a while, I give up, come downstairs, have my coffee, read the news, workout and today I'll write and read, all well before there is movement upstairs.

Yesterday was a great day.  There are so many ups and downs in life that is nice to write about just the "ups" sometimes.  First of all, I cannot say enough how impressed I am with my nearly 18 year old daughter.  This is such a shout out to the power of God as I honestly wasn't sure how things were going to go with her once she started college - would she do well?  would it be a struggle?  I didn't know.  This girl had some pretty serious health struggles for a loooong time which left her feeling awful and really unable to do school most days.  She would attempt, but always fell behind.  I knew she was a great writer though and very mature her whole life, so I knew once we could get her health back on track, which we did by God's grace, she could pick up the pace and hopefully be ok.

So that's what we did.  She got healthy and went at it at school, graduated last year and now is in her first year of business at Niagara College.  She is excelling and has become a peer tutor for 3 of her classes!  Yesterday she had her first tutoring session.  She was so nervous, so I prayed for her while she was upstairs online with the student.  It went so well!  She met this other student through the college and was able to easily help her with her struggles.  It turns out she is from Mexico and really doesn't understand the retail world up in Canada so the assignments made no sense to her.  After it was finished the girl asked if my daughter was Catholic or a Christian as she follows her on instagram and noticed all the posts she made were related to church or worship nights, etc.  She is Catholic and is looking for a church, so my daughter immediately invited her to our church!  It was such a neat moment!

As soon as she got off the computer she saw a message from my son-in-law-to-be asking the young adults if anyone wanted some extra cash by doing janitorial work for the church - she immediately responded yes and then came downstairs to tell me about it.  My next immediate thought was to see if my 15 year old son could help out with her.  So she asked and hopefully this will work out.  Now, once again, this might not seem like a big deal - BUT IT IS.  My 15 year old has been watching how all his older siblings are making money, even his younger 13 year old sister who now babysits every day, and he is broke.  He would apply for work except covid has knocked all his social confidence out of him and he isn't sure that he would feel comfortable in an environment that is new.  Even so, we are always hesitant with part-time work because of negative influences, etc.  so what else could I do, but pray, and on Friday I prayed and prayed for him.  My daughter has also been praying for work that is "safe" and was given this AMAZING opportunity, literally from heaven, to sanitize an office near us twice a week - so many opportunities literally dropped into my kids' laps.  But the office sanitizing job wasn't enough money for her so to get this other janitorial job might be just the thing.  AND if it works out that my son can go with her, it solves all my concerns about putting him in a safe place, literally a church, with my daughter (kind of fun to work with a sibling), plus I don't have to drive as she now has her license (another miracle), it's only part time so won't impact his or her schooling - I just couldn't believe it.  So I pray this will work out.

And that was all before noon.  Meanwhile, I was supposed to be getting together with a few young moms for the Bible Study I hold with them.  It has been so inconsistent because so many viruses have been going around week after week.  So we had to cancel again yesterday.  I got a text from one of the moms who seemed unusually upset about her day and how she has been struggling with homeschooling and life.  I thought I should probably try to reach out to her to see her in person, but then I thought, no I'll just call her.  I had barely dialed her number when she answered the phone crying.  The poor woman!  I was so glad I called!  It turned out to be one of those pep talks to pick her up that was apparently just what she needed.  I praised God for the timing.

After this I went home to prep for dinner - for the first time in months we were having multiple families over for a Taco Tuesday meal.  I wasn't prepared how great it felt to be with others again.  We've had family over and individuals, but not large groups and it was awesome.  At the end of the night, we all just sat together and talked about how wonderful it was.  That was when my oldest son shared a really neat thing he had read.  He is in the middle of the longest waiting game of his life so far - waiting for rejection from all the medical schools he's applied to.  I wish I could write "acceptance", but he just feels so hopeless at times as the stats are against him.  However, I always encourage him to stay hope-Full.  So this week when he was feeling so down again, I just told him to keep surrendering, to keep praying, to attempt a fast, to trust God, to cry out to Him.....I saw him head down with the "giving up" look and just committed to him to prayer all day yesterday.  God showed up, as He always does, in such a neat way.  Without me knowing. my son did cry out, he did pray, he got into the Word -he'd been reading in Esther - and he came to this passage where Esther didn't know what to do as she and her people were going to be killed.  After fasting, she summoned up her nerve to stand before the king, trusting the he would not kill her because she hadn't been asked to come see him - this was against the law.  At that point the king held out his royal scepter and she was allowed access to his inner court.  My son, too, had fasted that day, and when he read this he felt like it was a direct encouragement to him.  Not unlike Esther, he, too, is outside the inner court of medical schools.  He feels as hopeless as she did that he can do anything to get in.  Yet, he has done all he can do to be faithful to what he's been shown to do and his prayer became yesterday that God would extend the royal scepter to him just as it was to Esther - "And when the king saw Queen Esther standing in the court, she won favor in his sight, and he held out to Esther the golden scepter that was in his hand."  I actually found that so powerful.  I was so encouraged for him as he felt like that was just for him.  How I pray he will be accepted and not rejected.

All of this - in just one day.