So now it does look like we run a campground! I'll have to take pictures and figure out how to post them as it is quite something and more and more show up on a daily basis it seems! We currently have 3 RVs, 1 tent trailer, 4 vehicles, plus all our vehicles, trailers and farm equipment. I'm really curious what our neighbours are thinking, but so far so good....no complaints! There is no extra noise, so no one can really complain. One of the missionaries is from New Brunswick and is quite close to her sister who lives out there, too. After not seeing her for 3 weeks, the sister left behind in NB suggested they pop up and surprise her missionary sister here in Ontario! So, that's what she did! She stuffed 4 little kids (all under 6) and a husband into a small vehicle and completely surprised her while they were out the Niagara Falls way. Now they are with us, too! We've had some lovely times of fellowship, even some singing together and nightly devotions, as well as tons of fun for the kids as there are kids their age to play with.
They come back after going from city to city street preaching exhausted, but often have many opportunities to have good conversations with people. What it often reveals to them is how many mentally disturbed people are out there as so many of them who heckle are often completely whacked out on drugs - there is so much darkness out there, we don't even realize.
Some think it is a huge imposition on us to host them, and trust me, in our humanness, we almost backed out just a few days before they came. RM, in particular, started to wonder what he'd gotten himself into. How would we do this? How would he get his work done? What about the impact on the land? The neighbours? He had a lot of questions. We quickly talked with the leader of the group on the phone and he put RM's mind at ease. It really was no surprise, I said to him after he had a peace about hosting them, that we had had gone through that battle right before they arrived. I'm sure Satan wanted us to not have them. He wanted us to miss out on blessing. He wanted to put a huge block in the missionaries way as well and ruin their trip so that they couldn't preach the Word. Interestingly enough, they've had enough troubles of their own - almost all of them have either had major vehicle issues or issues with their trailers in this past week alone, that to have us back out on them would have just been about the worst thing we could have done. So Satan was definitely at work, hoping we would struggle enough to not do it.
It is an imposition to host them for sure if you have a worldly perspective, but that has changed for us for sure. We are actually very grateful for the experience now - it may have saved us from having our barn burned down! A few nights into the week we realized the power to their trailers kept going out. As RM tried to do the trouble shooting, it took him up to the source of powerlines going across our property from the house to the barn to the shop to their trailers. RM knew there were electrical issues, but had done enough makeshift work to get by through the brutal winter. He wasn't about to go on the roof of either building in the winter storms let alone the winter cold. This time as he went up, he finally saw the true problem. On the barn, there was evidence of sparks where the awful, old wiring had done some serious potential damage - in some ways it is a wonder that we haven't had a barn fire and it now makes us realize how grateful we should be! So he fixed what he could without rewiring the whole barn, but it has definitely revealed that more wiring and electrical work needs to be done on the old buildings....
It was only a few days into having them that we got together for a wonderful time of prayer, singing and a short devotional. During that time one of the missionaries prayed for us, that our family would be blessed for being available to them. He went on and on. I was touched by the prayer in and of itself. It was that night that we found out a major mistake had been made in our tax bill a few months back. I'm not sure how much I wrote about this, but we had a huge financial blow a few months ago - a big oversight on a tax bill had occurred that we couldn't comprehend how we would pay, let alone how it had happened in the first place. It seems it wasn't our fault!!! It seems it was the government's mistake and they have in fact prepaid our taxes with the money they owed us and applied it to this year's taxes, which is a mystery in itself. More details are coming out of the woodwork, but all I'm thinking is why now? Why did we find out now? Could it just be part of the blessing of having these people here? Who knows, but I'll take it! When we look back, we wonder if it was God's way of keeping our spending to a minimum, keeping us trusting him even when nothing makes sense and always being fully, 100% dependent on Him for everything. God was at work the whole time.
There are two single guys here as well. I always ask them if they are hungry as I just know single guys generally are and if they don't have a wife doing most of the cooking, then they starve! One of them kept turning me down, so I finally had to joke with him if he was trying to cut back on eating or what was the deal?! Turns out he is in the middle of a 40 day fast! I should have known. It makes so much sense now as he never made a big deal of it. It was the other missionaries who told me. He said his preaching is given so much more clarity from the Lord when he's fasted - he is no longer glorified, God is. The two single guys have a trailer, but normally they sleep in their cars. But, it turns out, they've never had to sleep in their trailers and they have rarely had to make a meal for themselves. Wherever they go to preach they are always taken in and sleep on either an extra bed or couch so they haven't had to spend one night in their vehicles yet - that's been 5 years of God's faithfulness!
So we are learning a lot from just listening and observing these folks. Their sacrifices, their faith in God's provision, their love for the lost.....very moving. Hosting them is no imposition, it's more of a privilege and an honour.
Monday, 30 June 2014
Tuesday, 24 June 2014
Holding the Rope
Am I allowed to love fly paper? I cannot tell you how much I love fly paper. It has changed my life. Seriously. Since moving to the country I really didn't realize how serious a problem flies could be or fruit flies for that matter. Two years ago, our little town made national news headlines because the fly problem here was soooooo bad!!! I was filling fly paper strip after fly paper strip in a matter of hours. It was disgusting. This year, the flies aren't so bad, but they are still there! So, alas, up goes the fly paper and now, when I come down each morning, I am no longer attacked by swarms of flies. I really do say it on a daily basis now - I love fly paper. That is my morning thank you rant today.
On to more serious things! The Lord has a funny way of putting everything into perspective doesn't He? I'm worried about insulating my house and getting my barn floor in (which is now in!!!!!) when other people out there don't even have a home to live in....by choice. Right now, as I write this, there are 3 RVs sitting on our front yard. Each RV holds a missionary family and one of them holds 2 single guys. The RVs are their homes for the most part. The two single guys usually live in their cars. One of the family lives in a basement apartment with their two kids and when asked what the square footage of their apartment was, they said, "You mean square 'inch-age'." It's apparently quite a small place. They all had homes a few years ago, but they gave them up - feeling called to share the gospel with the lost. Each family and individual staying here comes from different places in Canada as well as the U.S., but they come together for these summer mission trips. Most of these folks travel all year round, going from city to city, or in some cases, country to country, preaching wherever they go.
They are staying at our place for several weeks this summer using our farm as home base as they will literally travel to a different city each day. Once they arrive in the city they do anything from standing on a box and street preaching to handing out tracts wherever they go. They will hit all the big cities that are within an hour to two hours around us - very cool. We may be able to join them and watch as well as participate in what they do. They are all quite young and have young children who get homeschooled along they way.
Paul Washer, one of my favourite preachers, says we are called to be in the well or hold the rope. This summer it is our privilege to hold the rope and be the home base for these folks. It quickly helps put things in perspective having these guys around, knowing they don't have any of the concerns that material goods bring. They can literally focus 100% on preaching the good news to others. The single guys can even be more focused like the apostle Paul as they don't have the concerns of a wife and kids!
God brought these people to us - we had never even met them until they pulled into our driveway last night. It was through a friend that we met through another friend a few years ago that this has all come together. If I were to ever complain about anything, my husband knows that it would be that I long to travel or vacation more - always have. Being on a serious drive to kill debt, we have virtually cut that plan out for the time being, but God hasn't let me down. Since we moved to the farm, every single summer the Lord has brought people to us to stay for days at a time. They've come from as far away as the Solomon Islands! It is just what my little social heart needs! Different people to talk to from all walks of life, just as if I were travelling the world meeting new people, but on our property! So, though I'm not travelling, God brings people who are to me! Isn't that cool???? One day I may get a chance to be the one travelling, but the truth is, it is easier to be here with the young ones still being so young, so I don't really mind. I had to pack up a lunch the other day to go to the beach for my daughter's birthday - that amount of effort to pack reminded me of what a lot of time and energy goes into packing for a vacation - and that was just for one little picnic!!!!!! I was exhausted when I got home! Not having done that for 10 people very often makes you realize, THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE IN OUR FAMILY!!!!! So I'm good to be here and have the Lord bring people to me. At the same time, God is allowing us to use what He has given us to His glory - thank you, Lord!
On to more serious things! The Lord has a funny way of putting everything into perspective doesn't He? I'm worried about insulating my house and getting my barn floor in (which is now in!!!!!) when other people out there don't even have a home to live in....by choice. Right now, as I write this, there are 3 RVs sitting on our front yard. Each RV holds a missionary family and one of them holds 2 single guys. The RVs are their homes for the most part. The two single guys usually live in their cars. One of the family lives in a basement apartment with their two kids and when asked what the square footage of their apartment was, they said, "You mean square 'inch-age'." It's apparently quite a small place. They all had homes a few years ago, but they gave them up - feeling called to share the gospel with the lost. Each family and individual staying here comes from different places in Canada as well as the U.S., but they come together for these summer mission trips. Most of these folks travel all year round, going from city to city, or in some cases, country to country, preaching wherever they go.
They are staying at our place for several weeks this summer using our farm as home base as they will literally travel to a different city each day. Once they arrive in the city they do anything from standing on a box and street preaching to handing out tracts wherever they go. They will hit all the big cities that are within an hour to two hours around us - very cool. We may be able to join them and watch as well as participate in what they do. They are all quite young and have young children who get homeschooled along they way.
Paul Washer, one of my favourite preachers, says we are called to be in the well or hold the rope. This summer it is our privilege to hold the rope and be the home base for these folks. It quickly helps put things in perspective having these guys around, knowing they don't have any of the concerns that material goods bring. They can literally focus 100% on preaching the good news to others. The single guys can even be more focused like the apostle Paul as they don't have the concerns of a wife and kids!
God brought these people to us - we had never even met them until they pulled into our driveway last night. It was through a friend that we met through another friend a few years ago that this has all come together. If I were to ever complain about anything, my husband knows that it would be that I long to travel or vacation more - always have. Being on a serious drive to kill debt, we have virtually cut that plan out for the time being, but God hasn't let me down. Since we moved to the farm, every single summer the Lord has brought people to us to stay for days at a time. They've come from as far away as the Solomon Islands! It is just what my little social heart needs! Different people to talk to from all walks of life, just as if I were travelling the world meeting new people, but on our property! So, though I'm not travelling, God brings people who are to me! Isn't that cool???? One day I may get a chance to be the one travelling, but the truth is, it is easier to be here with the young ones still being so young, so I don't really mind. I had to pack up a lunch the other day to go to the beach for my daughter's birthday - that amount of effort to pack reminded me of what a lot of time and energy goes into packing for a vacation - and that was just for one little picnic!!!!!! I was exhausted when I got home! Not having done that for 10 people very often makes you realize, THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE IN OUR FAMILY!!!!! So I'm good to be here and have the Lord bring people to me. At the same time, God is allowing us to use what He has given us to His glory - thank you, Lord!
Monday, 23 June 2014
Doing What God has Created Us To Do
The money is going out faster than it is coming in now, but we are not supposed to worry, right? I heard a great message from David Jeremiah this week on worry. Quite frankly, he said, you are behaving like an unbeliever when you worry. The Bible says it. In Matthew 6 when Jesus is speaking on worry, he says, "31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them." If the pagans run after these things and we are worrying then we are acting just like them. He said, really, it is sin to worry. We know it is wrong to worry, but do we really consider it sin? On the same realm as murder? Not usually.
Another great comparison was to the sparrows. We have them all over our place, in every nook and cranny of the barn....virtually every building we have is covered in them. How did they make it through the winter? They didn't have to insulate. They didn't seem to worry about their heating bills or where their next meal would come from. In fact, there seem to be more of them as a result of the winter! The Bible speaks even to this. "26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" David Jeremiah commented on how Jesus paints a kind of ridiculous picture of a sparrow trying to sow or reap or store away in barns. As if! They cannot drive a tractor, plant a seed or build a barn - Jesus does this on purpose to show how crazy it is to worry - as crazy as a bird sowing, reaping or storing away. We are clearly not meant to worry! It was a good wake up call again.
Meanwhile, I hear my daughter practising piano in the background. It is my dream come true. Homeschooling has offered her certain advantages in the area of pursuing piano more seriously and this summer, we decided to kick it up a notch. First, some background.... I once met a homeschooling mom of 10 who had one of her daughters in dance. She had an opportunity to go around the US in a Christain dance troupe, but the only problem was that she was only 16 and in order to do this she needed to stop school or at least put it on pause, so her mom went up to her dad one day and explained her daughter's opportunity. This was his answer, "Let's graduate her now!" And so they did. WHAT???!!! Technically, she was not "done" school! But wasn't she? Wasn't she pursuing exactly what she loved to do? Wasn't she pursuing her area of giftedness? What about physics and chemistry, you might ask, or advanced math and French, for that matter? Does she need it in order to dance? Could she learn it at a later date if she needs to? Is it possible that she learned what she really needed to learn which which was "the ability to learn"?! I think so.
With that in mind, I went up to Renaissance Man a few weeks ago and said, "I wish that we could just graduate S now. I wish that she could pursue her piano more seriously and continue teaching and at the same time do her photography, but perhaps on the side more, as a blessing to others." "Ok, let's do it." "What?!" It was that simple a discussion. I went on to try and convince him how I had come to these conclusions, but he was already there and didn't need any pursuasion. With that, he and I approached our daughter, S, and said, "Guess what we've been talking about....." We explained to her that we thought it would be really great if she pursued finishing all the levels of piano that exist in the Royal Conservatory which includes gr. 8, gr. 9, gr. 10 piano and then the final level which is called the ARTC or the Associate level which is as high as you can go. All the while taking pedagogy courses as well as theory, harmony, history and of course, practical. We told her this would not exempt her from the family reading time of history or even all the readers I plan on still purchasing. But, she'll be mainly focusing on piano. She looked at us stunned. Then thrilled. She was over the moon excited. To top it off, her dad then told her he was turning one of our rooms that he had just renovated from a garage into her own personal piano studio. She was nearly jumping up and down. That was when I knew we had made the right decision. She is doing what God has created her to do. To make her pursue another road would not be right. She is passionate about the piano and plays for hours already without me ever forcing her. She is quite bright and is very good in math and science, but she has no passion for it. So I use her to help tutor the kids coming up, but to make her pursue it as a career would take all the passion out of her.
The only problem was the teacher and the costs - how do we do this on a budget when we really never planned on this extra expense? The teacher we have hired was from our other town and costs a fairly pretty penny, but alas, she is the best teacher out there and she gets serious results, plus a relationship existed there and she loves our daughter, so I knew she would do a great job. Then it occurred to us, this is just like college except she's just younger, but both RM and I paid for all our post secondary education, so we approached S and suggested that she help pay for her piano education. She agreed. So, she'll be teaching piano the whole time or doing her photography while she is getting her music education. We'll be contributing, by faith, somehow as well, but that relieved us a lot, to know she'd be taking some ownership, too.
That is definitely why I love homeschooling - the freedom to take another path that is definitely less travelled, but is so entirely, perfectly suited to each individual child. I have such a wonderful peace about me as I think about her future. If she ever marries, she can teach. If she has children, she can teach. Teaching piano, which is the ultimate goal, at a higher level, is so flexible and will help her contribute to her family's income. It is really an exciting career opportunity for her. I joked with a friend, one down, seven to go! I hope it comes together that clearly for each child following her. It is so wonderful when each one can do what they are created to do.
Another great comparison was to the sparrows. We have them all over our place, in every nook and cranny of the barn....virtually every building we have is covered in them. How did they make it through the winter? They didn't have to insulate. They didn't seem to worry about their heating bills or where their next meal would come from. In fact, there seem to be more of them as a result of the winter! The Bible speaks even to this. "26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" David Jeremiah commented on how Jesus paints a kind of ridiculous picture of a sparrow trying to sow or reap or store away in barns. As if! They cannot drive a tractor, plant a seed or build a barn - Jesus does this on purpose to show how crazy it is to worry - as crazy as a bird sowing, reaping or storing away. We are clearly not meant to worry! It was a good wake up call again.
Meanwhile, I hear my daughter practising piano in the background. It is my dream come true. Homeschooling has offered her certain advantages in the area of pursuing piano more seriously and this summer, we decided to kick it up a notch. First, some background.... I once met a homeschooling mom of 10 who had one of her daughters in dance. She had an opportunity to go around the US in a Christain dance troupe, but the only problem was that she was only 16 and in order to do this she needed to stop school or at least put it on pause, so her mom went up to her dad one day and explained her daughter's opportunity. This was his answer, "Let's graduate her now!" And so they did. WHAT???!!! Technically, she was not "done" school! But wasn't she? Wasn't she pursuing exactly what she loved to do? Wasn't she pursuing her area of giftedness? What about physics and chemistry, you might ask, or advanced math and French, for that matter? Does she need it in order to dance? Could she learn it at a later date if she needs to? Is it possible that she learned what she really needed to learn which which was "the ability to learn"?! I think so.
With that in mind, I went up to Renaissance Man a few weeks ago and said, "I wish that we could just graduate S now. I wish that she could pursue her piano more seriously and continue teaching and at the same time do her photography, but perhaps on the side more, as a blessing to others." "Ok, let's do it." "What?!" It was that simple a discussion. I went on to try and convince him how I had come to these conclusions, but he was already there and didn't need any pursuasion. With that, he and I approached our daughter, S, and said, "Guess what we've been talking about....." We explained to her that we thought it would be really great if she pursued finishing all the levels of piano that exist in the Royal Conservatory which includes gr. 8, gr. 9, gr. 10 piano and then the final level which is called the ARTC or the Associate level which is as high as you can go. All the while taking pedagogy courses as well as theory, harmony, history and of course, practical. We told her this would not exempt her from the family reading time of history or even all the readers I plan on still purchasing. But, she'll be mainly focusing on piano. She looked at us stunned. Then thrilled. She was over the moon excited. To top it off, her dad then told her he was turning one of our rooms that he had just renovated from a garage into her own personal piano studio. She was nearly jumping up and down. That was when I knew we had made the right decision. She is doing what God has created her to do. To make her pursue another road would not be right. She is passionate about the piano and plays for hours already without me ever forcing her. She is quite bright and is very good in math and science, but she has no passion for it. So I use her to help tutor the kids coming up, but to make her pursue it as a career would take all the passion out of her.
The only problem was the teacher and the costs - how do we do this on a budget when we really never planned on this extra expense? The teacher we have hired was from our other town and costs a fairly pretty penny, but alas, she is the best teacher out there and she gets serious results, plus a relationship existed there and she loves our daughter, so I knew she would do a great job. Then it occurred to us, this is just like college except she's just younger, but both RM and I paid for all our post secondary education, so we approached S and suggested that she help pay for her piano education. She agreed. So, she'll be teaching piano the whole time or doing her photography while she is getting her music education. We'll be contributing, by faith, somehow as well, but that relieved us a lot, to know she'd be taking some ownership, too.
That is definitely why I love homeschooling - the freedom to take another path that is definitely less travelled, but is so entirely, perfectly suited to each individual child. I have such a wonderful peace about me as I think about her future. If she ever marries, she can teach. If she has children, she can teach. Teaching piano, which is the ultimate goal, at a higher level, is so flexible and will help her contribute to her family's income. It is really an exciting career opportunity for her. I joked with a friend, one down, seven to go! I hope it comes together that clearly for each child following her. It is so wonderful when each one can do what they are created to do.
Tuesday, 17 June 2014
Life Goes On
So it is over now. I'm fairly certain there is no more life inside of me as of last week. The bleeding has virtually stopped and any other signs of pregnancy are gone, too. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was more the unknown, never having experienced a miscarriage before. Perhaps it was a little easier to go through because I was so early on. I sure feel for the women who lose babies later on in their pregnancies. I'm still so grateful for the whole experience - it has given me a greater appreciation for how blessed I am to have the children that I have. I have become one of those women who passes by other pregnant women and feels sad and wants to go up to those other women and say, "I hope you know and appreciate that what is inside you is a GIFT!!! Don't take that baby for granted!" Don't worry, I won't ever do that, but it does occur to me sometimes! So, I'm glad that I can understand on a very small scale what an infertile woman must feel when all she sees are pregnant women everywhere, pregnancy test ads, maternity clothes in every store or even movies in the library about how funny it is to be pregnant - that was me last week - it was all I saw and it always brought on this very sad feeling in me of loss. And I have 8 kids!!!! What about the poor woman who can't have one! So you see, I needed to experience it. I don't feel like I didn't ever have compassion for those women, I certainly did. In fact I was a prayer warrior for years for a whole list of women I personally knew who could not conceive. But it wasn't the same as going through it. Now that I've walked their road, just a little, on that very small scale of pain, I now have a small taste of what is what like for them in their struggle. That is why I am grateful and would go through it again if that would be the Lord's will for my life.
I found it very interesting how many people came up to us this week while we were out and about and blatantly asked us if we were open to more - they had no idea how this could have been a difficult question for us, but we always answered honestly, in spite of what we knew had gone on, yes, we would welcome another child. Then, I always added, it may not be possible at my age anymore, but it would be wonderful if it happened. So there you have it...whatever God gives us we'll take, even if it involves pain again. It may just be how my body is slowly closing the doors. For some, they just never get pregnant again. For others, it may be a miscarriage or even two or three miscarriages before the body naturally stops doing what it was made to do. So our times are in His hands.
Ok - allow me to change the topic as lots has gone on in and around this difficult time, but it hasn't been all pain - lots of great things are happening on the farm! Believe it or not, it still ties in to getting rid of debt as each project will allow us to make money either through farming or spending less on insulation, etc., so it will help us put away that debt slowly but surely.
Renaissance Man and I continue to get up early. Despite the fact I was going through lots of aches and pains last week, I managed to work out 4 out of 5 days. Somehow another virus entered our home, so less writing, but that accountability partner stuff really kept me on my toes with respect to exercise. RM was busy getting things done around the farm while doing some business work as well.
We really try to let God determine our steps sometimes as the list is so long we often don't know where to start. When the good weather finally hit (thank you Lord! I LOVE SUMMER!!!!) RM determined he would do the plowing of one of our fields. It was a very sweet moment I must say. I joke that it looked like he got his plow at Toys 'R' Us because it is so tiny compared to the big farmer's plows around here. But out he went as the weather was perfect.
I thought he was doing a great job and was cheering him on from the distance, but then I watched how he got off his tractor and went and talked to our neighbour at the other end of our field. He and this neighbour have a really good relationship and he cuts some of our hay for us. Next thing you know, the other farmer is on our tractor plowing our field for a few minutes. It was too far away, so I couldn't exactly tell what was going on. Turns out it was quite a funny exchange. The farmer saw what RM was up to and said, "What do you think you are doing?" "I'm plowing my field?" "That is not how you plow a field. You're just going to make a big hole in your field if you keep doing it that way. You have to do it this way (and went on to try to describe how to do it)." Then, suddenly, he said, "Ahh, I'll just have to show you." With that, he jumped up on RM's tractor and proceeded to show RM how to do it. So funny. RM was so grateful that he did show him as I guess he wasn't doing it right and he really was going to be making a big hole instead of plowing his field. Once he got the concept the rest of the plowing went swimmingly! We're so grateful for our neighbours that are willing to step in and help us novice farmers out!
Meanwhile in his downtime, RM thought he would attempt to do the barn floor as the hay is coming off the field any day now and we've got to get in the barn! "Doing the barn floor" is no easy task as I've tried to describe before. I honestly thought we were going to need 10 guys. The skid steer was supposed to be a major part of this renovation as it was supposed to haul over the railway ties. We didn't have 10 guys and no skid steer, so once again I wondered what he was going to do. I knew he was counting on the boys, but for the whole floor?? As usual, I went inside. I didn't really want to watch.
This time I got called out to help! What?! I'm not lifting any 300 lb beam! Oh yes you are! So, with my two boys, my oldest daughter and myself on one end (as some are heavier than others and needed more power to lift) and RM on the other end, we lifted several of these beams over to the barn and RM moved them into place. Next thing you know, more than half the floor is done! So we are making serious progress. A great miracle.
It always comes back down to the ant, doesn't it? Literally lifting more than we are supposed to be able to lift, working without an overseer to manage our time for us, and working until the sun goes down. At the end of the day, we are all falling into bed exhausted, but loving it! We all are feeling like we are doing what we were created to do. I wonder if the ant could talk if it would say, "I'm a little overwhelmed" or "I feel like I'll never get this all done", but even if it were to say that, it keeps working anyway......so do we.
I found it very interesting how many people came up to us this week while we were out and about and blatantly asked us if we were open to more - they had no idea how this could have been a difficult question for us, but we always answered honestly, in spite of what we knew had gone on, yes, we would welcome another child. Then, I always added, it may not be possible at my age anymore, but it would be wonderful if it happened. So there you have it...whatever God gives us we'll take, even if it involves pain again. It may just be how my body is slowly closing the doors. For some, they just never get pregnant again. For others, it may be a miscarriage or even two or three miscarriages before the body naturally stops doing what it was made to do. So our times are in His hands.
Ok - allow me to change the topic as lots has gone on in and around this difficult time, but it hasn't been all pain - lots of great things are happening on the farm! Believe it or not, it still ties in to getting rid of debt as each project will allow us to make money either through farming or spending less on insulation, etc., so it will help us put away that debt slowly but surely.
Renaissance Man and I continue to get up early. Despite the fact I was going through lots of aches and pains last week, I managed to work out 4 out of 5 days. Somehow another virus entered our home, so less writing, but that accountability partner stuff really kept me on my toes with respect to exercise. RM was busy getting things done around the farm while doing some business work as well.
We really try to let God determine our steps sometimes as the list is so long we often don't know where to start. When the good weather finally hit (thank you Lord! I LOVE SUMMER!!!!) RM determined he would do the plowing of one of our fields. It was a very sweet moment I must say. I joke that it looked like he got his plow at Toys 'R' Us because it is so tiny compared to the big farmer's plows around here. But out he went as the weather was perfect.
I thought he was doing a great job and was cheering him on from the distance, but then I watched how he got off his tractor and went and talked to our neighbour at the other end of our field. He and this neighbour have a really good relationship and he cuts some of our hay for us. Next thing you know, the other farmer is on our tractor plowing our field for a few minutes. It was too far away, so I couldn't exactly tell what was going on. Turns out it was quite a funny exchange. The farmer saw what RM was up to and said, "What do you think you are doing?" "I'm plowing my field?" "That is not how you plow a field. You're just going to make a big hole in your field if you keep doing it that way. You have to do it this way (and went on to try to describe how to do it)." Then, suddenly, he said, "Ahh, I'll just have to show you." With that, he jumped up on RM's tractor and proceeded to show RM how to do it. So funny. RM was so grateful that he did show him as I guess he wasn't doing it right and he really was going to be making a big hole instead of plowing his field. Once he got the concept the rest of the plowing went swimmingly! We're so grateful for our neighbours that are willing to step in and help us novice farmers out!
Meanwhile in his downtime, RM thought he would attempt to do the barn floor as the hay is coming off the field any day now and we've got to get in the barn! "Doing the barn floor" is no easy task as I've tried to describe before. I honestly thought we were going to need 10 guys. The skid steer was supposed to be a major part of this renovation as it was supposed to haul over the railway ties. We didn't have 10 guys and no skid steer, so once again I wondered what he was going to do. I knew he was counting on the boys, but for the whole floor?? As usual, I went inside. I didn't really want to watch.
This time I got called out to help! What?! I'm not lifting any 300 lb beam! Oh yes you are! So, with my two boys, my oldest daughter and myself on one end (as some are heavier than others and needed more power to lift) and RM on the other end, we lifted several of these beams over to the barn and RM moved them into place. Next thing you know, more than half the floor is done! So we are making serious progress. A great miracle.
It always comes back down to the ant, doesn't it? Literally lifting more than we are supposed to be able to lift, working without an overseer to manage our time for us, and working until the sun goes down. At the end of the day, we are all falling into bed exhausted, but loving it! We all are feeling like we are doing what we were created to do. I wonder if the ant could talk if it would say, "I'm a little overwhelmed" or "I feel like I'll never get this all done", but even if it were to say that, it keeps working anyway......so do we.
Tuesday, 10 June 2014
Loss, Sad but Good (read second)
Life and death. It is just a natural cycle, isn't it? Why are we so shocked and saddened when we experience it? I think it is simply because we are on this side of eternity and until we are on the other side, there will be a hole. So I am experiencing my first major loss and there is a hole. One of my children said, "We just lost an Annie." Annie is a friend of ours who is a 9th child. We really did lose a child, even if it was just a small one barely registering on the ultrasound, there really was a child there full of potential and a long life, but it wasn't meant to be. The saddest thing was seeing that the baby is still there, just not living. Even I could notice the difference from last week's ultrasound, to this week's. The place where the heart once was was no longer there - it was as if it had been erased. One friend prayed that the technician would be kind and she was. She explained everything that she was seeing and that she was sorry. That actually made me more emotional. Had she been callous and cold, I probably would have been, too, but in her kindness, she was acknowledging the loss of life, too. I love that! I needed that! It shocks me to read about women who film their own abortions so they can show that it was just tissue. I'm grateful that it happened early on. I'm grateful to experience on a small level what some of my friends have experienced. It helps me understand their pain a little better. I'm grateful that my children now know about death on a more personal level. It gave them an opportunity to be kind to me, too. Just before I left for the ultrasound my two oldest girls came down with an envelope of money. They gave me the money they had earned on the weekend selling smoothies and told me to not come home before I had gone for a pedicure! Ok, how to get an already emotional mom more emotional - so sweet, so thoughtful! It meant so much.
But, like I wrote before, I knew somehow God would carry me. I laid down when I got home, I was so wiped from all the emotion of the day and the physical loss had seriously begun. When I got up, I was tempted to do a few things around the house, but didn't. Shortly after, we were all looking outside, when suddenly a huge RV pulled by a big van pulls up slowly in front of our house. We couldn't figure out who this could be. It turns out it was a good friend and her family that decided to come our way after two days of camping. She knew things hadn't gone how we had hoped and was praying about the ultrasound yesterday, also hoping and praying for a miracle. They had literally driven out of her way to see how I was and if there was any news. She also was holding her 9th child and knows what a miracle each one is. She cried with me as I told her there was no heartbeat. Don't you see? The arms of God? Sent once again in female form. I welcomed their whole family to stay for a visit and once again, I wasn't on my own. Some cope better in silence, but I like having people around me. Their whole family stayed for the rest of the afternoon and even had dinner with us. Somehow between the two moms and the older girls we combined food and there was enough for everyone, even some left over.
Was it a rough day? Yes and no. My sister's and brother were in constant contact via the cell phone and I felt their arms around me all day. I felt their prayers. My parents were also very supportive and I knew they, too, had been praying for days as well. How can it be a rough day when so many are caring for you? How can it be a rough day when your toddler doesn't comprehend what has happened and just wants you to CUT THE WATERMELON, MOM!!!!! Life has to go on and it does so easily here as there is always so much going on. I like it that way. God creates distractions for me in a way in the form of little kids, messy houses, loads of laundry. I walk around, going from task to task and while I do, I pray, I reflect. It's been a blip in our summer for sure, but I can move on. My source of strength hasn't changed, never will. I'll be ok.
But, like I wrote before, I knew somehow God would carry me. I laid down when I got home, I was so wiped from all the emotion of the day and the physical loss had seriously begun. When I got up, I was tempted to do a few things around the house, but didn't. Shortly after, we were all looking outside, when suddenly a huge RV pulled by a big van pulls up slowly in front of our house. We couldn't figure out who this could be. It turns out it was a good friend and her family that decided to come our way after two days of camping. She knew things hadn't gone how we had hoped and was praying about the ultrasound yesterday, also hoping and praying for a miracle. They had literally driven out of her way to see how I was and if there was any news. She also was holding her 9th child and knows what a miracle each one is. She cried with me as I told her there was no heartbeat. Don't you see? The arms of God? Sent once again in female form. I welcomed their whole family to stay for a visit and once again, I wasn't on my own. Some cope better in silence, but I like having people around me. Their whole family stayed for the rest of the afternoon and even had dinner with us. Somehow between the two moms and the older girls we combined food and there was enough for everyone, even some left over.
Was it a rough day? Yes and no. My sister's and brother were in constant contact via the cell phone and I felt their arms around me all day. I felt their prayers. My parents were also very supportive and I knew they, too, had been praying for days as well. How can it be a rough day when so many are caring for you? How can it be a rough day when your toddler doesn't comprehend what has happened and just wants you to CUT THE WATERMELON, MOM!!!!! Life has to go on and it does so easily here as there is always so much going on. I like it that way. God creates distractions for me in a way in the form of little kids, messy houses, loads of laundry. I walk around, going from task to task and while I do, I pray, I reflect. It's been a blip in our summer for sure, but I can move on. My source of strength hasn't changed, never will. I'll be ok.
Preparing for Rain.....(in whatever form it takes)....read first
I wrote this post yesterday and it didn't get published for some reason so here it is now. I'll be writing another one today, so if you want to read things in order....read this first!
Today is the day I find out for sure what is happening with the baby. I know many are praying for a miracle and, of course, I am, too, but I also have been showing more signs that I really am miscarrying. Without being overly graphic, what was once pink turned red. Not large amounts, which is the only thing that gives me a trace of hope, but enough to make me think it can't be good. Other signs like achiness make me think I've lost it for sure. However, it's not over till it's over, so we'll see. I think by making myself more realistic it protects me just that much more.
All the while, life has had to go on. My girlfriend and I have been rather inspired by our husbands who meet each week for accountability. So much so that I emailed her and said, "Do you want an annoying accountability partner, too?" "The more annoying the better, " she said. Perfect. So, let's start with wake up time. Like I said, for me, getting up early is not that hard, but it is still a challenge, especially if you've had a late night, a bad night, or you just love sleep like I do! It's never a walk in the park, is what I'm trying to say. So, I committed to 5 am all over again. It's when I write, read, pray and heaven forbid, exercise. I hadn't been able to find the time for some reason to fit exercise in. If I didn't put it first, then it never happened. So today, it was first. It helps wake me up and seriously energizes me. I really do feel so much better for doing it and you should see me after. It's as if I've had 10 coffees, not one. I whip around the house with much less effort and feel so much better for doing it. Me and Jillian (Michaels, that is) are friends. I seriously hope to meet her some day. She's my friend from the exercise video! Her approach to working out is comical and I literally get such a kick out of her. Yes, she could stand to wear a few more clothes, but no one but me is watching her, so I figure her immodesty can be overlooked for a few minutes. I like the fact that she gives me a serious work out. I own several of her dvds, so I just switch them up from day to day. Length of time? 30 minutes. How often? This week I committed to 5 times a week. In the summer, I usually run which is an awesome way to enjoy the weather, but I guess my feet aren't what they used to be and it took me a whole year to get over an injury I got two years ago! So, no running for now. I hate to say it, but running doesn't really do much except get your heart working really hard. I'm not looking to be a body builder, but I prefer a whole body workout, that's all. Enough about that.
I'm also excited to start planning my year for school in these early hours when it is so quiet. Pretty soon we'll all be done officially for the year. This is when I pull out my "Managers" series by the Maxwells and all the books I've purchased for each child for the Fall and put it all into a neat and tidy spreadsheet for each one. I was much better about that before we moved out this way so many years ago and have been more of a "fly by the seat of my pants" person since then which is a less organized way to approach life and always makes me feel behind the 8 ball as they say. Normally I do this in August, but the whole summer it hangs over my head. Not this summer. I really hope to do it right away, then put it away until August, quickly refresh the week before school starts and then go to it.
The problem was, I used to do this in August for several days in a row. Now, with all the kids, I don't have that luxury, so when can I do it? In the wee hours of the morning. I figure if I plug away at it for a few minutes every day, I can get this thing done fairly quickly. I'm really excited to do this and I think it will help both my organized kids and my not-so-organized kids. It's basically laying out how much they are to do in each subject for each week on a sheet they keep in their binders. Without the sheet, they still work ahead, but never know exactly where they should be. It's also a great way for me to pray through each child, each subject, always asking the Lord to guide me as we homeschool.
As for our husbands, they are doing great! I have to go back to the ant story for a minute. I was comparing Renaissance Man to being an ant - though he has no overseer, he has to keep preparing for winter in the summer. Little did I know how much he would be just like an ant. Most of our barn floor has been taken out as it had rotted by the hole that had been left for years in the roof. We fixed that last year just in time for all the hay to be stored. This summer, amidst all the other things he has to do, RM decided to tackle this huge task of putting in the barn floor. To me, it was a bit over his head - how in the world would he lift these 300 lb railway ties to be the base for the floor on his own. In my mind, there was no way. Perhaps we'd have to call in the troops and beg all our strong male friends to come. I didn't know how it would get done on our own. But I said nothing.
Then, last week, I hear a chain saw running and I look outside and he's cutting the railway ties to fit the floor. "What are you doing"? "Fixing the floor." Sure, I thought to myself, and went back in. First of all, I hate watching him do things where he could get hurt. I'd rather go out later and find him hurt then watch him get hurt! The floor he is fixing is not at ground level. There is a basement floor, a cement floor, I might add, that is at least 9 feet below the one he is fixing. Putting beams across the empty space is no easy task and is definitely a risk I didn't want to observe.
Next thing you know, I get called out again. This time I'm very curious. Sure enough, somehow a beam is now suspended across the empty space. How did he do that??? How did he carry a beam that is 300 lb by himself, walk it across another beam to lay it on the other side of the floor, without falling and without calling in 10 other guys????? I'm telling you, he's an ant. He got my two older boys to lift one end, which was impressive in itself, then he walked across an existing beam (I should say balance beam as it, too, was suspended in midair with lots of space on either side to fall through....glad I wasn't there to watch him fall) all the while carrying the other end of the railway tie/beam on his own and then somehow dropped it into the spot it needed to go. I was impressed. Just like ants, he and the boys carried things that were way heavier than they were and yet they did it! Who am I to question what these guys can accomplish when they set their minds to it! Now I'm convinced he really could get this entire floor done on his own, with the help of my capable boys, of course.
There are more stories like this to tell since he's made the effort to get up early. We've both decided to add more hours to our day and lots is getting done. As always, where is the tie-in to debt? All I know is we are preparing for rain. That is one of our favourite lines from the movie Facing the Giants. The coach of the football team makes a crazy call that seems nuts, but he believes that God is going to bless his faith (much more involved than that, but that is the long and the short of it). When he's asked why he's bringing in a novice kicker and asking him to make a ridiculously long kick, the coach answers, "I'm preparing for rain." He'd been told the story of the two farmers earlier on in the movie. One farmer plowed his fields, expecting that if he did his part, God would do his. The other farmer did nothing as he thought he should wait until it looked like it would rain. "Which farmer are you?" he was asked. As the movie goes on, he realizes he needs to do his part and then God will act. We are now preparing for rain. My husband says it all the time. In fact, this week, he decided to plow a field (he's NEVER plowed any of our fields on his own before - we've always hired it out). He realized all it takes is the right equipment which we bought when we purchased the farm, it came as part of the package, and a lot of nerve. He got that when he was born! So a plow plus nerve equals a plowed field and more money in our pocket as we didn't have to pay someone to do it. Plowing the field was a spiritual experience for him as we were literally like the farmer in the story, just doing our part, waiting for God to act, preparing for rain.
The debt hasn't changed much yet this summer, but our level of activity has gone up, attempting to be more diligent with our time given to us by God...by doing more and more on our own at the farm instead of paying others, will help us pay down the debt faster. We don't actually know exactly what it will look like by having God act. It could mean more contracts that we aren't expecting or a bumper crop of hay, or who knows....but we are looking for His hand in our lives in some form as He promises, "the diligent will eat the fruit of their hands."
I better stop. I could go on and on. More later - thanks for all the support and prayers. I feel very loved and sense everyone's care and concern. Female friendship is a beautiful thing.
Today is the day I find out for sure what is happening with the baby. I know many are praying for a miracle and, of course, I am, too, but I also have been showing more signs that I really am miscarrying. Without being overly graphic, what was once pink turned red. Not large amounts, which is the only thing that gives me a trace of hope, but enough to make me think it can't be good. Other signs like achiness make me think I've lost it for sure. However, it's not over till it's over, so we'll see. I think by making myself more realistic it protects me just that much more.
All the while, life has had to go on. My girlfriend and I have been rather inspired by our husbands who meet each week for accountability. So much so that I emailed her and said, "Do you want an annoying accountability partner, too?" "The more annoying the better, " she said. Perfect. So, let's start with wake up time. Like I said, for me, getting up early is not that hard, but it is still a challenge, especially if you've had a late night, a bad night, or you just love sleep like I do! It's never a walk in the park, is what I'm trying to say. So, I committed to 5 am all over again. It's when I write, read, pray and heaven forbid, exercise. I hadn't been able to find the time for some reason to fit exercise in. If I didn't put it first, then it never happened. So today, it was first. It helps wake me up and seriously energizes me. I really do feel so much better for doing it and you should see me after. It's as if I've had 10 coffees, not one. I whip around the house with much less effort and feel so much better for doing it. Me and Jillian (Michaels, that is) are friends. I seriously hope to meet her some day. She's my friend from the exercise video! Her approach to working out is comical and I literally get such a kick out of her. Yes, she could stand to wear a few more clothes, but no one but me is watching her, so I figure her immodesty can be overlooked for a few minutes. I like the fact that she gives me a serious work out. I own several of her dvds, so I just switch them up from day to day. Length of time? 30 minutes. How often? This week I committed to 5 times a week. In the summer, I usually run which is an awesome way to enjoy the weather, but I guess my feet aren't what they used to be and it took me a whole year to get over an injury I got two years ago! So, no running for now. I hate to say it, but running doesn't really do much except get your heart working really hard. I'm not looking to be a body builder, but I prefer a whole body workout, that's all. Enough about that.
I'm also excited to start planning my year for school in these early hours when it is so quiet. Pretty soon we'll all be done officially for the year. This is when I pull out my "Managers" series by the Maxwells and all the books I've purchased for each child for the Fall and put it all into a neat and tidy spreadsheet for each one. I was much better about that before we moved out this way so many years ago and have been more of a "fly by the seat of my pants" person since then which is a less organized way to approach life and always makes me feel behind the 8 ball as they say. Normally I do this in August, but the whole summer it hangs over my head. Not this summer. I really hope to do it right away, then put it away until August, quickly refresh the week before school starts and then go to it.
The problem was, I used to do this in August for several days in a row. Now, with all the kids, I don't have that luxury, so when can I do it? In the wee hours of the morning. I figure if I plug away at it for a few minutes every day, I can get this thing done fairly quickly. I'm really excited to do this and I think it will help both my organized kids and my not-so-organized kids. It's basically laying out how much they are to do in each subject for each week on a sheet they keep in their binders. Without the sheet, they still work ahead, but never know exactly where they should be. It's also a great way for me to pray through each child, each subject, always asking the Lord to guide me as we homeschool.
As for our husbands, they are doing great! I have to go back to the ant story for a minute. I was comparing Renaissance Man to being an ant - though he has no overseer, he has to keep preparing for winter in the summer. Little did I know how much he would be just like an ant. Most of our barn floor has been taken out as it had rotted by the hole that had been left for years in the roof. We fixed that last year just in time for all the hay to be stored. This summer, amidst all the other things he has to do, RM decided to tackle this huge task of putting in the barn floor. To me, it was a bit over his head - how in the world would he lift these 300 lb railway ties to be the base for the floor on his own. In my mind, there was no way. Perhaps we'd have to call in the troops and beg all our strong male friends to come. I didn't know how it would get done on our own. But I said nothing.
Then, last week, I hear a chain saw running and I look outside and he's cutting the railway ties to fit the floor. "What are you doing"? "Fixing the floor." Sure, I thought to myself, and went back in. First of all, I hate watching him do things where he could get hurt. I'd rather go out later and find him hurt then watch him get hurt! The floor he is fixing is not at ground level. There is a basement floor, a cement floor, I might add, that is at least 9 feet below the one he is fixing. Putting beams across the empty space is no easy task and is definitely a risk I didn't want to observe.
Next thing you know, I get called out again. This time I'm very curious. Sure enough, somehow a beam is now suspended across the empty space. How did he do that??? How did he carry a beam that is 300 lb by himself, walk it across another beam to lay it on the other side of the floor, without falling and without calling in 10 other guys????? I'm telling you, he's an ant. He got my two older boys to lift one end, which was impressive in itself, then he walked across an existing beam (I should say balance beam as it, too, was suspended in midair with lots of space on either side to fall through....glad I wasn't there to watch him fall) all the while carrying the other end of the railway tie/beam on his own and then somehow dropped it into the spot it needed to go. I was impressed. Just like ants, he and the boys carried things that were way heavier than they were and yet they did it! Who am I to question what these guys can accomplish when they set their minds to it! Now I'm convinced he really could get this entire floor done on his own, with the help of my capable boys, of course.
There are more stories like this to tell since he's made the effort to get up early. We've both decided to add more hours to our day and lots is getting done. As always, where is the tie-in to debt? All I know is we are preparing for rain. That is one of our favourite lines from the movie Facing the Giants. The coach of the football team makes a crazy call that seems nuts, but he believes that God is going to bless his faith (much more involved than that, but that is the long and the short of it). When he's asked why he's bringing in a novice kicker and asking him to make a ridiculously long kick, the coach answers, "I'm preparing for rain." He'd been told the story of the two farmers earlier on in the movie. One farmer plowed his fields, expecting that if he did his part, God would do his. The other farmer did nothing as he thought he should wait until it looked like it would rain. "Which farmer are you?" he was asked. As the movie goes on, he realizes he needs to do his part and then God will act. We are now preparing for rain. My husband says it all the time. In fact, this week, he decided to plow a field (he's NEVER plowed any of our fields on his own before - we've always hired it out). He realized all it takes is the right equipment which we bought when we purchased the farm, it came as part of the package, and a lot of nerve. He got that when he was born! So a plow plus nerve equals a plowed field and more money in our pocket as we didn't have to pay someone to do it. Plowing the field was a spiritual experience for him as we were literally like the farmer in the story, just doing our part, waiting for God to act, preparing for rain.
The debt hasn't changed much yet this summer, but our level of activity has gone up, attempting to be more diligent with our time given to us by God...by doing more and more on our own at the farm instead of paying others, will help us pay down the debt faster. We don't actually know exactly what it will look like by having God act. It could mean more contracts that we aren't expecting or a bumper crop of hay, or who knows....but we are looking for His hand in our lives in some form as He promises, "the diligent will eat the fruit of their hands."
I better stop. I could go on and on. More later - thanks for all the support and prayers. I feel very loved and sense everyone's care and concern. Female friendship is a beautiful thing.
Thursday, 5 June 2014
He Will Carry Me No Matter What
Not sure how I feel about writing this as it will be the first time some read it and I apologize for that. Sometimes, the computer is a safer way to communicate as face to face can be more painful and those who know me know that I am a big cry baby in person.
It appears we are in the middle of losing a baby - I found out I was pregnant just over a week ago. I immediately ran to get blood work and ultrasounds to make sure this was a viable pregnancy as the older I get the more certain I want to be. The doctor called yesterday to tell me my hormone levels are dropping - this is never a good thing. The more pregnant you are the higher they should go with each passing day. I was shocked and saddened. So many things run through your mind, so many emotions as you try so hard to not get attached to the baby at first as you know it is a possibility in each pregnancy that you could lose it, but inevitably.....the bonding happens. I pictured myself pregnant, ready to deliver - I LOVE labour and delivery. I pictured myself nursing the new baby. We thought we were done....remember I had given everything away!? But, apparently not! Well, then again, maybe we are.
I know of many women in their 40s who long to be pregnant and continue to have babies. I didn't think I would have anymore, though I was thrilled to think about the possibility and perhaps deep down hoped it would happen. When I was late, I didn't dare hope, but then as more and more time went by, I started to wonder and the possibility of being pregnant got me so excited! When the test was positive, and I mean really positive - a set of two blazing red lines - I couldn't believe it! We were stunned and wondered immediately if this was what Abraham and Sarah felt! We are old enough to be grandparents, not new parents! After the shock, we settled into the idea really quickly and that's when the bonding started.
We waited a few days to tell the kids, but I couldn't keep it to myself much longer. They, too, were thrilled - they all felt 8 kids was a rather small family. Then, being who I am - a bit of a blabbermouth, I started to leak it out to a few close friends. I had already told most of the family and they, too, were very supportive. Sometimes I wonder if I tell people then maybe God will make sure I don't lose the baby! Wrong thinking, obviously, as you can't play games with God. Now, I've got some back tracking to do with the people I've told. I wonder if that is the harder part.
Now, miracles can happen. I have an ultra sound booked in a week or so, but the doctor is fairly certain it'll just be to confirm the loss and check to see if there is any remaining tissue.
Pain is what God uses to speak to us. I don't want pain. Ravi Zacharias spoke on the radio this week and read a beautiful hymn by a woman whose name I wish I could remember. Ravi said, "If I told you could write a hymn like this, too, but it'll require the loss of your sight, the worst case of arthritis you could ever get, your body will be eaten alive by cancer and you'll lose both your parents, would you want to write that hymn? I don't think so." We don't want pain. We want to hear from God and have a deeper sense of himself without going through any pain.
I've also been writing about the heroines of Canadian history. These women are very well known and accomplished amazing things, but the things they suffered, including children, were awful. I've been kept fairly protected from major levels of pain, yet I often pray for a close walk with God. Is this how He wants to achieve that in my life? I am not enjoying the process especially being in the early stages of loss - I know there is more to come and it could get worse, even physically painful.
But at the same time, I will not fight it. I will accept it. It is a strange gift from God in a way, but a good gift.
Though it was a sad day yesterday, let me show you how I think God carried me all throughout the day. It was upon reflection last night that I started to see his hand the whole day.....
I wrote about the power of male friendship and alluded to the power of female friendship, too in yesterday's post. What an interesting day I had in light of that!
My day started by having two younger moms over with their little children - we talked for a couple hours about everything from homeschooling curriculum to pregnancy and I shared with them what I thought might be happening. Meanwhile the nurse called to tell me everything was normal with the ultra sound and blood work - great! The ladies stayed for lunch and we continued our talking - it was a wonderful opportunity to pass on the many things I've learned over the dozen years or so I've homeschooled. I didn't have a lot of people to do that with when I first started and I now feel a huge responsibility to share with as many young moms as I can what I wish I could do differently or the things I would never change. I was buoyed up by their enthusiasm just as much.
I had started the day texting a couple people to pray as I didn't like the symptoms I was experiencing, so I was getting regular encouragement throughout the day just by picking up my cell phone.
As the younger moms were getting ready to go, another mom showed up with her kids for piano lessons. My oldest daughter teaches them each week. We were all able to chat for a bit, which again, I love! Getting a bunch of moms together who don't know one another is fantastic as you start to feel the Christian fellowship knowing the reason we are all connecting immediately on a deeper level is because we all have the same God in common - hard to explain and it sounds cliche, but you know what I'm talking about. The two young moms left, leaving behind the piano students and their mom. Once again, the phone rang in the midst of all this.
This time it was the doctor herself. That can't be good. She shared with me the not-so-good-news about my hormone levels going down. I wasn't able to share with my friend as I wanted to communicate the news to my husband and children first, so I had to put on a happy face and keep the visit uppity! Inside I was so sad.
But no time for despair, as soon as my piano family started to get ready to leave, another two friends showed up, somewhat unannounced in that I hadn't officially invited them. I had just told one of them a couple weeks ago that chicks were arriving this week and she was welcome to come by and see them. She was one of the library ladies, so I didn't know for sure if she would take me up on it as the library girls don't always show up when I invite them! But there she was and she brought another friend with both of their children. My goodness, this was a busy day!
We went to look at the chicks. So cute! Then we hung out for a bit by the playground while the kids played. I was still numb, but the conversation was flowing. Somehow it came up that my youngest sibling and only brother had just gotten married last year to a wonderful girl after many years of being single. My friend wanted to know why he had finally settled on this one. What an interesting opening......I was able to share my brother's faith story on how he had come to accept Christ. I was able to share the gospel with these two women through the telling of my brother's conversion. Oh my goodness, it was awesome! The whole time, I'm having to just put it out of my mind that a miscarriage was taking place! Bizarre!
Then, if that wasn't enough visitors for one day, my in-laws showed up to see the chicks. We hadn't shared the news with them either as we were waiting till I was farther along. But it was still a fun time of showing them around. All the while, my library friends were still there. And all the while, I'm still getting the odd text from someone just sending me a silent note of encouragement!
Once everyone was gone - it was 5 pm! What a day! I was finally able to sit with my husband alone in his office and share what had happened or what we think is happening. He was sad, but grabbed his Bible and encouraged me that God was even in the pain. That's when I started to look back on the day. God hadn't left me alone in a puddle of tears for even a moment that day!
From the minute I woke up, I was surrounded by Godly women, either in person or on the phone. And when there was an unbeliever present, God was even able to use me to share my faith even at such a low point in my day. There wasn't one opportunity for me to get down and when I started to feel the pangs of sadness, "Ping!", my cell phone would go off with a word of encouragement. The Lord carried me all day through what could have been a real rough day if I'd been left to myself. He knew what I needed that day and so much of it was unplanned. The young moms were supposed to come last week, but everything got changed to yesterday last minute. The other two library moms were completely unexpected and I never knew for sure if my in-laws were coming until that afternoon. It was a great day!
In the end, I'm still hoping for a miracle. Even the doctor said, nothing is certain at this point, so you never know. If it is over, I'll be ok. If it is still a viable pregnancy and there was some mistake, I'll be thrilled. Looking back over my day yesterday helps me to see that He will carry me no matter what happens.
It appears we are in the middle of losing a baby - I found out I was pregnant just over a week ago. I immediately ran to get blood work and ultrasounds to make sure this was a viable pregnancy as the older I get the more certain I want to be. The doctor called yesterday to tell me my hormone levels are dropping - this is never a good thing. The more pregnant you are the higher they should go with each passing day. I was shocked and saddened. So many things run through your mind, so many emotions as you try so hard to not get attached to the baby at first as you know it is a possibility in each pregnancy that you could lose it, but inevitably.....the bonding happens. I pictured myself pregnant, ready to deliver - I LOVE labour and delivery. I pictured myself nursing the new baby. We thought we were done....remember I had given everything away!? But, apparently not! Well, then again, maybe we are.
I know of many women in their 40s who long to be pregnant and continue to have babies. I didn't think I would have anymore, though I was thrilled to think about the possibility and perhaps deep down hoped it would happen. When I was late, I didn't dare hope, but then as more and more time went by, I started to wonder and the possibility of being pregnant got me so excited! When the test was positive, and I mean really positive - a set of two blazing red lines - I couldn't believe it! We were stunned and wondered immediately if this was what Abraham and Sarah felt! We are old enough to be grandparents, not new parents! After the shock, we settled into the idea really quickly and that's when the bonding started.
We waited a few days to tell the kids, but I couldn't keep it to myself much longer. They, too, were thrilled - they all felt 8 kids was a rather small family. Then, being who I am - a bit of a blabbermouth, I started to leak it out to a few close friends. I had already told most of the family and they, too, were very supportive. Sometimes I wonder if I tell people then maybe God will make sure I don't lose the baby! Wrong thinking, obviously, as you can't play games with God. Now, I've got some back tracking to do with the people I've told. I wonder if that is the harder part.
Now, miracles can happen. I have an ultra sound booked in a week or so, but the doctor is fairly certain it'll just be to confirm the loss and check to see if there is any remaining tissue.
Pain is what God uses to speak to us. I don't want pain. Ravi Zacharias spoke on the radio this week and read a beautiful hymn by a woman whose name I wish I could remember. Ravi said, "If I told you could write a hymn like this, too, but it'll require the loss of your sight, the worst case of arthritis you could ever get, your body will be eaten alive by cancer and you'll lose both your parents, would you want to write that hymn? I don't think so." We don't want pain. We want to hear from God and have a deeper sense of himself without going through any pain.
I've also been writing about the heroines of Canadian history. These women are very well known and accomplished amazing things, but the things they suffered, including children, were awful. I've been kept fairly protected from major levels of pain, yet I often pray for a close walk with God. Is this how He wants to achieve that in my life? I am not enjoying the process especially being in the early stages of loss - I know there is more to come and it could get worse, even physically painful.
But at the same time, I will not fight it. I will accept it. It is a strange gift from God in a way, but a good gift.
Though it was a sad day yesterday, let me show you how I think God carried me all throughout the day. It was upon reflection last night that I started to see his hand the whole day.....
I wrote about the power of male friendship and alluded to the power of female friendship, too in yesterday's post. What an interesting day I had in light of that!
My day started by having two younger moms over with their little children - we talked for a couple hours about everything from homeschooling curriculum to pregnancy and I shared with them what I thought might be happening. Meanwhile the nurse called to tell me everything was normal with the ultra sound and blood work - great! The ladies stayed for lunch and we continued our talking - it was a wonderful opportunity to pass on the many things I've learned over the dozen years or so I've homeschooled. I didn't have a lot of people to do that with when I first started and I now feel a huge responsibility to share with as many young moms as I can what I wish I could do differently or the things I would never change. I was buoyed up by their enthusiasm just as much.
I had started the day texting a couple people to pray as I didn't like the symptoms I was experiencing, so I was getting regular encouragement throughout the day just by picking up my cell phone.
As the younger moms were getting ready to go, another mom showed up with her kids for piano lessons. My oldest daughter teaches them each week. We were all able to chat for a bit, which again, I love! Getting a bunch of moms together who don't know one another is fantastic as you start to feel the Christian fellowship knowing the reason we are all connecting immediately on a deeper level is because we all have the same God in common - hard to explain and it sounds cliche, but you know what I'm talking about. The two young moms left, leaving behind the piano students and their mom. Once again, the phone rang in the midst of all this.
This time it was the doctor herself. That can't be good. She shared with me the not-so-good-news about my hormone levels going down. I wasn't able to share with my friend as I wanted to communicate the news to my husband and children first, so I had to put on a happy face and keep the visit uppity! Inside I was so sad.
But no time for despair, as soon as my piano family started to get ready to leave, another two friends showed up, somewhat unannounced in that I hadn't officially invited them. I had just told one of them a couple weeks ago that chicks were arriving this week and she was welcome to come by and see them. She was one of the library ladies, so I didn't know for sure if she would take me up on it as the library girls don't always show up when I invite them! But there she was and she brought another friend with both of their children. My goodness, this was a busy day!
We went to look at the chicks. So cute! Then we hung out for a bit by the playground while the kids played. I was still numb, but the conversation was flowing. Somehow it came up that my youngest sibling and only brother had just gotten married last year to a wonderful girl after many years of being single. My friend wanted to know why he had finally settled on this one. What an interesting opening......I was able to share my brother's faith story on how he had come to accept Christ. I was able to share the gospel with these two women through the telling of my brother's conversion. Oh my goodness, it was awesome! The whole time, I'm having to just put it out of my mind that a miscarriage was taking place! Bizarre!
Then, if that wasn't enough visitors for one day, my in-laws showed up to see the chicks. We hadn't shared the news with them either as we were waiting till I was farther along. But it was still a fun time of showing them around. All the while, my library friends were still there. And all the while, I'm still getting the odd text from someone just sending me a silent note of encouragement!
Once everyone was gone - it was 5 pm! What a day! I was finally able to sit with my husband alone in his office and share what had happened or what we think is happening. He was sad, but grabbed his Bible and encouraged me that God was even in the pain. That's when I started to look back on the day. God hadn't left me alone in a puddle of tears for even a moment that day!
From the minute I woke up, I was surrounded by Godly women, either in person or on the phone. And when there was an unbeliever present, God was even able to use me to share my faith even at such a low point in my day. There wasn't one opportunity for me to get down and when I started to feel the pangs of sadness, "Ping!", my cell phone would go off with a word of encouragement. The Lord carried me all day through what could have been a real rough day if I'd been left to myself. He knew what I needed that day and so much of it was unplanned. The young moms were supposed to come last week, but everything got changed to yesterday last minute. The other two library moms were completely unexpected and I never knew for sure if my in-laws were coming until that afternoon. It was a great day!
In the end, I'm still hoping for a miracle. Even the doctor said, nothing is certain at this point, so you never know. If it is over, I'll be ok. If it is still a viable pregnancy and there was some mistake, I'll be thrilled. Looking back over my day yesterday helps me to see that He will carry me no matter what happens.
Wednesday, 4 June 2014
Iron Sharpens Iron....(and makes us more like the ant!)
Well, he asked for it, RM, that is. He's meeting with another man on a weekly basis for accountability and business inspiration. Iron sharpens iron, right? Sometimes the sharpening is a little too sharp for our liking! So far, it's been really good. They've been setting certain goals that they both wanted to see accomplished in their business week and it has really pushed each man to go beyond what they normally do as they realize they have to meet up the next week and give an account.
Last week, RM shared there just isn't enough time in the day to get all the things done that he hopes to get done, from fixing machines or cars, to writing computer courses, getting new work, finishing the major renovations on the farm and house, to prepping the buildings for new animals, and oh yeah, he has a wife and 8 kids that really like spending time with him, AND we are planning on hosting a ridiculous number of events this summer on the farm......! The list went on and on. They decided, do we really not have enough hours in our day? Could we be better time managers? How can we add more hours? So, they set their business/life goals for the week and then decided, the only way these things will get done is to both get up at 5 am every day until we've accomplished what we said we would. That may not sound that hard. I get up at 5 am almost everyday already, but I'm naturally inclined that way. I have my Dad's genes, not my Mom's! Dad is up every morning EASILY at 5am. He drinks his (seriously) pot of coffee, reads his paper, preps for his day and then, (here's the sweet part, ladies......remember this is rare.....it got my husband in a lot of trouble for a number of years!) he takes up a fresh cup of coffee, with cream already in it, as well as the rest of the pot in a thermos and puts it by my sleeping mom for when she is ready to wake up. She is not so much a morning person! All that to say, if you told my Dad to get up every morning at 5 am, no problem, but my mom? Not sure how that would go over. Same with Renaissance Man and myself. If you tell me, 5 am is the plan. No problem. RM? Uh, you've got to be kidding. So he's on day 2 of this new regime and is DYING! But he's accomplishing SO MUCH!!!! I'm very impressed. I hope he will be able to get all the things done that he wants to. My job is to have the coffee ready for him, continue to prompt him to wake up gently (!) and get him in his office so he can text the other guy that he's awake and working! Oh, and I pray.
I could do a whole blog post on just praying for our husbands. It is the greatest thing I can do for him and in fact, sometimes the only thing I can do. Think about it. Fixing cars? Nope, can't do it. Put in a barn floor? Nope. Look for work? Cut hay? Side the house? Nope, nope and nope. It literally is impossible for me to do those things. I couldn't, even if I wanted to! And I've offered! I've said, "If you taught me to ride the tractor, I could probably learn how to cut the hay for you!" He just laughs, thinks I'm being cute and shakes his head at the thought of me on a tractor. I've suggested other ridiculous things, but again, he says, "We need you alive." In other words, the things I'm suggesting I do or learn could easily kill me, so not that great an idea. So I walk around the house, all day long and pray. I pray for wisdom for him, for time management, for God's blessing on his life, his work, for creative ideas to come, resourcefulness....you name it, I pray for it. And I see answers! Often! Daily. No other wives, at least hopefully none that I know of (except for my Mom - I know she is praying for all of her sons-in-law) are praying for him, so it is my greatest responsibility and privilege.
Last time I wrote about being an ant. I think RM is really trying to be an ant! The verse talks about the ant having no overseer yet it knows what to do all day and accomplishes huge tasks, doing more than is humanly possible, lifting many times its weight in some cases, all day long. RM has no overseer either. It was different when he used to work downtown Toronto and had the accountability of a boss, or two, in some cases. Once he was on his own, there was no one to report to - that can be freeing, but is also a bigger responsibility.
I'm grateful for this other accountability partner for RM. He's pushing him, sharpening him, in a way I cannot. So Scripture comes to life again, Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." What a great verse. It doesn't say anything about a wife, though obviously we do sharpen one another, but if the Scripture wants to talk about marriage, it usually uses words like "husband" or "wife". In this case it is generic and just says, "man". I haven't done the Hebrew word study, I'm just saying that sometimes outside sources are helpful in a marriage. Just like my husband can't meet all my emotional needs. God has given me wonderful, Christian, female friendships. They meet the needs a husband cannot and that is a gift from God! So, too, in a man's life. Male friendships are really vital (and rare!)
We're only 2 days into this new early morning life.....I'm hoping he'll make it! I'm hoping and praying God will bless this new habit he's trying to form in RM. It is hard, but I think once he sees all that he's able to do in a day, he'll be convinced it is worth it. Watch out. I sense a blog post coming on the great benefits of early mornings......
Last week, RM shared there just isn't enough time in the day to get all the things done that he hopes to get done, from fixing machines or cars, to writing computer courses, getting new work, finishing the major renovations on the farm and house, to prepping the buildings for new animals, and oh yeah, he has a wife and 8 kids that really like spending time with him, AND we are planning on hosting a ridiculous number of events this summer on the farm......! The list went on and on. They decided, do we really not have enough hours in our day? Could we be better time managers? How can we add more hours? So, they set their business/life goals for the week and then decided, the only way these things will get done is to both get up at 5 am every day until we've accomplished what we said we would. That may not sound that hard. I get up at 5 am almost everyday already, but I'm naturally inclined that way. I have my Dad's genes, not my Mom's! Dad is up every morning EASILY at 5am. He drinks his (seriously) pot of coffee, reads his paper, preps for his day and then, (here's the sweet part, ladies......remember this is rare.....it got my husband in a lot of trouble for a number of years!) he takes up a fresh cup of coffee, with cream already in it, as well as the rest of the pot in a thermos and puts it by my sleeping mom for when she is ready to wake up. She is not so much a morning person! All that to say, if you told my Dad to get up every morning at 5 am, no problem, but my mom? Not sure how that would go over. Same with Renaissance Man and myself. If you tell me, 5 am is the plan. No problem. RM? Uh, you've got to be kidding. So he's on day 2 of this new regime and is DYING! But he's accomplishing SO MUCH!!!! I'm very impressed. I hope he will be able to get all the things done that he wants to. My job is to have the coffee ready for him, continue to prompt him to wake up gently (!) and get him in his office so he can text the other guy that he's awake and working! Oh, and I pray.
I could do a whole blog post on just praying for our husbands. It is the greatest thing I can do for him and in fact, sometimes the only thing I can do. Think about it. Fixing cars? Nope, can't do it. Put in a barn floor? Nope. Look for work? Cut hay? Side the house? Nope, nope and nope. It literally is impossible for me to do those things. I couldn't, even if I wanted to! And I've offered! I've said, "If you taught me to ride the tractor, I could probably learn how to cut the hay for you!" He just laughs, thinks I'm being cute and shakes his head at the thought of me on a tractor. I've suggested other ridiculous things, but again, he says, "We need you alive." In other words, the things I'm suggesting I do or learn could easily kill me, so not that great an idea. So I walk around the house, all day long and pray. I pray for wisdom for him, for time management, for God's blessing on his life, his work, for creative ideas to come, resourcefulness....you name it, I pray for it. And I see answers! Often! Daily. No other wives, at least hopefully none that I know of (except for my Mom - I know she is praying for all of her sons-in-law) are praying for him, so it is my greatest responsibility and privilege.
Last time I wrote about being an ant. I think RM is really trying to be an ant! The verse talks about the ant having no overseer yet it knows what to do all day and accomplishes huge tasks, doing more than is humanly possible, lifting many times its weight in some cases, all day long. RM has no overseer either. It was different when he used to work downtown Toronto and had the accountability of a boss, or two, in some cases. Once he was on his own, there was no one to report to - that can be freeing, but is also a bigger responsibility.
I'm grateful for this other accountability partner for RM. He's pushing him, sharpening him, in a way I cannot. So Scripture comes to life again, Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." What a great verse. It doesn't say anything about a wife, though obviously we do sharpen one another, but if the Scripture wants to talk about marriage, it usually uses words like "husband" or "wife". In this case it is generic and just says, "man". I haven't done the Hebrew word study, I'm just saying that sometimes outside sources are helpful in a marriage. Just like my husband can't meet all my emotional needs. God has given me wonderful, Christian, female friendships. They meet the needs a husband cannot and that is a gift from God! So, too, in a man's life. Male friendships are really vital (and rare!)
We're only 2 days into this new early morning life.....I'm hoping he'll make it! I'm hoping and praying God will bless this new habit he's trying to form in RM. It is hard, but I think once he sees all that he's able to do in a day, he'll be convinced it is worth it. Watch out. I sense a blog post coming on the great benefits of early mornings......
Monday, 2 June 2014
We Want to be Ants!
It is Monday morning, a new day, a new week...much to be thankful for (haven't really been keeping up with a regular list, but still, lots to be thankful for!).
We now own a lovely broken skid steer and a fridge (with a small dent!). Ok, so we don't sound like the wisest people buying broken machines and dented appliances, but really, that's how we acquire things....on a budget, that is. The skid steer was definitely a bargain when I think about it, as new ones are going upwards of $30,000 and used ones are going for $8,000-$10,000 (working ones), so when I think about what we paid....it was a deal. Yes, I would loooove to have a working one, but think about it...we'd never be able to buy that AND do the work we want to do around the farm. This way, we though it may take a few extra days (Renaissance Man has already been hard at work at fixing it....it's never an easy fix, but it's coming along and parts are already ordered), it'll eventually, Lord willing, get working and then we're off to the races getting started on our loooong list of farm/house things. I think it is also great that my boys are watching RM fix machine after machine. They are getting a fantastic grasp on how to make a broken engine work as well as negotiate a deal (as they go on most of the pick-ups). Most people aren't independently wealthy, so it's a good skill for them to have as they grow up and potentially own their own equipment.
Same with the fridge. We made it in time the day RM and my son ran off to make the 7am deadline....turns out we were early in fact! 12 hours early! They meant 7 PM, not 7 AM!!!!! Ha, the Lord has a sense of humour and knew we needed to get that fridge! It is running perfectly, makes ice and dispenses water even! But we do call it pre-disastered....there is one small dent at the top, but you know, we just don't care! Well, I shouldn't say that, we do care, but we don't feel we are quite at that place where we can demand high end appliances with no dents. It keeps us humble! It was by far the cheapest ad on-line, so we were thrilled to be able to get it.
Now that it is June, we have a sense of urgency as these Canadian summers just don't last that long! It's tempting to take that sense and turn it into fear or panic as we think of all that we long to get done or all that we won't get done, but we take it one day at at time. We'd been praying for that skid steer for a long time and now we have it! We knew that we might have to find a broken one, but then God led RM to a guy in the States that was an awesome resource that told him just what parts to order and walked him through what is probably wrong with it. So he bought it knowing he could fix it. The list of things we want to get done isn't going anywhere and we don't want it to consume us. If it takes more than one summer, so be it! Contentment is always trying to walk out the door and discontentment is trying to sneak in! It's like our pastor said on Sunday, "The thing about sin, is that it is never satisfied." Our list may never be satisfied....two things will get knocked off and 10 more might show up. We are not about to let our home take over us - we have too many eternal souls at stake and we cannot lose focus.
At the same time, we want to be good stewards of the property God has given us. We want to give Him all the glory by maintaining an orderly farm as I think disorder can be a poor reflection. We want to be like the ant who works hard in the summer preparing for winter and the Bible does say, "Go to the ant, you sluggard. Consider her ways and be wise." We want to be like the ant. A tough balance to figure out and so we go before the Lord daily asking him to teach us, "Lord, we want to be ants - what does that look like?"
We now own a lovely broken skid steer and a fridge (with a small dent!). Ok, so we don't sound like the wisest people buying broken machines and dented appliances, but really, that's how we acquire things....on a budget, that is. The skid steer was definitely a bargain when I think about it, as new ones are going upwards of $30,000 and used ones are going for $8,000-$10,000 (working ones), so when I think about what we paid....it was a deal. Yes, I would loooove to have a working one, but think about it...we'd never be able to buy that AND do the work we want to do around the farm. This way, we though it may take a few extra days (Renaissance Man has already been hard at work at fixing it....it's never an easy fix, but it's coming along and parts are already ordered), it'll eventually, Lord willing, get working and then we're off to the races getting started on our loooong list of farm/house things. I think it is also great that my boys are watching RM fix machine after machine. They are getting a fantastic grasp on how to make a broken engine work as well as negotiate a deal (as they go on most of the pick-ups). Most people aren't independently wealthy, so it's a good skill for them to have as they grow up and potentially own their own equipment.
Same with the fridge. We made it in time the day RM and my son ran off to make the 7am deadline....turns out we were early in fact! 12 hours early! They meant 7 PM, not 7 AM!!!!! Ha, the Lord has a sense of humour and knew we needed to get that fridge! It is running perfectly, makes ice and dispenses water even! But we do call it pre-disastered....there is one small dent at the top, but you know, we just don't care! Well, I shouldn't say that, we do care, but we don't feel we are quite at that place where we can demand high end appliances with no dents. It keeps us humble! It was by far the cheapest ad on-line, so we were thrilled to be able to get it.
Now that it is June, we have a sense of urgency as these Canadian summers just don't last that long! It's tempting to take that sense and turn it into fear or panic as we think of all that we long to get done or all that we won't get done, but we take it one day at at time. We'd been praying for that skid steer for a long time and now we have it! We knew that we might have to find a broken one, but then God led RM to a guy in the States that was an awesome resource that told him just what parts to order and walked him through what is probably wrong with it. So he bought it knowing he could fix it. The list of things we want to get done isn't going anywhere and we don't want it to consume us. If it takes more than one summer, so be it! Contentment is always trying to walk out the door and discontentment is trying to sneak in! It's like our pastor said on Sunday, "The thing about sin, is that it is never satisfied." Our list may never be satisfied....two things will get knocked off and 10 more might show up. We are not about to let our home take over us - we have too many eternal souls at stake and we cannot lose focus.
At the same time, we want to be good stewards of the property God has given us. We want to give Him all the glory by maintaining an orderly farm as I think disorder can be a poor reflection. We want to be like the ant who works hard in the summer preparing for winter and the Bible does say, "Go to the ant, you sluggard. Consider her ways and be wise." We want to be like the ant. A tough balance to figure out and so we go before the Lord daily asking him to teach us, "Lord, we want to be ants - what does that look like?"
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