I wrote this post yesterday and it didn't get published for some reason so here it is now. I'll be writing another one today, so if you want to read things in order....read this first!
Today is the day I find out for sure what is happening with the baby. I know many are praying for a miracle and, of course, I am, too, but I also have been showing more signs that I really am miscarrying. Without being overly graphic, what was once pink turned red. Not large amounts, which is the only thing that gives me a trace of hope, but enough to make me think it can't be good. Other signs like achiness make me think I've lost it for sure. However, it's not over till it's over, so we'll see. I think by making myself more realistic it protects me just that much more.
All the while, life has had to go on. My girlfriend and I have been rather inspired by our husbands who meet each week for accountability. So much so that I emailed her and said, "Do you want an annoying accountability partner, too?" "The more annoying the better, " she said. Perfect. So, let's start with wake up time. Like I said, for me, getting up early is not that hard, but it is still a challenge, especially if you've had a late night, a bad night, or you just love sleep like I do! It's never a walk in the park, is what I'm trying to say. So, I committed to 5 am all over again. It's when I write, read, pray and heaven forbid, exercise. I hadn't been able to find the time for some reason to fit exercise in. If I didn't put it first, then it never happened. So today, it was first. It helps wake me up and seriously energizes me. I really do feel so much better for doing it and you should see me after. It's as if I've had 10 coffees, not one. I whip around the house with much less effort and feel so much better for doing it. Me and Jillian (Michaels, that is) are friends. I seriously hope to meet her some day. She's my friend from the exercise video! Her approach to working out is comical and I literally get such a kick out of her. Yes, she could stand to wear a few more clothes, but no one but me is watching her, so I figure her immodesty can be overlooked for a few minutes. I like the fact that she gives me a serious work out. I own several of her dvds, so I just switch them up from day to day. Length of time? 30 minutes. How often? This week I committed to 5 times a week. In the summer, I usually run which is an awesome way to enjoy the weather, but I guess my feet aren't what they used to be and it took me a whole year to get over an injury I got two years ago! So, no running for now. I hate to say it, but running doesn't really do much except get your heart working really hard. I'm not looking to be a body builder, but I prefer a whole body workout, that's all. Enough about that.
I'm also excited to start planning my year for school in these early hours when it is so quiet. Pretty soon we'll all be done officially for the year. This is when I pull out my "Managers" series by the Maxwells and all the books I've purchased for each child for the Fall and put it all into a neat and tidy spreadsheet for each one. I was much better about that before we moved out this way so many years ago and have been more of a "fly by the seat of my pants" person since then which is a less organized way to approach life and always makes me feel behind the 8 ball as they say. Normally I do this in August, but the whole summer it hangs over my head. Not this summer. I really hope to do it right away, then put it away until August, quickly refresh the week before school starts and then go to it.
The problem was, I used to do this in August for several days in a row. Now, with all the kids, I don't have that luxury, so when can I do it? In the wee hours of the morning. I figure if I plug away at it for a few minutes every day, I can get this thing done fairly quickly. I'm really excited to do this and I think it will help both my organized kids and my not-so-organized kids. It's basically laying out how much they are to do in each subject for each week on a sheet they keep in their binders. Without the sheet, they still work ahead, but never know exactly where they should be. It's also a great way for me to pray through each child, each subject, always asking the Lord to guide me as we homeschool.
As for our husbands, they are doing great! I have to go back to the ant story for a minute. I was comparing Renaissance Man to being an ant - though he has no overseer, he has to keep preparing for winter in the summer. Little did I know how much he would be just like an ant. Most of our barn floor has been taken out as it had rotted by the hole that had been left for years in the roof. We fixed that last year just in time for all the hay to be stored. This summer, amidst all the other things he has to do, RM decided to tackle this huge task of putting in the barn floor. To me, it was a bit over his head - how in the world would he lift these 300 lb railway ties to be the base for the floor on his own. In my mind, there was no way. Perhaps we'd have to call in the troops and beg all our strong male friends to come. I didn't know how it would get done on our own. But I said nothing.
Then, last week, I hear a chain saw running and I look outside and he's cutting the railway ties to fit the floor. "What are you doing"? "Fixing the floor." Sure, I thought to myself, and went back in. First of all, I hate watching him do things where he could get hurt. I'd rather go out later and find him hurt then watch him get hurt! The floor he is fixing is not at ground level. There is a basement floor, a cement floor, I might add, that is at least 9 feet below the one he is fixing. Putting beams across the empty space is no easy task and is definitely a risk I didn't want to observe.
Next thing you know, I get called out again. This time I'm very curious. Sure enough, somehow a beam is now suspended across the empty space. How did he do that??? How did he carry a beam that is 300 lb by himself, walk it across another beam to lay it on the other side of the floor, without falling and without calling in 10 other guys????? I'm telling you, he's an ant. He got my two older boys to lift one end, which was impressive in itself, then he walked across an existing beam (I should say balance beam as it, too, was suspended in midair with lots of space on either side to fall through....glad I wasn't there to watch him fall) all the while carrying the other end of the railway tie/beam on his own and then somehow dropped it into the spot it needed to go. I was impressed. Just like ants, he and the boys carried things that were way heavier than they were and yet they did it! Who am I to question what these guys can accomplish when they set their minds to it! Now I'm convinced he really could get this entire floor done on his own, with the help of my capable boys, of course.
There are more stories like this to tell since he's made the effort to get up early. We've both decided to add more hours to our day and lots is getting done. As always, where is the tie-in to debt? All I know is we are preparing for rain. That is one of our favourite lines from the movie Facing the Giants. The coach of the football team makes a crazy call that seems nuts, but he believes that God is going to bless his faith (much more involved than that, but that is the long and the short of it). When he's asked why he's bringing in a novice kicker and asking him to make a ridiculously long kick, the coach answers, "I'm preparing for rain." He'd been told the story of the two farmers earlier on in the movie. One farmer plowed his fields, expecting that if he did his part, God would do his. The other farmer did nothing as he thought he should wait until it looked like it would rain. "Which farmer are you?" he was asked. As the movie goes on, he realizes he needs to do his part and then God will act. We are now preparing for rain. My husband says it all the time. In fact, this week, he decided to plow a field (he's NEVER plowed any of our fields on his own before - we've always hired it out). He realized all it takes is the right equipment which we bought when we purchased the farm, it came as part of the package, and a lot of nerve. He got that when he was born! So a plow plus nerve equals a plowed field and more money in our pocket as we didn't have to pay someone to do it. Plowing the field was a spiritual experience for him as we were literally like the farmer in the story, just doing our part, waiting for God to act, preparing for rain.
The debt hasn't changed much yet this summer, but our level of activity has gone up, attempting to be more diligent with our time given to us by God...by doing more and more on our own at the farm instead of paying others, will help us pay down the debt faster. We don't actually know exactly what it will look like by having God act. It could mean more contracts that we aren't expecting or a bumper crop of hay, or who knows....but we are looking for His hand in our lives in some form as He promises, "the diligent will eat the fruit of their hands."
I better stop. I could go on and on. More later - thanks for all the support and prayers. I feel very loved and sense everyone's care and concern. Female friendship is a beautiful thing.
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