Sometimes I read the Psalms and they are so uplifting, but there are other Psalms I just want to skip over as they are so depressing. However, the other day when I was in the car I heard a quick message on depression and how it is so debilitating. The Christian counsellor was a guest on someone's show and he was giving advice on how to work through depression as well as how to help those we know who are depressed.
The next day I was reading Psalm 88, which has to be one of the most depressing Psalms. Even when the psalmist says he cries out to the Lord, the psalm still ends on "my companions have become darkness". So not a happy uplifting message. Yet, even in that, there is some comfort to know that God allowed that darker Psalm to be in the Bible. Why? Perhaps so we would know that depression can be a real issue for so many.
Mental health is talked about all the time lately, but mostly because people who have suffered can finally be validated as they've been ignored and swept under the rug for so long. No one wants to admit they suffer in this area as it makes them appear weak perhaps? Yet, God looks down and includes a Psalm like this to show He knows and He cares.
The Psalmist cries out "day and night" before God, for his soul is "full of troubles". He is "counted among those who go down to the pit", who "has no strength", "like one set loose among the dead, like those whom you remember no more...You have put me in the depths of the pit; in the regions dark and deep....you overwhelm me with all your waves...I am shut in so that I cannot escape; my eyes grows dim through sorrow...."
These are verses that clearly reflect a person who is suffering. I want to dive into the Word and help the writer myself! I pray that somehow he found help and encouragement through His faith in God! I really don't question too much why God allows these times of darkness anymore. This is partly because when we've gone through dark times, it just makes the light that much better and brighter. Having gone through these periods in my life has made me appreciate the darkness as it has become the time when my faith has grown the most. However, and this was what the counsellor said, as long as I kept crying out to the Lord. That was key. Even the psalmist seems to know this, "But I, O Lord, cry out to you; in the morning my prayer comes before you." Though it was perhaps his darkest time, he kept crying out and kept crying out. That was what kept me going as well. I woke up early for days and days, months and months, and would meet with God, crying out to Him for His salvation and He met me there. He got me through dark time after dark time. And I made it! I found myself out of the "pit". The "dreadful assaults" that longed to "destroy me" were lifted.
The counsellor's other advice to those in our life was to be the friend that is a pain in the, uh, butt. When we see our friend struggle, don't let them stay there, he said. Be in their face, get them over for dinner, bring them dinner, take them for a walk, whatever it takes, don't let them stay in the pit...we can be part of their healing. We don't have to deny that they are in darkness and pretend it isn't real. Darkness is real. But we can be part of the solution and help bring them into the light.
Right now homeschooling is the hardest thing I've ever done. I have threatened to quit so many times in the last few weeks. Certain children, who shall remain nameless, but are in the younger set with blonde hair (ha!), are on a crash course to being put at the end of the driveway......long term. I'm not happy about it and was sitting there at the table last night with tears in my eyes saying, "What am I going to do?!" to my husband. Now that he's not around anymore, I have no back up, no principal's office to send them to. I know it was probably hard with the older four, but I don't remember it being this hard. I also had more mobility when the older four were just that...only 4 of them. Now, I am much less able to scoot around. Half the time I don't have a car and when I do, I can't even take all the kids! So, there I was, sinking into a pit, ready to throw in the towel. Was I outright depressed, perhaps not, but I was sure frustrated and discouraged.
But then, it came to me...totally out of the blue, this awesome brainwave, right then and there, in the middle of me singing the blues at the dinner table. Instead of seeing my situation as depressing, suddenly I saw it as an opportunity. I had 4 younger children needing a break from me and me needing a break from them. And I had 4 capable older children who could be just that - 4 new teachers. So, we came up with a plan, all in a matter of minutes. Starting next week, I've asked my older 4 to each take an afternoon. I will teach all the "book work" still in the morning (which has been the challenge) and each afternoon one of my older kids will teach one of the "electives" like sewing, history, geography, science. If they don't do their book work in the morning, no fun school with the older siblings and the wrath of Dad to look forward to when he comes home. The older ones seemed up for it and I was thrilled to think I had "supply" teachers living in my house all along! Will it cut into their school? Maybe, but at the same time, it will just reinforce what they are learning. On the Friday, my husband offered to teach them something as well related to the house or a project around here. Yeah! I was slowly crawling out of the pit.....I had hope again that my kids wouldn't hate school and that I wouldn't dislike teaching them. I had cried out and once again, God had met me.
The Christian life is just not a walk in the park, it's that simple. I jump in and out of the pit all the time. But what keeps me going and from throwing in the towel is the simple effort of crying out....all the time....Sometimes I get a quick answer like I did last night. Other times, it is a long process, which it has been with this debt-termination goal....just not happening fast....yet one day, one day, there will be an answer.
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