No Fear, No Panic, No Dread - Take 2

Saturday was the next step in my gardening journey.  I put in yet another order of seeds - the numbers are astronomically alarming how many seeds are coming.  The first set of seeds, which are yet to arrive, hopefully today, were for the transplants.  Because there was no sign of them, thanks to covid delays in shipping, I ran out and bought what I could at the nearest store and began some of the key transplants, such as tomatoes and peppers, indoors.  They were the most critical as they require 2 months at least before being put outside in May and June.  The next order I made on Saturday were for the direct seeds, such as lettuce, radish, beans, etc.  Those can go right in the ground and will pop up all on their own.

What was overwhelming was the reality that now I'm committed....or....I'll be growing enough for 50 families for no reason!  That's a lot of lettuce and you can't freeze lettuce, so I better sell a lot of lettuce now.  The other thing that hit me was how critical the garden prep is going to be now.  We can't just hope that the garden is going to get raked and that's it.  No....we are about to start the back breaking work of garden bed prep on a level we've never done.  We will be adding soil amendments, making new beds, buying row cover, mulch, compost, etc.  I understand why organic food of any kind that you buy locally costs more - we've already invested a lot of money and that's not including the labour costs.  I'm going to be ok when people see what the prices will be - I'm not doing all this for free.

Many years ago I read in Deuteronomy 20, "Do no fear or panic or be in dread....let not your heart faint....."  I have to admit, those feelings come up regularly around here, but I'm learning to recognize them and I fight against them all the time.  It also says, "Is there any man who is fearful and fainthearted?  Let him go back to his house, lest he make the heart of his fellows melt like his own."  What a great verse!  I can definitely be fearful and fainthearted, but when I'm around my kids, I sound super brave.  I have to!  If I sound fearful and fainthearted, then they are as well.  I admit to them that I do not have it all together and that I can be afraid, but I mostly try to sound like a cheerleader.  I try to get them all excited about the summer, even about the work.  I am excited about the work, mostly!

RM and I talk about financial freedom all the time.  We could have it tomorrow if we just sold the farm.  We could easily move into a smaller place without land, be debt-free, and then.......and then, what?  Sit around wishing we had a farm?  We know, in a way, we've chosen the harder life, but I'm ok with that.  We have 9-10 more years of child-rearing.  It is going so fast.  We have basically finished with the older 4.  They are starting their own lives, finishing school, moving on to relationships, work, etc.  We had the farm for a lot of their lives and we are quite convinced it helped make them who they are, so we are willing to invest another ten years, with a hard work farming lifestyle for the next four and we are trusting the Lord for health and the ability to manage that.

We watched a homeschool conference this past week and watched one speaker in particular say that whatever you plan, whatever you dream, just hold it out with an open hand - do not demand that it has to go a certain way.  So that is what we do.  We have a lot of plans and dreams, with the garden, the farm, the next ten years, but......we hold on to it very loosely.  We offer it all up to the Lord and say, "Lord willing....." and if He wants to change our plans, our directions, so be it.  It's the only way to live.

So, Lord willing, the seeds will come today, then I will be ordering trays and cells for more transplants.  Then I will plant those seeds and then we will start the garden prep and the ordering for all that.  I hope to make the big announcement that we are doing all of this on social media this week which will then start the beginning of customers.  Actually I have 2 customers already just because I've been talking about it with whoever will listen to me, so that's exciting!

No fear, no panic, no dread - just like it was for me years ago, who knows what I was dreading then, I will still work on keeping the fear, panic and dread at bay with the Lord's help.