When I put the 4 year old to bed the other night before all the kids he had to make sure what time it was, "Is it 7 pm?" He goes to bed pretty early these days as there is no way he'll take a nap. Yup, it was 7. He can tell time, so no tricking him. "Ok fine, but just make sure there is no ice-cream and no movies!" I laughed to myself. He'll often come down the next morning and find evidence that life happened, or should I say, kept going, after he went to bed. This frustrates him to no end....bowls with spoons left everywhere from the night before. Empty ice-cream containers, popcorn strewn all over the floor near the TV. He's pretty smart and can figure out fun went on. I get the usual plea the next morning, "Can I have ice-cream for breakfast? They got some when I was in bed - no fair!" So at some point today, the little guy will have ice-cream for a snack. It's gotta be even-steven around around here.
Chapter 5 - The Most Available Bachelorette Out There!
Life at Stephanie's house was definitely improving. Neat things were happening on almost a daily basis. Relationships were either being rebuilt or restored. As I said before she and her mom had always been close, but their relationship turned into a mother-daughter/best friend forever friendship that was the closest thing to heaven's plan for people you could get.
In the evenings after everything was cleaned up from dinner (with Stephanie's help of course!), the two of them would sit and talk late into the night about everything and nothing, just like a couple of giggly girls. It was a time of shared confidences where her mom could really talk to her about marriage and the difficulties she has experienced as well as the joys. Stephanie had a whole newfound faith that had initially been introduced to her by her mom, but was now on a level she could experience with her mom. She could encourage her mom to press on being the best wife she could be using Scripture now as her guide. They really were becoming the best of friends.
When her mom would share this newfound joy in having Stephanie home, I think it must have made her friends jealous, as most grown children coming home is a burden, not a joy. They've even created terms for kids like this who act like needy children, but are in their 20s or even 30s, and contribute nothing to the home economy and yet expect to be fed and clothed, under a warm, dry roof, for free and for however long they want to be there. They're called "kidults" as they act like children, but are fully grown - how sad! This was not how it was with Stephanie. All the women who ran into Stephanie after she moved home would go on and on about how happy her mom was now that she was home and how they wished their children were as helpful as she was! Harrumph!
Her dad was probably feeling a little left out of this new bff thing that was going on between his daughter and his wife. Stephanie noticed this and because she was trying to be glue, not something was coming between them, she quickly tried to find common ground with him, too. What does a young adult daughter find in common with her dad? Well, oddly enough, she started with the basics - what were his favourite TV shows? It was a fun way to keep him company, laughing at a silly show together is way more fun than being put in a room downstairs by yourself to watch TV on your own while your wife and daughter are in another room laughing their heads off. This was the start to many good conversations with him as well where he really challenged her with her future. He was happy to have her home, but the condition was - get a job! She kept explaining that she would, but truly, deep down she was home to help and also, by the way, I really do hope to be a stay-at-home mom one day, she would say. Yeah, yeah, yeah....her ideas were a little archaic to him. He wasn't buying all this tutti-frutti faith stuff she would add-in. It was still a little hocus-pocus to him (sorry for all the rhyming!)
As for her brother, the most amazing turnaround yet was happening. He was in one of his last years in highschool and, I can only attribute this to prayer, decided to avoid certain friendships that had been the major contributing factor in his getting into trouble. Though he wasn't a professing believer, I think he must have known that staying busy and active in the school was going to also help keep him away from the troublemakers. He threw himself into sports and even a jazz band. All the while Stephanie was alongside him, encouraging him, listening to him. In a very short amount of time, teachers were starting to notice a huge change in him and were praising his better choices. One teacher went so far as to nominate him for Student of the Month which he later won! He had gone from trouble with the law to a keen student in just a matter of months. Is it coincidence that all this happened since Stephanie decided to move home? Since she decided to actively pray for her family, to actively help in any way she could? I don't know that her brother would ever know what to point to if he were to look back one day to the beginning of his life changes, but I know what happened. God stepped into his life and used his sister, undoubtedly. It was an exciting time.
Wonderful things were happening, good conversations were always going on and Stephanie was at the center of it all. However, she still had quite a bit of free time on the weekends and evenings though - she was quite determined to make the most of her time, but once again, doing what and where? She was excited to be able to give back at home and now that things were improving so much at home, she began looking for areas outside of the home where she could actively participate and give back as well. I must admit, however, we did have a slightly humourous motive for her to do this. She was really wanting to be married one day! Well, I told her, what better place to find a husband, but in the church? That's where I had met my husband! It seemed like a good idea. I joked with her that one of the side benefits of helping out in the church community would be that she would meet many people. Those people would, no doubt, observe her in all sorts of different settings which would in turn be something they pocket in the back of their mind and perhaps one of them had some sweet unmarried son at home who was just waiting for an eligible young lady to show up - I encouraged her to be the most available bachelorette around! Of course, this was not her primary reason for helping out in the church, but it sure could be a side benefit!
So, to church she went. She immediately met with the pastor and asked if there was any college and career-type group. Didn't seem like it! This was a fairly large church and a major gap. Once the kids who went to that church left for school, most of them returned, found nothing for their age group and would quickly head to the nearest "cool" church where there was an awesome young adults program and they would set up life at the new church. This had been the case when I was a student at the church I used to go to, too. Instead of being frustrated with the lack of College and Career group, I decided I would start one. It wasn't hard - you just picked a day to meet and found a location and voila, the group was started! I was excited to tell Stephanie multiple marriages, at least 8 when I was there, came out of that young adults group! She was fairly excited about the possibilities!
She took this idea of starting a group to the pastor and he was thrilled! Off she went, found another partner/student who was like-minded and was willing to meet with her and help her with the start-up, and the two of them got the first group going right away. It had a great turn out and lots of students came out of the woodwork who were just looking for a group to go to. If you build it, they will come, as the saying goes! Stephanie met all sorts of young men and women and made good friendships that to this day are still thriving. She made sure they studied Scripture and there was always something fun to do as well. But.....there wasn't anyone in particular jumping out at her that seemed like a potential future mate. She and I kept praying.
She also started to volunteer in a little girls' program at the church - that was a whole other experience as she found that the most work of all! These little girls were not very well behaved and by the end of each night she was happy to get out of there! Well, not all the time, but it certainly was eye-opening to see what was emotionally charging and what involvement at the church was emotionally draining!
Another fun thing she did that involved the church was going to a book club. This was a particularly unique experience as it was only for women, but for women of all ages - 18-80! So each month she met with these ladies, alongside her mom, and they all enjoyed an amazing evening of conversation. She became good friends with the oldest ladies in the church and she was immediately embraced as a friend to each one. I kept thinking to myself that someone would have to notice this girl in all of these things she was doing and that her Prince Charming would come out of this somehow, but at this point, it wasn't happening. She pressed on, though, as she really wasn't out there to meet a guy - she truly was loving her many new friends, the fulfilment of giving back to a church that had given to her so much over the years and just another thing she could share with her mom as they really were the only two believers in the family.
God was doing amazing things in Stephanie's life. It was incredible to meet with her on a weekly basis and get the debrief. So much was happening in such a short amount of time, you would have thought she was making it up. She had started to get a few calls here and there to teach and she was enjoying the extra cash that came from that plus it had the added benefit of calming her worried father who was so concerned she was wasting her life not getting a full-time job. Deep down, though, I think her dad was thrilled to have her home. There was no denying that her presence was bringing joy, light and laughter to their home that had missed her for all those years when she was away.
Saturday, 11 October 2014
Thursday, 9 October 2014
Chapter Four - The Homecoming - A Daughter and Sister Transformed
Slept in. It's my birthday, so I figured I was allowed. I was served a lovely breakfast in bed by my oldest, which usually consists of a great cup of coffee from my husband, followed by eggs benedict (my absolute fav breakfast). Delicious! I'm very spoiled, I know it.
Yesterday I had witnesses to the strip trampoline game. My friend and I were standing in the kitchen when one of the kids said, "Mom! He's naked again!" It is much colder outside now, but sure enough, there he was, the inimitable 4 year old, buck naked, streaking across the lawn from the trampoline towards the house, then suddenly changing his mind and going back to the trampoline for one last jump, then hearing me yell something about it being illegal to jump naked, then back to the house to look for warmer clothes. What is it about that boy and his clothes?????? Now that it is much cooler, I doubt he'll be doing that much more - thank goodness!!!
This week, throughout the ups and downs of regular life, I've heard from God multiple times in really subtle ways, from the reading of one of my kids little readers that talks about how we are created to work and that work is a good thing (it feels like that is all I do!) to hearing God's Word on the radio speak to my exact struggles, to even bedtime stories at night. The other night I was reading the story of how Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the tree they had been told not to eat. What struck me was their punishments - basically, life would be hard from now on. For the woman, it would be pain in childbirth and, my personal take on it, even in child-rearing to some extent. For the man, it would be hard to make a living. Working the land would not be easy. Reading this again with my whole week in mind was oddly reassuring - I need not be surprised when things aren't going exactly as I hoped. It is part of the curse! Seeing my husband experience struggles in his work life should not be a shock to us - also part of the curse. Now, it isn't to say, can't win, don't try. No, we keep at it, we don't give up, but we realize the struggles are just part of life this side of heaven. The difficulties end up always, ultimately, pointing us to heaven, longing for the rest that is coming. I press on! He is walking beside me.
Chapter 4 - The Homecoming - A Daughter and Sister Transformed
Before Stephanie decided what she was going to do once school was finished, she inwardly struggled. Was this really what she was supposed to do? How would she explain this to her family let alone to other friends who thought she was going to move out, start a career, live on her own? I had given her a lot to chew on and shaken her world, nearly turning it upside down on her. At first she told no one her thoughts, not even her mom whom she was so close to. For about two weeks, she was silently considering all we had talked about.
At first her mom would ask her if something was wrong as she seemed extra quiet, even moody perhaps. This was not the normal Stephanie. Stephanie wouldn't elaborate. Then later, her mom asked her again. This time, Stephanie couldn't take it anymore and broke down and cried, "Yes, something is wrong! I want to move home again and come live with you, but I don't know what you'll think about that and and and......" She was quite upset and not sure how her mom was going to react. Her mom's reaction was perfect. "Stephanie! That's wonderful! We'd love to have you come home! That'll be great! We'll redo your room and make it all new for you to move in!" "What?!" That was not what Stephanie expected. She thought they would be disappointed and embarrassed to have her move home. Remember, she has a degree under her belt now, she's a big girl! She's supposed to be a woman on the move, taking on the world, not moving home! But her mom was thrilled. I think her dad figured it was ok, but he wanted to make sure she was going to get a job. He didn't realize that wasn't her main goal in coming home.
So, like I said, home she went. It was amazing to see her family starting to come together already even in how they embraced her homecoming. One of the key things I had suggested was that she come home to assist her very busy mother who worked full-time and then had all the house keeping responsibilities and meal planning on top of all that. I also suggested that she try to assist her dad and take on some of the responsibilities of her dad's business, perhaps by doing the books, which her mom was currently doing, or anything that would pick up the slack and alleviate the stress of her parents. Stephanie was open to all these ideas and slowly communicated them to her parents, explaining she was coming home to help. I'm sure they thought she was well-meaning, but didn't really know how serious she was. I'm sure they didn't even realize or think that they needed her help. They'd been coping well enough on their own for years, why would they need her help now?
Stephanie did put her name on a supply teaching list and did hope for some work as income is always a good thing when you have none! She wasn't looking for anything permanent yet as she wasn't sure where she was going to end up. Supply teaching seemed like a good start. But, if she didn't get a call to teach what was she supposed to do with all her free time. I think she shocked her parents by offering to help out at home. "I'll do the grocery shopping, Mom, and make dinner tonight." I wish I could have been there when she would suggest those types of things. Her mom was so tired from working all day and then to have to come home and be expected to pull together a meal, let alone do all the shopping, must have been a real strain. Stephanie started to lighten her load, one day at a time.
Stephanie would help around the house, too, cleaning up without being asked. Little things like this, I'm sure, had her parents wondering what she was up to. Her brother was probably wondering, too. He was making better choices in his life slowly, but was still a challenge at home. Stephanie and I were praying regularly together about her transition home and we were always asking the Lord, "What can I do to bring peace to my home?" With her brother, it was easy - just be there with him and for him. She started to go to all his sports games. She'd be there, cheering in the stands or just driving him back and forth. She became sister of the year. I think he must have loved that - his own personal fan club! They talked a lot and though their relationship wasn't perfect, they were rebuilding right from the moment she moved home. She'd been gone so long, nearly 5 years, that they really didn't know each other. He wasn't always super receptive to her being home as in his eyes, she was a little goody two shoes, making him look bad as she did all this extra helping around the house - how annoying! But she and I would pray for strength to endure his frustration with her and she would go back home recharged and ready to take on anything that she came up against, be it his anger towards her that he sometimes felt or any other stress still remaining in the house from before she moved back home.
She was giving back to this family that had given her so much. She was becoming an asset to her parents in all sorts of ways, from the house keeping, to the meal making, to the keeping of the books, running errands, being there for her brother. Each week (we met together each Friday for prayer) she would come back with another amazing grace story that had happened. She would tell me of another thing God had shown her she could do to help out her family in some way. This was not a walk in the park by any means and, as mentioned, we always had to pray for how hard it was when her brother's anger would flare up towards her or when she had to witness the tension between him and his parents or even between her parents themselves, but we prayed and prayed and each week she left encouraged to persevere and literally be the best daughter and sister she could be. It was amazing to see her stretched waaaaay out of her comfort zone. She'd never looked at this role of daughter and sister so seriously before. She was being molded into a new person, but like a piece of clay that has to have all the rough edges rubbed off, it was not easy and it hurt sometimes. Yet, she always remained open to the Lord's direction - she never had a heart of stone. She was excited to see what God could do through her and amazing things were beginning to happen in her family's life. My eyes feel wet just reliving it all.
Yesterday I had witnesses to the strip trampoline game. My friend and I were standing in the kitchen when one of the kids said, "Mom! He's naked again!" It is much colder outside now, but sure enough, there he was, the inimitable 4 year old, buck naked, streaking across the lawn from the trampoline towards the house, then suddenly changing his mind and going back to the trampoline for one last jump, then hearing me yell something about it being illegal to jump naked, then back to the house to look for warmer clothes. What is it about that boy and his clothes?????? Now that it is much cooler, I doubt he'll be doing that much more - thank goodness!!!
This week, throughout the ups and downs of regular life, I've heard from God multiple times in really subtle ways, from the reading of one of my kids little readers that talks about how we are created to work and that work is a good thing (it feels like that is all I do!) to hearing God's Word on the radio speak to my exact struggles, to even bedtime stories at night. The other night I was reading the story of how Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the tree they had been told not to eat. What struck me was their punishments - basically, life would be hard from now on. For the woman, it would be pain in childbirth and, my personal take on it, even in child-rearing to some extent. For the man, it would be hard to make a living. Working the land would not be easy. Reading this again with my whole week in mind was oddly reassuring - I need not be surprised when things aren't going exactly as I hoped. It is part of the curse! Seeing my husband experience struggles in his work life should not be a shock to us - also part of the curse. Now, it isn't to say, can't win, don't try. No, we keep at it, we don't give up, but we realize the struggles are just part of life this side of heaven. The difficulties end up always, ultimately, pointing us to heaven, longing for the rest that is coming. I press on! He is walking beside me.
Chapter 4 - The Homecoming - A Daughter and Sister Transformed
Before Stephanie decided what she was going to do once school was finished, she inwardly struggled. Was this really what she was supposed to do? How would she explain this to her family let alone to other friends who thought she was going to move out, start a career, live on her own? I had given her a lot to chew on and shaken her world, nearly turning it upside down on her. At first she told no one her thoughts, not even her mom whom she was so close to. For about two weeks, she was silently considering all we had talked about.
At first her mom would ask her if something was wrong as she seemed extra quiet, even moody perhaps. This was not the normal Stephanie. Stephanie wouldn't elaborate. Then later, her mom asked her again. This time, Stephanie couldn't take it anymore and broke down and cried, "Yes, something is wrong! I want to move home again and come live with you, but I don't know what you'll think about that and and and......" She was quite upset and not sure how her mom was going to react. Her mom's reaction was perfect. "Stephanie! That's wonderful! We'd love to have you come home! That'll be great! We'll redo your room and make it all new for you to move in!" "What?!" That was not what Stephanie expected. She thought they would be disappointed and embarrassed to have her move home. Remember, she has a degree under her belt now, she's a big girl! She's supposed to be a woman on the move, taking on the world, not moving home! But her mom was thrilled. I think her dad figured it was ok, but he wanted to make sure she was going to get a job. He didn't realize that wasn't her main goal in coming home.
So, like I said, home she went. It was amazing to see her family starting to come together already even in how they embraced her homecoming. One of the key things I had suggested was that she come home to assist her very busy mother who worked full-time and then had all the house keeping responsibilities and meal planning on top of all that. I also suggested that she try to assist her dad and take on some of the responsibilities of her dad's business, perhaps by doing the books, which her mom was currently doing, or anything that would pick up the slack and alleviate the stress of her parents. Stephanie was open to all these ideas and slowly communicated them to her parents, explaining she was coming home to help. I'm sure they thought she was well-meaning, but didn't really know how serious she was. I'm sure they didn't even realize or think that they needed her help. They'd been coping well enough on their own for years, why would they need her help now?
Stephanie did put her name on a supply teaching list and did hope for some work as income is always a good thing when you have none! She wasn't looking for anything permanent yet as she wasn't sure where she was going to end up. Supply teaching seemed like a good start. But, if she didn't get a call to teach what was she supposed to do with all her free time. I think she shocked her parents by offering to help out at home. "I'll do the grocery shopping, Mom, and make dinner tonight." I wish I could have been there when she would suggest those types of things. Her mom was so tired from working all day and then to have to come home and be expected to pull together a meal, let alone do all the shopping, must have been a real strain. Stephanie started to lighten her load, one day at a time.
Stephanie would help around the house, too, cleaning up without being asked. Little things like this, I'm sure, had her parents wondering what she was up to. Her brother was probably wondering, too. He was making better choices in his life slowly, but was still a challenge at home. Stephanie and I were praying regularly together about her transition home and we were always asking the Lord, "What can I do to bring peace to my home?" With her brother, it was easy - just be there with him and for him. She started to go to all his sports games. She'd be there, cheering in the stands or just driving him back and forth. She became sister of the year. I think he must have loved that - his own personal fan club! They talked a lot and though their relationship wasn't perfect, they were rebuilding right from the moment she moved home. She'd been gone so long, nearly 5 years, that they really didn't know each other. He wasn't always super receptive to her being home as in his eyes, she was a little goody two shoes, making him look bad as she did all this extra helping around the house - how annoying! But she and I would pray for strength to endure his frustration with her and she would go back home recharged and ready to take on anything that she came up against, be it his anger towards her that he sometimes felt or any other stress still remaining in the house from before she moved back home.
She was giving back to this family that had given her so much. She was becoming an asset to her parents in all sorts of ways, from the house keeping, to the meal making, to the keeping of the books, running errands, being there for her brother. Each week (we met together each Friday for prayer) she would come back with another amazing grace story that had happened. She would tell me of another thing God had shown her she could do to help out her family in some way. This was not a walk in the park by any means and, as mentioned, we always had to pray for how hard it was when her brother's anger would flare up towards her or when she had to witness the tension between him and his parents or even between her parents themselves, but we prayed and prayed and each week she left encouraged to persevere and literally be the best daughter and sister she could be. It was amazing to see her stretched waaaaay out of her comfort zone. She'd never looked at this role of daughter and sister so seriously before. She was being molded into a new person, but like a piece of clay that has to have all the rough edges rubbed off, it was not easy and it hurt sometimes. Yet, she always remained open to the Lord's direction - she never had a heart of stone. She was excited to see what God could do through her and amazing things were beginning to happen in her family's life. My eyes feel wet just reliving it all.
Wednesday, 8 October 2014
Imaginations Tamed and Chapter 3 - The Return of the Daughter
Ok, quick update on the bull. Monday ended up being way too busy for RM to call a vet, so we just kept watching him. I asked him last night how he felt Stryker was doing (great name for a bull, don't you think?) He thought he was improving as he was on his feet most of the day, so once again, it's a watch and see. Perhaps it really was just a strain which is better for Monster and his owner, I'm sure.
Hours and hours in a car yesterday, but the radio and God's Word was just pouring through it the whole time. Not exactly how I want to receive instruction, but I guess as long as I'm seeking God on my own as well, this would constitute just a little extra inspiration which can never hurt. Sometimes my little ones get a little tired of all the "preaching", but too bad. I always tell my kids whenever they complain about anything I'm doing that they don't like, "When you are 30, have your own van, your own kitchen, etc, than you can listen to whatever you want and cook whatever you want, but for now - it's my deal. End of discussion." They are all so excited to turn 30!
Chuck Swindoll was speaking on the passage in Genesis where Abraham has told Sarah, his wife, to lie to whoever they meet and explain that she is his sister, which was a half-truth. She was his sister from his father, but not from his mother, so a half-sister, but nevertheless, a sister whom he had married! He did this because he allowed his imagination to go wild, thinking that if she told the truth, then all these awful things would happen to him and his family. Swindoll stopped right there and said, "Isn't that what we do? We allow our imaginations to go wild." In most cases, I was thinking, we go right to the worst case scenario. If I don't try to stop and catch myself with the anxieties that start forming in my head, I immediately do the same. If I'm worried about any of the things I mentioned yesterday, such as not teaching well enough, or my husband's work, I start to extrapolate into the future - if I'm not a good teacher and my kids don't learn all they are supposed to learn, that means they'll never be able to get a good job, they 'll never get married, they'll live with me forever and homeschoolers around the world will blame me for giving homeschooling a bad reputation!!!!!! Ok, I haven't gone that far, but you get the idea. It was a wonderful reminder, as usual, from the Lord, right to my heart about staying calm, relaxing, trusting.
Ok, back to Stephanie - Chapter 3 - The Return of the Daughter
Stephanie was asking me what she should do with her life, her newly finished education degree, her future. I was treading on thin ice. I really hardly knew her, so I wanted to be super careful with every word that came out of my mouth. In short, I suggested she go home, back to her family, at least for awhile.
I don't think she was shocked with this suggestion or speechless as by now, she was starting to get a feel for what I was about, but it certainly wasn't what the world would have said. Why would I make such a strange suggestion? The world would have said, you're free! Congratulations! You are now on your own to do whatever you want! You've put in all those years, now go, get a place on your own - be independent, you don't need anybody anymore! You deserve a break!
I could have gone on an on there with the thoughts the world puts into a new grad's mind. There's more to the story though. Back at Stephanie's home, not all was well. Her mom had married a wonderful man, but he was an unbeliever, so it had never an easy road in their marriage walk. Her brother, who was younger than her and still in highschool, had fallen into the wrong crowd and was getting into trouble with the law at a young age. She was upset about both of these things and had struggled not knowing what she could do for her parents and her brother, but at the same time, when it came time to leave for university, she couldn't wait to leave the home environment for the sake of peace. To consider going back home was not very appealing. So why would I suggest such a thing?
First of all, I wasn't suggesting that she throw her career aspirations away, not at all. I was making a much deeper, more significant suggestion that I have been trying to train my daughters to consider in the future as well. I was suggesting, even within her career, that she dedicate her single adult years to her family, to be under their protection, until the time came that she would marry. Oh, it sounds so archaic just writing it doesn't it? I might get feminist feedback on this one. Stephanie had longed to get married from a young age, so she really did hope this would happen one day, despite the fact she appeared like a feminist, she really wasn't deep down. She longed for a deep, lasting relationship in her future.
She could still be a teacher, but it didn't mean having to move out. I suggested she go home and be part of the healing that so desperately needed to go on there. Most single adults, and I was one of them, do not think of anyone except themselves, and yet those years when you are finished school and hoping to marry can be the most productive years to give back, to the family, to the church, to the community. When there isn't a husband and children to consider, the time available to the young adult will never be as great and much Kingdom work can be accomplished...yet, sadly, it doesn't get accomplished because all we think about is ourselves.
This was hard news for Stephanie to take. What would others think of her if she went back home? She would appear needy and perhaps like she was still a baby under Mommy and Daddy's roof. I wasn't suggesting that she go back and have her Mom and Dad feed her and put her to bed each night. I was suggesting, again, a much greater thing. Beyond being a salve in the home for her family and being a productive member of the family, I also feel that the Lord has set up a natural protection for a daughter, even if the Dad is an unbeliever, that is the safest place for a girl (at least in most cases - I know there are always exceptions to the rule). I wanted Stephanie to have this protection.
I had this without even realizing it when I was young. Even when I took myself out of my dad's protection and literally left the country several times, my dad set himself up with a prayer partner, my pastor back at home, and the two of them prayed for me, my safety and protection. My mom was praying, too, and I knew this as they both told me each phone call home, each letter. I was living in Colombia, South America, at the time of Pablo Escabar, the cocaine drug lord - it was a crazy country to be living in as a foreigner. I can say without a doubt that those prayers probably saved my life many times as I found myself oddly protected time after time. When I lived there, teaching in a private American school for a couple of years, I "coincidentally" met an older couple that could have been my parents, mature Christians, and they took me under their wing the whole first year I was away. How did that happen? I'm convinced it was the prayers of my parents as once again I found myself under another father's protection in this older couple. I didn't even know I needed protection, but I believe it is the natural design of the Heavenly Father for daughters.
I've also seen this in my life with respect to my future husband when I was a young single girl. I didn't date a lot of guys, but I sure had a lot of interest in them and brought several to the house. Once again, I didn't bring them over to get approval consciously from my father, but sub-consciously. I was so bugged when I could tell that he didn't approve of certain ones, but I look back now and realize that approval is so important - Dads know something we don't know as daughters and it was his protection for me kicking in when he wasn't giving the thumbs up. When my husband, however, came into my life.....I joke that my dad would have married him. Renaissance Man was clearly the exact right person for me and my dad knew it. When I balked at the idea (which is pathetic, when I look back), my dad stepped in. I had a completely different view of who I was going to marry - perhaps from Hollywood, I don't know, but I dared to tell my dad that RM wasn't exactly the type I thought I would marry. Dad knew I was making a huge potential mistake and wrote me a letter, calling me out on my pride and all the amazing things about the man I was about to miss out on. It hit me right to the core of my being and I knew he was right. I confessed my sin to the Lord. I even confessed my thoughts to Renaissance Man, as he could tell I was wavering and could not figure me out. He had every right to walk away on me, but he stuck with me. That letter from my dad helped me to marry the best guy on earth.
One of the things I believe happens when you marry is that the spiritual protection passes from the father to the husband. Knowing this, it is super important that the father believes it is the right man to pass on this all-important responsibility. In my case, my dad knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was the man for me. The beauty of this design is that I went from being under the protection of my father's roof, to the protection of my new husband's roof, never left alone, unprotected. This is how the Bible sets it up, I'm not making it up - we are to be under our husband's authority, we are the weaker (not less valuable) vessel. If we are not married, than we are under God's authority of course, but that can be under our father (and mother) until we get married. I wanted that for Stephanie.
Can a young girl move out on her own before she is married? I suppose so, I did, but I was definitely more at risk and I think it more than just a physical risk, it is a spiritual risk. I think my dad understood that which is why when I was living overseas for a couple years, he prayed and I'm sure he prayed hard.
So I was suggesting she go home and believe it or not, home she went.
Hours and hours in a car yesterday, but the radio and God's Word was just pouring through it the whole time. Not exactly how I want to receive instruction, but I guess as long as I'm seeking God on my own as well, this would constitute just a little extra inspiration which can never hurt. Sometimes my little ones get a little tired of all the "preaching", but too bad. I always tell my kids whenever they complain about anything I'm doing that they don't like, "When you are 30, have your own van, your own kitchen, etc, than you can listen to whatever you want and cook whatever you want, but for now - it's my deal. End of discussion." They are all so excited to turn 30!
Chuck Swindoll was speaking on the passage in Genesis where Abraham has told Sarah, his wife, to lie to whoever they meet and explain that she is his sister, which was a half-truth. She was his sister from his father, but not from his mother, so a half-sister, but nevertheless, a sister whom he had married! He did this because he allowed his imagination to go wild, thinking that if she told the truth, then all these awful things would happen to him and his family. Swindoll stopped right there and said, "Isn't that what we do? We allow our imaginations to go wild." In most cases, I was thinking, we go right to the worst case scenario. If I don't try to stop and catch myself with the anxieties that start forming in my head, I immediately do the same. If I'm worried about any of the things I mentioned yesterday, such as not teaching well enough, or my husband's work, I start to extrapolate into the future - if I'm not a good teacher and my kids don't learn all they are supposed to learn, that means they'll never be able to get a good job, they 'll never get married, they'll live with me forever and homeschoolers around the world will blame me for giving homeschooling a bad reputation!!!!!! Ok, I haven't gone that far, but you get the idea. It was a wonderful reminder, as usual, from the Lord, right to my heart about staying calm, relaxing, trusting.
Ok, back to Stephanie - Chapter 3 - The Return of the Daughter
Stephanie was asking me what she should do with her life, her newly finished education degree, her future. I was treading on thin ice. I really hardly knew her, so I wanted to be super careful with every word that came out of my mouth. In short, I suggested she go home, back to her family, at least for awhile.
I don't think she was shocked with this suggestion or speechless as by now, she was starting to get a feel for what I was about, but it certainly wasn't what the world would have said. Why would I make such a strange suggestion? The world would have said, you're free! Congratulations! You are now on your own to do whatever you want! You've put in all those years, now go, get a place on your own - be independent, you don't need anybody anymore! You deserve a break!
I could have gone on an on there with the thoughts the world puts into a new grad's mind. There's more to the story though. Back at Stephanie's home, not all was well. Her mom had married a wonderful man, but he was an unbeliever, so it had never an easy road in their marriage walk. Her brother, who was younger than her and still in highschool, had fallen into the wrong crowd and was getting into trouble with the law at a young age. She was upset about both of these things and had struggled not knowing what she could do for her parents and her brother, but at the same time, when it came time to leave for university, she couldn't wait to leave the home environment for the sake of peace. To consider going back home was not very appealing. So why would I suggest such a thing?
First of all, I wasn't suggesting that she throw her career aspirations away, not at all. I was making a much deeper, more significant suggestion that I have been trying to train my daughters to consider in the future as well. I was suggesting, even within her career, that she dedicate her single adult years to her family, to be under their protection, until the time came that she would marry. Oh, it sounds so archaic just writing it doesn't it? I might get feminist feedback on this one. Stephanie had longed to get married from a young age, so she really did hope this would happen one day, despite the fact she appeared like a feminist, she really wasn't deep down. She longed for a deep, lasting relationship in her future.
She could still be a teacher, but it didn't mean having to move out. I suggested she go home and be part of the healing that so desperately needed to go on there. Most single adults, and I was one of them, do not think of anyone except themselves, and yet those years when you are finished school and hoping to marry can be the most productive years to give back, to the family, to the church, to the community. When there isn't a husband and children to consider, the time available to the young adult will never be as great and much Kingdom work can be accomplished...yet, sadly, it doesn't get accomplished because all we think about is ourselves.
This was hard news for Stephanie to take. What would others think of her if she went back home? She would appear needy and perhaps like she was still a baby under Mommy and Daddy's roof. I wasn't suggesting that she go back and have her Mom and Dad feed her and put her to bed each night. I was suggesting, again, a much greater thing. Beyond being a salve in the home for her family and being a productive member of the family, I also feel that the Lord has set up a natural protection for a daughter, even if the Dad is an unbeliever, that is the safest place for a girl (at least in most cases - I know there are always exceptions to the rule). I wanted Stephanie to have this protection.
I had this without even realizing it when I was young. Even when I took myself out of my dad's protection and literally left the country several times, my dad set himself up with a prayer partner, my pastor back at home, and the two of them prayed for me, my safety and protection. My mom was praying, too, and I knew this as they both told me each phone call home, each letter. I was living in Colombia, South America, at the time of Pablo Escabar, the cocaine drug lord - it was a crazy country to be living in as a foreigner. I can say without a doubt that those prayers probably saved my life many times as I found myself oddly protected time after time. When I lived there, teaching in a private American school for a couple of years, I "coincidentally" met an older couple that could have been my parents, mature Christians, and they took me under their wing the whole first year I was away. How did that happen? I'm convinced it was the prayers of my parents as once again I found myself under another father's protection in this older couple. I didn't even know I needed protection, but I believe it is the natural design of the Heavenly Father for daughters.
I've also seen this in my life with respect to my future husband when I was a young single girl. I didn't date a lot of guys, but I sure had a lot of interest in them and brought several to the house. Once again, I didn't bring them over to get approval consciously from my father, but sub-consciously. I was so bugged when I could tell that he didn't approve of certain ones, but I look back now and realize that approval is so important - Dads know something we don't know as daughters and it was his protection for me kicking in when he wasn't giving the thumbs up. When my husband, however, came into my life.....I joke that my dad would have married him. Renaissance Man was clearly the exact right person for me and my dad knew it. When I balked at the idea (which is pathetic, when I look back), my dad stepped in. I had a completely different view of who I was going to marry - perhaps from Hollywood, I don't know, but I dared to tell my dad that RM wasn't exactly the type I thought I would marry. Dad knew I was making a huge potential mistake and wrote me a letter, calling me out on my pride and all the amazing things about the man I was about to miss out on. It hit me right to the core of my being and I knew he was right. I confessed my sin to the Lord. I even confessed my thoughts to Renaissance Man, as he could tell I was wavering and could not figure me out. He had every right to walk away on me, but he stuck with me. That letter from my dad helped me to marry the best guy on earth.
One of the things I believe happens when you marry is that the spiritual protection passes from the father to the husband. Knowing this, it is super important that the father believes it is the right man to pass on this all-important responsibility. In my case, my dad knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was the man for me. The beauty of this design is that I went from being under the protection of my father's roof, to the protection of my new husband's roof, never left alone, unprotected. This is how the Bible sets it up, I'm not making it up - we are to be under our husband's authority, we are the weaker (not less valuable) vessel. If we are not married, than we are under God's authority of course, but that can be under our father (and mother) until we get married. I wanted that for Stephanie.
Can a young girl move out on her own before she is married? I suppose so, I did, but I was definitely more at risk and I think it more than just a physical risk, it is a spiritual risk. I think my dad understood that which is why when I was living overseas for a couple years, he prayed and I'm sure he prayed hard.
So I was suggesting she go home and believe it or not, home she went.
Tuesday, 7 October 2014
Better a Little than Great Treasure
Yesterday was a hard day for me. Having so many in school is now quite overwhelming. I want to do a good job with each one and am finding that hard. Yes, the older ones are mostly independent, but they still need my help. The younger ones definitely need my help. I sometimes feel a second or third teacher would really help! Having RM take over the teaching of the older son has been great, but he really is sacrificing in doing that, so I feel badly for him. I can start to feel anxious about his workload when I think about it too much. Then, on top of all that, my clothing/closet/mudroom situation has exploded on me. We're grateful that some money came in to allow us to finish more work on the house, but it has made my children's clothes homeless for awhile. Clothes for 10 people - no home? It makes for a very messy house and though I've had messier, it is never easy to keep an orderly home at the best of times. I was crying out all day to the Lord to help me keep my anxious thoughts at bay. It seemed if we just had a little extra money, was the thought I kept hearing myself think (sounds like discontentment again.....!) Other people would just hire someone to finish it all off, I would think. Other people wouldn't have to live like this - they could hire another teacher, they could hire a contractor, they could hire whoever they needed and everything could go back to normal right away. Then, at the end of the day, I sometimes read to the little ones a story from Wisdom with the Millers. It was, once again, not for them, but for me. It was God coming down and hearing my pathetic pleas for help and answering through His Word. The story was from taken from a verse in Proverbs. Get ready for this....
"Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it." Proverbss 15:16
That was it. In all of the little I was feeling we had, the fear of the Lord was in the house. Great treasure doesn't always mean trouble comes with it, but it often does. I was so grateful for the reminder which I, sadly, so often need to hear. Would I still like an orderly home? Of course, but like I said, I've been here before, in much more disorder when my husband was doing his contract in our home and we made it through that looooong period of time without too much stress. Would I like to multiply myself? Yes, but at the end of the day, even without multiplying myself, I still see each child learning and that's all I can do. Do I still feel a little anxiety that RM is not going to get his work done on time? Well, the only thing I can do there is pray, so pray I do.
Ok, back to Stephanie - Chapter two - Two Weeks of Questions
When Stephanie first arrived at our house, I realized without all the red lipstick, etc., that she perhaps she had the haircut she did for a reason - she had the look of a feminist-type woman who purposely doesn't want to look, well, female! She wasn't wearing makeup either, which was no big deal, but perhaps went along with the look. She was also a vegetarian for the love of animals, I think. Ok, I could try to make special meals, I thought, for a couple of weeks. After finding out a bit about her, I went over what she was likely to experience with us. I told her the order of our day, that I try not to let the kids get away with too much, so don't be surprised if they get disciplined. I told her we're up fairly early and that unfortunately, she would be expected to get up, too. I told her what we were studying and where she might be able to help. It was great to have an extra hand with the kids as I had six at the time, one of them being just a 6 month old. It looked like it was going to be a great week. We were hitting it off already.
The first morning was hilarious. In fact, every morning she was there was hilarious. We found out quite quickly that she, uh, wasn't exactly a morning person. She would stay up late reading and trying to rouse her took a lot of kids jumping on her in the morning. Very funny. So, up she would come, grab her coffee, a shower and then I would send her back downstairs telling her, sorry - go read your Bible. All the other kids were expected to do that for at least a half hour and then they could come downstairs. I don't know if she had ever done that, despite the fact she'd gone to a Christian-type school her whole highschool experience and had attended church most of her life. She was ok with that and decided to start reading at a good place - the beginning, Genesis.
Day 1 of reading was fascinating to her - she had so many questions about Creation, about Adam and Eve, about why God would do this or that. I tried my best to answer her. I think she was reading with new, adult eyes, as she probably had only heard most of these stories from a childhood Sunday School experience and now she reading with a new spiritual awareness. It was neat to be on a journey with her as she read more and more each day. It turns out when she had been in university, she had drifted away from the church. She had left any belief she had and enjoyed the worldly experience university offered for a time, but she found it lacked and towards the end of her years at school, she came to realize, she wanted to go back to church, to see if she could find God again. The timing of her visit was perfect.
During the day, we attempted school, walks, playtimes and then after lunch, I would put kids down for naps and I found I needed to put Stephanie down, too! It was the funniest thing - the poor girl was not used to the rigorous schedule of a large homeschooled family and it was enough to tire her out - I made sure she got her two hour nap each afternoon, just like the toddlers! At night, when RM (he was her mom's cousin, that was their relationship) came up for dinner, we talked and talked. She got to ask him all her questions about the Bible and we loved it. It was such good conversation and made those two weeks fly by. By this point, RM realized she was not a drug dealer and ever since that time together, they have had a very special friendship, too. Over the course of the first few days, she was starting to notice I had some unusual convictions, on everything from marriage, to courtship or dating, to why we did homeschooling, why we did just about everything. She started to ask more questions and more questions and I just did my best to answer how we came to the conclusions we did from reading the Bible. She just couldn't get enough.
Then I gave her a book to read that summarized, in a story form, a lot of what we believed. She ate that book up in a matter of days, which led to even more questions. Now she was starting to ask what I would do if I were her. She wanted to know what I thought about her life after school, as she was just about to finish her teacher's degree. Now we were getting into really tricky, potentially controversial topics. I didn't want to start giving advice on her life that she would one day regret or hate me for if things didn't work out! I tried to keep my opinion to myself, but she wouldn't relent. She wanted to know what I thought she should do. So one night, on one of the last nights she was with us, we sat down together and I remember exactly what I said, "Ok, remember, YOU asked ME. I'm just going to tell you what I think because YOU asked!" We talked for hours that night......
Chapter Three.....Coming soon!
"Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it." Proverbss 15:16
That was it. In all of the little I was feeling we had, the fear of the Lord was in the house. Great treasure doesn't always mean trouble comes with it, but it often does. I was so grateful for the reminder which I, sadly, so often need to hear. Would I still like an orderly home? Of course, but like I said, I've been here before, in much more disorder when my husband was doing his contract in our home and we made it through that looooong period of time without too much stress. Would I like to multiply myself? Yes, but at the end of the day, even without multiplying myself, I still see each child learning and that's all I can do. Do I still feel a little anxiety that RM is not going to get his work done on time? Well, the only thing I can do there is pray, so pray I do.
Ok, back to Stephanie - Chapter two - Two Weeks of Questions
When Stephanie first arrived at our house, I realized without all the red lipstick, etc., that she perhaps she had the haircut she did for a reason - she had the look of a feminist-type woman who purposely doesn't want to look, well, female! She wasn't wearing makeup either, which was no big deal, but perhaps went along with the look. She was also a vegetarian for the love of animals, I think. Ok, I could try to make special meals, I thought, for a couple of weeks. After finding out a bit about her, I went over what she was likely to experience with us. I told her the order of our day, that I try not to let the kids get away with too much, so don't be surprised if they get disciplined. I told her we're up fairly early and that unfortunately, she would be expected to get up, too. I told her what we were studying and where she might be able to help. It was great to have an extra hand with the kids as I had six at the time, one of them being just a 6 month old. It looked like it was going to be a great week. We were hitting it off already.
The first morning was hilarious. In fact, every morning she was there was hilarious. We found out quite quickly that she, uh, wasn't exactly a morning person. She would stay up late reading and trying to rouse her took a lot of kids jumping on her in the morning. Very funny. So, up she would come, grab her coffee, a shower and then I would send her back downstairs telling her, sorry - go read your Bible. All the other kids were expected to do that for at least a half hour and then they could come downstairs. I don't know if she had ever done that, despite the fact she'd gone to a Christian-type school her whole highschool experience and had attended church most of her life. She was ok with that and decided to start reading at a good place - the beginning, Genesis.
Day 1 of reading was fascinating to her - she had so many questions about Creation, about Adam and Eve, about why God would do this or that. I tried my best to answer her. I think she was reading with new, adult eyes, as she probably had only heard most of these stories from a childhood Sunday School experience and now she reading with a new spiritual awareness. It was neat to be on a journey with her as she read more and more each day. It turns out when she had been in university, she had drifted away from the church. She had left any belief she had and enjoyed the worldly experience university offered for a time, but she found it lacked and towards the end of her years at school, she came to realize, she wanted to go back to church, to see if she could find God again. The timing of her visit was perfect.
During the day, we attempted school, walks, playtimes and then after lunch, I would put kids down for naps and I found I needed to put Stephanie down, too! It was the funniest thing - the poor girl was not used to the rigorous schedule of a large homeschooled family and it was enough to tire her out - I made sure she got her two hour nap each afternoon, just like the toddlers! At night, when RM (he was her mom's cousin, that was their relationship) came up for dinner, we talked and talked. She got to ask him all her questions about the Bible and we loved it. It was such good conversation and made those two weeks fly by. By this point, RM realized she was not a drug dealer and ever since that time together, they have had a very special friendship, too. Over the course of the first few days, she was starting to notice I had some unusual convictions, on everything from marriage, to courtship or dating, to why we did homeschooling, why we did just about everything. She started to ask more questions and more questions and I just did my best to answer how we came to the conclusions we did from reading the Bible. She just couldn't get enough.
Then I gave her a book to read that summarized, in a story form, a lot of what we believed. She ate that book up in a matter of days, which led to even more questions. Now she was starting to ask what I would do if I were her. She wanted to know what I thought about her life after school, as she was just about to finish her teacher's degree. Now we were getting into really tricky, potentially controversial topics. I didn't want to start giving advice on her life that she would one day regret or hate me for if things didn't work out! I tried to keep my opinion to myself, but she wouldn't relent. She wanted to know what I thought she should do. So one night, on one of the last nights she was with us, we sat down together and I remember exactly what I said, "Ok, remember, YOU asked ME. I'm just going to tell you what I think because YOU asked!" We talked for hours that night......
Chapter Three.....Coming soon!
Monday, 6 October 2014
Dogs, Poverty Gospel and My BFFC (chapter one)
We had to call and warn Monster's owner that they might be getting a vet bill. That was Friday morning. No return call all day long. Hmmmm....might they know why we were calling? Sure enough, early evening, we got a return call. "I knew it couldn't be good," was all the owner could say when he finally returned the call, which he admitted, took him all day to return knowing it was probably bad news. After several days of observation, it is clear the bull isn't putting any weight on his back leg. Though it still could only be a strain, we feel we have to call a vet in. Ahhhh....the Day of the Dog. Could be a new movie out some day, great title.
I don't have much to report these days about new financial breakthroughs except to say the ideas just keep coming. We've definitely decided to use our land more as we see it as a huge resource, almost like one of the "talents" God gave us. We don't want to "bury" it in the sense that we just sit here doing nothing with it, so we're going to plant a whole variety of different crops this year and see which one becomes the most profitable. Hebrews 13 talked about being content with what you have and I always want to make sure we aren't sounding discontent with what we have when I talk about being profitable. It isn't about profit for the love of money. It is making money to be good stewards with the resources and talents God has given us as well as pursuing profit for the sake of being free from financial bondage. I've heard the term "prosperity gospel" where it seems if you do "this", you'll make lots of money. We aren't trying to preach that. We are also not trying to preach the opposite, "poverty gospel", where one loves being poor and sees that as more godly. We don't think you are supposed to love being poor if God has given someone certain talents to be used. Ultimately, we realize whatever we set our hands to do, it is up to God whether or not He blesses it. It is up to do to do our part. So far He had decided to keep us in a place that is humbling. We keep doing our part. That is our place of contentment, choosing to be content even though we'd much rather be free today.
On a completely different note, I thought I might take a few days to write a story about the person I call my bffc - we made up a new term, "best friend forever cousins"! We aren't really related, except through marriage, so we are kind of cousins, but more like friends. It is her mom who is so sick with cancer, my husband's cousin. I've had my bffc on my mind a lot lately mostly because of her mom being so sick. My daughters have had the privilege of being able to watch her children a couple of times a week so she can go and take care of her mom during this difficult time, which I also must say pleases me so much. It isn't because I'm proud of my daughters, though I am, of course. It's more that the Bible calls children arrows and that blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. What is the purpose of an arrow? To be used, shot out. I'm so excited to see my girls being "arrows". This will sound funny, but I feel like I'm a "Temp Agency", you know the kind of business you call up and say, we're shorthanded this week, who do you got? Having this many children of different ages and sexes is really neat. It's starting to happen that if we see someone in need, we can pick from our quiver of arrows and send the appropriate arrow, never for money, but just to help. It is so rewarding as a parent, so powerful for the child to see God use them. I love it. Anyway, I've also had my friend/cousin on my mind because now my daughter and my daughter's friends are now in the stage of life that she once was, determining what their future careers will be. To keep things simple, I'll refer to her as Stephanie. Her story is a fascinating one and I've longed to write it out one day. It may be a diversion from the regular focus for a bit. If some amazing financial breakthrough happens in the meantime, I'll certainly stop and write about that, but for a few days, or however long it takes, I'm going to attempt to write out a portion of Stephanie's story.
Chapter One - Our Home - The Alternative Placement
Like I said, my husband's cousin is the one who is so sick with brain cancer. She is just a little older than Renaissance Man, but has two grown children, Stephanie and her brother, Michael. I, of course, only met all these people once I was married into the family. I remember the first meeting with Stephanie very clearly. She was probably around 9 years old. I had two children by then and we went to visit them at their beautiful home on the lake. Stephanie was there with two braids, smiling and friendly. Her parents were amazing hosts and laid out a spread of incredible food. At the time they owned a restaurant and they showed their abilities to make food look and taste delicious. Everytime I left their place I always had a new recipe I was inspired to try. That's about all I remember of her from that first visit. It seemed like many years passed before I saw her again, though her mom was really good about sending out regular Christmas letters to everyone with pictures of their family as the years went on. I only slightly followed Stephanie and her journey first finishing highschool and then onto university. I would read the letter with interest, but never thought I might be friends with the girl in the pictures one day.
Then, about 7 years ago, I reconnected with her at her grandparents' 50th weding anniversary. She was all grown up now, attending teacher's college. She had shaved her hair all off in a bit of a pixie cut and had bright red lip stick on. She was super effervescent and friendly and greeted me like we'd always known each other. I am a fairly social person and love to meet new people and make new friends and we immediately connected as I introduced her to my family. Somehow it came up that we homeschooled and she must have just pocketed that information away in her head as it wasn't too long after that that I received an email from her. In the email she explained that she was required as part of her teaching degree, to do a placement in an "alternative" teaching environment. That could have meant in a library setting or even a prison, or in our case, a homeschool! We were certainly alternative! It would have been for two school weeks and, of course, in our house. She was happy to drive from her parent's place in to our house everyday, but I thought, especially because homeschooling is a 24/7 type of schooling, that it made more sense for her to stay the whole week, overnight, and then perhaps go home on weekends. My husband was hestitant. We really knew nothing about her, for all he knew she was a drug dealer, but I tried to convince him to try my idea out. If she really was a drug dealer, we could at least have the drug dealer in our house, on our terms and we could stop the whole arrangement at anytime. RM is always concerned about any influences in our home that could negatively influence our children spiritually. We really didn't know where she was at in this area, but I explained to him that by being in our home (especially with his office in the basement in the house we used to live in), he could monitor what was going on and ideally we could influence her in a positive way. He seemed ok with this. So I approached her with the idea of living with us, sleeping in the basement and truly becoming part of our family for the two school weeks. She was in!
Stay tuned for chapter two tomorrow......
I don't have much to report these days about new financial breakthroughs except to say the ideas just keep coming. We've definitely decided to use our land more as we see it as a huge resource, almost like one of the "talents" God gave us. We don't want to "bury" it in the sense that we just sit here doing nothing with it, so we're going to plant a whole variety of different crops this year and see which one becomes the most profitable. Hebrews 13 talked about being content with what you have and I always want to make sure we aren't sounding discontent with what we have when I talk about being profitable. It isn't about profit for the love of money. It is making money to be good stewards with the resources and talents God has given us as well as pursuing profit for the sake of being free from financial bondage. I've heard the term "prosperity gospel" where it seems if you do "this", you'll make lots of money. We aren't trying to preach that. We are also not trying to preach the opposite, "poverty gospel", where one loves being poor and sees that as more godly. We don't think you are supposed to love being poor if God has given someone certain talents to be used. Ultimately, we realize whatever we set our hands to do, it is up to God whether or not He blesses it. It is up to do to do our part. So far He had decided to keep us in a place that is humbling. We keep doing our part. That is our place of contentment, choosing to be content even though we'd much rather be free today.
On a completely different note, I thought I might take a few days to write a story about the person I call my bffc - we made up a new term, "best friend forever cousins"! We aren't really related, except through marriage, so we are kind of cousins, but more like friends. It is her mom who is so sick with cancer, my husband's cousin. I've had my bffc on my mind a lot lately mostly because of her mom being so sick. My daughters have had the privilege of being able to watch her children a couple of times a week so she can go and take care of her mom during this difficult time, which I also must say pleases me so much. It isn't because I'm proud of my daughters, though I am, of course. It's more that the Bible calls children arrows and that blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. What is the purpose of an arrow? To be used, shot out. I'm so excited to see my girls being "arrows". This will sound funny, but I feel like I'm a "Temp Agency", you know the kind of business you call up and say, we're shorthanded this week, who do you got? Having this many children of different ages and sexes is really neat. It's starting to happen that if we see someone in need, we can pick from our quiver of arrows and send the appropriate arrow, never for money, but just to help. It is so rewarding as a parent, so powerful for the child to see God use them. I love it. Anyway, I've also had my friend/cousin on my mind because now my daughter and my daughter's friends are now in the stage of life that she once was, determining what their future careers will be. To keep things simple, I'll refer to her as Stephanie. Her story is a fascinating one and I've longed to write it out one day. It may be a diversion from the regular focus for a bit. If some amazing financial breakthrough happens in the meantime, I'll certainly stop and write about that, but for a few days, or however long it takes, I'm going to attempt to write out a portion of Stephanie's story.
Chapter One - Our Home - The Alternative Placement
Like I said, my husband's cousin is the one who is so sick with brain cancer. She is just a little older than Renaissance Man, but has two grown children, Stephanie and her brother, Michael. I, of course, only met all these people once I was married into the family. I remember the first meeting with Stephanie very clearly. She was probably around 9 years old. I had two children by then and we went to visit them at their beautiful home on the lake. Stephanie was there with two braids, smiling and friendly. Her parents were amazing hosts and laid out a spread of incredible food. At the time they owned a restaurant and they showed their abilities to make food look and taste delicious. Everytime I left their place I always had a new recipe I was inspired to try. That's about all I remember of her from that first visit. It seemed like many years passed before I saw her again, though her mom was really good about sending out regular Christmas letters to everyone with pictures of their family as the years went on. I only slightly followed Stephanie and her journey first finishing highschool and then onto university. I would read the letter with interest, but never thought I might be friends with the girl in the pictures one day.
Then, about 7 years ago, I reconnected with her at her grandparents' 50th weding anniversary. She was all grown up now, attending teacher's college. She had shaved her hair all off in a bit of a pixie cut and had bright red lip stick on. She was super effervescent and friendly and greeted me like we'd always known each other. I am a fairly social person and love to meet new people and make new friends and we immediately connected as I introduced her to my family. Somehow it came up that we homeschooled and she must have just pocketed that information away in her head as it wasn't too long after that that I received an email from her. In the email she explained that she was required as part of her teaching degree, to do a placement in an "alternative" teaching environment. That could have meant in a library setting or even a prison, or in our case, a homeschool! We were certainly alternative! It would have been for two school weeks and, of course, in our house. She was happy to drive from her parent's place in to our house everyday, but I thought, especially because homeschooling is a 24/7 type of schooling, that it made more sense for her to stay the whole week, overnight, and then perhaps go home on weekends. My husband was hestitant. We really knew nothing about her, for all he knew she was a drug dealer, but I tried to convince him to try my idea out. If she really was a drug dealer, we could at least have the drug dealer in our house, on our terms and we could stop the whole arrangement at anytime. RM is always concerned about any influences in our home that could negatively influence our children spiritually. We really didn't know where she was at in this area, but I explained to him that by being in our home (especially with his office in the basement in the house we used to live in), he could monitor what was going on and ideally we could influence her in a positive way. He seemed ok with this. So I approached her with the idea of living with us, sleeping in the basement and truly becoming part of our family for the two school weeks. She was in!
Stay tuned for chapter two tomorrow......
Friday, 3 October 2014
Making Us Not Breaking Us
Well, we haven't heard from "Monster's" owners yet, as we kind of half thought we might see some sign of apology show up at our door (did I mention they own a winery down the street from us?), but they might be hearing from us. Yesterday morning, I looked outside and saw the massive bull just sitting. That bull rarely just sits. He has countless wives he likes to check on, at least 9! When he isn't checking out one of his wives, that bull is eating - all day long. I was out for a good chunk of the afternoon. When I came home, there he was in the exact same position. I thought it was weird and even mentioned it to the kids. Funny how after just a few years with these cows, you start to know their personalities and what cows' behaviour should or should not be. Trying to brush it off, I mentioned it, but then thought maybe it was coincidence. Perhaps he's learned to just like eating in that one spot, lying down. When my son, the wanna-be vet came in with my husband, I mentioned it to them and they both said, "Yes, we noticed that, too!" That's when some of us went outside and tried to get the bull up. Well, not with our hands, but with some grass. What cow doesn't like grass? At first, he wouldn't even budge for it. Not a good sign. Then he got up, with difficulty it seemed, but then he could barely walk, barely put weight on his hind legs. Something is definitely wrong. I'm thinking Monster had something to do with this.
Now, I'm already praying for wisdom on how best to handle this. Getting a vet in to see a large animal is expensive. There is a chance the bull will have to put down, that is expensive. There is a chance he'll just need meds. That is expensive. I'm not sure Monster can pay for all this on his own. So that's how our day is going to start today. Back when my dad grew up on a farm, a dog like that would have been shot and everyone would have understood. He's not impressed with how these owners are handling this farm fiasco.
Meanwhile, trying to stick to the financial side of this blog.....it is getting slightly colder and the clothing needs are starting to become more of an issue. I usually stick to the Goodwill-type stores, but sometimes there just aren't the items I need there or they are totally picked over and there just isn't the right size. There is another type of shop out there that is slightly used clothing for younger children, but it is a step up from the Goodwill in that they purposely sell only brand name clothing. It makes the clothing slightly more expensive, but you usually get really good quality stuff. The thing that frustrated me was that it stopped selling at my older kids' ages. I always wished that the store would carry older children's stuff, too. Turns out they do, but just not in that store. They have a sister store that carries young adult clothing and who knows how long the store was there, but I just discovered it a few doors down from the younger children's store. Oops. Oh well, at least I found it. The prices are definitely higher than they were for toddler's clothing, but still at least a 1/3 of the price for new clothing. I hate spending even that much, but my older kids are just that much bigger now, so I guess it kind of makes senses. Now they go through their stuff so fast on the farm and they are growing like weeds, so I'm constantly needing to buy pants. Even at Goodwill, some of the good stuff just isn't free. The kids and I made a bit of a deal. If they need the basics, I'm happy to supply it, but if they see something they want, but don't need, they buy it or at least contribute a large chunk of cash towards it. Yesterday, my son found a pair of Converse sneakers. I don't know what it is about Converse sneakers, but everytime we are at a Goodwill store, they are on the search. We've found them on a fairly regular basis and for a good price, yesterday was no exception. My son found them, tried them on, they fit, but they were the most we've ever paid - $22. They are usually between $70-$90 full price which is insane. We took them home, but my son will pay half as no child needs Converse shoes. Still, a fun find, and I like blessing my kids.
As for the math....I'm excited to say, things are coming along. The time and effort my husband is investing is already starting to see rewards. We found an incredible web-tutoring site that is free and directly from heaven! This site actually seems to have a brain and can tell exactly where my son is struggling. It then gives question after question until he gets 5 in a row correct. Only then he is allowed to move on to the next topic. The poor guy sits in my husband's office all day doing math. If he has a question my husband is right there. I wondered how my son was feeling, but then when we prayed together as a family the other morning, he thanked the Lord for his dad and for the time he was spending with him, for the sacrifice of time he was making. I was touched. It occurred to me to continue to be thankful - thankful for the website, thankful for the struggle, thankful for the circumstances allowing him to be tutored at home, by his dad. Then it occurred to me, what if he's going to be a math prof one day!!!!?? Maybe this struggle is for the very fact he'll be the best math teacher in the world one day! Who knows, but I know how important it is to be thankful because you just never know what God is up to.
I heard another great explanation of God's ways yesterday through Charles Price again when he was speaking of Job and his trial. Sometimes we just can't see God. Job must have felt this way after his entire lot of kids were killed and his terrible trial began. Price said, the entire book could have been explained in two verses, starting at 23:8. Read this,
8“But if I go to the east, he is not there;
if I go to the west, I do not find him.
9 When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.
To Job, God wasn't there - anywhere, not in the east, west, north or south. "He is not there...I do not find him...I do not see him...I catch no glimpse of him." Such awful phrases, yet so honest. But then, the turning point....
9 "But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."
"He knows the way I take." If He knows the way I take then He is there, even if I "catch no glimpse of Him." Sometimes, Price said, we just won't see God. He may be testing us, allowing bad things to happen, just like in Job's life. But, he said, "it isn't because He is breaking us. He is making us." We, like Job, will come forth as gold. After Job's trial, Mrs. Job (as Price referred to her!) had 10 more children and his wealth was returned to him multiplied, but that doesn't take the pain or sting of the trial away. He still lost children, servants and animals. The new children would never replace the ones he lost, but he had been refined, never the same. He knew God had been there in the trial, he just couldn't see Him at that time. Once again, a huge encouragement to me when I don't feel like God remembers me.
So we are still in the midst of trials, fairly minor in the big picture - dealing with neighbours and their dogs, trying to get creative to get out of the debt-bondage, working through scholastic issues with children, trying to maintain a very busy home. God always shows up in some ways, most of the time. But there are days, I cry out, please show me you are working! I need to see you! And He usually gives me some small sign, usually, but sometimes not. That verse, once again, when I was in the car for just a brief time, was such an encouragement to me. I trust we will come forth as gold - even if there is no end to our trial in the immediate future.
Now, I'm already praying for wisdom on how best to handle this. Getting a vet in to see a large animal is expensive. There is a chance the bull will have to put down, that is expensive. There is a chance he'll just need meds. That is expensive. I'm not sure Monster can pay for all this on his own. So that's how our day is going to start today. Back when my dad grew up on a farm, a dog like that would have been shot and everyone would have understood. He's not impressed with how these owners are handling this farm fiasco.
Meanwhile, trying to stick to the financial side of this blog.....it is getting slightly colder and the clothing needs are starting to become more of an issue. I usually stick to the Goodwill-type stores, but sometimes there just aren't the items I need there or they are totally picked over and there just isn't the right size. There is another type of shop out there that is slightly used clothing for younger children, but it is a step up from the Goodwill in that they purposely sell only brand name clothing. It makes the clothing slightly more expensive, but you usually get really good quality stuff. The thing that frustrated me was that it stopped selling at my older kids' ages. I always wished that the store would carry older children's stuff, too. Turns out they do, but just not in that store. They have a sister store that carries young adult clothing and who knows how long the store was there, but I just discovered it a few doors down from the younger children's store. Oops. Oh well, at least I found it. The prices are definitely higher than they were for toddler's clothing, but still at least a 1/3 of the price for new clothing. I hate spending even that much, but my older kids are just that much bigger now, so I guess it kind of makes senses. Now they go through their stuff so fast on the farm and they are growing like weeds, so I'm constantly needing to buy pants. Even at Goodwill, some of the good stuff just isn't free. The kids and I made a bit of a deal. If they need the basics, I'm happy to supply it, but if they see something they want, but don't need, they buy it or at least contribute a large chunk of cash towards it. Yesterday, my son found a pair of Converse sneakers. I don't know what it is about Converse sneakers, but everytime we are at a Goodwill store, they are on the search. We've found them on a fairly regular basis and for a good price, yesterday was no exception. My son found them, tried them on, they fit, but they were the most we've ever paid - $22. They are usually between $70-$90 full price which is insane. We took them home, but my son will pay half as no child needs Converse shoes. Still, a fun find, and I like blessing my kids.
As for the math....I'm excited to say, things are coming along. The time and effort my husband is investing is already starting to see rewards. We found an incredible web-tutoring site that is free and directly from heaven! This site actually seems to have a brain and can tell exactly where my son is struggling. It then gives question after question until he gets 5 in a row correct. Only then he is allowed to move on to the next topic. The poor guy sits in my husband's office all day doing math. If he has a question my husband is right there. I wondered how my son was feeling, but then when we prayed together as a family the other morning, he thanked the Lord for his dad and for the time he was spending with him, for the sacrifice of time he was making. I was touched. It occurred to me to continue to be thankful - thankful for the website, thankful for the struggle, thankful for the circumstances allowing him to be tutored at home, by his dad. Then it occurred to me, what if he's going to be a math prof one day!!!!?? Maybe this struggle is for the very fact he'll be the best math teacher in the world one day! Who knows, but I know how important it is to be thankful because you just never know what God is up to.
I heard another great explanation of God's ways yesterday through Charles Price again when he was speaking of Job and his trial. Sometimes we just can't see God. Job must have felt this way after his entire lot of kids were killed and his terrible trial began. Price said, the entire book could have been explained in two verses, starting at 23:8. Read this,
8“But if I go to the east, he is not there;
if I go to the west, I do not find him.
9 When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.
To Job, God wasn't there - anywhere, not in the east, west, north or south. "He is not there...I do not find him...I do not see him...I catch no glimpse of him." Such awful phrases, yet so honest. But then, the turning point....
9 "But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."
"He knows the way I take." If He knows the way I take then He is there, even if I "catch no glimpse of Him." Sometimes, Price said, we just won't see God. He may be testing us, allowing bad things to happen, just like in Job's life. But, he said, "it isn't because He is breaking us. He is making us." We, like Job, will come forth as gold. After Job's trial, Mrs. Job (as Price referred to her!) had 10 more children and his wealth was returned to him multiplied, but that doesn't take the pain or sting of the trial away. He still lost children, servants and animals. The new children would never replace the ones he lost, but he had been refined, never the same. He knew God had been there in the trial, he just couldn't see Him at that time. Once again, a huge encouragement to me when I don't feel like God remembers me.
So we are still in the midst of trials, fairly minor in the big picture - dealing with neighbours and their dogs, trying to get creative to get out of the debt-bondage, working through scholastic issues with children, trying to maintain a very busy home. God always shows up in some ways, most of the time. But there are days, I cry out, please show me you are working! I need to see you! And He usually gives me some small sign, usually, but sometimes not. That verse, once again, when I was in the car for just a brief time, was such an encouragement to me. I trust we will come forth as gold - even if there is no end to our trial in the immediate future.
Wednesday, 1 October 2014
"Monster" Makes a Visit
Yesterday some of us were milling about the kitchen, busily making grape jelly. We have 23 rows of concord grapes on our property and those grapes make award winning jelly (at least according to our local fair!) The grapes are at their peak right now, so as soon as school was over, we started on the washing and stemming of grapes - what a messy process! My poor white kitchen always suffers to some degree with little purple stains all over the place by the end of the jelly event.
The rest of us were outside working in the shop where my husband has his office. My oldest son has moved out there as of yesterday, not because I quit as a teacher, though I have often wanted to, but because I couldn't seem to make any progress with him in his math. This child wants to be a vet. Well, if you want to be a vet, you've got to know your math, at the very least to get into the vet program and of course down the road to measure out doses of dog medicine. Being an engineer, my husband has a bit of math experience and fortunately for me, he understands my son's issues as apparently when he was my son's age, he also didn't get math. You would never know that today the way he works with quadratic equations with ease now, but it was because he finally had to teach himself in engineering school or he was going to get kicked out of the program after his first year of not doing quadratic equations so well. It gives me hope to think it might just be a matter of applying himself more and forcing himself to open his mind, to truly choosing to learn as opposed to just giving up as soon as he doesn't know how to do something. Once again, I'm grateful that my husband is on site as I would have had to hire a tutor if he hadn't been able to take some time yesterday to help. There is a literal financial cost to him stepping in though as it definitely ate up some of his working hours. He considered it an important investment of time, however, that will make it all worthwhile in the end. I think it spoke volumes to my son, too, as one day, he'll look back and see the sacrifice his Dad made for him. Hopefully, he really will be a vet one day and then we'll have the added benefit of having an animal doctor on site for free!
It was in the middle of all this that I noticed a truck pull into our driveway that I didn't recognize. Then I saw a man at our gate going into the cow pasture with our son. Then I saw horses in with our cows all moving around together in a frenzy. I quickly yelled out to my other son, "Are the horses supposed to be with the cows?! What is going on??!!!" Then I yelled way across the field to my son going into the cow pasture the same thing, "What is going on !???" That's when we noticed the dog, a new dog we'd never seen before, in with all the animals. The dog was chasing all our animals making them absolutely nuts. Thus, the reason the cows and horses were all mixed up together - the cows and horses had broken through all the electric fencing that was supposed to keep them separated. Oddly enough, the dog's name was Monty, short for, don't laugh, "Monster". It turns out this dog was perfectly named. It was our neighbour's new dog, a husky puppy, that was nearly full height, and was apparently very badly, if at all, trained. It certainly didn't respond to its name. If anything the dog would go further away if called. It literally went back and forth acre after acre, chasing our animals all over the place. The cows were stampeding. At one point, my son and husband had to jump out of the way of the huge 1200 lb bull as he and his wives tried to get away from the rat dog. My other children, the older ones, were all out there, too, holding up fencing, trying to catch the dog. My little ones and I were all inside watching the show behind closed doors, praying and asking the Lord to keep everyone safe. Did I mention our cows have huge horns that could gore at any moment? It was a wonder that our horses didn't get hurt by the horns let alone the other cows. We half-hoped the dog was going to get stepped on, but he always avoided injury at the last minute!
Finally after who-knows-how-long, the dog finally stepped into the pond to get a drink. No doubt all that running was starting to takes its toll on the busy little fella. That's when my oldest son, who always comes to the rescue in events like these, saw his moment and grabbed the little bugger. He had him in his hand and passed him over to his embarrassed owner who taught my children a whole new vocabulary of swear words. We still had a cow out because she'd gone through the broken down fence, so he stuck around to make sure she got in, and then he and his brother went home with tails (ha!) between their legs. Not sure if they were as remorseful as we would have liked, but at that point we just wanted them off the property. It was raining throughout this entire ordeal to add to the dark mood. Once they left, it took another hour almost to get all the fencing back together. Not how we planned on spending our day, that's for sure.
We reflect back on the episode with gratitude however. We are grateful no one got hurt. It could have ended quite differently if a child had been in the path of one of the large animals. We are grateful none of the animals got hurt or ran into traffic. We are grateful the fencing was able to be fixed. We are grateful that it was a way to demonstrate grace and mercy to a neighbour who may wonder why we responded the way we did. We hope something good will come out of this with respect to neighbour relationships. It took everything in my husband to stay calm and not shoot the dog.
Today, we'll finish the grape jelly as planned. My husband and son will return to the shop and finish their work and math. But we don't go on as if nothing happened. We know we were protected by angels. Today could have been a very different day. I'm grateful, so grateful.
The rest of us were outside working in the shop where my husband has his office. My oldest son has moved out there as of yesterday, not because I quit as a teacher, though I have often wanted to, but because I couldn't seem to make any progress with him in his math. This child wants to be a vet. Well, if you want to be a vet, you've got to know your math, at the very least to get into the vet program and of course down the road to measure out doses of dog medicine. Being an engineer, my husband has a bit of math experience and fortunately for me, he understands my son's issues as apparently when he was my son's age, he also didn't get math. You would never know that today the way he works with quadratic equations with ease now, but it was because he finally had to teach himself in engineering school or he was going to get kicked out of the program after his first year of not doing quadratic equations so well. It gives me hope to think it might just be a matter of applying himself more and forcing himself to open his mind, to truly choosing to learn as opposed to just giving up as soon as he doesn't know how to do something. Once again, I'm grateful that my husband is on site as I would have had to hire a tutor if he hadn't been able to take some time yesterday to help. There is a literal financial cost to him stepping in though as it definitely ate up some of his working hours. He considered it an important investment of time, however, that will make it all worthwhile in the end. I think it spoke volumes to my son, too, as one day, he'll look back and see the sacrifice his Dad made for him. Hopefully, he really will be a vet one day and then we'll have the added benefit of having an animal doctor on site for free!
It was in the middle of all this that I noticed a truck pull into our driveway that I didn't recognize. Then I saw a man at our gate going into the cow pasture with our son. Then I saw horses in with our cows all moving around together in a frenzy. I quickly yelled out to my other son, "Are the horses supposed to be with the cows?! What is going on??!!!" Then I yelled way across the field to my son going into the cow pasture the same thing, "What is going on !???" That's when we noticed the dog, a new dog we'd never seen before, in with all the animals. The dog was chasing all our animals making them absolutely nuts. Thus, the reason the cows and horses were all mixed up together - the cows and horses had broken through all the electric fencing that was supposed to keep them separated. Oddly enough, the dog's name was Monty, short for, don't laugh, "Monster". It turns out this dog was perfectly named. It was our neighbour's new dog, a husky puppy, that was nearly full height, and was apparently very badly, if at all, trained. It certainly didn't respond to its name. If anything the dog would go further away if called. It literally went back and forth acre after acre, chasing our animals all over the place. The cows were stampeding. At one point, my son and husband had to jump out of the way of the huge 1200 lb bull as he and his wives tried to get away from the rat dog. My other children, the older ones, were all out there, too, holding up fencing, trying to catch the dog. My little ones and I were all inside watching the show behind closed doors, praying and asking the Lord to keep everyone safe. Did I mention our cows have huge horns that could gore at any moment? It was a wonder that our horses didn't get hurt by the horns let alone the other cows. We half-hoped the dog was going to get stepped on, but he always avoided injury at the last minute!
Finally after who-knows-how-long, the dog finally stepped into the pond to get a drink. No doubt all that running was starting to takes its toll on the busy little fella. That's when my oldest son, who always comes to the rescue in events like these, saw his moment and grabbed the little bugger. He had him in his hand and passed him over to his embarrassed owner who taught my children a whole new vocabulary of swear words. We still had a cow out because she'd gone through the broken down fence, so he stuck around to make sure she got in, and then he and his brother went home with tails (ha!) between their legs. Not sure if they were as remorseful as we would have liked, but at that point we just wanted them off the property. It was raining throughout this entire ordeal to add to the dark mood. Once they left, it took another hour almost to get all the fencing back together. Not how we planned on spending our day, that's for sure.
We reflect back on the episode with gratitude however. We are grateful no one got hurt. It could have ended quite differently if a child had been in the path of one of the large animals. We are grateful none of the animals got hurt or ran into traffic. We are grateful the fencing was able to be fixed. We are grateful that it was a way to demonstrate grace and mercy to a neighbour who may wonder why we responded the way we did. We hope something good will come out of this with respect to neighbour relationships. It took everything in my husband to stay calm and not shoot the dog.
Today, we'll finish the grape jelly as planned. My husband and son will return to the shop and finish their work and math. But we don't go on as if nothing happened. We know we were protected by angels. Today could have been a very different day. I'm grateful, so grateful.
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