Imaginations Tamed and Chapter 3 - The Return of the Daughter

Ok, quick update on the bull.  Monday ended up being way too busy for RM to call a vet, so we just kept watching him.  I asked him last night how he felt Stryker was doing (great name for a bull, don't you think?)  He thought he was improving as he was on his feet most of the day, so once again, it's a watch and see.  Perhaps it really was just a strain which is better for Monster and his owner, I'm sure.

Hours and hours in a car yesterday, but the radio and God's Word was just pouring through it the whole time.  Not exactly how I want to receive instruction, but I guess as long as I'm seeking God on my own as well, this would constitute just a little extra inspiration which can never hurt.  Sometimes my little ones get a little tired of all the "preaching", but too bad.  I always tell my kids whenever they complain about anything I'm doing that they don't like, "When you are 30, have your own van, your own kitchen, etc, than you can listen to whatever you want and cook whatever you want, but for now - it's my deal.  End of discussion."  They are all so excited to turn 30!

Chuck Swindoll was speaking on the passage in Genesis where Abraham has told Sarah, his wife, to lie to whoever they meet and explain that she is his sister, which was a half-truth.  She was his sister from his father, but not from his mother, so a half-sister, but nevertheless, a sister whom he had married!  He did this because he allowed his imagination to go wild, thinking that if she told the truth, then all these awful things would happen to him and his family.  Swindoll stopped right there and said, "Isn't that what we do?  We allow our imaginations to go wild."  In most cases, I was thinking, we go right to the worst case scenario.  If I don't try to stop and catch myself with the anxieties that start forming in my head, I immediately do the same.  If I'm worried about any of the things I mentioned yesterday, such as not teaching well enough, or my husband's work, I start to extrapolate into the future - if I'm not a good teacher and my kids don't learn all they are supposed to learn, that means they'll never be able to get a good job, they 'll never get married, they'll live with me forever and homeschoolers around the world will blame me for giving homeschooling a bad reputation!!!!!!  Ok, I haven't gone that far, but you get the idea.  It was a wonderful reminder, as usual, from the Lord, right to my heart about staying calm, relaxing, trusting.

Ok, back to Stephanie - Chapter 3 - The Return of the Daughter

Stephanie was asking me what she should do with her life, her newly finished education degree, her future.  I was treading on thin ice.  I really hardly knew her, so I wanted to be super careful with every word that came out of my mouth.  In short, I suggested she go home, back to her family, at least for awhile.

I don't think she was shocked with this suggestion or speechless as by now, she was starting to get a feel for what I was about,  but it certainly wasn't what the world would have said.  Why would I make such a strange suggestion?  The world would have said, you're free!  Congratulations!  You are now on your own to do whatever you want!  You've put in all those years, now go, get a place on your own - be independent, you don't need anybody anymore! You deserve a break!

I could have gone on an on there with the thoughts the world puts into a new grad's mind.  There's more to the story though.  Back at Stephanie's home, not all was well.  Her mom had married a wonderful man, but he was an unbeliever, so it had never an easy road in their marriage walk.  Her brother, who was younger than her and still in highschool, had fallen into the wrong crowd and was getting into trouble with the law at a young age.  She was upset about both of these things and had struggled not knowing what she could do for her parents and her brother, but at the same time, when it came time to leave for university, she couldn't wait to leave the home environment for the sake of peace.  To consider going back home was not very appealing.  So why would I suggest such a thing?

First of all, I wasn't suggesting that she throw her career aspirations away, not at all.  I was making a much deeper, more significant suggestion that I have been trying to train my daughters to consider in the future as well.  I was suggesting, even within her career, that she dedicate her single adult years to her family, to be under their protection, until the time came that she would marry.  Oh, it sounds so archaic just writing it doesn't it?  I might get feminist feedback on this one.  Stephanie had longed to get married from a young age, so she really did hope this would happen one day, despite the fact she appeared like a feminist, she really wasn't deep down.  She longed for a deep, lasting relationship in her future.

She could still be a teacher, but it didn't mean having to move out.  I suggested she go home and be part of the healing that so desperately needed to go on there.  Most single adults, and I was one of them, do not think of anyone except themselves, and yet those years when you are finished school and hoping to marry can be the most productive years to give back, to the family, to the church, to the community.  When there isn't a husband and children to consider, the time available to the young adult will never be as great and much Kingdom work can be accomplished...yet, sadly, it doesn't get accomplished because all we think about is ourselves.

This was hard news for Stephanie to take.  What would others think of her if she went back home? She would appear needy and perhaps like she was still a baby under Mommy and Daddy's roof.  I wasn't suggesting that she go back and have her Mom and Dad feed her and put her to bed each night. I was suggesting, again, a much greater thing.  Beyond being a salve in the home for her family and being a productive member of the family, I also feel that the Lord has set up a natural protection for a daughter, even if the Dad is an unbeliever, that is the safest place for a girl (at least in most cases - I know there are always exceptions to the rule).  I wanted Stephanie to have this protection.

I had this without even realizing it when I was young.  Even when I took myself out of my dad's protection and literally left the country several times, my dad set himself up with a prayer partner, my pastor back at home, and the two of them prayed for me, my safety and protection.   My mom was praying, too, and I knew this as they both told me each phone call home, each letter.  I was living in Colombia, South America, at the time of Pablo Escabar, the cocaine drug lord - it was a crazy country to be living in as a foreigner.  I can say without a doubt that those prayers probably saved my life many times as I found myself oddly protected time after time.  When I lived there, teaching in a private American school for a couple of years, I "coincidentally" met an older couple that could have been my parents, mature Christians, and they took me under their wing the whole first year I was away.  How did that happen?  I'm convinced it was the prayers of my parents as once again I found myself under another father's protection in this older couple.  I didn't even know I needed protection, but I believe it is the natural design of the Heavenly Father for daughters.

I've also seen this in my life with respect to my future husband when I was a young single girl.  I didn't date a lot of guys, but I sure had a lot of interest in them and brought several to the house.   Once again, I didn't bring them over to get approval consciously from my father, but sub-consciously. I was so bugged when I could tell that he didn't approve of certain ones, but I look back now and realize that approval is so important - Dads know something we don't know as daughters and it was his protection for me kicking in when he wasn't giving the thumbs up.  When my husband, however, came into my life.....I joke that my dad would have married him.  Renaissance Man was clearly the exact right person for me and my dad knew it.  When I balked at the idea (which is pathetic, when I look back), my dad stepped in.  I had a completely different view of who I was going to marry - perhaps from Hollywood, I don't know, but I dared to tell my dad that RM wasn't exactly the type I thought I would marry.  Dad knew I was making a huge potential mistake and wrote me a letter, calling me out on my pride and all the amazing things about the man I was about to miss out on.  It hit me right to the core of my being and I knew he was right.  I confessed my sin to the Lord.  I even confessed my thoughts to Renaissance Man, as he could tell I was wavering and could not figure me out.  He had every right to walk away on me, but he stuck with me.  That letter from my dad helped me to marry the best guy on earth.

One of the things I believe happens when you marry is that the spiritual protection passes from the father to the husband.  Knowing this, it is super important that the father believes it is the right man to pass on this all-important responsibility.  In my case, my dad knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was the man for me.  The beauty of this design is that I went from being under the protection of my father's roof, to the protection of my new husband's roof, never left alone, unprotected.  This is how the Bible sets it up, I'm not making it up - we are to be under our husband's authority, we are the weaker (not less valuable) vessel.  If we are not married, than we are under God's authority of course, but that can be under our father (and mother) until we get married.  I wanted that for Stephanie.

Can a young girl move out on her own before she is married?  I suppose so, I did, but I was definitely more at risk and I think it more than just a physical risk, it is a spiritual risk.  I think my dad understood that which is why when I was living overseas for a couple years, he prayed and I'm sure he prayed hard.

So I was suggesting she go home and believe it or not, home she went.