When I put the 4 year old to bed the other night before all the kids he had to make sure what time it was, "Is it 7 pm?" He goes to bed pretty early these days as there is no way he'll take a nap. Yup, it was 7. He can tell time, so no tricking him. "Ok fine, but just make sure there is no ice-cream and no movies!" I laughed to myself. He'll often come down the next morning and find evidence that life happened, or should I say, kept going, after he went to bed. This frustrates him to no end....bowls with spoons left everywhere from the night before. Empty ice-cream containers, popcorn strewn all over the floor near the TV. He's pretty smart and can figure out fun went on. I get the usual plea the next morning, "Can I have ice-cream for breakfast? They got some when I was in bed - no fair!" So at some point today, the little guy will have ice-cream for a snack. It's gotta be even-steven around around here.
Chapter 5 - The Most Available Bachelorette Out There!
Life at Stephanie's house was definitely improving. Neat things were happening on almost a daily basis. Relationships were either being rebuilt or restored. As I said before she and her mom had always been close, but their relationship turned into a mother-daughter/best friend forever friendship that was the closest thing to heaven's plan for people you could get.
In the evenings after everything was cleaned up from dinner (with Stephanie's help of course!), the two of them would sit and talk late into the night about everything and nothing, just like a couple of giggly girls. It was a time of shared confidences where her mom could really talk to her about marriage and the difficulties she has experienced as well as the joys. Stephanie had a whole newfound faith that had initially been introduced to her by her mom, but was now on a level she could experience with her mom. She could encourage her mom to press on being the best wife she could be using Scripture now as her guide. They really were becoming the best of friends.
When her mom would share this newfound joy in having Stephanie home, I think it must have made her friends jealous, as most grown children coming home is a burden, not a joy. They've even created terms for kids like this who act like needy children, but are in their 20s or even 30s, and contribute nothing to the home economy and yet expect to be fed and clothed, under a warm, dry roof, for free and for however long they want to be there. They're called "kidults" as they act like children, but are fully grown - how sad! This was not how it was with Stephanie. All the women who ran into Stephanie after she moved home would go on and on about how happy her mom was now that she was home and how they wished their children were as helpful as she was! Harrumph!
Her dad was probably feeling a little left out of this new bff thing that was going on between his daughter and his wife. Stephanie noticed this and because she was trying to be glue, not something was coming between them, she quickly tried to find common ground with him, too. What does a young adult daughter find in common with her dad? Well, oddly enough, she started with the basics - what were his favourite TV shows? It was a fun way to keep him company, laughing at a silly show together is way more fun than being put in a room downstairs by yourself to watch TV on your own while your wife and daughter are in another room laughing their heads off. This was the start to many good conversations with him as well where he really challenged her with her future. He was happy to have her home, but the condition was - get a job! She kept explaining that she would, but truly, deep down she was home to help and also, by the way, I really do hope to be a stay-at-home mom one day, she would say. Yeah, yeah, yeah....her ideas were a little archaic to him. He wasn't buying all this tutti-frutti faith stuff she would add-in. It was still a little hocus-pocus to him (sorry for all the rhyming!)
As for her brother, the most amazing turnaround yet was happening. He was in one of his last years in highschool and, I can only attribute this to prayer, decided to avoid certain friendships that had been the major contributing factor in his getting into trouble. Though he wasn't a professing believer, I think he must have known that staying busy and active in the school was going to also help keep him away from the troublemakers. He threw himself into sports and even a jazz band. All the while Stephanie was alongside him, encouraging him, listening to him. In a very short amount of time, teachers were starting to notice a huge change in him and were praising his better choices. One teacher went so far as to nominate him for Student of the Month which he later won! He had gone from trouble with the law to a keen student in just a matter of months. Is it coincidence that all this happened since Stephanie decided to move home? Since she decided to actively pray for her family, to actively help in any way she could? I don't know that her brother would ever know what to point to if he were to look back one day to the beginning of his life changes, but I know what happened. God stepped into his life and used his sister, undoubtedly. It was an exciting time.
Wonderful things were happening, good conversations were always going on and Stephanie was at the center of it all. However, she still had quite a bit of free time on the weekends and evenings though - she was quite determined to make the most of her time, but once again, doing what and where? She was excited to be able to give back at home and now that things were improving so much at home, she began looking for areas outside of the home where she could actively participate and give back as well. I must admit, however, we did have a slightly humourous motive for her to do this. She was really wanting to be married one day! Well, I told her, what better place to find a husband, but in the church? That's where I had met my husband! It seemed like a good idea. I joked with her that one of the side benefits of helping out in the church community would be that she would meet many people. Those people would, no doubt, observe her in all sorts of different settings which would in turn be something they pocket in the back of their mind and perhaps one of them had some sweet unmarried son at home who was just waiting for an eligible young lady to show up - I encouraged her to be the most available bachelorette around! Of course, this was not her primary reason for helping out in the church, but it sure could be a side benefit!
So, to church she went. She immediately met with the pastor and asked if there was any college and career-type group. Didn't seem like it! This was a fairly large church and a major gap. Once the kids who went to that church left for school, most of them returned, found nothing for their age group and would quickly head to the nearest "cool" church where there was an awesome young adults program and they would set up life at the new church. This had been the case when I was a student at the church I used to go to, too. Instead of being frustrated with the lack of College and Career group, I decided I would start one. It wasn't hard - you just picked a day to meet and found a location and voila, the group was started! I was excited to tell Stephanie multiple marriages, at least 8 when I was there, came out of that young adults group! She was fairly excited about the possibilities!
She took this idea of starting a group to the pastor and he was thrilled! Off she went, found another partner/student who was like-minded and was willing to meet with her and help her with the start-up, and the two of them got the first group going right away. It had a great turn out and lots of students came out of the woodwork who were just looking for a group to go to. If you build it, they will come, as the saying goes! Stephanie met all sorts of young men and women and made good friendships that to this day are still thriving. She made sure they studied Scripture and there was always something fun to do as well. But.....there wasn't anyone in particular jumping out at her that seemed like a potential future mate. She and I kept praying.
She also started to volunteer in a little girls' program at the church - that was a whole other experience as she found that the most work of all! These little girls were not very well behaved and by the end of each night she was happy to get out of there! Well, not all the time, but it certainly was eye-opening to see what was emotionally charging and what involvement at the church was emotionally draining!
Another fun thing she did that involved the church was going to a book club. This was a particularly unique experience as it was only for women, but for women of all ages - 18-80! So each month she met with these ladies, alongside her mom, and they all enjoyed an amazing evening of conversation. She became good friends with the oldest ladies in the church and she was immediately embraced as a friend to each one. I kept thinking to myself that someone would have to notice this girl in all of these things she was doing and that her Prince Charming would come out of this somehow, but at this point, it wasn't happening. She pressed on, though, as she really wasn't out there to meet a guy - she truly was loving her many new friends, the fulfilment of giving back to a church that had given to her so much over the years and just another thing she could share with her mom as they really were the only two believers in the family.
God was doing amazing things in Stephanie's life. It was incredible to meet with her on a weekly basis and get the debrief. So much was happening in such a short amount of time, you would have thought she was making it up. She had started to get a few calls here and there to teach and she was enjoying the extra cash that came from that plus it had the added benefit of calming her worried father who was so concerned she was wasting her life not getting a full-time job. Deep down, though, I think her dad was thrilled to have her home. There was no denying that her presence was bringing joy, light and laughter to their home that had missed her for all those years when she was away.
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