More Nancy.....This comparison from Ezekiel 19 was crazy. Judah was compared to a mother: "Your mother was like a vine in a vineyard planted by the water, fruitful and full of branches by reason of abundant water. Its strong stems became rulers' scepters; it towered aloft amongst the thick boughs; it was seen in its height with the mass of its branches." She found it fascinating that of all the comparisons God could have used to describe Judah, God used a mother. Once again reflecting the heart of God towards motherhood.
The mother's stature is described as exalted, soaring to great heights, higher than all the other trees around. But she was wooed away, to Babylon, a place of confusion and deception where "the wind dried up its fruit". If a woman is gone from the home it is hard to have children and so her children are sacrificed. It was a sad picture.
There is good news though. There is another place in the Bible where a woman is described as a vine, but this time it is a wonderful picture. In Psalm 128:3, the wife is "like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table." This is where I love where I live even more. We are so fortunate, we literally have 23 rows of grapes on our property that only got harvested last week. Up until they were harvested, we were able to take whatever amount we wanted as we rent them out to a local farmer. I went down with the kids more than once to pick grapes for grape jelly or juice. It always amazes me when I stand in front of the vines how the luscious grapes grow year after year after they are pruned down to the bottom of the plant. It is such a beautiful picture of fruitfulness as there are so many grapes, weighing down the vine and this year the grapes were sooooo sweet. We had perfect growing conditions. I see the verse saying, "I am the vine, you are the branches. Apart from me you can do nothing." I can see how that is possible when I look at the vine - the branches are too weak, too thin - the vine is thick and strong and the source of all the energy. I see so many things. Seriously, tears sometimes come to my eyes and I feel like I am transplanted back in time to Israel where Jesus would have spoke these very words, using images the people understood. How I love grapes!
Nancy said it many times, "We are to be the picture of sweetness in our homes, just like the grapes from the fruitful grapevine." Amos 9:13 says, "the mountains shall drip sweet wine and all the hills shall flow with it." This is a prophesy speaking to Israel. At some point when the time has come the land will bring forth fruit in Israel again. It is happening now. Nancy went back to Israel where farmers are returning to Samaria and vines are being planted again amongst the rocks and stones. Apparently the wine from Israel is winning awards around the world. It makes the best wine because of the stony ground. Isn't that interesting? That the stones and rocks are what are required to put pressure on the the grapes - thus the sweetness? The comparison to us was clear. Instead of fighting the stones and rocks in our paths of motherhood - let's use them to make us sweeter! Let's let the pressure of our life make us even more fruitful as we rely on God to get us through the stony life we lead. What a better way to look at our trials! I want to be award-winning wine!
Back to the altar in the tabernacle. As the Lord was giving Moses the recipe for incense, over and over again he asked Moses to take "sweet spices". God loves a sweet aroma. Incense speaks of the prayers of the saints - do we start our day in prayer and praise? It can be our incense. But, life isn't always so sweet, which is why we need to keep our aroma going all day, starting in the morning and continuing through to the evening. We must "trim our wicks", pouring in the oil of the Spirit, coming together as a family. We want him to fill us all the time as we leak! We are such sinners and imperfect vessels of the Holy Spirit that we have holes and thus the need for refilling.
The Song of Solomon says, "Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue." Ha. Nancy asked us if our husband or kids would say that of us, "Do your lips drip nectar?" Most of us would probably not be able to say yes, at least most of the time. What a challenge! We must make our homes full of sweetness! Nancy talked about thinking very consciously of fear - fear of grieving her husband, missing his nearness when she disappoints him and puts a cloud upon him. We must see our need for sweetness and by not being sweet, we really are being sinful and very selfish. This, too, we must fear - sin. If we do not fear this then we walk in the flesh, doing whatever our flesh feels like. Then we hurt ourselves, our husbands, our children. Proverbs 16:24 says, "Gracious words are like a honeybomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." God's Word, in Psalm 19 is also described as "sweeter than honey and drippings of the honeycomb."
So, are we sweet or more like sour grapes? What about our countenance? I've looked in the mirror to see what my face looks like when I'm angry and it isn't pretty. Once, my daughter caught my face on camera when I was getting after my toddler. At the time it was in jest, joking around with him that I was after him for something, but the image on the camera was awful! I've told other moms to do the same. Look in the mirror when you are upset with your children. I know that sounds funny, but do it. You won't like what you see. I purposely think about my countenance throughout the day as some people have asked me, "What's bothering you?" and nothing was wrong! I realized I may have had an upset face just because I was concentrating! I seriously try to think about having a pleasant expression on my face all the time! I know that isn't always possible, but I do try!
The challenge again - less moaning and groaning and change it to sweetness. We must keep our emotions in check. I had a chance to share with the ladies about our "Anger Experiment" we carried out in our home a couple of years ago - we paid our children a looney ($1) everytime we lost our cool. We wanted to stop being an angry household. What ended up coming out of it was amazing - now there is so much laughter in our home. I praise God for that. Do I still get angry - sure, but we are all so much more aware of it.
After I got home, I went out and bought candles at the dollar store. I didn't spend a lot, just a few dollars. I even got scented ones. I put them out without telling anyone, but right away my daughters noticed and asked in an excited way if they could light them. Sure, I said, that's why I bought them. Then, out of the blue, for no reason, my ten your old said, "I'm so glad you're my mom." Why did she say that? Where did that come from? I think she appreciated the fact I did something special, out of the ordinary to make our home a little more "homey", a little sweeter (scented candles!) I don't know what was going on in her mind, but we must make an effort to make our homes a pleasant place and maybe she noticed I was trying. It doesn't happen by accident, we have to be intentional with every word and deed.
Ok, on to the Final Chapter - Chapter 11 - Crazy Courtship Rules, Babies and Heartache
This is where it gets really interesting. As soon as Stephanie and Mr. A decided to start a courtship they immediately set ground rules - no touching. That's ridiculous, you might be thinking, but is it? They were only allowed to hug in difficult times. That only happened 3 or 4 times. They didn't even hold hands. Oh, this was super strange to her parents and her other friends. What's the big deal? Well, it is a big deal. Why start something you can't finish - it takes away from the true purpose of the courtship, getting to to know the person and his or her character. In fact, this revealed Mr. A's true character in the best way! The fact that he was willing to respect Stephanie's emotions and how a woman feels said a lot about him. He was willing to wait.
Throughout their courtship they had a number of occasions that tested them - even a car accident. Stephanie had just come back from a trip to Europe before she met Mr. A and had spent all her money. She didn't have any left to pay for the fixing of the car. Mr. A stepped up and already considered the car his responsibility to cover it and so paid for the repairs. In fact, this happened on another occasion! There were two car accidents! I was amazed. He really considered courtship like a betrothal from Biblical times where you are already one - the wedding is just the legalizing of it! After they were married, he paid off the remaining balance of the car payments. No debt. That was his plan.
The day of the wedding was a cold winter day, but sunny and happy. We all met at a salon and got our hair done and the girls even did their nails. It was such a fun experience. The ceremony was beautiful and Mr. A even gave a little sermon after the pastor, speaking to Stephanie and other women there about the roles of husbands and wives. Very bold! Then, the kiss.....
He picked her up and they kissed for what seemed like an eternity! Everyone was laughing and clapping at their newfound joy for one another! Then, off to Europe for a one month honeymoon! What a dream!
Both of them valued children greatly and really hoped for children right away. God blessed them and they had a honeymoon pregnancy! The whirlwind was about to begin!
Upon returning to Canada and finding themselves pregnant, and living in a basement apartment, Stephanie found herself in a pit of female emotions. Things had gone so fast. She had everything she hoped for and now real life set in. Her husband now had to leave for work everyday and she was left on her own, literally in the basement. She wasn't working and all the busy-ness of the wedding and planning and being courted was over. Now what? The blues set in....big time.
She would come over and admit these feelings to me and there was much emotion. I felt for her. Her husband was also a darn good leader, waking her up in the morning, to read and pray and lead her spiritually and that was just annoying!!!!! I understood though and encouraged her to talk with him about all that she was feeling. We prayed. We brain stormed things she could do to keep her out of the basement and into people's lives. She started volunteering at people's homes where they needed extra help. She communicated her feelings to Mr. A who was soooo patient with her and tried to understand his new wife. He'd only grown up with brothers not emotional women, so I'm sure this was a challenging time. I encouraged her to be thankful for how annoyingly spiritual he was! Most women would have loved it if their husbands were leading them! She knew that, but all the new prengnacy hormones, sleepiness and the huge transition in life was just too much for her at times. I think this dark period in her life was where God was truly refining her the most - sanctifying her from all those daydreams she used to have when she was young about how life would be after her prince had rescued her. What a hard reality check it was, but she stayed strong, she got into the Word more than ever, prayed her little heart out and submitted to the Lord's will for her life despite all the changes. Fortunately a wise woman and her friendly, fun daughters, lived upstairs so she had another place to go if she was needing encouragement or just someone to talk to. God knew what Stephanie would need. Satan hated this new relationship and I think he was trying to destroy Stephanie. I'm so glad she came out on the other side.
I, too, found myself pregnant during this time, with my 8th. What a blessing to be pregnant together! We had really hoped that would happen! It made it so fun to grow at the same time, though I was probably three times her size! Her delivery was hilariously easy (well, in my mind only, I'm sure!) - she hardly described pain! I was envious. We both used the same birth photographer later on and were able to capture wonderful moments that we'll both treasure for life. We both had sons whom we are certain will be best friend forever cousins as well, only 3 months apart.
Before the baby came, they found themselves a cute little two bedroom apartment where they could set up house, above ground! That helped, I'm sure, just being able to see sunlight. Then she had a vehicle if she needed it. We were able to keep up our regular visits and praying, always praying. Once the baby came, I was on standby for anything she had a question about. I loved sharing with her and answering any question, no matter what it was or what time of night she called. She thrived as a new mom. There'd never been babies in her life as she and her brother grew up very close together, so she really had very little experience. A great reason to have lots of kids - to give my girls mothering experience! But she caught on quickly.
Sadly, just after the baby was born, terrible news came. Remember the rocks and stony ground in our lives? Her mom had brain cancer. It was one of the most progressive kinds and certainly life-threatening. How do you rejoice in your new baby when life takes a turn like that? Well, a believer just keeps going, and enjoys the moments you have. That's exactly what they did. They took everything one day at at time and enjoyed the moments they would have with her.
She endured surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. The cancer was being kept back and there was little evidence of it. She defied the odds and enjoyed two years, another grandchild being born and many wonderful trips and experiences before they got news that the cancer was back and this time there was nothing the doctors could do. Stephanie cried every night at home for a week. But after her week of crying, it was time to accept the prognosis and step up and support her parents and her brother through this next trial. That's exactly what she has done.
It is my joy to send my daughters to her house once or twice a week to watch her kids while she spends the day with her mom. The two of them often reflect on those years when Stephanie moved home as the most precious times in their lives. What if Stephanie hadn't moved home? What if Stephanie had gone off and got a job out-of-province? We praise God as we didn't know what was ahead, but He knew. He brought her home, she bonded with her mom and established memories that will last a lifetime. She may have even had the cancer at that time - who knows?
Now she is in a hospice. Stephanie is daily at her side. We wait. We know it can't be much longer, but she knows her Saviour and none of us are afraid as we know where she will spend eternity. Stephanie's story continues to daily unfold. I can look back in the short amount of time and see God's hand in literally every moment.
Perhaps there will be more to write. I'm sure there will be. I plan on being her bffc for a long time. I love you, Stephanie!
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