I'm always amazed when I struggle whether or not I should head out to our homeschool support group. It was very cold, windy and snowy last night and everything in me wanted to stay home under a blanket with a hot cup of tea. But alas, I knew it was important to go. I always benefit even if I don't know exactly how I will be impacted. The topic was on dealing with children with learning difficulties. I figured I probably wouldn't get too much out of it as I didn't have a child that fit that description necessarily, but you never know, so I went anyway.
What an evening. I think it had to be one of the best meetings yet. And why? Because the people who shared last night opened up and because of their willingness to share their struggles, everyone was incredibly blessed. Three women shared three different types of learning challenges they've experienced in their lives. The first one had a brother who was considered "special needs" twenty plus years ago. Nowadays he would have been called "ADHD" or something like that. All she knew was that he got a lot of attention and that made her jealous. The public school offered him lots of special programs and special attention. She figured she was missing out. She only found out much later that he had these learning difficulties. Part way through their schooling she and her brother were taken out of the public school and put in a Christian school. They agreed to take her brother, but they told the parents, "We won't be able to offer you all those fancy programs and teachers, but we can offer you prayer." His new teacher prayed for him everyday and within 3 months, everything changed for him. He became a new kid apparently. She shared her story with us to remind us of the power of prayer especially if we have a child in our home that is giving us challenges. It was so good to hear.
The second lady to share had been someone I had known for years, but had never gotten to know on a deeper level. She had 5 children and her youngest 3 all had physical challenges. One suffered from renal failure and needed a kidney transplant at only 8 years old and the other 2 were sick with cystic fibrosis. She shared how she went through a major faith crisis as she wondered if God had forgotten her or if he was laughing at her or even punishing her for something. All the diagnoses were within 3 years of each other and it was a dark time for her. Yet God gave her a verse from John 9, "'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?' Jesus answered, 'It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.'" Once she came upon this verse, she rested in the fact that God was using her children to display His glory in their lives and in her's. There was not a dry eye in the room. So moving to hear how she worked through her struggle. Learning disabilities are not the only challenge we experience with our children. Health issues can be a tremendous challenge as well. Health challenges with one child would have been enough to put anyone down, but health issues with 3? I can't imagine. She is such a strong woman in her faith and I can only think it is because God allowed her to go through that dark time. I was so grateful that she shared her story.
The last woman who shared blew us all out of the water. All 3 of her children had tremendous challenges, from severe learning disabilities to autism-type disorders, to obsessive-compulsive disorders.....you name it, her kids had it. She was so overwhelmed by all the different types of issues her children had. Her oldest child's condition came with lots of screaming. Everything set her off and this mom never knew what it would be or when it would be, but when it started it would go on and on for 45 minutes at least. She was at wit's end. She started to struggle with depression herself. It was a 3 year waiting list to get help because she wasn't in the public school, she was homeschooling. She couldn't talk about it with anyone as her children's disorders were like a secret she didn't want to talk about. Maybe it was her parenting? She didn't want others to think that or to find out some of them weren't reading as fast as other children were. But then, at the end of her rope, she cried out to God for help. Through a God-ordained google search, she came across a program called Neurodevelopment that saved her life and offered her hope for the first time.
She then went on to describe all the different types of behavior her children had as well as other symptoms other children can display that aren't necessarily just behavioural but can show up in reading and writing. These symptoms could indicate a child needs to create new brain paths through the therapy she used that helped her children's symptoms be managed. Within 3 months of using the therapy she described, her child went up 3 grade levels and then just a few months later, 2 more. By 8 months, almost all the symptoms were now manageable, not gone, but she was a happy child again. Her husband went up to the front to help demonstrate one of the things you can do with your child. He started to try to describe what it was like when his oldest was just little. He broke down in tears as he recalled the memory. Again, we were all there with him, wiping our eyes, all of us able to relate in some way how hard it is to see your child struggle and not be able to help them. He felt so hopeless in that moment years ago and it all came rushing back to him.
Now their oldest is 23 and hopes to be going to college or university this fall to enter into the world of finance. They are in awe. She's a supervisor in her current job. Their other children are doing well, too, and the difference in their home is that now there is peace and joy, despite the fact the challenges haven't been entirely eliminated.
Suddenly I realized how much I could relate and how much I needed to be at that talk. Maybe my children can read and write, maybe they don't have a label, per se, but still, some days are really hard over here. Parenting is just plain hard work. Who says they aren't "special needs"?!!! They are! These ladies made me realize how I need to be specifically praying for each child and what I can do to give them the special attention they need. I need to treat them with respect and accept where they are in their struggles. They are "sick" with sin (so am I). They need the care of the great Physician for their hearts (and mine). Our whole family is "special needs" for that matter. Peace and joy can be elusive, but it doesn't have to be.
Listening to these women (and the dad) share was what Christian fellowship was all about. Opening up, sharing from the heart, not keeping anything back. None of these people had ever shared their story before, publically, that is, and each one said how cathartic is was. Others benefit when we are real and not putting on the "everything is fine" face. The one mom had admitted, it was a secret she had kept to herself. She didn't want anyone to know her problems at home with her children. That is so awful! Satan loves it when we keep things in the dark. It made her feel like she was falling apart. She was falling apart! We need one another so badly. It was like the verse from 1 Samuel where those who surrounded him were "in distress, in debt and bitter in soul". We don't have to have it all together to be a support to one another.
As a result of this talk, we all agreed, this needed to be heard by others and we plan on having this topic come up annually, so that others will know they are not alone in their struggles. We all struggle. But we have the Lord in common. He is our greatest support and He is what brought each one through their dark time. What is so great now, it to have these women on the other side of it. They are true Titus 2 women teaching the younger women to "love their children". We all needed to hear that last night, even those of us who thought we didn't need to be there.
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